Barbados Sam

salutation

Quarter Pounder (with cheese)

ROLL OFF

excessive

groovy

I always thought he waxed his pole when he was bored

Rasta

blow-up doll

THE POPE VISITS ALASKA The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sight-seeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" hat, and a "To Hell with Bush" T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10 foot grizzly. As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat. As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic Environmental activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true." As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was that guy?" "It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom." "Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom but he sure doesn't know anything about bear hunting! By the way, how is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and snatch another one?"

Flounder

I've seen Mystere in Vegas, and the touring Dralion and Varekai performances here locally and I can't wait to see Love!

children

An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves,bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy." She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women." The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

dove

propaganda

scam

Poke salad

We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho

birthday suit

Negative People This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less, tries to make your life miserable. A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. Your crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking Continental," was the reply, "We got a great rate!" "Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at this exclusive lit tle place over on Rome! 's Tibe r River called Teste." "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're overpriced. So, whatcha' doing when you get there?" "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser, "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it." A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome: "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old stew ard who waited on me ! hand an d foot." "And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They,too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!" "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. "Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me." "Oh really! What'd he say?" He said, "Where'd you get the shitty hairdo?"

vertigo

I did a Google search and didn't come up with much. I need sources for a boarding axe, preferably one with a spike. I also would like to have a leather sheath since I'll be wearing it on my belt and don't want to be slicing my arms up when I'm walking. Thanks for your help.

empire

fishy

brainwash