The Doctor

Free and legal is a good thing, to be sure. But being a musician myself, I appreciate being reimbursed for my efforts. Creativity and performance are labour, and labour deserves compensation. :)

stuck on you

Been there. Done that. Wish I hadn't.

Ventriloquist's dummies unnerve the hell out of me. Probably due to the "Twilight Zone" episode Caesar and Me. "Jonathan West, ventriloquist, a master of voice manipulation. A man late of Ireland, with a talent for putting words into other people's mouths. In this case, the other person is a dummy, aptly named Caesar, a small splinter with large ideas, a wooden tyrant with a mind and a voice of his own, who is about to talk Jonathan West into the Twilight Zone."

Excerpt from a cat's diary - DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding on the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting. DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed (again). DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night. DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was ...Hmmm. Not working according to plan... DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws. DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time....

I love it, Jim! Nice find!

bound

Oh, come on! Prying into someone else's life is what we, as pyrates, are all about! Tag sales are a bit like a boarding action, where you relieve the owner of an item or items for a pittance of their actual value. And you part; no harm, no foul. Of course, of you really wish to be authentic, you could set fire to their house as you leave...

I can see him now, straddled over a grave. A rabbit in one hand, a knife in the other. "Which one of the eight feet do ye want, gov'ner?!"

wanton desires...

A husband found himself in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife angrily told him," Tomorrow there better be something for me in the driveway that goes from zero to 180, in under five seconds." The next morning the wife went outside and there, right behind the mini-van was a brand new, shiney, bathroom scale. Visiting hours for the husband are limited due to the extent of the injuries.

While I deeply appreciate an ample bosom, and I agree, some can be extreme to the point of frightening, I thing this one takes the cake - (just barely safe for work!) The Unusual Patron

This is always a lovely message to get... UNSEASONABLE HEAT AND HUMIDITY WILL EXPAND ACROSS THE ENTIRE AREA TODAY...WITH TEMPERATURES WARMING INTO THE MID AND UPPER 90S. DEW POINT TEMPERATURES WILL ALSO BE IN THE 70S...RESULTING IN HEAT INDICES AROUND 105...AND THERE WILL EVEN BE SOME ISOLATED HEAT INDICES AROUND 110. IN ADDITION TO THE HEAT...TWO BOUTS OF SEVERE STORMS ARE POSSIBLE. STORMS ARE POSSIBLE LATE THIS AFTERNOON IN EAST CENTRAL MINNESOTA INTO WISCONSIN...AND SOME STORMS MAY WELL BE SEVERE. LATER TONIGHT...ANOTHER ROUND OF STORMS IS POSSIBLE...AS STORMS DEVELOP IN THE DAKOTAS AND MOVE INTO NORTHERN AND CENTRAL MINNESOTA...THEN INTO WISCONSIN. THESE STORMS COULD ALSO BE SEVERE...CAPABLE OF PRODUCING LARGE HAIL AND DAMAGING WINDS. And as we speak, storms are exploding across eastern South Dakota. I'll be in the basement...

I'll drink to that!

A Zionist Athiest? That's kinda like a black honkey, ain't it? Oh, I'm gonna catch Hell for this one...

You're point's well taken, Sophia. I got overzealous in making my point. Thanks for keeping me honest!

Look, mate, my point is that these are ulimately celluloid confections. We get a laugh and a thrill, and 2.5 hours of our lives are just a bit brighter. We get to think and care about something other than ourselves. I'm not trying to tell anyone how to think or feel about movies. Movies are what they are - entertainment. Some are excellent and thought-provoking, and some are little more than mind-numbing garbage. PotC2 is an improvised 2nd act of an unitentional trilogy. I think they can pull it off. I've been wrong before, but I'm willing to wager good money on this one. :)

Then may you always be disappointed. Suspension of disbelief is a hallmark of the monster movie genre. Accept it, or accept disappointment. These movies will never make cinematic history. But they're fun celluloid confections. Enjoy them, and revel in them. Honestly, ya'll are starting to act like Trekkies!

Once again, allow me to reiterate, ad libitum, ad nauseum... These are fundamentally monster movies in a pyrate setting. So yes, you'll get undead this and that. Ressurected someones. Nasty beasties from the depths. Get the hell over it! Treat them as monster flicks, and it all makes sense. Stop overanalysing! Enjoy! Eat your popcorn and jujubees, and accept it for what it is!

Godzilla!

Ah! Another badge; "Familiarity with the many sayings of Heroditus"!

I'm certain that when Batman is bored, he short-sheet's Superman's cape. :)

Give me an honest chance, and I'll increase yer vocabulary!

Babbles incoherently at the very thought...

Oi! Jib! I've got a live one for ye! Her name is "Caitlin", a.k.a. "Caili". Blonde, tan, and drop dead gorgeous, I've sent her your way. Don't be shocked when this lovely mynx comes to chat you up! Consider it an early Christmas gift, yeah?!