BLACK JACK SHALAQ

Hear too ya gob of pond guppys! Ol' Black Jack makes harbor on the North Coast of Ohio. But I dry dock in Medina, Ohio when Lake Erie ice's over. Works out pertty good too cuz I'm thrown outta every tavern in the tri county area by the time the thaw comes . Then it's time ta shove off! Black Jack Shalaq

Whar does this old salty bastard make his mark? Black Jack

Rue, I am's what I am's And I really think yer thinkin' too much about it! Just sit back n' have some grog n' lime n' enjoy the threads! Ol' Black Jack

There is a fine lass named "Rummy". Who's smile is lovely, brite n' sunny. Though she's packed to the gills with all the girlish frill's. Her gahzoggah's could smother her honey! "OH YEAH.....KILL ME LASSIE! KILL ME"! Mean, ornry, n' nasty, Black Jack

Ah! But my lady, ya see, these boots ain't made fer walkin. Hell, you wear these boots around any man dead or alive, you won't be walkin' fer a loooong time. Ya might get rug burns on yer back side though! :angry: :angry: Black Jack

Why mate, ya need a good laugh?

Gotta get batteries fer the ol' digital camerea then we'll post some pics..

...THEY BE MEDIUM WIDTH....POINTED TOE (good fer kickin' swabbies).

...size 7 1/2 medium width & shallow pointed toe...thigh high(literally). black leather. 4" heels. guarenteed ta give any would be pyrate a woody! nuthin' wrong wit em' at all, worn once. the problem is that me lass is 5 foot nuthin' and these thigh high boots go up past her rump! It's actually hilarious watchin her put em on! Ya need the "legs" ta wear em apparently ! $125.oo Plus shippin' Black Jack Shalaq

I BE 29 GOING ON 46...

:angry: I don't take baths, and I drink me rum straight. I smell like a brewery and look like hell. I'll steal from a friar then throw him down a well. If I can't find a cutlass ta run ya through, splinter of timber would surely do. A neat lil' cut or a bloody stump. Either way tells you you should have ducked! -Ol' Black Jack Shalaq

Ay Lad tis' good ta hear from ya too! Oh, n' by da way I only be foul smellin' when I be up wind of ya's! HAR HAR!>>>BELCH<<!!! Hey....Ya knows how ta turn a fruit into a veggie? Have a white tiger drag his ass off stage!!! HAR HAR HAR!!!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ This page needs an enema! So bend over n' assume da position! Whar are all the other sick bastards like me at? Whars Maud at? Whars her master the Captn' Weaver at? What the devils happened to this place? Did everyone get the rot or a foul dose of religon? Thank Neptunes spine that Ol' Black Jacks just as mean n' ornry n' twisted as always! Your sicko of the seas, Black Jack Shalaq

AAARRRRRRRRRRRR! ******HIC*******

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LASSIE! Hopes ya get three sails in the gale n' yer ol' man puts 'is main mast to ya's fer a good ride on da waves!!! har har har! Ol' Black Jack Shalaq

HEED TOO YA GOB o' KNOT ROTTED BILGE BUCKETS!!! Stynky says we were all put to da sword n' knocked down a peg or two aye? Well if that ain't a crock of sh**....aving cream I don't know what is! Who be sailing this ship nowa days anyway? We may have been demoted but we best be gettin' our full share of the booty or "Black Jack" will bring HELL n' DAMNATION to da captn's cabin! Cold steel n' a HOT temper ain't nuthun' ta miss with matey!! AARRRR! When the green $$$$ is gone, The MEAN is ON! Black Jack Shalaq

Tis' been a spell since Ol' Black Jack graced these here pages but never the less....HERE I AM !!!!!! Yep, the Ol' Bast***'s back n' full of p*** n' vinagar !!! Hey...just how the h*** did I get demoted from a "FEARED NASTY A**ED PIRATES CAPTAIN" to a "plunderer"? Apparently I'll have ta raise some "Bloody Hell" Black Jack Shalaq

» More From The Plain Dealer News Aargh! Boating fest invades Cleveland with pirate raid Saturday, June 05, 2004 Tasha Flournoy Plain Dealer Reporter As a shot from a pirate ship's cannon echoed across Cleveland's North Coast Harbor Friday morning, 2-year old Dylan Froelich and his mother eagerly watched. Decked in pirate shirts and bandannas, the two drove from Willowick to see the mock pirate invasion of Cleveland, the opening event to the fifth Annual Lake Erie Boating and Fishing Fest this weekend. Advertisement "My son lives, breathes, and eats pirates," said Shari Froelich, as Dylan brandished his plastic hook. "He think he's Capt. Hook. Capt. Jack. All we do is sword fight." About 20 volunteers dressed as pirates took the 77-foot Red Witch tall ship around the harbor off Pier 32, fired cannons, and sailed back to the pier. The original Red Witch was captained by Juan Eduardo de Rivera, a Cuban pirate who in 1783 grew tired of the competition for riches around the Gulf of Mexico and sailed north to the Great Lakes. In 1787, the predecessor to Cleveland - the New Connecticut Western Reserve - was touted for its riches, beautiful women and abundance of rum. An ideal location, it would become the site of De Rivera's most famous daytime raid, said the Lake Erie Safe Boating Council. When Friday's simulated raid ended, the Froelichs were not able to take a boat tour, but said they would return Sunday. Organizers expect about 10,000 to 20,000 to attend the fest. Shawn Fergus, the event's spokesman, said the first fest started out as a boating safety event and has now grown into an opportunity to introduce children and families to fishing and boating on Lake Erie. "A lot of people haven't experienced Lake Erie even though they live on the lake," Fergus said. "Lake Erie is a natural resource for everyone who lives near the water." The fifth annual event, put on by the Lake Erie Safe Boating Council, will have boat rides, perch fishing for children, in-water boating demonstrations, music and tours of boats that range from the Red Witch schooner to the Grandon fisheries research vessel. Rob Boehm, who plays Capt. De Rivera this weekend, believes the event not only will focus on fun activities on the lake, but educate Greater Cleveland children on the area's history. "If more youth are ready [for boating and fishing] at an early age, the better the future of Cleveland will be." To reach this Plain Dealer reporter: tflournoy@plaind.com, 216-999-5739

If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City and Washington, DC But, I'm 46 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35. For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy. Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?" An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly. An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up early (to pee). If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser. Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost better than naps. They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after training. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one." And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet. An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, to wear pants without the top of the butt crack showing and the boxer shorts sticking out, to learn that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 200-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum. All great reasons to keep our sons at home and to learn a little more about life before sending them off to a possible death, let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes and rifles and the ability to use them! BLACK JACK

Aye Lass, Ya look's good enough ta eat! Hmmmmmm

MANY THANKS TO ALL YA BILGE RATS!!! Haven't heard a word from my son for two and a half weeks. Mom n' I were gettin' worried. But Sunday afternoon we got an Email from him (yes...ol' Black Jack cried). It twas short but sweet. He's alive and well and stompin' ass over thar. That my friends is a GREAT birthday present! Black Jack

Congrats Mate!~ A captn' kin always use another gunners mate!

Happy Birthday ya scalleywag!

Ol' Black Jack's favorite pirate smell be.....GOLD n' BOOTY (I thinks ya know what I mean)!! BJS

Ol' Black Jack's thinkin' yer lassie got's wit child by seamen. Them lil' buggers cause dat ta happen. Any submarines around thar? Those things are full of seamen ya knows.... Just a thought mate, BJS