Capt. Westyn Elizabeth Roberts

Or maybe... "Tailgaters will be keelhauled." Capt. WE Roberts

Here's one even Luigi might like... "I'd rather be flogging." Capt. WE Roberts

How 'bout, "Off my rudder, you scurvy dog!" ? Capt. WE Roberts

Charity and Brenna: I found some great patterns on the Simplicity website. Just so you don't have to dig to find them, they are as follows: Simplicity 5958. This is a colonial captain's jacket, but could be made to look like a pirate coat very easily. Simplicity 7224. This is a Civil War officer's costume, but also could make a decent pirate jacket. Simplicity 9966. This looks like a wenchy costume. Besides, Simplicity does make easy to follow patterns and instructions. The sizes are true, and I believe you'll like the results. www.simplicity.com Arrgh! Capt. WE Roberts

Oh, all right, Capt. Flint. Ye twisted me arm.... The reason I love sailing... When I was younger (9/10), I was diagnosed with acute lymphocytic leukemia. I lost all of my hair due to the chemotherapy and most of my self esteem. A little while later, my hair started to come back. When I was about eleven years old and still getting periodic treatments, my mom, my aunt and my cousin all took me from our home in middle Tennessee to Gulfport, Mississippi for some fun. It was all great, but the most fun I had while I was there was taking a short cruise. It wasn't a pirate ship or a magnificent sailing vessel. Just a simple little tour boat. Well, while I was on board, I remember sitting down as close to the edge as I could. I stuck my legs through the rails and then just closed my eyes. For that simple, beautiful moment in time, I forgot about the leukemia. I forgot about the painful treatments. All I knew was that this was the most wonderful thing ever. Both relaxing and exciting at the same time. Then, when the dolphins started racing with the boat, I loved it. They would race and then jump playfully out of the water. And, the area that they kept up with was right where I was. I thought maybe they might be a sign that I would be okay. Now, nearly twenty years later, I'm okay (or as okay as I can get). I'm in complete rumission. I'm going to have my 29th birthday on Friday with family and friends. Sea Bob will be there, and I couldn't be happier. So, I guess the reason I like sailing is because it was then that I realized I was gonna be okay. Arrrgh! So, there, you scurvy dogs! Ye made me a little weepy! Hope yer happy! Capt. WE Roberts

Hurricane and Rumrunner Of The Spanish Main: Happy birthday! Glad there are so many Geminis out there. Hope you both get all the loot (and booty) that you wished for this year! Sincerely, Capt. WE Roberts

"Why I love sailing," by Capt. Roberts: I love sailing with the bright ocean's sheen In the lowered light of the Caribbean sun With the faces of the swabs a turnin' green It surely is a lot of fun. If I could turn back time And wish upon a star I'd make mine on the brine And loot some gold, arrgh! Disrespectfully yours, Capt. WE Roberts

Miss Rose, You forgot part of your drill... Climb up a tall wobbly pole and have one person shake the pole, one person hose you with water and someone else zap you with several thousand volts of electricity, to simulate the crow's nest during an electrical storm. Hope I helped make yer sailors tougher. Sincerely, and with the utmost respect, Capt. Westyn Elizabeth Roberts

Ahoy, Captain Flint & Mr. Angus! I am always here. I always watch ye olde boards for newcomers. I guess they be havin' nothin' to say. Perchance, it's because of the long weekend, and they are travelin'? RenFest in TN is tomorrow, and I'll be gone most of the day...looting and pillaging and other piratical duties. Me and Sea Bob are headed there bright and early. Can't wait to be laced into a corset/bodice for six to eight hours...sigh. I always tell Sea Bob to lace it like he hates me. I think he enjoys that a wee bit more than I'd like to think. Oh, what a lady pirate has to do these days... Arrgh! Capt. WE Roberts

No! Captain Luigi, I have the best idea fer the piratin' holliday... Why don't we just take over Thanksgivin' and part of December...The Pirates in Paradise festival in Key West would surely give the "holiday commissioners" enough of an idea to make it stick. An' just flippin' through channels on the movin' pictures box (tv) the other day, an' I found a VH1 special on Christina Aguilera(sp?). Anyhow, she an' her family celebrate "Pirate Day". Hmmph! And all along, I thought I wouldn't like her... I do like some of her songs...now I like her better! Arrgh! Arrgh! Pirate Day--No, Pirate Week--No! Pirate 10 Days! Thanksgivin' to December 7/8! Pirates in Paradise Festival! That's a good a time as any! Anyway, in my household, October 31 is ALWAYS Pirate Day. Capt. WE Roberts

Ahoy, maties! For those of you looking for realistic fantasy art prints about nautical and/or pirate stuff, try looking at the Boris Vallejo and Julie Bell art site. Just type in "Boris Julie" in your search engine, and it'll come up with their website. It's really neat, and you can search through quickly under different categories and either or both artists. P.S.> Boris Vallejo did the artwork for National Lampoon's Family Vacation, where Chevy Chase looks like He-Man. Arrgh! Capt. WE Roberts

Great! Booga, Luigi, Animal. I guess I'll see you th-- Wait! Animal, did you say GREEN FACE??? Pirates from Outer Space? "Take me to your leader...uh...treasure?" Wanna find me? Just look for the most unbelievably beautiful, ravishingly gorgeous piece of sea flesh there...I'll be his date. LOL Here's a hint...I want to get married while I'm there, so look for the pirate captain in a white dress, and probably captain's coat (and of course, a white tricorne!) Yep. Call me crazy, but if I'm a-gettin' married at a pirate festival, I'm gonna be a pirate! Anyway, you can't miss me...5'10", curly blond hair, green eyes, hillbilly accent...Needless to say, I stand out in large cities. Also, since this is my first PIP festival, I'll probably be bouncing around like a hyper puppy. And, my honey is kinda deaf, so you'll be hearin' me scream BOB! across the way! Ha, ha! Arrgh! Capt. WE Roberts

Jack Nicholson...plays psycho parts, smart, likes wenching (I've heard). Tim Curry...also plays psycho, smart villains. Already has the British accent, so we know he's on the right side. Played Long John Silver in "The Muppets Treasure Island." Also played on stage as the Pirate King in "The Pirates of Penzance." And, recently did a role as a pirate lost in the modern world called "Pirates of the Plain." Michael Wincott (aka, the bad guy on "The Crow", Rochefort on WD's "The Three Musketeers"). He's got a voice that sounds like he just sucked down a fifth of flaming rum, and he looks unnaturally good in 16th century garb, a cavalier hat and an eyepatch. Has a brutal quality about him. Sir Ian McKellen (Magneto, "XMen", "XMen2". Gandalf in the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy. Hamlet in an older version of the same name. Bad guys on several movies.) He's tall, British, intelligent, resourceful...and if he had that magnetic power while a pirate, he could just steal away all the swords and guns without a battle! He could also pull all of the nails out of the other ships and capture a few pirates with hooks! James Earl Jones (voice of "Darth Vader", Lenny in "Of Mice and Men", King in "Coming to America", voice of Mufasa in WD's "The Lion King"). He's big, gruff, and just his voice would make all of his foes run away crying for their Mommies! That's my list of actors... Capt. WE Roberts

Dorian Lasseter: Send us the song! Send it, send it! We are all grown pirates here. We won't hunt you down and give you "the black spot" or anything... Heh, heh, heh... Capt. WE Roberts

Capt. Weaver... Thanks! Methinks you know far too much about S&M, but hey...(spank, spank)...whatever floats yer pirate ship! Heh, heh! Capt. Luigi apparently needs cabin boys to flog him...keeping him in line, I guess. I knew about that S&M safety word, but I just wasn't connecting pirates and S&M. I was thinking 16th-18th century. Anyway, I didn't figure anyone but the royals participated in such naughty things! ROFLMAO! See ya! Capt. WE Roberts

Jocko, Forgot to mention... $10=probably cheap and not battle quality $300=probably good quality and reputable, but check out company before you sink that much cash into it. Capt. WE Roberts

Jocko, I was always a tomboy, growing up around my dad and his handmade black powder guns and knifes and such, and I found out that you get pretty much what you pay for, or how much work you put into it. For example, the craftsmanship in an expensive piece will speak for itself. I bought a cutlass on ebay for $8, and I don't intend to use it for anything, other than decoration for my spare room and my hip during the festivals. It looks okay for decoration, but I wouldn't dare spar with it. It's not forged well. Even I can tell that. It would probably clip in two with a battle blow from the edge of another sword like it was a cheap plastic prop. I wouldn't want to be hangin' on the other end when that blade came flying loose, either. The main difference is--quality. Anybody can hack out and hammer a blade. It takes time and effort to make the blade beautiful as well as operational. I remember my dad worked for days and days, heating and hammering and polishing and rubbing. But, he made quality stuff. That's my dad...if ye do it, might as well do it right. If you want battle quality, seek a professional. If you want show quality, any old pretty sword will be fine. Also, you might want to check out people who claim to be "master craftsmen" (or women). Always be careful with the Internet. There are some villains and thieves out there who'll sell you a $20 sword for $100. I agree with the other Captain when he said he'd rather buy from a catalog than the Internet. Also, check this board and with your local reinactors or collectors. Get a knife/sword collector catalog. It should have stories about quality arms and reputable places to buy them. I have heard good things from that Steelcrafts place that I mentioned in an earlier post. In any case, price usually means quality...usually. Good luck. Capt. Westyn Elizabeth Roberts

I was just wonderin...who'll be a-showin their mugs at the festival. I have te admit, I have seen a few of yer faces so many times on the NQG gallery that it feels as if'n I knows ye already. It was fer me own glory that I started this here post. I wanna meet and greet, ye know...pilfer watches, get a snootful of yer rum...ordinary piratin' stuff. REALLY: I would love to meet everyone! I think it sounds like a blast, and I want to meet as many folks as possible. The more--the merrier! Aye, Luigi? Capt. WE Roberts

I s'pose you could do worse than "Lady Rawhide," Zorro's girlfriend. I haven't heard much from her lately. She was quite the whip-slinger and swashbuckler. You might find some older comics...who knows? Maybe new ones, too. Capt. WE Roberts

Does anyone have details about how to get married at the PIP festival? I am really interested in it, and haven't heard anything from the info address at the site. Many thanks for all help. Capt. WE Roberts

Sorry, Katey. You're a sweetie. If'n I was rich, I would take ye and Capt. Flint with me. However, I am not, so I MIGHT get to scrape up enough doubloons and go meself. Might jest get hitched while I'm in town, too. Like me photograph? Arrgh! Capt. WE Roberts

There once was a beloved pirate captain and his faithful crew of forty men. All of the men were brave sailors who would do anything to preserve the crew, except one. The captain's idiot son. This young buck didn't know which end of a sword was for holding and which end was for poking, so he often got into trouble. One stormy night, the captain and his crew discovered that another pirate vessel was quickly approaching. Just as the captain was hoping that the vessel would sail on by, the other ship raised the Jolly Roger. The captain signaled for his crew to man their stations and prepare for battle. Soon, however, the villainous vessel caught up with the good captain. The bad pirates fought, but were greedy and unchivalrous and were no match for the captain and his crew of thirty-nine good pirates and one stupid son. All the opposing pirates were either killed or taken prisoner. That night, the good captain and his men celebrated. However, the next night, the captain became gravely ill. He soon passed away and the forty sailors prepared to give the good captain a proper farewell. One pirate said, "I'll bring the Captain's favorite rum to drink. We can drink in a salute to him." Another pirate said, "I'll bring the Captain's favorite salted pork to eat. We can eat it and think of the Captain's bravery." Another pirate said, "I'll wear my shirt that the Captain bought for me in Port Royal." After a while, thirty-nine of the sailors had professed their love for the captain and decided what to bring to celebrate the captain's life and bravery. However, the stupid son couldn't think of anything to bring. After a while, he slapped his forehead and then ran below. A few moments later, he came running back on deck with a chair. The other thirty-nine pirates all looked at each other in confusion. They expected the Captain's son (of all people) to come up with the most fitting ceremonial dedication to his father. One sailor shrugged and asked, "Was that the Captain's favorite chair?" The stupid son shook his head. Another pirate asked, "Did the Captain make that chair?" Again, the stupid son shook his head. Finally, the sailors gave up and asked, "Well, why did you bring that chair?" The stupid son smiled and said proudly, "For Rigamortis to set in." Arrgh! Capt. WE Roberts

I heard this one on Muppet Treasure Island, but it doesn't seem to get the same rise out of the kiddies as it does out of the adults. I suppose there could be a hidden meaning in this... Q: Why does the ocean roar? A: You would too, if you had crabs on your bottom and oysters in your bed!

A THOUGHT TO PONDER: Why is it that (on movies) most people who refer to pirates say they have their "sea legs," when most of them only have one? Shouldn't it be "sea leg"? Capt. WE Roberts