Jacky Tar

CUT! CUT! CUT!

Do we have to go over the rules again? What action is posted is fact. Jacky, play fair. The wedge hit you squarely on the forward ...you deftly caught it as it bounced off your head and you can catch the rum but understand you are at least two toppled tables away from it. :)

and ACTION!

Silkie rolls away from the bar maid and scrambles to her feet narrowly avoiding Matt's grasp. She darts around a support beam and Tall Mike Vanderbulge as he sits tapping his left peg to the music. Matt gives chase but Silkie, with the assistance of Callinish, jumps to the bar and runs the length of it only to find Matt at the far end. She stops short of his reach and looks at Matt with a wicked grin.

Alternative rewrites:

Yer right on a good day, I could only leap over one table; sorry, Mad Matt. The rhum bottle strikes the floor, and the rhum spills and drips through the floor boards of the Pub.

Jacky picks up the bottle which has some rhum left, and sadly places it on the bar.

NOT TH' RUM!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

Jacky deftly caught the lemon wedge... Silkie missed him.

He jumps, rolls and catches the rhum before it strikes the floor.

"Matt the only spectacle I saw was ye tippin' tables!"

Jacky returns the rhum to the bar.

Jacky puts out the sign-up sheet for the, 'Seelee Sunny Beaches Club'. "Put yer 'X's' here mates, if'n ye want to join."

"LongTom, got it wrong mates; the Aztec nation were never ov'r a half million. Besides, I only counted about 1500 feathered dancers the other day; but, it were quite a show!"

"Whatever, ye do mates don't give the spaniard enough rope t' hang himself. He's been offered a position as a cruise director aboard the Sea Witch."

He shakes his head, muttering under his breath, "Seelee sunny beaches."

He looks around the pub, peering at the various mounds of flotsam. "Oh, an' by de way, anybody see my rope?  De folks at de Betty Ford cleeneec say eef I fin' eet an' breeng eet, dey gon' show me some real good knots.  Dey gots a bed set up alraidy an' evryt'ing.  Dat an' a way cool captain's coat too, only eet's all white, an' instead of gold braid on de cuffs, eet has buckles."

Jacky Tar (Member of the 'Seelee Sunny Beaches Club') enters the club... I mean Pub...

'Inigo ye magnificent spaniard, ye don't need a Betty Ford Clinic, any sailor here can teach ye t' tie a knot!'

'Have a drink and will discuss raisen' yer sheep!'

DAMMIT WOMAN! I weren't talkin' 'bout THAT!

Sheesh! Try 'n' be all genteel and look at what it gets ye.

Lemon juice in yer friggin' EYE!

Breath Matt, breath... Remember when a lass gives ye lemons, make the lemon maid!

Just shout out *Iron Bess* and you'll not be too long to wait.

"Iron Bess!" Ok... one. two.. three... four.... five..... six.....

Oh yeah she's speedy...

seven....... eight........

Any minute now...

nine.........

"Is Herself on a lunch break?"

ten.........

yeah, well just wait 'til ya meet someone with a like fondness for the inky deep, and the two of ye cling to one another so tightly, ye hardly notice the drowning...

- Weasel

So, yer idea of true luv, is t' find someone ye can drown wit'? Certainly puts a different spin on til' death do us part!

- Jacky

"Sheep? There's been a party with sheep?" Now that, I says to meself, musta been some party.

"A sheep party?! Horrors!" Sterling says in alarm. "The Scots are here... watch yer backs, gentlemen and pets...."

Jacky re-enters the bar, and mutters, 'Silly sod, sheep don't have feathers'.

Ray I need a hand wit' this barrel!

Ray and Jacky roll the unusually large barrel in the direction of the Sea Witch.

I look at Siren, who's laughing so hard she nearly chokes on the cherry in her drink.

"Sheep? There's been a party with sheep?" Now that, I says to meself, musta been some party. "But, where'd the feathers come from, I wonder?"

Siren is still too busy laughing to answer.

Jacky Tar enters the bar hummin', 'One little, two little, three little Indians....'

Ray I'm goin' t' need more sacks, the ships' hold is burstin' wit' feathers! I've got to get another hogshead of Trader Vic's finest too, or Herself will have my hide. Those natives sure could put down Mai Tai's.

Jacky scoops up some sacks, nods to Ray, Cap'n Siren, and Ransom, and heads back t' the Sea Witch.

Jacky picks up a drum, and starts a conga line, and heads out of the Pub, and up the gang plank of The Sea Witch.

It's been a few days of dancin', and only a handful of Aztecs are left standin'. Most have drop dead from exhaustion. Time to pick up the drum beat and finish off the last few feathered dancers. Jacky had heard tales that this is how the Mayans went out.

Time to clean this up, before Iron Bess gets back; she has been on shore leave fer her natal day celebration. Jacky has cleaned up after other parties on the Sea Witch before, but this one was the largest by far...

With the last bodies and feathers stowed away, Jacky sets out to restock the rum and Mai Tai mix...

Jacky has seen these dances before, and when the dancin' stops someone gets sacrificed in a gruesome pagan ritual. Jacky realizes he must keep these savages dancin' at all costs. There is only one safe place to take these savages; the only 24 hour party ship in the harbor, 'The Sea Witch'! The Sea Witch is captained by Herself, 'Iron Bess'. Iron Bess is always lookin' for a few more cabin boys, and probably won't notice a few extra Aztecs.

Jacky picks up a drum, and starts a conga line, and heads out of the Pub, and up the gang plank of The Sea Witch.

The Nation leaps to its collective feet. An insistent, driving drumbeat begins throbbing. "Hit it, boys!" Seven or eight Aztecs with particularly outrageous headdresses vault to the top of the bar, chanting rhythmically.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey, hey, hey hey!

Macchu Picchu Maaaaaan! I've got to be a Macchu Picchu Man!

Machhu Picchu Maaaan! I've got to be a Macchu..."

The Aztecs dance ecstatically.

Looky there... Inigo and the Village People... I mean Aztecs.

Honestly mate, yer floor show needs a bigger stage. Have ye tried Vegas?

Jacky muses, never a dull moment when Inigo comes in t' port.

Und it was never I who claimed to be German with a navy but a pirate with 1000 ships under ze leadership of ze Master Crew.  ZO .....NANNY-NANNY-POP-POO

und for what you now call germany and prussia were never land locked  mit major ports such as Bremen, Hamburg, und Danzig mit many lesser ports.

Admiral Under Pants, where did ye say ye come from? From which of those lesser ports, or lesser sea powers did ye receive yer commission? That leadership... is it Grand Master Crew or maybe Snoop Dogg...

Honestly mate, when the fellas wit' the sea nets come fer ye, go quietly, they be yer friends!

Jacky Tar goes back to his drink.

It's ok fraulein Barbossa I get all ze respect I need with my fleet of pirates blasting ze hell out of polyester und rayon clad renfaire pirates who don't know a head from a haly'ard!

Jacky Tar moves over t' a window glances out at the sea...

Admiral Uber Imagination thar be no german or prussian ships in the harbor. The Germans had no real navy until the 1850's; they had no need, they sold thar colonies to the Netherlands in the early 1700's. The Germans were land locked as it were. As you now find yer self...

Jacky moves back t' the bar to order more grog.

Jacky Tar enters the bar...

Inigo really... What ever happened to... 'Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, Jou killed my fader prepare to die!'

Jacky pulls up to the bar and orders some grog, and waits to catch the rest of the floor show.

I'll be berthed with The "Port of New Providence". We'll be all settled in there with our encampment so come sit for a time, sing and make merry!

Any pirate would berth wit ye in any Port, M'Lady. But ye must stop wit these stories about 'Makin Mary' an' leave it t' the Pirate Poet!

y.h.s.

Jacky Tar