Morgan La Scylla Posted August 8, 2003 Share Posted August 8, 2003 Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the seven seas, a look-out spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, ''Bring me my Red Shirt.'' The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt and whilst wearing the bright red frock he led his men into battle and defeated the pirates. Later on that day, the look-out spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again called for his red shirt and once again, though the fighting was fierce, he was victorious over the two ships. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumphs and one of the them asked the captain, ''Sir, why do you call for your red shirt before battle? The captain replied, ''If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood and thus, you men will continue to fight, unafraid.'' All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of such a manly man as Captain Bravo. As dawn came the next morning, the look-out spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirates ships approaching from the far horizon. The crew stared at the captain and waited for his usual reply. Captain Bravo calmly shouted, ''Get me my brown pants.'' Hoist the colors Laddies! We're goin' in fer the kill! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan La Scylla Posted August 8, 2003 Share Posted August 8, 2003 Take a gander here for a rib tickler: Weebl and Bob Hoist the colors Laddies! We're goin' in fer the kill! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Maudlin McCrumb Posted August 8, 2003 Share Posted August 8, 2003 That was really weird.. I loved it! "You have a woman's skin, m'lord! I'll wager that hides never been rubbed with salt and flayed off to make stockin's for a pirates best cabin boy!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosalinda Posted August 8, 2003 Share Posted August 8, 2003 HHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaa! That was funny, Morgan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan La Scylla Posted August 8, 2003 Share Posted August 8, 2003 Glad I could give ye a chuckle! Weebl and Bob have some funny stuff on it. You should bookmark the page and check back frequently! Hoist the colors Laddies! We're goin' in fer the kill! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted August 9, 2003 Author Share Posted August 9, 2003 hello Morgan La Scylla, I was thinking as I read your various last jokes ,that it might be good for you to read the many preceding pages of this topic,as most of the jokes have already been posted Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Morgan Posted August 9, 2003 Share Posted August 9, 2003 Aye Morgan, ye be the wittest lass aboard, Keep them comin. As a Captain, I do like yer humor. The Captain....Terror of the seven seas If ye be pirates, then come sail with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Morgan Posted August 9, 2003 Share Posted August 9, 2003 Aye Morgan, You can be on my vessel anytime lass, Send a note if ye be interested. Captain Morgan....Terror of the seven seas If ye be pirates, then come sail with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the Royaliste Posted August 9, 2003 Share Posted August 9, 2003 But heck, start back aways and read!! A lotta repeats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stynky Tudor Posted August 11, 2003 Share Posted August 11, 2003 Arr what do you mean look back at the earlier posts, where do you think the jokes came from Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the Royaliste Posted August 11, 2003 Share Posted August 11, 2003 Same parrot joke, same turn the sea into joke, same.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted August 11, 2003 Author Share Posted August 11, 2003 There was a male humpback whale in his prime and he sees a female Humpback whale just a little ways off, and he thinks to himself that he's going to try to impress her... He swims over to her, and breeches the surface, showing off the large hump on his back. She looked unimpressed as she breached and showed a larger more well formed hump herself. Now, a little embarrassed, he tries again to impress her by taking a breath and blowing a huge cloud of mist and water with a really nice rainbow in it. Once again she looked unimpressed and she blew a larger cloud of mist, with a more beautiful rainbow. Now clearly agitated, the Male sees a Navel vessel in the distance and races off toward it. Just before he collides with the ship, he dives, jumps out of the water and as he sails over the bow of the ship, he plucks a sailor off the deck and in one gulp swallows him whole! He swam back to her very proud of himself, only to find the female object of his attentions with a disgusted look on her face... As she swam off she said..."I'll Hump, I'll Blow, BUT I WON'T SWALLOW SEAMEN! Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the Royaliste Posted August 11, 2003 Share Posted August 11, 2003 :) Musta been a lubber whale! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crow Posted August 11, 2003 Share Posted August 11, 2003 The Captain's wife was Mable by god she sure was able to take the crew fer a midnight screw upon the chartroom table... The Captain's name was Carter and by christ he was a farter , when the wind wouldn't blow and the ship wouldn't go it took Carter the farter to start her ... Lord above please send a dove with wings as sharp as razors , to cuts the throats of them there blokes what sells bad booze to sailors .. " Illigitimiti non carborundum . " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daniel Posted August 11, 2003 Share Posted August 11, 2003 This is my satirical news article about pirates, in the style of, (but not copied from) The Onion. PIRATES MAKE UNINTELLIGIBLE DEMANDS CARTAGENA, New Spain -- Cartagena, the richest city on the Spanish Main, has been seized by a cutthroat crew of approximately 500 pirates, who are holding the community for a ransom not known at press time due to difficulty deciphering the pirates' speech. "Arrrr," Billy Leach Bloodblade told reporters. "If'n ye be wishin' to save yer capital unburnt, ye'd best yield up a squall full o' pretties, by thunder!" Efforts to determine how much one "squall" might be, or what might constitute a "pretty" proved unsuccessful. Upon being presented with a chest full of silver and gold coins, Captain Gorch Savage called a press conference. "Shiver me timbers," Savage stated. "Avast yon scanting swag! We'll not stand for the offing afore ye lay landside and haul up fairer purchase. Arrrrr!" Savage is then reported to have swashed his buckler; requests for a more detailed description of this behavior have not yet been answered. Bosun Scratch Bourbon attracted great attention on the weekend when he issued a demand which Cartagena residents thought they had deciphered. "I'll be ready to set sail," Bourbon said, immediately catching the townsmen's attention with that phrase, "when ye gi' me a fine, pretty pink wi' two long nines, white t'gans'ls and her deadeyes dark and tight." After extensive consultation, the Cartagenians interpreted this as a demand for a comely female, and they introduced Bourbon to 19-year-old Anita Suarez, who had expressed an admiration for the pirate's appearance. However, Mr. Bourbon reacted by running Miss Suarez through with his cutlass and storming off in apparent disgust, leaving Cartagenians still unsure of the actual object of his desire. Earlier this Thursday, Mr. Bloodblade reportedly announced to the citizens, "I'll be broached to! It's befogged as younkers ye are, and scurvy swabs too!" Mr. Bloodblade was then immediately attacked by his fellow buccaneer Dirk Fathom, who inflicted minor injuries with a weapon apparently called a "marlinespike." It appears that Mr. Fathom may have misunderstood Mr. Bloodblade's meaning, as the two shortly stopped fighting, shook hands, and parted as friends. Yesterday's reports of a final ransom demand from pirate leader Mace Hornswoggle are now discounted; current reports indicate that Mr. Hornswoggle had hawked up some phlegm, which was misinterpreted as an attempt at speech. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted August 12, 2003 Author Share Posted August 12, 2003 HAR HAR HAR funny stuff Crow and Daniel Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted August 12, 2003 Author Share Posted August 12, 2003 Q:Why does a pirate wench need a Y-shaped coffin? A:Because as soon as she lies down she spreads her legs. Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted August 13, 2003 Author Share Posted August 13, 2003 A young cabin boy named sherm jumped out with his cock long and firm two jerks and a spasm, he had an orgasm and drew a jolly roger in sperm. Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan La Scylla Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 There once was a pirate named Yates Who tried to dance fandango on skates Til he slipped on his cutlass Which rendered him nutless And virtually useless on dates. Hoist the colors Laddies! We're goin' in fer the kill! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the Royaliste Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 So, be ye made of claymation,Morgan, or is ye'r avatar not you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan La Scylla Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 Royalist, yer such a witty fellow, you are, you are! Hoist the colors Laddies! We're goin' in fer the kill! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the Royaliste Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 :) Me pleasure, wench...now where'd I leave that rope again........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan La Scylla Posted August 14, 2003 Share Posted August 14, 2003 There's a chuckle here: The Guest Hand Puppet Theatre Presents: Pirates of the Caribbean Hoist the colors Laddies! We're goin' in fer the kill! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted August 14, 2003 Author Share Posted August 14, 2003 There was an old pirate called Neville and I'm telling you straight, on the level, he's got a gut like a keg, and one wooden leg, and his foot smells like farts from the devil. Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pirate Lass Suliel Posted August 15, 2003 Share Posted August 15, 2003 I like the handpuppet one. Was funny, even if they did get some plot order wrong. But that's okay in parody, right, eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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