Capt. Westyn Elizabeth Roberts

Why, many thanks, Captain Luigi! Of course, what fun would "it" be without thigh-high boots? For example: Even today's modern strippers have gotten the hang of dancing in thigh-high boots! They draw attention to...ahem...a certain part of your body. Especially if that's all you're wearing! Or, for another bumper sticker idea, use the "We don't dial 911", and put a Jolly Roger (Jolie Rouge) on the sticker. New twist on an old favorite. Cheers! Capt. WE Roberts

In limerick form this time, to honor Captain Weaver: Oh, Flinty... There once was a pirate named Flint, Whose time was laughingly spent, On poetry and rhyme, With a gal with more time, Than he could possibly invent! Who knew tripe could gleam and shine? Did you actually pen that last line? I laughed a retort, At jokes of such sport, Now you're just wasting my time. Yes, yes, Captain Flint. Don't get too cocky, now. The only reason I haven't been online three times a day is because of my job. I haven't even gotten to speak with Katey! And, you'll be happy to know that I don't have to be back to work until Thursday, so keep it comin'! And, I'm also sorry to lose Captain Weaver. I loved your limericks, Cap'n, and these are for your enjoyment as well! Yours, Capt. Westyn Elizabeth Roberts

Oh, no, Captain Flint. You'll not be rid of me that easily. I have just started a new PT job, serving drinks to scurvy dogs. It keeps me out late. Here's my newest installment. Beware, it is quite long. "A Captive Heart" With tides on high and letters of Marque, There always was a little part Of one lady sailor, born of thunder To mesmerize, pillage and plunder. And it was on this day in 1725, She noticed that to stay alive, It meant to stop begging and bartering. There would be no more of this silly martyring! So, she threw away her king's lacy collar, And wanted no more of this pitiful squalor. She decided that she would be true to her heart, And do no more killing on England's part. So, she rolled up her sleeves and sharpened her steel, And decided not to be so demure and gentile. She summoned her crew and hoisted her sails, Never again to hear the king's wails. She set sail for Tortuga, colors in view. Maybe Port Royal, in Jamaica, too. When suddenly a ship came into sight! It was a naval commander, gleaming and bright! What was that? Who could it be? Who'd be bothering her on Christmas Eve? Who dared interfere with her chosen vocation? Wasn't like England was in strict deliberation. Who could have known, that on this trip They'd capture the captain of that naval ship? But he was wounded, bleeding, and hurt so bad, That even the captain felt rather sad. She knew that he would damn her to hell, But she stayed with him, nursed him well. He was a young soldier, dashing and brave, Who thought she was no more than a dismissible knave. But what he found out, to his very dismay, Was that he fell in love on that Christmas Day. So they married in Spring and had lots of kids, And never once told them of the things they did. For in this life, one thing is true. If you fall in love, good for you! Capt. Westyn Elizabeth Roberts

"How I Captured Blackbeard" Teach, you say, horrible was he? He'd shake in his boots at the likes of me! I'd grab him from behind, he'd scream like a girl, For he'd never seen a pirate in this whole world... To rival and demand the likes of this one! I drink and I spit and I cuss quite a sum! And walking the plank is how I'd best him, And say as he fell, "My name is Westyn!" Then drowning in brine, his whiskers deflated, Wondering how I was there, two centuries belated. I'd wave and I'd smile, "First mate, move us on!" And we'd laugh and we'd sail on into the sun. Aye, Teach was a bad one, not nice, but quite mean. A beard full of candles and eyes full of gleam. But I'd like to think that he'd regress while restin' And wonder how he was captured by a girl named Westyn! Arrrgh! Capt. Westyn Elizabeth Roberts

QUOTE (capnwilliam @ Jun 8 2003, 08:13 PM) Thank ye fer the kind words, there, cap'n. I really appreciate 'em. I'd love to be part of yer crew if'n ever I gets to LA. (Louisiana, that is.) Stynky, I've been to Virginnie, and it's quite a long sit-down in ye olde carriage. Lots of long, straight nothingness for a rather large amount of time from Tennessee. Right tedious for those of us who get lost going out of our own driveways. Sorry, directions and instructions on manual transmissions were never encoded in my DNA; therefore, I carry a compass and drive an automatic "Mustang"-drawn carriage. She doesn't know the way to Virginnie, either. Perchance if I ever go back to visit my fiance's extended family in VA, I'll have to look ye up! Also, if you could figure out something to round up folks about once a year, I'm almost sure I could make it. Oh, and Capt. Flint--I'm going to try to make an effort to get to MD before I kick the bucket. I really want to meet you an' the fair Katey...an' the baby Magpie. Maybe we could dress up and hit a RenFair or something together! Yours, Capt. WE Roberts

Ahem, ahem... Born, was I, two centuries too late, For I am a pirate at heart. No sooner the tale was told that I wail, And wonder why it tears me apart. The North Star, she guides me, As my sails pop with might. I go sailing along, singing my song, With a smile full of charm and delight. For no one knows my longing; My fear and absolute shame. Tonight is the night, I won't have no fright, Longing for piracy and fame. I'll grapple a boat that's unguarded, And leave it a true burning mess. I'll take all the men and leave all the hens, And leave you to imagine the rest. For twenty-nine years I've been yearning, To search for glory undone. Lord knows I've tried to let my conscience guide But it's just too damn much fun. By morning, my soul will be leaving, To search for treasures unfound. To live out my lives underneath cloudless skies, And never again run aground. Arrgh! Capt. WE Roberts

Ahoy Stynky, Charity! If you're looking for pirate artwork to base clothing from, I suppose you could do worse than any Don Maitz website or a Boris Vallejo/Julie Bell website. True, some of it is fantasy art, but some of the costumes are very elaborate, and you can get some good ideas. Also, the best idea I could give you for making your own garb is to get a dress form. There are several reasons why. For one, you don't have to see your boyfriend in a skirt. Another, you can have an exact size of yourself (one that won't bitch and complain). Also, using that method, you could just pin stuff around to your own custom size, sew it up and make it your own. Forget the patterns. Who needs 'em? I'm all for dress forms. http://www.borisjulie.com Good luck! Capt. WE Roberts

My Dear Capt. Flint: From time to time, I've thought That I should, and you ought Write a good poem So no blasphemy throwin' You silly, scurvy lout! Oh, and by the way... Rum may pour; Gin may fizz. But a lady pirate Is the best there is. ARRGH! Capt. WE Roberts

Oh, and Jamaica Rose... You might want to check out computer stationery stores. I have heard of coated (weatherproof?) paper that has a peel-off sticky back. For a few prototype bumper stickers, you could do worse. Arrgh! Capt. WE Roberts

Ahoy again! How about..."Pirates do it with their boots on"? Or maybe..."That's NOT a cutlass in my pocket" (for the sailor men)? Maybe you could ask Charity/Brenna for her quote..."Get your slit throat off my dagger." That's a good one. Heh, heh, heh. Capt. WE Roberts

Ahoy, maties! Just thought I'd drop a line and say how much I enjoy this website and message boards. These pirates are all great guys and gals (despite their adamant objections). Also, the joke page has kept my family laughing and wondering what I'll be up to next. A bottle of rum, a barrel of wine and a keg of beer! These are the trivial things that bring me cheer! Cheers! Capt. WE Roberts

My Dear Captain Flint, Your mind is quite bent But lyrics like mine Would make you sound like a swine And you'd end up rather spent. YOU'RE ON! Let the bloody games begin! ARRRRRGH! Capt. WE Roberts

Oh, and by the way, Stinky... The hat I'm wearing in my avatar picture to the left <= is another cowboy hat that was demolished when a heavy box was squished on top of it. I just reshaped the top, punched holes in the side of the hat and the brim, laced it up with leather cord, hot glued a dandy button on, and dressed it up with ostrich and pheasant plumes. By the way, that look on my face is not meant to be sexy. It's my "Why won't this damned camera work right?" look. See ya. Capt. WE Roberts

Sure thing! I'd love to post the pics on this site. I'll try to see how much damage I can do with my digital camera tomorrow. It's a little late to be tearing the house apart trying to find all the piratey stuff. As soon as I can figure out how to work my digital camera when it comes to this site, I'll post a picture of my hats and my jackets. Remember, they were made from old clothes and hot glue, no sewing involved. Arrgh! Capt. WE Roberts

My Dear Captain William, I would LOVE to join a group of reinactors. Someone once told me I'd make a perfect Anne Bonny or Mary Reade, but I'm an inlander, so it doesn't look like I could be much help. Too bad, I've been told I write some pretty darn good skits (especially about pirates), and I want to major/minor in journalism, playwriting and English now that I'm soon to be back in college in August. But, alas...there isn't too much sea water in Tennessee. Blast it all! With sincerest hopes for your group, and regrets because I wont be able to be in it, Capt. WE Roberts

Deja vu? Oh, well... HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN!!! Capt. WE Roberts

Hi, Cap'n! I sent you a pidgeon (email) telling you happy birthday, but since someone put you on the boards, I'll say it again! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! :ph34r: Capt. WE Roberts

I agree with Pirate Queen. The movie "The Black Swan" is one of my favorite pirate movies. It has all points of interest. Intrigue, romance, swordplay, changing loyalties, and don't forget...political crimes. "I always sample a bottle of wine before I buy it." I love that movie. I have a copy that I recorded off AMC one night a few years ago, and since then, I have watched it at least 100 times! I have been trying to find it on a DVD with closed captioning for the hearing impaired (Sea Bob is a little hard of hearing). However, no luck. Perchance I could find one on Amazon.... Anyway, I love the costumes in the movie, also. In fact, I am thinking about making my Sea Bob a costume rather like Jamie Boy's horseman costume (in the scene in which Lady Margaret falls off her horse). Maybe he will wear it when we get married at the PIP Festival in Key West. I love the voluminous white shirt and silver-studded black vest. Plus, the thigh-high boots are pretty sexy. "What? No bite?"--Tyrone Power to Maureen O'Hara in one of the last scenes of the movie, "The Black Swan". Yours, Capt. WE Roberts

All right, all right. I'm getting fussed at about my dirty jokes, so here's one you can tell to the kiddies. Once upon a time (ugh), there was a baby rabbit hopping down the road. He had hopped for a long time until he was so tired he could hardly keep his eyes open. Then, he spotted a refrigerator turned over on its side with the door open, apparently dropped by a truck on the highway. So, he climbed inside and took a nap. A little while later, a grown rabbit came hopping down the same road. When he got to the refrigerator and noticed that a baby rabbit was sleeping inside it, he said, "Baby rabbit, baby rabbit, why are you sleeping in that refrigerator?" The baby rabbit raised his head and looked around, confused. Then, he shrugged and said, "The sign on the outside said White Westinghouse, so I thought I'd stop here and west for a while." :) Heh, heh. That's all the clean jokes I have in me. Yours, Capt. WE Roberts

Cap'n, I would like to wish you a very happy birthday. I am certainly pleased that there are more Gemini's out there. It helps to understand where this split personality of mine comes from. You see, there's Teena from Tennessee...and then there's me, Captain Westyn Elizabeth Roberts, who takes over the dull, boring life of Teena when she isn't looking. Anyway, both of us wish you a happy birthday! Here's to your pockets and your rum bottle....may they never be empty! Arrgh! Sincerely, Captain WE Roberts

Cap'n Luigi, Perhaps you are correct in your assumptions. I think I should stick to holding my liquor by the ears...oh! Did I really say that? Capt. Flint, you have a bad influence on me! Anyway, Cap'n Luigi, good luck in your search. If I see any wandering cabin boys at the festival, I'll send 'em your way. Personally, I like 'em old, crusty and from New England, like my old Sea Bob. (Hey, we entertain each other. He thinks my southern accent is cute, and I think his northern accent is kinda weird.) With sincerest regrets about your loss, Capt. WE Roberts

Ahoy! I just wanted you all to know that I attended the Tennessee Renaissance Festival in pirate garb. It was a present from my honey, Sea Bob. I wore a captain's black tricorne with red and black feathers, a red and black corset, black pants and black thigh high boots. My black sash and belt kept my cutlass, money pouch and compass at my side and away from scurvy thieves. My Sea Bob was with me, and dressed in garb as well. He had the poor, pitiful "swabbish" kind of look about him. He carried the blunderbuss and dagger. He also wore a cavalier hat (one pictured in my avatar) with a feather so long that no one could walk or sit behind him without needing an eyepatch! We got stopped several times to be asked for a photograph by the "touristy" folks who don't dress up. The guy at the pirate booth was salivating every time we walked by. We didn't buy anything at his booth. We did buy beer, fish and chips. I had a Guinness Extra Stout...ahhh. I'll post a few photos when I get them downloaded. Also, there's a site that you can go to for other photos. You may see me in one of the tavern comedy shows in upcoming photos on this site: http://www.fireside-productions.com/faire2003 Capt. WE Roberts

Oh, P.S.: I like my liquor straight, stout and cheap. I own two bullwhips and I'm a pretty good aim with a black powder gun. I just chalk it up to my southern upbringing and a famous quote, "I'm a country girl, and I can kick your butt." GRRR. Capt. WE Roberts

Luigi, I am finally glad that someone has volunteered to give me my fondest dream. I always told me family that me fantasy was to tie a man down and beat him until he cried like a little girl. No sex involved. Just violence. I am, after all, 5'10" and pretty stout. Trust me, you WOULD cry. Heh, heh, heh. Capt. WE Roberts

Thank ye all for wishing me a happy birthday. I had meself a great time. I went to me mutter and pop's house, an' we cooked on an open fire (grill). Guest list included: two o' me first cousins, one and one-half second cousins, me aunt, me mum, me pops, a friend, and me Sea Bob. No rum, unfortunately, but lots of ye olde Dr. Pepper. Got smelly bath stuff and 90 doubloons ($). Perchance I'll go out an' spend the cash on rum... Cheers! Capt. WE Roberts