Cap'n Pete Straw

What was the question? Who I wanna see in my garb? Here is Rateye wearing my coat...

Thanks for correcting me on the names... Here is Rateye and Cheeky Actress at the Pig & Whistle...

Underdog

Here she is! Hooked her at the Faire, but I had to throw her back.

Can't get Elvis and the poodle thing out of my head.... okay, I'll take it from there... give me a minute... Cockapoo

A cork! I wish I had thought of that! In the event I take it there again, I think I will get an extra-large jumbo cork (I know a source)...

My question is: How do you peace-tie a prosthetic arm hook? The $%@& Polo-shirted (In)security guards at Bristol Renaissance Faire last Saturday claimed that my pirate hook constitutes an unsheathed metal blade (I ran my tongue along its "edge" to prove how petty and stupid they were being. One guard actually said: "Oh, some little kid could walk right into it!" And then I saw a guy walking around in a metal LotR First Age Elven Helmet -- this thing had a curved metal (pointy!) blade at least 12 inches long: This picture is of the fiberglass helmet (I, too, have a fiberglass one). The guy at the park was wearing a knock-off metal helmet, with a crest consituting a sharp, potentially lethal blade. What if some kid went flying through the air and landed on this guy's head? I am willing to bet that more children were injured last weekend by red-hot burning embers carelessly wielded at the eye-level of children by absent-minded smokers than were injured by pirate hooks. Sorry... still bitter.

Suggested Avatar on its way.... Some Pub members have MOVING graphics in their avatars. Can you create a short Flash thing and use it? Just an idea.

Of course, shimmery (metallic sheen) fabric would be most fish-like. Who suggested cobalt blue? I think that might be a tad dark, but blue is a great color -- also silver-grey. Another possibility, Orange, could give an Asian fish connotation... You could wear a silk Japanese jacket to complete the look... but perhaps you would look too coy. (Koi! That was a pun! Laugh now!) Rogue Mermaid just poo-poohed the seashell bra, which I was going to suggest. There was a mermaid situated inside the front gate of this past weekend's Bristol Renaissance Faire wearing just such an upper garment... I got a picture of myself with her (I made quite a few "hook" jokes) -- I will try to post a photo here. Perhaps it will give you ideas. If a real seashell bra is too risque, you can always custom make a fake seashell bra of generous coverage capability. Another possibility (probably a bad idea, but this may again give you a better idea) is to wear a nude-colored top (i.e. leotard), with ample hair "extentions" very strategically sewn into place, giving the mistaken impression that you are wearing nothing at all.

Let's see... thoroughly rinse out liquor containers and fill them with glitter, claiming it to be Pirate Pixie Dust, then wave the bottles about most demonstratively. Hey! It ain't an unsheathed metal blade! There's no food or liquor in here! Don't you go oppressing me! Sorry, still a bit bitter. My advice: get into the park and stay away from the gates until it's time to leave. While the Non-costumed ("Farb") Shire Shirriffs patrol the entire park, they only seem to act like jerks at the front gate.

Then there was no need for the hook after all... Alas, dear Captain Sterling, she speaks the truth. In all the excitement (as well as the stress dealing with Security) I completely neglected to obtain incriminating evidence of any kind. Perhaps more disappointing, I witnessed none that was not committed by myself. (And Cheeky Actress seems to have displayed restraint in documenting the overly friendly drunk mom that was sitting in my saved seats at the Pig & Whistle. "Sleep in the middle" indeed.) Believe me, I was sorry to leave, but I had to get back home to take my mother to dinner to celebrate her birthday. I know, my priorities are all screwed up. I barely made it through he dinner (and the two martinis....).

Sing, Child, Sing

While you cannot see all the detail (picture courtesy of Cheeky Actress), here is the only existing photo of one of the Letters of Marque I made ... being held by Rateye. I made this one on a whim, having been handed a very lame example previously at the Bristol Renaissance Faire. I pilfered their text (used their same date) imported some extra goodies and clauses from other Letters, and made one for me. Then, last Thursday night, I changed my information (name, ship, etc.) on the document to fit the specs I earlier obtained from Captain Sterling, tea-stained it on Friday, added wax seals Friday night (one of my new kittens jumped into the still-melted sealing wax and made a mess of itself and the kitchen, but the document was no worse for wear... and THAT as another reason to make extra copies), and gave the one you see in the picture to Rateye Saturday morning. I said this was easy -- did I mention fast, too? But the real story might be what I did to the one NOT pictured... It has a leather backing, side-stitching... Oh, I cannot do it justice in words -- I will try to take a photo and post that one, too.

Dial tone

I met some crew members from the Archangel, as evidenced in the photo above.... Skittles, Young Elizabeth, Cheeky Actress, Andrew (cannot recall his pub name), Jeff (Um... name problem?), me (interestingly, another Jeff), Mrs. Other Jeff (Crap! What is it with me and names?). Not Yet Arrived: Rateye (actually, another Jeff!)

Just so we're clear... that Letter of Marque is an extra I made specifically to show & give to Rateye... although it bears the name "Sterling." ...Captain Sterling, sounds like ye need to keep your quarters under better lock & key, eh? I cannot hook my camera directly to the computer, so I went to the One Hour Photo place... in addition to the prints I want, they dumped my entire photo card onto a CD... making it possible to upload them to my Photobucket account. I need to go pick it up, but that means some of my pix will be posted soon... I think Cheeky Actress got better ones.

You missed two more... as if that were not bad enough already... When I walked out of the park with my hook, I was also carrying a mostly-full tankard of stout (purchased, I may shamelessly plug, at the Pig & Whistle Tavern -- whose beertender recognized me from previous weekends, and never once forgot with what to fill my tankard!). Anyway, when I went to re-enter the park, in addition to bitching about my "unsheathed exposed metal blade" (which is what they termed my un-sharp hook) security also stated that I could not carry beer into the park. I asked: "You mean back into the park?" They insisted that I could not have carried it out of the park, since that was not allowed, either. I explained where I had purchased the beer, and demonstrated how it would have been impossible to not set down the tankard in full obvious view of the Exit Guard to get my RIGHT hand stamped (left hand = hook = spilled tankard); and so if they have a problem enforcing their own policies, they need to deal with their disobedient staff, not their naive patrons. (BTW - there is no sign stating you cannot carry food and drink out of the park but -- I kid you not -- there is a drink kiosk literally next to the single exit gate). I argued about the hook, but after Insecurity Guard #2 (who had seen me wearing the hook earlier that morning and had said nothing about it) backed up Insecurity Guard #1 ("Some kid could walk right into this hook!" Yes, he actually said this to me), I realized that no one would countermand this nit-picking policy, and I needed to lose the hook. A few of us later lost count in how many more "unsheathed" and dangerous items were inside the park. Some of these included a Lord of the Rings First Age elven helmet (with a sharpened metal crest at least 12" long), a full-size wooden pitchfork (you know, the kind carried by otherwised unarmed villagers into virtually every battle ever known to mankind), and countless (countless!) red-hot burning embers absent-mindedly held precisely at the eye-level of small children by smokers throughout the park. Additional incident #2.... After our lunch, as we walked back in through the gate, an Entirely New Guard was waiting for us (in hindsight, I truly believe they were watching for us... "Racial Profiling of Pirates" ought to tbe the title of this topic thread!). Was it me, Rateye and Andrew? Anyway, we got rather thoroughly searched. They wanted to see inside our bags (which is interesting, as Mister No-Shoes-No-Service Guard had specifically suggested that Rateye go to his car and bring a leather-punching awl into the park, as long as it stayed inside his bag until he had the chance to use it to punch requisite buckle holes in his shoes). I asked Mister Body Cavity Search what they were looking for (as I felt this would simplify the search process), and he said that we could not bring outside liquor into the park. I remember laughing about their rather single-mindedness, and I think I mentioned that there was no need to carry liquor into the park when the Pig and Whistle already serves such fine, cold stout. (At least I think I said this. If I didn't, I really wish I had.) I opened my bag and pulled out my checkbook, camera, etc. -- then he pointed at my other belt pouch (I honestly forgot I was carrying it) and asked "what do you have inside your flask?" I pulled out my cloth pouch of Sacajawea dollar coins -- which the guy had never heard of (he thought they were Euro coins... don't start me). I believe the others had their possessions scrutinized, but this was a bit of a blur to me -- I most clearly recall the roaring sound of blood rushing through my ears. The Enntry Gates of the park were more like The Gates of Hell. We should never have crossed them.. twice... Um, Five times. When I left at the end of the day (passage #6 through Gates o' Hell), I had a thing or two or seventeen to write on the Exit Survey. Sounds like the day sucked? You bet. They went out of their way to make things unpleasant for us, and I really believe that we were labeled early as "troublemakers" and targeted us the remainder of the day. So... does it speak volumes how utterly fantastic it was hanging out with the crew of the Archangel when I state that, despite this treatment from the Park Nazis, yesterday was one of the most fun days I remember spending in like, almost forever? You guys were great fun to be with -- I had a great time, and being subjected to this oppression while in your company made it all actually tolerable -- and we were, after all, able to have a good laugh about it all. Felt almost like pirates slipping one over on the local constabulary. You guys were great. I, too, will think twice before returning to Bristol... but if the crew of the Archangel plans another trip there, I needn't think but once. Good times. Good times.

Revised forecast: The rain has all moved past the area. Small chances for light scattered sprinkles remain (Ha! I scoff at thee!!). Temps between 78 to 83. awesome. 'Tis Faire weather for a Faire day. I'm on my way.....

The news is on... so I am listening to yet another update on the confessed Jon Benet Ramsey killer. Gosh, this is getting an awful lot of coverage... thank God there's not war or other unrest in the Middle East that deserves some news coverage.

Orc

Glad to be of help. I'll settle for a tankard of Guinness.

There is actually a belly-dancing demonstrstion/show at the Faire. Somewhat ironically, this is not on my "Must-See" list.

Let me be clear -- I don't claim to have invented this process, I just reached it through endless trial-and-error and serendipity. I do, however, praise it above any other I have tried or seen over the years. And it is simple and it is (relatively) cheap. However, my Colonial ancestors would have a fit over this homegrown American finding new ways to promote excessive useage of that over-taxed tea! When I want blood stains.... er... I have found blood to impart a fairly authentic blood-type stain on my documents. Okay, I don't deliberately lance myself -- but when accidentally wounded, I sometimes take advantage of the situation... Also -- I re-read those two lengthy posts. I humbly apologize for my numerous spelling errors, but I didn't see anything that would prevent understanding what I wrote -- please ask for clarification if I am wrong in stating so.

Antiquing/staining paper. Believe it or not, this is the easy part. I have been staining paper and forging antique theatrical printed documents for well over thirty (35?) years. And it really could not be easier than what I am about to tell you -- you will think it must be more complicated than this, but it ain't. I've tried just about everything, but this works so well, why try anything else? To review: this is a Wet process, so you should not use it on watersoluble inks (i.e. documents from an inkjet printer). Regular photocopies will work fine, as well as things run off a laser printer. "Regular" paper works best. You will need to experiment on things like newsprint, treated papers (i.e. for color copies -- these can be problematic) or other textiles. Before I begin, a category of antiqued document I forgot to add to my list is Labels. For instance, a printed label (such as the simple word "Rum") can be stained, cut to size, and affixed to an ordinary (or extraordinary!) bottle using simple white glue. Absolutely great for dressing a set. HOW TO STAIN ("antique") PAPER -- THE EASY WAY... 1. First, make yourself a nice hot cup of Lipton Tea. No, really, do it. While the tea bag is still sopping wet and quite hot (but not so hot you burn yourself), take it out of your beverage and wipe it all over the document you wish to stain. What? Is that all? Well, yes -- that's the essential part, but please read on, as there are extra tricks that I would like to share, and for which you will quite thankful. 2a. Dry it. Obviously, you need to lay out the paper to dry. Hopefully you made more than one copy. Place the dry document face-down on the wet stained one, and allow a bit of stain transfer between the two to occur as the more-wet one evaporates a bit. If you have a large stack of them, repeat this wet-to-dry process after a few minutes. 2b. (more on drying) You will assuredly need to lay out the separate sheets to air dry (and not leave them in a moist stack). However, if you simply "shuffle" the drying documents (careful -- they can tear; the analogy of "wet paper" comes to mind), you will notice that they will slowly give up their moisture -- and stain each other in the process. 2c. (still more) Since the moisture is lost to the air, if you can place them near a faan, the increased airflow will speed the process. You will find it difficult to put them IN FRONT OF a fan, as they tend to blow away... this can be overcome by laying each sheet partially under the previous one closer to the fan in a long column, with the CLOSEST to the fan weghted down (never expoing a leading edge to catch in the breeze). 2d. Use extreme discretion in applying any form of paperweight, as the item can easily leave an unwanted mark (either as an impression embossed in the wet paper, or stain gathering at points of contact). 2e. If you crumple the paper slightly (don't "ball it up"), you increase airflow over/under/around it. If you are short on space, a stack up slightly crumpled documents dries faster than totally flat documents. See? Can you tell I have done this before? Wait, there's more: 3. Reapplication. You can reapply "teabrushes" to tour dried documents to make them darker, or hit areas that were not stained. You might be more impressed with the results of what happens with "reapplication" on the dry sheets previously only partially stained by the "transfer" process in 2a (above). This is an important step -- you might strive toward very light overall staining, then reaplication for darker staining the edges to make them appear more weathered... 4. Don't use a "bath." Some may suggest that an "easier way" is to prepare a boiling solution of tea (for instance in a glass baking dish the size of your document) and dip your paperwork into this "bath" until it's stained, then take it our and dry it. Sorry -- Been There, Done That. Not easier. It can be a bit of a mess, and I have found it 100% easier to apply the "stain" to the document (far more control) rather than apply the document to the stain. Plus, this "bath" saturates the paper to an extent that it can tear under its own weight, or can excessive heat which also can create complications (addressed in the next topic) 4. Avoid excessive heat. I use this general heading to address several things... As mentioned, don't dip your paper into a boiling solution of tea -- this can weaken the fibers of your document. Using scalding hot tea bags can be painful... and it's unnecessary. Hot tea works much better than cold tea, but "quite hot" appears to work just as well as "scalding hot." Another issue is that photocopier toner can acquire an unrealistic glossiness when exposed to high heat. For that reason, I also encourage you to avoid applying a hot iron, for instance to flatten your document. 5. Your paper is likely to wrinkle and buckle slightly in the process of absorbing moisture. While this can adds to the end result, you should take care not to allow it to actually fold up upon itself (i.e.: folding a crease via friction while rubbing the wet tea bag on the wet paper). 6. Use old tea bags. You can re-dunk the tea bag to continually moisten it and apply more tea (although you might not want to actually drink the tea if you do this too much). If you drink tea elsewhere (for instance at work), save the tea bag and allow it to dry; then bring it home and "refresh it" in your hot cup of tea, and use it all over again. Old tea bags are not as good as freash ones, especially if they have been brewed too long, but they will work. 7. Allow the tea bag to break! After re-dunking several times, the tea bag is likely to weaken and start spewing ground wet tea grounds on your document. Theis stuff stains great! Allow it to dry, and it will easily brush off. 8. I don't care what brand you use. Tea is tea. I happen to like the taste of Lipton, and I have done this with Earl Grey (which imparts a nice Bergamot aroma to your document). But you need dark tea -- don't complain to me that it didn't work when you used Chinese Green Tea. Ultimatley, if you can snag (pirate!) some free tea, use it. 9. Tea is acidic. I have not tested the long-term effects of applying this acid to a paper document -- it probably is not suitable for archival scrapbook storage, for instance. I still have tea-soaked documents (some using excessive heat "baths" and other no-nos listed avbove) which are holding up well after many years. However, I had to throw out something last year which finally became severely moldy after two decades -- but it had not been stored well. 10. Coffee? Go for it. I don't like how it mysteriously imparts a "coffee-like" odor to paper. But I once tried using a filled (and hot and wet) coffee filter, and it worked well. But I do not have extensive trail-and-error experience in staining with coffee. 11. Oh, yeah: You will get stained fingers doing this. Plan acordingly. Must. Stop. Now. I don't have the patience now to re-check this for speling errors... sorry.

*sigh* If I tell you now, what will Rateye and I talk about over tankards of stout tomorrow? Okay, since you asked so nicely... Let's see if I can do some justice to this topic... I expect this will be a long post, and I will probably have to add several ideas that do not come immediately to mind. Some of this may seem bloody obvious, but I've got a lot of thought put into this, so it is probably worth your reading the entire thing. There are four major categories of Pirate Documents which I have made: -A- Treasure (or other nautical) map -B- Letter of Marque (or "Letters of Mart") -C- Articles of Confederation / Ship's Articles -D- Printed currency Not counting -E-: For the record, I also created a most impressively worded Declaration of Siege, with all sorts of threatening language and seals and stuff. This was presented to the head of our neighborhood Block Party Committee, threatening that unless the theme of this year's neighborhood party was "Pirates!", a confederation of hostile ships would lay siege to the neighborhood, bombard it with powder and ball, kidpnap and torture the "Governor and members of his family," and other nasty stuff. It was probably a few hundred words long, and was hilarious. I then received a phone call asking me to appear before the Committee to explain how to pull off a pirate theme; everyone was so impressed by the document, they felt they had to give me time to air my thoughts. I showed up to the meeting in full pirate regalia -- then they realized I was a force to be reckoned with.... Okay, I am way off-topic, but there is more to the story. Later. I do not plan to address -D- here, but we can come back to that later if you insist. Honestly, printed currency (I have a small treasure chest full of it) was mostely outside of the GAoP... but the stuff can be a useful prop for pirates of the Colonial / Revolutionary War era. Regarding A+B+C, there is an important decision that needs to be made. You are either (1) antiquing a printed document (the printing is done first), or you are hand-writing (or hand-drawing) on a piece of antiqued parchement (the antiquing is done first). I will not enter into a CAPTAIN TWILL discussion regarding the authenticity of seeming moveable type on a document, because I acknowledge that hand-writing your document is far more authentic. But I really do not have that kind of time, and can produce scores (possibly hundreds) of great looking documents while you are still messing with your ink pen. I will address here only antiquing a pre-printed document for a few reasons. First, you can omit most of the following steps if all you want is to antique paper. Also, if you have handwriting that is THAT good, you are probably doing most of this already. Next elimination: I am only going to talk here about -B- Letters of Marque. The map thing (A) is rather intuitive, and if I have to explain to you on top of everything else how to do it, you should probably be buying them from someone else. Similarly,any process I would describe for tailor-making -C- Ship's Articles would be virtually the same as for Letters of Marque. Okay... FIRST: The wording. You need a source for authentic script. This is where real piracy is involved. Steal it. There's this great web site called "Google," have you heard of it? Seriously -- search for "Letter Marque" and see what you come up with. Some original letters have their full text available on the Internet. There is at least one Internet company out there that makes Letters of Marque (historical and fantasy), and somewhat unwisely provides the entire text for you (although they may alter their web site when they find out what I am revealing here). Copy and paste it into a Word (or other) document. Even if you have your own idea of what you want to say, this saves you a lot of keystrokes. If you cannot find a source, you can PM me... SECOND: Customize it. What is your Pirate (oops! sorry!) I mean Privateer name? The name of your vessel? Number of guns? Men? Etcetera? Some Letters of Marque state all of this, some gloss over everything other than the names of Captain, Ship and Port. Figure out what you want said (also year of document; aprpopriate country, flag, ruler, etc), and add as mch or little detail as you see fit. THIRD: Print it. A couple of points here... You have to choose a good font. "London" or "Old English" are what I use; but the decision is yours. You want it to look old, and the public perceives gothic style fonts as old. I recommend you oversize it. "Big" gives your document a "not modern" appearance (you can always trim off edges). If you have used enough words, you can fit it on ledger size paper (11" x 17"; I don' know what the European equivalent is). Many early documents had HUGE margins, so feel free to indent heavily -- again, that "not modern" look. If you have a regular home computer & printer, "landscape" (sideways) print your document onto two pages and tape it together to make it ledger size... Then take it to a self-service public copy store (FedEx/Kinkos in the US) and copy it onto a single ledger size sheet of paper (should be less than 20c per copy). Make sure that the "seam" of your two pages (or from any pasted artwork) does not show up as a line on the copy. This is still probably an essential step, as you most likely have an inkjet printer at home and not a laser writer; you will need water-proof printing, and inkjet copies are unsatisfactory. You should be sure you are using reagular weight copy paper -- do not use glossy or treated paper specialized for color copies -- although it can still work, the end results are not as satisfactory as the cheap stuff. Important: make more than one copy -- trust me on this. - - - - - - Now you have your document. And you have more than one copy. And you are ready to antique it. And that's really what you have been waiting for, right? Fine. Next step. But cool your heels for a moment. If you have not taken the time and care to have a GREAT looking document, then all the antiquing in the world ain't gonna make it look any less crappy. Really -- take pride in your work. It should already look really great, althugh perhaps it's on extremely white paper... unless you printed it on store-bought "parchement" (in which case, why are you reading this?). The proceeding details are easily as important (if not more so) than the following steps, and I am obligated to impart to you ALL of my wisdom/experience, not just half the process. But first -- I have to post this NOW, for fear that this computer will crash on me, and I will not typr this all a second time...