Feeling kind of emotionally "wonky" these past few days. I have a condition that when it flares up, it creates, shall we say, problems. The day it flares up and doesn't go away, I will die. I've prepared myself the best I can, but have refused to dwell on it, since that's unproductive and doesn't help any. And it will probably go on as it has so far and I could live a long life. Typically, this condition only flares up for five hours at most and then I spend a day recovering.
Well, on Friday, it went on for fourteen hours. This scared the bejesus out of me and I contemplated going to the hospital, but the best they could do would be to hook me up to an IV and try various drugs to see if one would work (there's one that might work temporarily, but could cause serious issues due to my tendency towards migraines) and if the condition didn't right itself, I'd be in the hospital or otherwise hooked up to an IV for pretty much the rest of my life; even with a living will, I'm not sure my wishes would have been respected.
So... I spent fourteen hours contemplating my options: allow myself to die at home or spend my life hooked up to an IV. Thank goodness the condition started to right itself eventually and after a couple more hours it stopped completely. After a day and a half recovering, I tried to distract myself, but I couldn't hold off dealing with the attendant emotions forever, so I'm dealing with the aftermath of a very scary situation. So... emotionally it's been an eventful few days. It definitely helped me put things into perspective, though.