Hawk the QM

Yaaaar welcome aboard. Now start scrubbin'

Sadly, I am but a poor humble pyrate. Feel free to tie me up with all the ladies though.

Just for you guys I dug up some really old photos o' me as a wee one. These were taken at Casitas many a year ago. I love the smell of B.P. in the morning. Me as #1 man. Just drilling, firing didnt start for a few hours.(figured i would mention that before anyone points out the lack of gloves) Pretty maids all lined up in a row. YAaaaaar takes me back, but I must be careful. I could drift away and never come back. =) Harry, the good news is we would have been firing in your general direction, ha!

And not enough teachers willing to take the time to go that extra distance to help the kids that are interested... especially if it means staying after school... Aye, it gets worse. That be a national funded program and now they are beginning to require teacher credentials in order to tutor. Limiting the amount of help. I've seen the program and a monkey could show a child to look into a laptop at the program they use to tutor them kids.

I love night firing. Really puts what you're doing into perspective. That and people respect pillars of fire. =) Great picture mate!

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side. -- Hunter Thompson I'm late, was there a rule saying they had to be good quotes?

You have to sweet talk the automated voice message. Push the right buttons ever so gently. If she does not submit then pound on zero until someone gets hurt.

The reality of your mutant ninja turtle. I hear they breathe fire now though. edit: I'm just going to take the time now to apologize to the crew of the archangel for hijacking their forum. Can I really be blamed? Hijacking is very piraty. Yaaaaar!

YAAAAAR! but they move slower in the cold. If that being the case, we shall continue the turtle/pistol duel after the holidays. Who says Pirates don't care Yaaaaar! Now don't be bashful about posting what your turtle looks like.

Very good to know mate. I had a feeling something like this would be waiting underneath. I have a feeling mine will be some ugly gray underneath so I best not work them down. To be honest, I should just wear them like I wear them and eventually get a real good pair. My hat took all the loose coin I had already. It was really worth it though.

Yaaaar, sad to hear but I would like to add the 2nd addition to Murphy's law. Once everything has gone wrong, there is nothing left to block your way. (ok, not and actual addition but something that helps me through the bad times)

Hmmm turtle baiting... an interesting idea... though I casn't say that it will be all that exhilarating to watch... No, but the betting and the shouting crowd sure would be. GO QM'S TURTLE! Just so you know, I tied a pistol to mine. Yaaaaar!

True, not going to help you a whole lot if the cannon misfires while loading. A fired ramrod would do two things. If thumb out, then you'll break an arm and some fingers. If thumbs in, then your thumb will naturally grab the ramrod as it goes firing out, which would rip the thumb off, half of the hand and possibly an arm as well. Truth, it's not going to help a whole lot during a misfire but thumbs in would NEVER help and thumbs out could help limit damage. My opinion anyway. Edit: Just a side note. There was an accident a long time ago that involved a death. The guy had his thumb down rod and it ripped is arm off. Since then, it's been a safety precaution to have thumb out. Will it really help? I dont know because the rod itself could shatter the moment a misfire happens.

Can't we just pin two turtles in a ring and let them fight on our behalf? Sure, they are slow but I'm in the fight for the long run.

This has to be the site's best quote of the day! It's all too dirty for me to quote The child in me is crying in a corner.

For you Syren, I made a lib. One fine day, The Quartermaster the pirate monkey went out to stab some wench. Everything was going fine until he ran into his archnemesis, Black Syren, on Monkey Island. 'Yaaaaar!!' said Black Syren, 'did you just stab some wench?' The Quartermaster simply replied 'slack jawed idiot!' and pulled out his cannon. The Quartermaster and Black Syren pillaged and plundered until they were what's an adjective?. But then they realized the folly of their ways, and patched things up over a big bowl of GROG!. Moral of the story... don't mad lib unless you know what an adjective is. =)

Wow mate. Informative, interesting and deeply disturbing all at the same time! Truthfully, by dirty I meant old and nasty. I will not be able to do any of this to my boots without feeling dirty myself thanks to you. YAAAAAAR! Thank you

I just want to add that i envy NO ONE on a ship gun =). That picture looks very uncomfortable especially after hour two of firing.

Yaaaar, I think the guy represents sneakiness. As in, I just raided your camp for all the rumz

Yaaaar them be spiffy camps. I will try my best to get out there as well as for Vista. Thanks for the word about.

(apparently I can't copy and paste this without the numbers... anyway, funny/stupid jokes about pirates if you find yourself bored and I mean REALLY bored, it's a long list. Found these as I search for more pyrate stupidity. Cheers) A pirate does not ask for directions. He relies only on his gut feeling, a compass, or a treasure map. Parrots are the preferred pirate companion. Monkeys are an acceptable substitute, unless they fling their feces at people. Then they are an awesome substitute. When fishing, a pirate uses either a sword, a knife, or his bare hands. Use of a hook is only acceptable in the event the pirate is missing a hand. Pirates shall always wear boots, except in the case of a peg leg. Then one boot is acceptable. Flip-flops are right out. Pirates do not cry, except in the case of the loss of a shipload of rum. When describing the size of a treasure, a pirate is required to exaggerate by at least 130%. Flowers are not treasure under any circumstances, unless said flowers are made out of gold. A pirate shall never wear lipstick, nail polish, or capri pants. Actually, that kinda goes without saying. No pirate shall discuss his feelings, unless his feelings include gutting a man from stem to stern and spilling his entrails. A pirate should always remove his hat in the presence of a bartender. During a swordfight, swordfighting insults are required. In the event both participants are still alive at the end of the fight, the participant with the superior insults shall be declared the victor. No pirate shall ever wear a "fanny pack". All foods prepared by a pirate must include rum, grog, or beer. Boone's and other "Wench Punch" is prohibited. A pirate may never compliment another pirate on the softness of his hands. No pirate shall wear a bracelet or a necklace, unless it is the tooth or tusk of an animal he killed. If in the presence of cannibals, a necklace is acceptable camouflage, but only if said necklace is made of human toes. Pirate Law: Dousing oneself in beer is a perfectly acceptable replacement for a shower. No pirate shall drink Grog out of a glass. Grog is only to be consumed either straight from the barrel, or from a mug heavy enough to to kill a man. Three-cornered hats, headbands and bandanas are the only acceptable headwear for pirates. Fedoras, bowler derbies, baseball caps, mickey ears, top hats, sombreros, or anything with lace and flowers will be removed from the vessel-- head included. A grace period of one minute is allowed for hats looted from a tailory. A pirate shall never wrap presents. The only thing a pirate gives is a bludgerin'. Pirate Law: A pirate does not use the word "Fabulous". Ever. No pirate shall attend a movie with less than an Arrrr rating. Only a pirate is capable of killing another pirate. If you are not a pirate (let's say a ninja) and wish to challenge a pirate, they have a word for that. Corpse. Pirate Law: "ARRRRRRRRRRR..." is a perfectly acceptable answer to any question. A pirate does not "go shopping". Unless by "shopping", you mean "killing". Peglegs must be made of timber or some other suitable wood. Plastic, ceramic, porcelain, or metal peglegs are utterly unnacceptable, simply because it complicates the use of the phrase "shiver me timbers". Real pirates have chest hair. If you cannot grow chest hair, you may be a cabin boy. Under no circumstances is a comb-over an acceptable pirate hairdo. No pirate may ever change his shirt because it is "wrinkled". A pirate may only change his shirt if it is completely soaked in blood. When drinking, Pirates may sing. "Fifteen Men on a Dead Man's Chest" is preferred. Kelly Clarkson songs are not allowed. No pirate shall ever drive a minivan, unless he drives the minivan into a tavern, for the purposes of looting barrels of rum from said tavern. Upon completion of this task, the minivan is to be burned. No exceptions. No matter how hard it is raining, two pirates may never share an umbrella. Pirates do not fear rain. If circumstances demand a career change, a move into real estate brokerage or tax collection shall be considered a lateral move and said individual may keep their pirate status. A pirate does not snuggle with an animal, unless he is trying to snap its neck. But I guess that wouldn't really be "snuggling". A pirate may never wear another man's clothing, unless he first kills that man. Two pirates must never share a bed or a hammock. It is perfectly acceptable for one pirate to sleep on the floor, or on a pile of treasure. Pirates do not wear eyeglasses or bifocals unless they are looking at a treasure map, and even then they are allowed only a monacle. Any comments about "Mr. Peanut" while wearing the monacle are prohibited. When setting out on a voyage, a pirate does not pack a suitcase. He is only to bring what he can carry under his arms, or what his wench can carry on her back. Pirates do not go shopping. They go lootin' and plunderin'. --> A pirate does not mow the lawn. Lawns are for landlubbers. Lifting or removing one's eyepatch is extremely impolite but is not considered an insult. It's just kinda gross. Likewise, one should never remove another pirate's eyepatch, except with a sword to the face. Pirates never use the words "fresh" or "feelings," and certainly not together (as in "I have that not-so-fresh feeling"). A pirate must never visit a tanning salon. If he is not already tan enough from searching for treasure, he hasn't been searching hard enough. While creativity is encouraged during any barfight or battle at sea, pirates may only use the following types of sword; falchions, scimitars, rapiers, and particularly long knives. Katanas or any other Ninja sword are strictly forbidden, unless the Pirate rips off a Ninja's arm and hurls the arm, and attached Katana, as a projectile. No pirate shall ever sit on a toilet seat, for any reason. Kidnapping is an acceptable substitute for killing, but only if it is for the purpose of plank walking at a later time. When swimming, pirates do not dive. They cannonball. Cannoneers aboard a pirate vessel are not allowed to use hearing protection of any sort. No matter what the OSHA regulations say, if ye can't stand bleedin' from the ears, you have no business being a Pirate. A pirate will never wear a patch that is any other color than black; unless it's halloween. then they can wear a patch with an eyeball painted on the outside. Polka dots are not permitted under any circumstances. Female pirates are allowed some exception to rules concerning hygiene and garmentry, but must make up for it by using twice as much profanity. Hooks are the only acceptable hand substitute. However, they may not have secondary attachments such as screwdrivers, bottle openers, corkscrews, or nail files. These are Pirates we're talking about, not Inspector Gadget. A pirate's diet consists mainly of meat. If at sea, and meat is not available, shoe leather is an acceptable replacement. Pirate Law: You can't spell pirate, without "irate". There's a reason for that, so don't even try. No pirate will ever, ever raise his pinky when drinking any sort of beverage. Pirate Law: When choosing clothing, even if it looks dirty, or smells dirty, it is clean. A pirate may ride in a rowboat, if traveling to or from his ship. Use of a Kayak is only permitted if used for cannon target practice. When drinking rum, the only thing a pirate adds to the rum is more rum. The official Pirate religion is Pastafarianism. No pirate shall ever play wiffle ball. Under no circumstances does a pirate speak with a Ninja, unless he first decapitates that Ninja and uses his head like a sock puppet. When at the office, answering the telephone with "Arrrrrrr" is perfectly acceptable for pirates. Other acceptable choices are "Avast!", and "Ahoy Matey!" A Pirate does not read poetry, unless said poetry is scrawled on the wall of a bathroom. All women are to be referred to as wenches, with the exception of female Pirates, who can be referred to as "lass". Pirates do not clean up, except when gold falls out of a treasure chest. Spilling rum is not acceptable, except in the act of "pouring some out for dead mateys". A pirate may tell any tale of swashbuckling without being called on the details, as long as at least 51% of the story is true. A pirate may never shave below the neck. Shaving above the neck is allowed, but only if the pirate shaves his entire head. In the presence of cannibals, a mohawk is acceptable. No pirate may do the arm movements for "YMCA", or engage in country-western line-dancing. Pirates do not say "please" or "thank you". The phrase "Arrr, I'll probably kill you tomorrow" is an acceptable alternative for "Thank you". Should the ship's bow have a carving of a naked wench, mermaid, or something of the like, crew members should not touch it. Feeling up a wooden statue is unbecoming of a pirate. Pirates do not "IM". The only instant message allowed is a sword through the chest. Dental Hygiene for Pirates is not a priority. Should there be occasion, however, strong rum or salt water can be used as mouthwash. Anything "minty fresh" is strictly forbidden. Pirates never, ever obey laws. Period. Ironic, I realize. And finally, How do you know if you are a pirate? You just "Arrrrrrrr"... Did you actually make it through the entire list? YAAAAAAR! I did too, but that was just to proof it. You have no excuse, matey!

as long as it's not a floater *wink wink*.

Likewise Capt. I will buy you drinks until ye loose yer balance and that spoon fight.

Yaaaar, I just....I just I can't top that, Sir. This is why ye be captain and not I.

Yaaaar but at least you have a spoon now. edit: however, ye lost yer independence.