Capt. Westyn Elizabeth Roberts

Grace, Expedia.com states in the description that the hotel is located one block off Duval Street, which is walking distance to some of the things at the festival. That's one reason why I wanted to book there. I marked a street map with the sites of the festivites listed at the Pirates in Paradise Festival site, and Duval Street area seems to be the closest and best bet, unless you want to take Cascabel's advice and look for the Mom and Pop places once you arrive in Florida. Capt. WE Roberts

A QUESTION FOR THE KEY WEST LOCALS: Does anybody know about the Santa Maria Hotel off Duval Street in Key West? I just found a great vacation package for two people at $1042.31 from Nashville, Tennessee to Key West, Florida. It includes hotel+flight+car. That is an incredible deal as far as I can tell. Of course, the hotel is listed as one-star (*) accommodations. I figure it's kind of shabby, but we won't need it other than sleeping. However, if it's in a skanky neighborhood, I want to be forewarned. Any information would be greatly appreciated. Arrgh! Capt. WE Roberts

Scupper, There's no need to be good with a sewing needle in order to have a fine sash. All you need is 2 yards of fabric, scissors, hot glue gun and glue and about a yard or so of fringe. I bought 2 yards of black satiny material, cut it in half (widthwise), then, held it open, hot-glued the pieces together to make it half as wide and twice as long. Then, I just folded it down the center (lengthwise) and hot-glued down the rough side to hold it together. I hot-glued 2.5" black fringe around the ends to cover up the rough seams, and voila! Instant sash. Hey, I needed one in a hurry for the Renaissance Festival. It was a last minute thing, and it looks fine when I put my belt over the top of it. Plus, it's long enough to wrap around twice to hold arms in place and still have the great, draping ends. And the fabric was on sale for $1 per yard, so the whole thing cost me about $3.50 to make. :) Much cheaper than paying $20 for a sash that's half as long, 1/3 as wide and not the right fabric. Anyway, if you don't trust hot glue...that stitch is not difficult to make by hand or on a sewing machine. However, if you do sew the sash, make sure that you fold the fabric (wrong side out), make a standard straight stitch, then flip it back right side out to do the ends. Attach fringe and you're done. Hope I helped. Capt. WE Roberts

Oh, and Captain Cronus, those boots that are at the ebay link you listed...they remind me of the boots that Brendan Fraser wore in "The Mummy." I believe they might be a little WWI for the piratey era. But, hey...if you like 'em, get 'em. Remember...pirates were mean SOB's who didn't care about fashion. However, if you want to stay in the era (1700's), keep checking. I don't believe those lace-up boots are quite the style. But they do look really cool. Capt. WE Roberts

Also check out the Ebay store Stella's Sexy Stuff. True, the name sounds quite frightening, but they do have knee-high and thigh-high (low-heel) boots for under $50. Shipping is about $9 on most boots, but I have a pair that are almost exactly like them, and they're great. However, according to Claire/Poison Quill/TalesOfTheSevenSeas, they aren't the best for those who need special quality shoes for medical/health reasons. That would understandably require a more costly shoe/boot, and rightfully so, since all piggies are precious and deserve love. My thigh-high boots are quite comfy, and pretty wide, for a standard size. They come up to about mid-thigh, and can be folded down a bit, because the insides of the tops are lined in the same type of leather. Now, granted, it's not that nice, shiny, hard leather like some military boots are. The leather is quite soft. But, I didn't have to break them in before I wore them to the Renaissance Festival and tromped around all day in loose gravel. I am trying to find a boot suitable for Bob the Swab. He wears about a size 12W. I believe that he would be better suited in knee-high boots. That way, he could still wear them for everyday purposes underneath his pants. Thigh high boots on a man when he's not a pirate or a stripper might look a little odd. Remember your budget and your reasons for purchasing boots when you get 'em. Kick it up! Capt. WE Roberts

Captain Weaver, have you got your "thrum"(?) cap finished yet? I'd love to see it. I have tried sifting through pics of hats and haven't found a single picture of a thrum cap. I could be spelling it wrong or looking in the wrong places. Anyhow, I love to see what all the rest of the pirate bunch have up their sleeves! Ah, and I finally finished my "wedding hat." It's a thick white felt gambler-style cowboy hat with a shorter brim and flattened crown. Since the edges of the brim are wired, it was a snap to discombobulate into a tricorne. I attached a majorly fluffy white feather boa, and voila! Instant wedding hat. I love it, and my honey says it's "me." Most of the folks I know might take that as an insult, but I think it looks right snazzy. It'll be on my head at the PIP Festival in December. My dates are planned as December 2-8. That way, I'll get in all of the festivities. I have created four hats. Three tricornes and one cavalier. I'll have to figure out how to post pictures of them! Arrgh! Capt. WE Roberts

Claire/Poison Quill: I'm glad hubby got boots that he likes. I may have that same problem when fitting Bob the Swab. He has wide feet as well as multiple foot problems. I really like the moc-style boots. And, as you said, they're much more "renaissance pirate" than "golden age pirate", but they look great, and as long as he's comfy...that's all that matters. You can't quite plunder efficiently with achy feet! I know that the Minnetonka site has lots of great moc-boots that I believe are relatively similar to the ones you got for hubby. They have very reasonable prices, and Minnetonka is ONE COMFY BOOT! The ones I saw that I liked were knee-high lace up and cost about $60. Comes in Tobacco (dark brown suede) or Black suede. Some of the styles even come in a softer brown that I believe they call "camel" or "chamois". Not sure which. Check it out. I don't remember the site name, but you can find it by using a search engine with "Minnetonka". Capt. WE Roberts

'Ello all! Long time, no smell--er, see. Regarding the pistols/cutlasses and other such weaponry, I called my local airport to check the rules and regulations regarding the carrying of weaponry aboard an aircraft. I figured things had drastically changed since September 11, 2001...for good reasons. When I spoke to the person "in charge," she said that as long as the weapons were carried UNDERNEATH the plane in standard cargo in a hard-sided case (briefcase, trunk) with a secure lock, there would be no problem with carrying them on the plane. Of course, there should be absolutely no firearms/blades inside the seating area in the overhead compartments. Of course, that was for my airport. Others may be different. Call and check before you pack. Just FYI for all you pirates traveling by plane to the PIP Festival. Capt. WE Roberts

Poison Quill? Yes. Lovely. Subtle...dangerous. As if one could expect less from a "fellow" lady pirate. I intend to purchase our tickets for the complete package to Key West within the next few weeks. I have just discovered money that I didn't even know I had. Isn't that great? Like finding buried treasure! Anyhow, the only thing I have left to do is get together the costumes, schedule the wedding date and... ...oooh, wait. There's lots left to do! Oh, no! Wish me luck! Capt. WE Roberts

Captain Cronus, I think that pattern would be a great start for a pirate costume. However (hope I don't sound condescending), don't make the jacket exactly like the pattern. Remember...there are thousands upon thousands of pirates out there, and most of them get their goods from patterns! If you do use a pattern, mix up the fabrics and maybe try a black velvet jacket with a red printed brocade cuffs and jacket lapels! I think that would look very snazzy! Also, if you want that sleazy pirate look, pair wild patterns. If you want that polished, captain's look, stay mostly with matching patterns. Like use a similar fabric on the vest as what is on the lapels and cuffs. But, hey...make your coat your own. After all, what fun is buying stuff right off the rack? None at all, if ya be askin me. I love to twiddle with different trims and such. Also, look on the Internet for different trim ideas. Center Stage Costumes has an excellent pic from "The Trial and Hanging of Captain Kidd." It would be the perfect site to check out for alterations on that coat of yours. Be your own pirate! Challenge the rules! Capt. WE Roberts

Captain Rob, I have the perfect place for you to look http://www.renstore.com It's the main site for Chivalry Sports. I know they have "tankard straps" made especially for...what it says it is. I think they will fit up to a 3" belt. Capt. WE Roberts

Pirate Claire/TOTSS: You need a shorter name. TalesOfTheSevenSeas is a bit tedious to type when you've had only five hours worth of sleep in 48. Anyhow, yes, I am planning on getting married at the PIP Festival! Hooray! Also, if I can't figure out how to post pics, I'll send a few your way. If'n you'd be so kind as to post them. I've already been to the altar once. Course, I came up with a broadside, when he found out my family wasn't wealthy. Ha, ha, ha! Or maybe the joke's on me. I'm doing it again. I guess you could just call me "dumb, dumb, dee dumb!" (Snicker!) I know I left a brain lying around here somewhere... Capt. WE Roberts

Hey, hey, hey! Break it up! I thought this was a post about Pirate Clothing. The way you two are going, sounds like someone may be out of his or her clothing. And, stop slapping! My goodness. There's no S&M here. Unless you mean South America and Maracaibo. SLAP! WAH! Capt. WE Roberts

BDI: Ahoy there! I believe that the No Quarter Given website has a whole slew of great smugglers listed on the main webpage. Also, give the Brethren of the Coast website a holler. There are plenty (and I mean PLENTY) of great links there. Check in with the "big boys" at one of the other weapons posts on this board. I believe one is called "Weapons/cannonades--Things that go bang in the night?" I also believe that our good Captain Flint might know where you could purchase such a cutlass/sword. Check with him or even one of the regular reinactors: Cascabel, Braze (Aseem), Ravan or some of the others. Cascabel, Braze and Ravan are at The Tortuga Mutineers website. I think it's http://www.thetortugamutineers.com, but I'm not totally sure. Anyway, a good reinactor will tell you what swords can hold up against a hack or two, and which ones to leave at the store. Good hunting, Capt. WE Roberts

Claire/T.O.T.S.S.: I'm a born-and-raised Tennessee girl, and I know of Bear Holler (and yes, it is spelled exactly as you said). I might even know your pop's family. But, as far as wedding dresses go... I am getting married at the Pirates In Paradise Festival this year. My honey, Bob the Swab, is wearing a calf-length black brocade jacket, ruffled shirt, boots, etc. I, however, have nixed the idea of going with the Goodwill dress that I spoke of in one of my earlier posts. And...after much pinning and pondering, I have decided that it's just not going to be even close to what I wanted. What I thought about doing is having my mother (who's good at sewing) help me make a simple, white empire-waisted gown and a long white captain's coat that comes nearly as long as the dress. Simplicity Pattern 5958 has a great pattern for a captain's jacket, breeches, shirts and vests. Also, another Simplicity Pattern for "The Matrix" costumes has a great jacket with a slightly different look (Neo's long coat). I already have the white tricorne hat, complete with white feathers. I realize that the outfit I mentioned is not quite 17th century, but it will look closer to the time period than the other dress will. Anyhow, I went into the Google search engine and typed "fashion, 17th Century" and came up with several different ideas about dresses. Actually, my attire is going to be a mixture of several different eras. You might also try http://www.fashionsintime.com The site is run by Hilary Buckland, and she is very helpful. I asked her many questions, and she was always quick and thorough with her replies. The pictures are wonderful, and I believe her garments will be perfect for any gal's special day. If I had enough cash, I'd have her make a whole custom costume for me. But...me and Mom are cheaper. Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes to the bride and groom. Capt. WE Roberts

Phone got glued to his head! HAHAHA! I like that, and I wish it was true. I think I'm going to have to order "Privacy Director" or change my phone number. I have my Internet set up so that if a call rings in, it cuts me off. I have had several family emergencies lately, and I can't miss a call! There once was a telemarketer named Ted Who aggravated to earn his bread He called up old Westyn Who knew how to best him And he woke up one morning quite dead Love to Captain Weaver again...another lovely limerick! Capt. WE Roberts

I missed the one about the navy admiral's hat. I said it was a bone hairpin. I couldn't remember, but I've only seen the movie once. It's already at the local drive-in, and I might have to see it again. Only problem is...it's in the same double-feature as Spy Kids 3-D. Capt. WE Roberts

MadMaryFlint: I believe you and Rosalinda are right about A Knight's Tale. I loved that movie so much that I bought it. But, I have to say, when the people started dancing and singing "We Will Rock You", that kind of threw me. It was interesting, and the songs were well chosen. I watched a behind the scenes show on that movie, and the movie makers were saying how they wanted to score the movie differently than any other movie set in medieval times. No soft bagpipe, bodhrain music there. Hard rock! Pirate Lass Suliel: So, I guess that the last pirate musical you cared to know about was when Kevin Kline was wearing thigh high boots while listening to a guy sing Modern Major General, huh? EVERYBODY! I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral, I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical; I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical, I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical, About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news, With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse! Capt. WE Roberts

My cousins and I (more girls than boys, and there's at 21 first cousins on my mother's side alone) were all tomboys. We liked He-Man and Transformers and Voltron. No girly stuff like My Little Pony or Care Bears for us. Heck no! That was sissy crap! We would make swords out of cardboard and hats out of newspaper and beat the snot out of each other. You see, my mother's family is an old-fashioned Southern one. If you're a girl, you sit quietly, act sweet and hope a man marries you so that you can spit out at least three kids by the time you're a spinster at 21. Not us. We rebelled against anything feminine, and fought for our rights as individuals. We excelled at this, despite the condescending remarks and suggestions that we were nefarious demon offspring and could not conceivably have come from that certain strain of DNA. Ain't family grand? After I got older, I did actually sail on a few ships. At least one of them was a piratey looking ship. I'm not sure if it was supposed to be a replica or just a ratty old sailboat. I wasn't trusted at the controls, however...heh, heh. But, it was fun. Now, I am a pirate online as well as in my writing and acting. I am presently writing a play and a novel (romance, but with a great deal of drama and intrigue, spliced with comedy) about WOMEN pirates. I go to college now (10 years late) for Mass Communications and Journalism, and I am on the Dean's List. That's little old me... Capt. WE Roberts

(Bowing to the "original" Captain Flint)... Hey, man! I believe you cheated as well. Captain Flint was in Treasure Island...ha! Just jerkin' yer wooden leg, Cap'n! Who cares about a name? Of course, if some scurvy dog comes a-stealin' mine, they'll have a mighty high price to pay. I MADE UP THIS NAME! Spelled wrong on purpose and stamped with a date, so it's legal! Did I just get out of line again? Oh well...it's late. Whatever happened to dear Bloody Jack? I thought he would give us specs on what types of wood would be used. The Royaliste did just that without being asked. Cedar over oak. Very nice. Very aeromatic. Lovely. I'd like to sail on it one day. Also, I wonder what Mr. Jack was going to make sails out of...or was he going to cheat and buy them from a supplier? That wouldn't be very "original" pirate-like of him, since he was so hell-bent on making one authentic. Come on, Jack! Show us pictures!!!! Capt. WE Roberts

I am completely shocked and appalled that someone would come onto this forum, with its good humor and good intentions and start a fight...or a pissing contest as you all have aptly named it. And "Davy Jones's Locker"...please. Someone has watched POTC a few too many times. Please don't do anything else to screw up this nice forum. It can be taken away as easily as it was granted. Now...kiss and make up. And Jack, send pics to Claire/T.O.T.S.S. so that she can put them up for all to see. In fact, take pics as the ship gets built. Maybe you can even make your own post about the way the ship is coming along. It's all in the name of good fun around here, and we enjoy the look of a handsome ship as much as we wenches enjoy the look of a handsome sailor. And the monkey/squirrell...whatever...is really cute. I love those moving smilies. Although he never takes a drink...hmmm...must have a tank the size of a camel! Capt. WE Roberts

Okay...here's a joke. Not really a pirate joke, but you can change it to suit your needs. There were these two blondes (pirates?) that were at a pub one night. Each one thought the other one was supposed to be the designated driver, so they each got hammered. When the pub closed, they couldn't even find their car (carriage?), much less drive it. So, they started walking. It got so dark that they couldn't tell which way they were going. Soon, they knew they were off the beaten path, because they could feel grass underneath their feet. Finally, the blonde in the lead turns around and looks for the other one. She's not there. Soon, the first blonde finds a book of matches from the pub. She strikes one and realizes that she is in a cow pasture. She frantically looks around for her friend. When she finds her, she is lying underneath a cow, sucking on its udders. Thinking her friend had gone quite crazy, the first blonde said, "What are you doing?! We're lost! We're drunk! We need to find a way out!" Just then, the second blonde looks up from underneath the cow and says, quite plainly, "I know, and if you'll shut up for a while and let me finish, maybe one of these four guys will give us a ride home!" Capt. WE Roberts

As far as tattoos, I have no idea about how much they hurt. My cousin has a Tweety on her belly, a Celtic sun across her lower back and one...nevermind. She said that she would have the one on her tummy done over a hundred times before she would EVER get another one on her back. My other cousin has a tattooed bracelet on one arm and (her favorite bird) a hummingbird at an ornate flower on her ankle. She said that the bracelet hurt a little, but the bird on her ankle hurt like a SOB. My honey has three tattoos. One from the army with a flag, an eagle and "Live Free Or Die" underneath it (He's a New Hampshire boy). He has one with a rose honoring September 11, and one of a beautiful sunset. They are all on his upper arms. He said that they hurt, but someone told him that his upper arm was the best place to put it. I've heard that your belly, your upper arm or your arse are the best places to get tattoos done...they don't hurt as bad. There's more fleshy tissue to pad the injury. And I would say for the price...$40 and up. I got a simple navel piercing at a shop, and it was $40. I'll try not to mention the fact that the gal at the parlor grabbed too big of a chunk of skin to pierce and therefore it never got well and had to be taken out. She also used a hoop instead of a curved barbell to hold it! But, I won't complain...you live--you learn. And, most (reputable) parlors will not allow you through the door, much less in the chair, if you've been drinking. So, nix the rum, bite your tongue (unless that's what you're decorating) and try not to scream loud enough to make the cops come... Before you decide to get a tat, make sure that the place is clean, the techs use gloves, and ALWAYS use a new needle! They should open the pack right in front of you and chunk it in a sharps container when they're done! Steer clear of anything less. Capt. WE Roberts

Ooops! Well, have fun at that site too, maties! Thanks for the correction!! Hey, if you're into that...go for it. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me! Capt. WE Roberts

I'm another bargain queen, Rumba Rue! I spent about $50 on thigh high leather boots. Apair of leather pants at a liquidation store for $2, and a perfect "piratey" shirt at Fashion Bug for $9, another at Goodwill for $0.99, a dark blue calf-length frock coat at Goodwill for $0.99, calf-length black brocade frock coat at Goodwill for $7.49, a black floor-length skirt at Goodwill for $0.99, a black satin corset top for $3.49, a bodice/vest at Goodwill for $0.99 (to which I added boning, grommets and lacing), and 50 yards of 3" lace (perfect for sleeve ruffles) for $6.00 at Goodwill. My pirate hats are usually discombobulated cowboy hats that I'd had for a long time. The most expensive one I have cost about $22...7-10 years ago. It got sat on...became a pirate hat...enough said. And, I also purchased a feather boa for $5.00 at one of those little "kinky" shops. Normally, their $19.99, but I had a gift certificate for $15. My cutlass, I got on ebay (Blackbeard's short sword) for a grand total of $8.00, and my blunderbuss pistol is a replica from ebay...yes, another $8.00. I AM THE BARGAIN QUEEN. Thank you, and good night. Capt. WE Roberts