Capt. Westyn Elizabeth Roberts

Just wondering if anyone knows a good place to find enough stuff to outfit a party. Bob the Swab and I got married at the PIP festival this year, and now my mom and my aunt want to throw us a party. However, neither one of them knows a Jolly Roger from a cutlass. So...I have been given the duty of finding the items they need and reporting back. Only problem is--I have no idea of where to find the stuff required. Anyone got any ideas about some stuff with skulls and crossbones on it (like tablecloths, napkins, etc)? We have some pretty good ideas for cakes and such, but any ideas would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks, Capt. WE Roberts

Happy birthday...sorry I'm late. I just recovered from the overwhelming amount of laundry that we accumulated during our PIP trip! Many joys for many years to come! Capt. WE Roberts

I had a fantastic time at the PIP Festival this year! Not only did I get married to Bob the Swab (12/6), but I also met Cascabel, Jamaica Rose an' her Cap'n, Red Ned Lynch, Nasty Nate, Braze, Spyder, Captain Luigi, Hurricane, Dark Rose (& Thomas), Sheila, Stynky and numerous others. There were so many things to do, and not nearly enough money to spend, so unfortunately, we didn't get to do 1/3 of the things we wanted to do! Next year, we'll have to budget better. We also got to see a secret, impromptu Jimmy Buffet concert at Margaritaville Cafe! Thanks Pirate Ann! Even though there was a wee bit of rain while we were there, it didn't dampen our spirits. As a matter of fact, we just skipped into a nice little bar on Duval Street and tossed back some spirits! Special thanks go out to Dark Rose, Thomas, Pirate Ann, Sheila and Stynky for making our trip to the Keys great! Capt. WE Roberts

An ode to Flint...by way of a Haiku. May your sails be full. May your wenches be merry. May your day be grand. Happy Birthday! Capt. WE Roberts

Nuke 'Em High? Yikes! Now, that is digging deep into the old vaults! I remember that one from years back! Yuck! Monty Python's The Holy Grail...or anything Monty Python! Of course, that's not a bad movie!! How about ORGAZMO or THE TOXIC AVENGER? Now, those were weird! Also, ELVIRA, MISTRESS OF THE DARK. That's a guilty pleasure of mine. I used to love those monster movies that came on. Elvira was the hostess with the mostest, and she got mysterious phone calls from a guy named Breather who called her "Elvirus." Funny. Capt. WE Roberts

Boarding axes were used to chop heads and grappling lines, I believe. Also, you could get a smaller version, if you don't want to heft the usual large size. Ebay is a good source for cheap weaponry. Or just get one from your hardware store and wrap the handle in leather. You also need to beat the crap out of it...to make it look old. A hammer will do. In a pinch, it'll look just as fine. Just a suggestion from your friendly neighborhood bargain-hunter. Capt. WE Roberts

I aged some snow-white lace with old tea bags and a bit of yellow paste food coloring to give it a yellowy-old look. I boiled it all together with a lot of water. I tried some brown paste food coloring, but that batch came out more pink than dirty beige. Also, any coffee you have left over in the morning, add some water to it and soak your clothes in it. The stronger the coffee/tea, the darker the color. The more water you use, the lighter the color. You could just soak the clothes in the mix, but the color doesn't grab as well as when you add a bit of heat on the stove. Capt. WE Roberts

Ahoy all! I was not a pirate this year, either. I didn't win any contests, either. Bah! I guess that'll show me! I dressed as Medusa. I wore a wraparound olive green dress with an olive green turban and green snakes. My face, arms, etc., was painted olive green. My lips and around my eyes were painted black. At 5'9" already, I decided to wear my high-heeled boots. Let's see here...5'9"+6" turban + 4" heels. I must have looked like a monster at 6'7" or so? I have some pics that my honey took of me with my digital camera. They look really creepy. I stuck out my tongue and rolled my eyes back so it looks like I don't have any irises or pupils! I'll try to download them soon. Boo! Capt. WE Roberts

Me and Bob the Swab will be goin. We'll be gettin hitched at the festival. We will be staying at the Fairfield Inn, Key West. Seems like a nice place, and I got a really good deal on the trip from Priceline. Our days will be from about 12/3-12/8. Capt. WE Roberts

Ahoy! I've been missin for quite sometime now! I just had to write and tell ye olde pyrates that I'm back. I fought my way off of the pirate ship The Phantom, belongin to the most evil, most bloodthirsty pirate, Black Harry's. I fought my way free, breakin skulls, choppin heads and slittin throats. Then, I dove into the murky water off Tortuga. It was there that I was befriended by a merman. He helped me to a deserted island and nursed me well on fish, pap and rum. Capt. WE Roberts

Rosalinda, Did you read my dream on the other page? It creeps me out, and it happens over and over again. I learned from other posts (I think it's you...) that you might be interested in witches/wiccan tradition. Can you explain any of that to me? Is it nightmare or nonsense? Capt. WE Roberts

Those smilies are great, RumbaRue! Capt. WE Roberts

Ah, I see bestiality still thrives here. Capt. WE Roberts

There once was a man named Rod Who liked to play with his bod He fell out of a house and landed on a mouse And the mouse said, "Oh, God!" Borrowed from a friend of mine in the 6th grade...can't believe I remembered it all these years. Capt. WE Roberts

AWWWWWW! EWWWW! I mean...ARRGH! Weaver, your sick, disgusting sense of humor greatly amuses me! I love it! Keep 'em coming! Coming...EWWWW! Capt. WE Roberts

Make your own or get a friend (or a Mom to do it). That's my way. You can find Colonial patterns (@ Walmart or craft stores) and alter them. You can also rehash the pattern to suit your needs. A pocket or sleeve cuff change is easy, if you just plan it out on paper first. Capt. WE Roberts

Aye, that be mighty fine hat work, considering what you had to work with. I really like the last one. That's a great idea. I never thought about stretching an old felt hat like that. And I see you kept a remnant of the poor swab who used to own the hat...just fer modeling purposes. Heh! Capt. WE Roberts

Coyote, I saw VAMPIRES. James Woods was pretty good as a vampire slayer. I thought he was the best one. Was that Thomas Ian Griffith as the head vampire? Wasn't he on one of those Karate Kid movies as the bad guy, Silver? I don't remember. It's been a while since I've seen it. I'll definitely have to rent NEAR DARK, if I can find it. I have seen PUMPKINHEAD once, and I liked it, as far as I can remember. Wasn't he a pitiful kind of kid who was abused because he looked different? Or was that another one? I don't know. It seems as if 90% of my childhood was spent in front of the television set. Nowadays, I blame my creativity on television. I was even considered "gifted" in school and tested for genius level. I guess I failed their tests. I never heard anything else about it. And people say it rots your brain...what do they know? Keep those good suggestions coming. I'll keep my video store busy for a long time! (Once I pay my late charge...heh.) Capt. WE Roberts

My dreams aren't as adventurous as some...definitely not as grand a scale as Quill's! I have had troubling dreams about being tortured--as a witch. I dreamed of some of the old torture devices LONG before I ever saw them online or on movies or in books. What the heck does that mean? I mean, these are things like mouthspurs, thumbscrews and other such horrific things such as that. I also dream about being strapped to a wheel. I am asleep during my dream, and I wake up (still in my dream) with water dripping on my face, right before I am plunged back into the water and held there. Apparently, I hold my breath, because I have had my honey wake me up several times telling me that I flinch repeatedly and stop breathing for a while. Perhaps Rosalinda can help with these witchy dreams? Is this a past life? I have heard that my family descendants are gypsies and such. Don't know for sure. Family legend that got smothered by Puritanish ways long ago. Capt. WE Roberts

I know why you like the Rocky Horror Picture Show, Captain Flint! Hehehehe! (Sings) "Isn't it romantic?" Tell Katey I said hi. Capt. WE Roberts

I have a good reason to be afraid of POLTERGEIST. When that movie first came out, me and my mom and dad loaded into the car to go to the drive in to see it. On our way home, the car died. I mean, one minute it was fine; the next...dead. No lights, no motor, nothing. I panicked. Hard. Hey, I was a little kid then. Since then, I can't stand the movie. Especially the part about the raw meat and the bodies in the yard. Yuck! Capt. WE Roberts

Thanks for all your help. Keep posting those great suggestions! I love SLEEPY HOLLOW with Johnny Depp. I also like NOSFERATU and BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA. I LOVE VAMPIRE MOVIES! I just watched a pretty good one called THE VAMPIRE JOURNALS. It was a slightly different vampire story. Another one of my favorites is the one with Willem Dafoe as Claus(?), and John Malkovich as the director. Can't remember the name of it. It's pretty creepy. I believe it's called SHADOW OF THE VAMPIRE. Also, another good one to watch, if you like Ed Wood's campy stuff is PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE. THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL is another one of my favorites. All of Vincent Price's stuff is great. I also like the version of BURIED ALIVE with Tim Matheson, Hoyt Axton and Jennifer Jason Leigh. I thought 13 GHOSTS was a little hokey, but it was filled with screaming, blood and gore. (A tanker truck filled with blood?? Who thought this up?) Of course, you can't forget the greats like MISERY, PET SEMATARY, POLTERGEIST (shudder) and Saucy Kate's favorite...THE EXORCIST. Of course, with those movies, I have to watch them in the daytime with the lights on and my honey close by. I'm a little bit chicken, and my imagination tends to get the better of me. Especially now that someone said that I live a half-mile from a crackhouse. Also, for pirates like me who are young at heart, the Disney Channel is featuring an all-day Halloween special from 11am-9pm Central Time. Fun, fun... Capt. WE Roberts

Oh, and I don't know whether the light hair comes more from the Norwegian/Scandinavian/English/Irish (you know, American Mutt) heritage or my mother the hairdresser! Sometimes, I have to amuse myself... Oh, and I just wrote a song about an hour ago. It's called, "I just wanna see you nekkid." Pretty funny. I had some relatives cracking up about it. It's about a woman who walks into a bar and hits on a man, only to tell him that she's not interested in love; only seeing him "nekkid" (naked, Southern style). Haaarrrgh! Capt. WE Roberts

"From the bottle..." Love that one, Weaver! (Retching sound coming from somewhere in Tennessee...) Britney Spears? Yuck! Come on, Captain Weaver! Give me more credit than that. Thanks for the compliments, if that was one. Har, har! Anyway, don't you think it's more fitting to dress like an angel and fight like the devil? If you look sweet, people will think you're approachable. Little do they know... Arrgh! Capt. WE Roberts

ROTFLMAO! Great one! My honey is Bob! Ha! Okay, here are some jokes for your...uhm...enjoyment. <= I can tell these jokes freely. Note the blond hair. JOKE #1: Q: How do you know a blonde has had a bad day? A: She has her tampon behind her ear and is wondering what she did with her pencil. JOKE #2: There were two blondes walking around in the woods. All at once, they came upon some tracks. Blonde #1 said, "They're bear tracks." Blonde #2 said, "No, stupid! They're deer tracks!" They kept arguing back and forth for an hour until a train came and ran over them. JOKE #3: There was once a blonde who was cooking and accidentally set her house on fire. She called 911. When the fireman asked how to get there, the blonde got angry and said, "Duh! The big red truck!" JOKE #4: There were two blondes at a bar. They each got so hammered that they couldn't find their car, much less drive home. So, they started walking. They felt grass underneath their feet, so they knew they'd strayed off the beaten path. It was very dark, so Blonde #1 got out her cigarette lighter and lit it. She found that she was standing in the middle of a cow pasture. What was worse...she couldn't find her friend. Finally, when #1 did find #2, she ways laying underneath a cow, sucking each of its udders. #1 looked at her and said, "Are you nuts? We have to get out of here!" #2 just looked up and grunted, "I know, and if you'll let me finish, maybe one of these four guys will give us a ride home!" Capt. WE Roberts