Capt. Westyn Elizabeth Roberts

Aye, El Pirata. It does seem to be a very odd place to purchase plunder, indeed. But, it can be done. If yer just looking for a simple spyglass or a snazzy birthday card. I got my dad and mom birthday cards from the years in which they were born. It told how much things were and what cars/songs/etc were popular in those years. Pretty cool. I also bought my dad a mug. He was born in '43, so that cup had some pretty nifty designs on it, due to the war and all. Cracker Barrel also sells awesome coffee...for us Java Pirates out there who need a good caffeine kick in the pants to get us going in the morning after a long night of plundering and other such sordid affairs. Capt. WE Roberts

What is everyone watching this time of year (other than PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN)? I know that once the leaves start changing color here in Tennessee, I jet to the local video store and spend mega bucks to try to scare my socks right off! So far, my favorites have been...in no certain order: IT'S THE GREAT PUMPKIN, CHARLIE BROWN! (One of my childhood faves) THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW (Guilty pleasure) LEGEND (Another guilty pleasure, another Tim Curry flick) THE OTHERS THE SIXTH SENSE So, who else out there grabs those scary movies around this time of year? Halloween is the best season for spooky movies. I don't like most of those senseless blood and gore movies. I prefer one with a twisted plot like THE OTHERS and SIXTH SENSE. Anyone have any ideas on movies to see? Capt. WE Roberts

Arrgh! Now, that's no way to pirate! Looting yourself? Hmmm...I'll have to think on that one for a spell. I find "hidden" treasures all over the place around here, because I have 1,000 square feet of house and 10,000 square feet of junk! Maybe I should look around some more. I have found a few shirts and a pair of English riding boots that could be used, but nothing like what you found, El Pirata! Good going! Capt. WE Roberts

Okay, so this is not a piratey pumpkin, but I think you should check out ebay. They have a Phantom of the Opera jack o'lantern made out of one of those fake styrofoam-ish pumpkins! The last time I looked, the bidding was up to $51! I guess I know what my new hobby will be this time next year!!! Those pumpkins are easy to carve. How do I know? I carved a big hole in the bottom of mine to stick my head through. Yeah. I know...that sounds a bit odd, but hey...it's a costume piece. I was a pirate last year, and now that POTC has come out, it's taken some of the fun out of dressing like a pirate, cause I know 100 other folks will be dressed the same. And, I'm always a pirate at heart. Arrgh! Capt. WE Roberts

Aye, Hurricane. Those boots are nifty. I have a pair meself. They're mighty comfortable, and can stand up to the forty miles I walked in gravel at the TN RenFest. They ended up to be a little bit big, but I'd rather have 'em big and wear two pairs of socks than have 'em too small and hurt me tootsies! I usually wear a size 9, but I got a 10, since I didn't know how wide they were. (They're plenty wide!) Oh, and the prices are much higher for the men's sizes: size 11+ (or a women's size 13+). Just be warned. A men's size 12 went for about $80, when the starting bid is $49! Also, you might be able to BUY IT NOW for way cheaper than auction prices on Ebay. Comfy feet are happy feet, Capt. WE Roberts

Oh! Almost forgot... I found a pair of top grain leather English riding boots at a store (a long time ago) that only cost around $20 (going out of business sale?). They're still holding up just fine, and I intend to wear them for Halloween and the Pirates in Paradise Festival in Key West! Let's hear it for those of us on a budget! Yee-haa! Ooops! I mean...arrgh! Q: Why do most pirates in movies have peg-legs? A: Because buying the other boot would be too damned expensive! Hah! Capt. WE Roberts

Good job, Capt. Grey! And, those boots are smarter than you think. Not only do they look rather piratey, but you didn't have to spend an arm and a leg for "real" pirate boots. Anyway, if you WANTED to add some more stuff, you could cut down skinny belts and strap them around the ankles, just to make a decoration there. Sometimes, you can find boot straps at some cowboy stores that are pretty inexpensive. But, I think those boots look fine. I think you did a wonderful job, and you gave me a great idea. If I can't find some boots to fit my honey for under $60 (tight budget), I might just try the "leatherette" type boots for him. Of course, he'll have to have a women's size 14 to come close to fitting his size 12. The elastic gusset would work well, too. Especially since my honey has such muscular thighs and calves from all of his years of riding two-wheelers (bicycle--not motorcycle)! Thanks for the Walmart heads-up! I have to go shopping now. Capt. WE Roberts

Walmart and Cracker Barrel sell brass spyglasses for $12-20. They're not the gigantic telescopes. They're only about 12-16" long. They collapse, and some of them come with little pouches to carry them in. Capt. WE Roberts

I agree, Mr. Lasseter. I, too, was impressed--for a while--with, was "The Ship." If they'd just had the wardrobe, it would have been nice. However, I did see another show that I liked called "Manor House" on the Public Broadcasting System. It was more 19th century, but they had full dress and they lived in a real manor estate. Everything was period, right down to the toys that the little boy played with. The only thing that anyone had a problem with was the meals. The one who played the "lord of the manor" didn't want the rich, fatty foods of the times. Rather, he ordered lower-fat, lower-calorie meals. The "chef" wasn't happy. "Manor House" was fun to watch, and a bit more tolerable than the whiny-hiney American twentysomethings. Plus, it didn't promise money to the winner or last that long. And, not everybody looked like they just stepped off the cover of a fashion magazine, like some of the Survivor folks and ALL of the Fear Factor people! So, until the networks come up with some REALISTIC period stuff, I won't watch. However, I applaud the tolerance of those who do watch Survivor on a regular basis. Capt. WE Roberts

Thank'ee Capn! It is my wedding hat! Sorry if I might've frightened ye or broke ye computin device by revealin' me full face, though it is fuzzy. Blasted camera! And, I must apologize fer lookin too girly-ish. It's usually not my style, but I must look bee-u-tee-mus for me hitchin. Capt. WE Roberts

I know the pic is fuzzy, but that's me (my new avatar) in my new hat. It's a plushy riverboat hat with a wired brim (shaped into a tricorne), new flashy trim and an entire feather boa. Voila! Capt. WE Roberts

Hey! Check out the new Avatar. You can sort of see my new hat. My digital camera is about ready to be thrown overboard! It looks splotchy. Maybe one of these days, I'll hook up the ol' scanner and scan a good pic. Anyway, don't be frightened. I know you can see more of my face in this new pic. Capt. WE Roberts

Ahoy, ahoy! I just finished up the final detailing on my "wedding hat" for my wedding at the Pirates in Paradise Festival. It's fabulous, if I do say so myself. It began its meager existence as a slightly off-white plushy riverboat hat with a wired brim. I just twisted the brim up into a tricorne shape. Then, I added a full, poufy white boa (feather, not marabou fuzz). Then, I added a nice, sparkly gold twisted braiding trim all around the underside of the brim (which is the part that you see when it's flipped up like a tricorne). Then, I added this gorgeous trim that I got from Wal-Mart. This trim is made from tiny gold beads forming a square, with a clear rhinestone in the middle. My honey says it's very girly-looking and makes a fabulous wedding hat, since there are so many feathers on it. I mean, really, it would gag most "gentlemen" pirates. Is that an oxymoron? Anyway, I'll try to get a good pic and put it on this board. If nothing else, I'll redo my avatar with me wearing the hat. I need a better pic, anyway. I look like I'm ready to run you through with the one I've got! <= Arrgh! Capt. WE Roberts

Good for you. Keep up that spirit. Anyway, JK Rowling (of Harry Potter fame) was rejected several times. HP's a multi-million dollar business now. Anyway, a lot of the times, I check in on eharlequin.com, which is the Internet headquarters for Harlequin Romance novels. Guilty. I read. I write. I am trying to publish. I've got one pirate romance novel...in which the WOMEN are the pirates. It sweeps about 20 years, and it's going slow, since I have so much research to do. Anyway, like you were saying, editors are notoriously unhelpful. One of the gripes that one of the gals on eharlequin had was that she entered a writing contest about Marriages of Convenience. One of the judges gave her a bad score and said that she hated MOC books! Even though that was the requirements for the contest! If that's not moronic, I don't know what is! Idiots! All of them. Keep up the good work. Hopefully, one of these days, you'll be fighting off autograph hounds and smiling to the paparazzi. Cheers! Capt. WE Roberts

Why, thank'ee, Captain William! I'll do just that--stay curvy, I mean. Nice to know the world hasn't gone completely to the skinny scalliwags...no thanks to Johnny Depp. Arrgh! Pass the potatoes, bread and all the other carbohydrate-laden tasties! Capt. WE Roberts

Eh, too much work. I had a ring that irritated my finger, and they told me to clean it with ammonia and put clear fingernail polish on it. It worked through the first two handwashings. Then, it bit the dust. Of course, it WAS on my old wedding band. Perhaps that was a sign... Capt. WE Roberts

Well, yeeha, Captain Weaver! You are definitely a piratin' kind of person! You have a virtual treasure trove of goodies there! I'm going to bed, now. I'm starting to sound drunk, and I can't spell without backspacing and trying again. Capt. WE Roberts

Why, thank'ee, Royaliste! Happy to know I could help some poor soul who may be as broke as I am. Where are all those Spanish galleons when we need them? Aww, well, I don't even have a ship. Just a car. If I had a ship, it would be small and lightweight. Fast enough to outrun the big ships...or chase them down. Okay, I have retreated into Fantasyland. I must go to bed now. Ich muB habe...schlafenzimmer! My fingers are dead. My head is drooping. It's 2AM here. See ya. ARRGH!

Daniel, Good luck, but don't give up your day job just yet. It's very hard to get published. I've been hacking away for years. I can't seem to get past that hump in the middle when the action wants to die down. Plus, those stupid letters from editors don't help either. Capt. WE Roberts

Zoolander? Ewww! Now, that one takes the cake. One of my guilty pleasures is The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I own two versions of it. If it were up to my dad and my honey, they'd be in flames. Well, you said "bad movies"! Capt. WE Roberts

Hurmphrech! (Retching sound) Reality shows. Well, that thought pretty much went down the tubes when we found out that Survivor sometimes reshoots the scenes to get a better angle. Really, the whole reality craze has me near puking. Did I say I hate them all? Well, I do. The only reason I'd tune in is if they wore 18th century dress and weren't so whiny. If some of those brats were on a pirate ship with me, I'd show 'em what backstabbing was truly all about. Har, har! Capt. WE Roberts

El Pirata, I know the movie. It's "Groundhog Day." Funny stuff. "If we wanted to hit mailboxes, we'd let Ralph drive!" I love that movie! Anyhow, back to the earring dilemma... I also have sensitive lobes, and with six holes (three in each ear), I can sympathize with you. I love hoop earrings, just for everyday, and I could never find any that worked well enough that I could wear them constantly. One day, I lucked up. I found that at two Wal-Mart stores, within 30 miles of my house, both carry sterling silver hoop earrings in multipacks...of six. Yay! They range from small, medium and large in one pack. I have worn the ones I have in now for several months, and the only thing I have to do is take them out now and then and clean them off, wipe my ears with alcohol and then poke them back in. My honey also has his ears pierced (3 in left, 1 in right), and he's the only honey I've ever had who tries to steal my earrings...hmmm. Anyway, you can also find some of the earrings with nylon backs that are made for sensitive ears. They didn't used to be so cute, in fact, they used to only have kiddie themes on them. But now, companies are finally realizing that adults have sensitive ears too, and are making them for everyone. And, I know this sounds kinda gross, (but my mom's a cosmetologist, and my aunt is a nurse, so...) Remember, hold your ear hole and flip it backward over the tip of your finger every now and again. Sometimes what's inside will surprise you. Yuck! (Shudder) It's like a pore in your skin, and if it's not cleaned out regularly, it will get infected, like a pimple. Whew! Now that that's over with, I can go. Sorry I had to get graphic, but if it helps, I'm glad. Did you know that you look a lot like my honey? Weird. Arrgh! Capt. WE Roberts

Mine's a mix, but I focus on the Golden Age...no dresses, though! I have breeches, boots, ruffled shirts, a cutlass, tricornes, cavalier hats, loads of feathers and flashy trim, sashes and wide belts, draw-string money pouches, frock coats, a Spanish-inspired blunderbuss (non-firing replica) and other little touches that I have added over the years. I wrapped rope around a simple tankard and made it "antiqued". You know...the budget pirate look. Poor...hungry. Scratch hungry. I'm a little too curvy to be looked at as hungry. Heh, heh. Capt. WE Roberts

HI, KATEY! LONG TIME NO SEE! Have a wonderful birthday-- And if the years ahead should bring tears, May they only be tears of joy! Fair winds and captains! Full sails and tankards! Happy days to come! Happy birthday! Capt. WE Roberts

Ahoy, Capt. Sadie! Where's the party? I love pirate parties! I have some tips for your decorations... You can go to some different places where they have games for the kiddies and cash in a few bucks to get tokens. Some tokens look like pirate gold! I have a few tokens that have a crown on both sides. They don't say anything, and they look and "clink" like real money. Plus, when you get done with the party, you can go cash 'em in by playing games, or you can give them to the guests at your party! A Mr. Gatti's pizza place a few miles from me has some tokens. You can also get them at Chuck E. Cheese, but I'm not sure what they say on the token. Also, most arcades only take tokens now. Also, you could make nautical flags out of construction paper (or tissue paper) and hang them from ribbons or streamers around the room. I don't know how, but you can spell out things with some of the flags. Outdoors: Hang a Jolly Roger out on your front porch. Stick a plank between the side railings. Hang lanterns on your front porch. Those little decorative chests are really popular now. Also, a fun way to have candy: take one of the decorative chests, fill the bottom half with a towel and then put foil-wrapped chocolate or bubble gum coins on top. The towel will save you from having to fill the trunk up with the candy. Your guests will be able to eat their prizes! Since Pirates of the Caribbean came out this year, I'm sure you'll find some candy that is pirate-oriented. I just saw skull-and-crossbones suckers the other day! Have fun! Capt. WE Roberts