Red-Handed Jill

This class was great! (Did I mention that the tomahawk was my favorite?) All of the instructors really knew what they were doing and made the class very enjoyable. Learning how to most efficiently disembowl, slice open or stab an opponent with a variety of weapons is way up there on my list of useful things to learn. I had a blast and the other folks from TO7S did as well. We're very much looking forward to the next class!!

Feeling pretty crappy - got the flu on Sunday and I have way too much to do the next couple of weeks. This is just SO inconvenient.

If you want to stick to purely piratical songs: The Derelict (Fifteen Men on a Dead Man's Chest) Billy Bones The Pirate Song (which is a ballad) The Coasts of High Barbary Captain Kidd Henry Martin

I am the least photogenic person on this planet. Somehow, almost all of the pictures taken of me end up being me squinting into the sun. Even when I endeavor to avoid this, events conspire to make this happen. And when I smile, my whole face changes - I can't simply smile like a normal human being.

Fries with mayonnaise are the BEST. Of course, I can't be eating those all the time...

Me too! Or with malt vinegar.

I will also be going to jail for carrying around a gun shaped like a penis. Is such a thing to be had? I suppose there is a gunsmith somewhere who can make such an item...

I think HarborMaster has the right take on this - of course, that's my opinion because I feel the same way . What you do on your own time is your own business. But the second it interferes or can potentially interfere with another person's safety or well-being it ceases to be your own business and you should act accordingly. Want to get drunk? High? Fine. Just don't do anything that could have any impact on another's life. Responsibility for one's own actions is the best policy. There's not a lot of that lately, unfortunately...

Exactly! From what I've observed, so many parents negotiate with their kids, when what the kids need is absolute boundaries. Boundaries make kids feel safe and if you take those away, kids will get scared and act out. Twenty or so years ago, I used to work at a health club managing their cafe. Every once in a while, I would be asked to do a stint of duty in the babysitting room since I was CPR certified, trustworthy, etc. Now, I always insisted that the kids behaved themselves and guess what? They LOVED me and were very happy when told that I would be asked to watch them. Now there was one kid named Christopher whose parents should never have reproduced. They had backbones the consistency of wet tissue paper and always cajolled or negotiated with this kid. It was no big surprise that he was a nasty little brat. One day when I was in the babysitting room, there were only two kids there: a very good-natured kid named Travis (who had the BEST type of parents) and Christopher. Travis was playing with a toy truck and minding his own business and Christopher pushed him down and grabbed the truck. Travis thought about it for a second or two and decided to just pick up another truck to play with. I told Christopher not to try that again. Naturally, he pushed Travis down again and grabbed the other toy truck. I stood up and ordered Christopher to sit down in the corner. He was so surprised at being disciplined that he did it before even thinking. I could see the gears in his head working and then he jumped up with his fists held in front of him. I stood up again and asked what he thought he was doing and he yelled, "I'm going to hit you!" I stepped closer to him and said, "If you hit me, I'm not going to really feel it, but if I hit you, you will definitely feel it. Now SIT DOWN!!!" He sat down immediately with a stunned look on his face and stayed there until his parents picked him up. A few weeks later, they were told that their son was persona non grata and they could never, EVER bring him to the club ever again, under any circumstances. I'm sure that kid is in jail or dead by now - his parents must be so proud...

Jamba Juice macha green tea blast!

Jordan almonds

^ was at the Bakersfield Faire this weekend (were you attacked by the flying, biting earwigs?)

At the Bakersfield Faire this weekend I saw a little girl about four or five years old create a huge scene. She didn't want to go home and was shrieking at the top of her lungs. From what I could decipher I think she also wanted her parents to buy her something. She dragged her heels and pulled as hard as she could away from her parents. Eventually, her father picked her up and she continued to shriek at the top of her lungs as she struggled and kicked at her father. I don't think there was a single person there who would have objected to her father giving that little Spawn of Satan a few choice swats. He might have gotten some cheers. I know I would have wanted to give him a high-five.

Got back from Bakersfield last night - boy, am I exhausted. It's a well-run faire that is lenient (within reason) about firing cannons and such and Joyce Roberts is excellent to work with. On the other hand, it's in a dust bowl with no trees and the soil is like concrete. It was also hotter than predicted. And to add to the fun, there were flying, biting earwigs and biting ants (the earwigs were worse, though.) Kent, I'm so sorry we weren't able to join you at that prom; we were set to do so but got so tired that we just ate and went to the hotel to sleep. The heat, lack of trees and hard surface was bad enough, but Jack and I did three musical performances a day of 45 minutes each - we were done in. We heard about the after-faire party, but just couldn't muster the strength to join it.

I nominate Mad Grace Oakum. Her sig file is, as they say, way cool!

Is anyone going? It's a pretty new faire, but lots of fun. Tales of the Seven Seas will be there!

For the gents: Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win. Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion. Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem. Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together. Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator..(applies to engineers mainly). Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask. Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too. Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....and if you are feeling amorous afterwards... .then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others. Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now? Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest...... like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.

ZEN SARCASM 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire. 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else. 6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. 12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield. 14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. 16. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 17. Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. 18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. 20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 21. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Silence of the Lambs?

Too funny, Mad Jack! Gotta remember that one... I guess it's not so much of an issue if the woman wears some sort of actual supporting device - giving you some place to actually place your cold nose - but I've seen too many women with REALLY saggy breasts wearing those under-boob bodices and their breasts spill over the top of the bodice and are sagging halfway to their waists. I often wonder if they have any mirrors that show them from the neck down.

Yep - tried the plastic boning and it just never worked all that well. I've made quite a few bodices and the flat steel boning has always worked the best for me.

^ is bravely facing a difficult health issue.

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and one woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife in a chair. Kill Her!" The man said, "You can't be serious - I could never shoot my wife!" The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes, then the man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

Hey -Red Handed Jill -are ye doing it atop the bar? Oui

Unless you plan on wearing a bra or have small or really perky breasts, the under-breast bodices aren't too flattering. I've seen too many women wear this type without proper additional support and their breasts spill over the top and sag down the bodice. It's not pretty...