PyratePhil

My brain became addled And simply skeedaddled When she mentioned the short word "Oar" But when she said "Paddled" I really was rattled 'Cause now my hiney's really sore

Oar what?

The PhilWeather Channel... Indications of a stormy life, with centralized hot spots and large depressions. We should have seen that cooling trend by now, but it's nowhere in sight. The large, puffy ego-cumulus clouds that formed quite some time ago show NO signs of abating. As far as precipitation, all hail to the Queen. For the 7,200 day forecast - we're looking a bit rocky right now, but you can't discount the possibility of it getting even worse. Although Phil has a large front showing, I don't think there's any relief in sight.

Found the POD I was looking at... Lulu

A RUSE?!? My LADY...you would accuse me of such underhanded, sneaky, ungentlemanly conduct? Do you TRULY think me capable of such indiscretions? ... ...... ......... Well, thank you, dear! I wish I could take credit for a ruse, but in all honesty, it was not such. A fervent wish, perhaps...a burning desire...an insatiable longing, certainly... ...but a RUSE? Never. ***PyratePhil dreams, and as he dreams he experiences an odd sensation: his head seems to be totally enveloped in soft Shantung silk, a gentle westerly breeze billowing the material to straining fullness as his own fullness becomes...*** ***Phil wakes with a start, and as he does, the remaining disjointed visions of Frenchmen running around in a panic kissing limpid crepes disappear.*** Mmmmm...that was a wonderful respite indeed, m'lady. Perhaps you will allow me the honor of returning the favor some day in the not-too-distant future... ...and please... ...just call me Jacque.

Information Technology Architects are pretty commonplace these days, lad... ...but there's ALWAYS a market for a really big d**k.

Very nice, luv

But...but...you brought it up first! Did not! Did too! I double dog-dare you! ...I used to drink to forget the nerve of my wife...

***takes a healthy swig of the rum, spews it out violently*** ARRRRRRR!!! 'Tis the foul liquid bowels of th' Devil hisself!! Truth be known, m'lady, death has charms not seen in THAT evil brew... Now, then ye mentioned somethin' of a kiss, did ye not, m'lady? Memory be playin' cruel tricks upon yer loyal subject, true, but somehow, I seem ta be rememberin' somethin' o' this kiss matter... ...I....I...I believe it were...a healin' art, no? Somethin' involvin' four lips and two tongues? ...Somehow, I think I were in France fer a spell, but I'll be blazed iffin' I know why...

Amen, Sister! When my "T'ai Chi for Seniors" came out, I had to beat off the gray-haired arthritic women with a stick! ...and I'm not sure but that some of them actually enjoyed it...

Actually, as most of the well-known writers could attest, getting rich wasn't high on their list of reasons for writing... It was the GROUPIES, man! And thanks for the info - I'll check them out...

So by the same tokin'...um, I mean, token... ...we should get rid of legalized gambling...legalized driving...legalized drinking...legalized cigarette smoking...(which, of course, they ARE trying their damndest to pull off)...legalized grade school, high school, college, and pro sports...legalized sex between consenting adults... So, where does it all end? Legalizing marijuana would be a spit in the ocean of humankind's desire to destroy themselves and others. We're hardwired to be idiots - just accept the situation and guard your flanks. As for moderation being only a theory...so is Relativity.

Kendra, I think I had mentioned to you a long, long time ago that there are self-publishing companies on the Web that don't charge an arm and leg...since I've lost all my old links, I'll have to ferret out the one that I was looking at, and I'll post the info for you. The last book I had published by a conventional house was OK, but as was said earlier in this thread, they expect YOU to PR it, especially if you aren't Steven King. They also turn over a mere pittance for royalties. Of course, what I've had published to date is in a very narrow field of interest, so take that into account. In the meantime, look into POD - Print On Demand. It's the coming thing, I think, for people who can't invest thousands into stockpiling their own books for possible future sales.

I will go to extremes to support that statement...

Y'all probably know where I stand on this one - pro, all the way. In moderation, of course.

Ah, m'lady, a keg, you say? What is this rum you speak of? Is it a healing balm? I seem to remember a certain Captain with glossy black boots speaking well of this rum...but his name eludes me...

PyratePhil looks around slowly, the lagoon looking vaguely familiar, and yet...and yet... The red bump on his head was throbbing again. How long had it been since that merchant vessel went down, throwing him and the crew into the blood-warm waters? He couldn't remember anything...not even his own name...he knew not of his past glories in the lagoon... ...it was all just...blank...

Send a copy over to the East coast while you're at it...

Depressed...alone...blue...

Maybe he was just trying to scrape the barnacles without careening...

***With one last snore, Phil wakes up suddenly as a gull screams next to his ear. "Thank the gods for alarm clocks" he mutters as he hits the RESET button on the bird... His finely muscled chest ripples as he rises and begins his morning exercises. The rising sun glints off his chiseled thighs as he moves fluidly through the regimen that would leave most other men panting and sweating. Finally, he finishes and strolls down the empty beach, his alarm clock circling overhead...

hmmm, so yer imaginin' that ye be pokin' yer fingers in the side o' her head and stickin' her with pins ... and I thought ye liked her! Oh, now, Capt., yer jes' tryin' ta get me excited! But thankee fer th' good wishes Actually, Christine, there ARE a few Eastern approaches that might work for you, at least partially. See me in my office this afternoon - I'm free from 3pm until...

***sending virtual temple massage and neutrino acupuncture to Christine***

Hmmm...think I've been on this board too long - seems I remember this question before...but what the hell... I'm a professional male model and international gigolo, also a ..... No, wait, that's my OTHER resume... Taiji/qigong instructor, Doctor of Oriental Medicine, author, lecturer, actor (poor), and eternal pursuer of Christine (getting better).

I be raisin' me mug to ye, Captain! ...and me drinkin' vessel, also...