Cap'n Pete Straw

Awesome! My reference is Kohler's A History of Costume, which has been my costuming Bible for almost 30 years. But the commentary on wigs is threaded throughout a couple chapters, and I dread the prospect of finding all the fiddly parts and re-typing it. However, it is excellent for answering specific questions...

I read the Pirates! adventure with the Scientists last year... I (and others) commented about it somewhere here on the Pub. Excellent funny book. I will search out the Ahab one -- thanks for the heads up.

Ah... a better non-nude picture... Oh no! Estella Warren has been captured and thrown in a cage! Hurry, Natasha! Rescue her! Okay... I'm stopping now. Sorry everyone...

What was I thinking? I would throw Natasha Henstridge on top of Heidi Klum and Estella Warren. No... I meant that: literally on top. As you can see, she is here contemplating the best route to sail her ship to pick up Estella Warren, and then come to rescue Heidi Klum from the otherwise uninhabited desert island ... uninhabited other than I, of course, making my cameo appearance. Excellent....

William -- I might crop & re-size one (of the two) telescope pics the next time I visit the digital kiosk. I can then send you (or give you on-line acces to) a "better" avatar. Two weeks later, and the kittens are so much bigger...

LadyB, were ye aware they have a Black Pearl shop at the Faire? I have a picture of myself below their sign, but cannot recall if I posted it somewhere in the Pub, or on the FG site.

I have been thinking about this for quite some time. I have not yet found "that perfect wig" but when I do, I plan to give it a chance. My pirate outfit is rather along the lines of something a "dandy" might choose to wear. A bastard? Indeed, Sir! Call me that if ye will -- and I'll put a hole through ye with my dandy shiny steel Murdock flintlock! -- Sounds like a rather good pyratical character attitude, if you ask me. What better ruse to take your opponent off guard, than by appearing as a genteel mannered non-pirate "dandy" guy? I do not have the dates in front of me now (although I own an excellent reference text on this), but specific styles of wigs were worn by men for specific limited periods. Thus, the particular wig style dictates a particular set of dates, as does a tricorne hat, for example. I hesitate to jump into the wig crowd without more careful comparison against the rest of my outfit, for fear of combining too many anachronisms, especially as I have already combined several -- oh, what the hell. Hoping I am not asking an offensive or awkward question (Is that your natural hair color? Are those breasts real?), is Capt. Sterling wearing a wig in his signature picture? You need only look at that photo to be convinced that a wig can really make the outfit!

I raise my cup of coffee now... and the Guinness later this evening.

Dude, I married her. The missus is not a gymnast or dancer, but she ran (and finished) the Chicago Marathon when we were first dating. That tends to tone the legs up a bit. Although we happened to meet on a dance floor... but that's another story.

As a matter of fact, I have done this very thing. What do you think, that I made batches of hardtack, took them to Civil War reenactments, and then did not at least try to eat them by whatever authentic means possible? You can eat them raw. Which is to say you can pull one out of your haversack (or pocket), nibble a bit off one end, and wash it down with water and/or coffee. Not unlike really hard bread or really bad crackers ("biscuits," if you're British). But it takes quite a long time for one person to eat an entire piece unless you cooked them too soft, or added things in addition to the proper recipe -- which was accurately quoted above. By the time you have made any progress to the piece, it probably has become nasty from being handled (or extra drool) and you will toss it in the nearest shrub. But I and others have eaten then this way. ... but that was not what you asked... Among the various recipes (methods) used, I soaked (then boiled) hardtack in a tin cup of coffee. Then I fried the resultant softened (not all the way through) hardtack in bacon grease. Then I tried to eat it. Okay, if I was part of a starving army that had little to eat other than hardtack, coffee and bacon grease, I would cetainly resort to this. But it was not delicious by any means, and the hardtack never "cooked" all the way through (it still had its crunchy center). Despite sharing it with others, we could not finish it. This is baked unrisen bread -- essentially: really, really thick matzoh. It really is not very good -- but we hardcore (American) Civil War reenactors are known for stupidly trying virtually every "authentic" thing that the original soldiers did. Some of those things really suck. Crumbling hardtack (a hammer, rock, or rifle butt should be employed in this process) and then soaking the pieces in your hot cup of coffee was something soldiers did when the hardtack was infested with weevils. The bugs would float to the surface where they could be skimmed off (or eaten, if you believe that soldiers would eat bugs "for the protein" as some like to claim -- I have my sincere doubts). You then sip your slightly cloudy coffee to the dregs, then eat the somewhat softened bits of hardtack with a fork or spoon -- like a very poor man's oatmeal. You could alternately fry these coffee-softened bits in bacon grease... having been crumbled, they fry up better than the previous method. And I have tried all these, too. Except try as I could, I never got weevil-infested hardtack (but one morning I awoke to my hardtack covered in hundreds of ants! And I proved that scalding coffee is great for removing ants from hardtack -- in case there were any doubts. But for some reason, ant coffee creeps me out more than weevil coffee, so that was the end of that beverage incident). Here's some lessons I learned: (1) Bacon-fried coffee hardtack needs a lot of salt. (2) If that's all you brought to the reenactment, you are going to be really hungry later. (3) You have to use it in moderation: the real problem is the quantity of unpalatable substance created. BFCH can be used rather effectively as a filler. For instance, if you fry up a few eggs, and add some (not all) BFCH to the mix, it is actually rather tasty. Okay, I do not think too many people will appreciate my expounding endlessly into Civil War cooking -- while this is related to the topic at hand, I don't want to turn this into a Civil War thing... But one more successful recipe to add... A few years ago I made the tastiest campfire thing ever. In a large pan I fried (in grease) some coffee-soaked (ground up) hardtack (effectively making a roux), along with a bunch of chicken, onions & diced carrots. I added some more coffee & water, and allowed this to simmer. With additional salt, pepper and fresh sage, this turned into an outstandingly excellent chicken soup -- I have rarely had its equal. Of course, cooking and eating it outdoors over a fire with no modern provisions or utensils enhanced its flavor beyound what could be reproduced in a kitchen.

It be 9:00 on Saturday Morning... so it's been two Club Sodas so far. I'll pour meself a cup of coffee in a minute. The more interesting stuff will be later this evening.

That was pulled off the Internet, and I cannot vouch for its accuracy. I am sure the exact wording of Admiral Vernon's Orders can be verified (it is a matter of military history)... but I do not have any other source for them. In his book, The Sea Rover's Practice (Potomac Books: 2005), Benerson Little includes an Appendix (6) on Spirits and Belly Timber: Some Culinary History and Recipes for the Adventurous. He has a paragraph on "Punch" which is somewhat germane to the Grog topic... The first few sentences of his paragraph are as follows: Punch: by whatever recipe, punch was the favorite drink of the English. Labat's recipe is two parts eau-de-vie (brandy, in the New World rum) to one part water. Add the same ingredients as in sangria below (except the wine): cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, a crust of toasted bread, but substitute egg yolks for the lime or lemon juice. Milk or cream may be substituted for the water. Okay, you know what? That sounds awful. Toast? Eggs? What is that, a drink, or breakfast? Excellent! Now that's the kind of research that is called for!

The Mole People

I am absolutely certain you are correct -- but my recipe is for a Grogtini -- not for the original Grog (I included the original orders for reference). Me Thinks Thou Doest Protest Too Much -- here, have a Grogtini. Speaking of which, I stopped on the way home to pick up carry-out dinner to bring home to the Missus, and had a Grogtini at the bar while I waited for the food to be ready. Yummies. Please understand I created a Martini recipe which was inspired by the concoction of Grog. I am NOT suggesting or claiming that the "Grogtini" is actually "Grog." Thus the spiced rum, and the proportions. Oh, it is, indeed.

I was under the impression it was for mating.

Nobel Prize

My wife has vetoed my intended purchase of the Skull Toilet Brush. The appropriate thing to say to this is "crap" but I have nothing to clean it up with. * * * * * * * * * * I, too, presumed you implied "What was the most interesting thing that you found and purchased?" While I probably have a whole host of answers to this question, just two days ago I acquired a "Sailmaker's Palm" (essentially a thimble, but for pushing huge needles through impenetrable canvas). Here is a picture of one just like mine: Sure, this is certainly more nautical than purely piratical, and I have far more prized piratical possessions, but this certainly fulfills my own definition of "interesting."

That Civil War recipe is essentially the same one I use (for CW reenacting). I still have a piece from one of the first batches I made ... back in 1992. It remains as inedible as the day it was baked. During the (US) Civil War, they made and ate square hardtack (which, of course, is easily packed inside rectangular boxes).... ... but what I see in movies, books and museums is ROUND hardtack ("ship's biscuits") that was used at sea in earlier eras. Can anyone quote reliable and historically accurate measurements of these earlier round biscuits? (I suspect this question belongs in CAPTAIN TWILL).

I had started another thread here in "THE WAY TO A PIRATE'S HEART" titled Admiral Vernon Grogtini, Martini recipe adapted from 1740. To enhance this present thread, I will copy below parts of a couple of my posts from that thread. I have made slight modifications from the earlier posts... How to make an Admiral Vernon Grogtini: Here is my recipe for a Grog Martini, folks. I claim authorship of this modern martini drink recipe as of today, although it is a modified resurrected recipe of the original 1740 orders how to mix Grog -- thus the drink bears Admiral Vernon's name. I am drinking my second one now as I type this (I had to be sure I could replicate the recipe, and this time measure the ingredients accurately... getting really woozy... Holy Crap, these are potent). If someone else has created and published this exact same recipe previously (other than a reprint of Admiral Vernon's 1740 orders), please provide the specific print or internet reference so that I can credit them. If you like martinis, write this one down -- these suckers are damned smooth and Whoo Boy, the second one is starting to kick in. DISCLAIMER: If you are under legal drinking age (in your respective state) DO NOT MAKE ONE OF THESE. And please remember: do not drink and drive... nor drink and pilot a ship. Admiral Vernon Grogtini: Into a martini shaker, put several cubes of ice (duh). Add 1 teaspoon of sugar (if possible, use Turbinado Sugar; I have not yet tried a dollop of molasses instead of the sugar, but this is worth trying). Add a shot and a half of Captain Morgan's Original Spiced Rum, and 3 shots of water. Add 2 (or 3!) teaspoons of ReaLime Juice (if you have real limes, don't argue with me -- use them instead. Use key limes if available). Shake well. Strain into a martini glass with a twist of lime. Enjoy. Then thank me... Or toast me and the late but very, very intelligent Admiral Vernon in absentia. This is one quite refreshing martini, let me tell you. Pass this one on, or tell your bartender how to mix one for you, because I think the World should know. (I taught this drink to a local bartender, and now I get these for free anytime I go there). WORD OF CAUTON: Sugar and Lime and Water makes Rum taste like innocuous candy. This is one smooth baby. This chilled drink is super-refreshing, and is perfect for a warm or hot day ... but it can have the same effect as a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. You have been warned. * * * * * * * * * * HISTORIC REFERENCE: The origin of Grog and Vernon's Orders Grog is essentially a diluted rum mixture, with two parts water and one part Rum. The word "grog" was derived from the nickname for Admiral Vernon who was nicknamed "Old Grogram" based on the waterproof grogram cloak he wore on ships. He first ordered this rum dilution process that yielded grog to be carried out in 1740. This command was called "Vernon's Orders" and it also encouraged the addition of sugar and limes to the grog mixture. Prior to 1740, rum was issued to the men neat or in "drams" - without water. Admiral Vernon (the hero of Portobello and the West Indies Commander-in-Chief) changed all this by his issuance of his infamous "Order to Captains No. 349" on 21 August 1740. His order refers to the "...unanimous opinion of both Captains and Surgeons that the pernicious custom of the seaman drinking their allowance of rum in drams, and often at once, is attended with many fatal effects to their morals as well as their health ... besides the ill consequences of stupifying their rational qualities ... You are hereby required and directed ... that the respective daily allowance ... be every day mixed with the proportion of a quart of water to a half pint of rum, to be mixed in a scuttled butt kept for that purpose, and to be done upon the deck, and in the presence of the Lieutenant of the Watch who is to take particular care to see that the men are not defrauded in having their full allowance of rum... and let those that are good husbanders receive extra lime juice and sugar that it be made more palatable to them." * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

14 floors below me, across the street in Grant Park, some doofus on a loudspeaker teaching a few hundred yahoos a dance they will never be able to pick up as part of the Mayor's "Sumemr Dance In The Park" series. I'm just bitter.

Killing time in the office. The work day is long over, but I had to drive downtown (Chicago) this morning and am waiting for some of the friday night rush hour freaks to get the hell out of town so I don't have to forgive them for their transgressions against me.

PPhil, I am embarrassed and offended that you took the time to review all the posts that I wrote to date and write this summary of what I have done here in the Pub. Horrors.

Tendon

nubile

I purchased a pair of Franklins, and attached the most decadently gynormous buckles they sold. I tried putting in insoles, but that made them way too tight. I simply wear a (very short) pair of fluffy socks inside the shoes (beneath my stockings), and they fit like a dream for part of the day -- but after a few hours, they are the subjects of Steve Martin's book...