PyratePhil

...or REALLY excited sea anemones...

Watch out for submerged pilings!

*Phil appears on the beach, letting down his dirty brown hair from his ponytail and removing his "Kiss the Sifu" T-shirt...enters the water...*

Sleep well Phil, see ya in the summer! ...might not be 'til Autumn... ..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

Settles himself fer a long Springtime nap In the nightie-clad softness o' Christine's lap

'ello, 'ello! Gastric?...Ooohhh, no - see, remember in the Bugs Bunny cartoons - when Bugs would jump into his hole, the sound effect they'd use - POOT!

Ye have that effect on some folk, ye know, luv...

*through the magic of the written word, Phil appears suddenly next to Christine* *POOT!!!* 'ello, 'ello, luv! Long time no viddy, me droogie! I were thinkin' bedways is rightways fer me, but if ye be showin' th' cinnies, well, then...missin' a bit o' spatchka never hurt no one no how.. *cuddles up next to her in his "Clockwork Orange" jammies...*

Fer Wench trainin', or Pyrate? Can help ya wi' th' former, not th' latter... Ye sound's like a puppy, m'lady...paper trainin' and sech...

...ye could always go to... Pyrate Phil's Wench Training Academy *On-line lessons utilizing the latest in full-color MPEG video *Interactive wenching practice with our stable of Certified Rogues *FREE email address - yourwenchname@PPWTA.com *On-line store filled with our signature WenchWear@ line of clothing ...and much, much more! ...oh... ...you said you wanted PYRATE training...*sigh*...

Hmm..right.. Well... Thet be the pyrate way, be it not? It's GOOD ta be th' male pyrate!

...ad recently seen in Single Pyrates In The Scene (SPITS): SWDSMP seeks SWDSFP or SWSFP fer pillagin' and other sech fun tymes. Must have God-given booty - no sand-baggers! ME - into long cruises on me ship ( The Swingin' Scabby); long walks offin' short planks; light treasure huntin'; careenin'. I be one fathom o' height an' 15 stone o' weight; me eye be hazel wi' flecks o' blackpowder; me leg be strong; me other leg have attachments fer fightin' or funnin'. YOU - wenchy; enjoy posin' in me collection o' bloomers an' bodices; look good at full sail; not be mindin' sharin' yer Pyrate wi' other wenches; enjoy th' Pyrate life! Respond ta': SadSingleScabby (Chest #2654)

Yes, luv, that's all we do here... Drink, wench, and go to gatherin's! Work? WORK??? We don't need no stinkin' work... But I AM sorry you don't have more going on in yer own port... If it's any consolation - I only get to attend 2 or 3 events a year...the curse of being self-employed!

*bunch of people dressed in Mickey fetish gear* "I get to ride GoofyCoaster next!"

Noticed it I have, M'lady... ...and remember, "17 goes into 40 more than twice"...no, wait... ..."She's ageless, she's timeless, she's.."...no...dang... Well, ye look mighty purty! *hands over a virgin bottle of Captain Morgan's...*

Not at all, friend - just don't like seein' me mates feelin' poorly...

*sigh* OK, lad - been there meself on many occasion - jes give a holler iffin' ye feel like company...

...maaaaann, these old-school rockers... *goes back to his Tull and Yes 8-tracks*

...tryin' me damndest ta make ya smile, ye muck-luck!

*Phil sneaks up behind Jack and noogies him* ("All the world loves a clown" - until they get p*ssed at him and blow him away! )

...and you'd LOVE to "search within my results"...

An angelic voice, aye! :)

Google Search on Balls

Undergarment Invasion! *crickets chirping* ...sigh...not much better luck than Patrick....goes back to sleep...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Argh - thet one joins th' illustrious ranks o' such tunes as "One Tin Gerbil" and "I've Got A Loverly Bunch Of Guinea Pigs"...