Barbados Sam

I be serious when I asks if they be within' crawlin' distance. Me thinks I could make it about 2 or 3 blocks if need be....I could call a taxi, but me thinks they be hard ta' find that night..........

you still have that little short guy working under yer desk? Lucky little bastard......

C.S.I.

Thrust

grind

spread

Hard on

hard nipples

Actual conversations with customers: Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong? Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right? Customer: Yeah.... Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using? Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen..... Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!! =============== Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one... =============== Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry.... =============== Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left? =============== Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello... I can't print. Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and... Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it! =============== Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it... =============== Customer: I have problems printing in red... Tech support: Do you have a color printer? Customer: Aaaah....................thank you. =============== Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket. =============== Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OK Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work =============== Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters? =============== Customer: I can't get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars. =============== Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer. =============== Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears. =============== Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it? =============== A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows? Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine." =============== And last but not least:.... Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: I don't have a P. Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob. Customer: What do you mean? Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob. Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

Arrrrrr there any motels within crawling distance?

Carne Asada taco, rice & beans......so much for the diet today.......

Steamy

FIRST MATE I AM Arrrrrrr. Ray me lad, DRINKS FER EVERYONE!!!

Slurp! (have we come full circle???)

Aye, I does have a broad likin' o' different types of music....jes some of them I don't readily admit to

IN-N-OUT mmmm...Double Double

I'm embarassed to know this one, but.... SHANG A LANG / BAY CITY ROLLERS (we played it in a band I was in) Here's an easy one: One of these early mornings, oh, you gonna be wiping your weeping eyes I bought you a brand new mustang 'bout nineteen sixty five Now you come around signifying a woman, you don't wanna let me ride.

Motion

Two elderly gentlemen were chatting on a park bench. The first one says "I need to eat more fiber or something, I can't seem to have regular bowel movements" The second guy says, "That ain't a problem for me. I have a bowel movement every single morning at 7:00. Unfortunately, I don't wake up until 8:00"

Aye ye scurvy bilge rat.....ye must'a confused us wit Oprah's Book Of The Month Club......we be pyrates and we takes what we want.....we save's arrr dubloons fer rum an women.....some researcher ye be

Arrr. Anyone could a figger'd that out mate.....clearly a kitty-cat typed the message.....look at the "paws" between the phrases

Whacked

Well let's see....I've heard it called: baloney pony bishop bone cock crank crotch crotch monkey crotch rocket dick dildo dip stick dong dork flugelhorn f--k stick gristle whistle groin hammer head heat seeking moisture missile johnson jolly rod knob little Elvis lizard love muscle manhood meat puppet mister happy muff missle one eyed monster one eyed trouser trout one eyed wonder worm pants monster of love pecker pee pee penis peter pole prick pud purple-headed warrior rod sausage schlong sex root shaft shank staff sword tallywacker the bald-headed champ the main vein third leg tool trouser snake tube steak unit wang wanger wanker wee wee weenie wiener Willy wong yard arm ....but not dummy.......

Here's a link to a site that talks about changes that will be made to the POTC ride early next year. Jack Sparrow has arrived! http://www.miceage.com

bait