PyratePhil

3rd Day Report RAIN!!! Arrrrrrrrrr..... A soggy pyrate be I right about now, lads an' lasses...even me parrot was a'drippin from'n his pore lit'le tail... Me pouches were soakin', me sword was a'rustin...even me little flogger was drenched... Two fights in the grass and I called it a day - it wouldn't be proper ta be a'swingin' at yer adversary and slippin' down ta yer keel. Well, on the bright side o' things - it could be said I got me Drench-A-Wench wish! <sigh>...NorEast PA in Spring 'n' Summer...nuthin' like it...

Soon's as I gets me pikchures deeveloped, m'lady, I'll be a-postin' 'em hereabouts. It jes' be a throw-away magic pikchure box, tho, so's I cant's vow as to the quality (although if I be in the pickchure, it be high art!). Aye, I'd be mor'n willin' ta be teachin' ye the finer points o' weapon manipulations... M'lady, you get that black leather bodice together, an' I'll be wingin' me way up to Ontario Port, no mistake!

Can't be me, luv, I'm a Leo (go figure!) ...I think ye be lion, me lady...

All's I know is, there be other boards that I post on what have done that...

"Baleen" - oh, lass, that's a line to krill for! And thank ye fer the heads-up, so ta speak...but I was referrin' to both the ship 'N' the human form...I been known to both, an' they ta me. "Real Pyrates don't anthropomorphize"

Day 2 Had me some fun today...me two cabin-boys were off'n ta the Great Port O' New York, so's I went ta th' faire stag. (And NO, I don't be meanin' I had horns on...) The performin' troop came 'n' asked iffn' I'd be willin' to participate in some o' their skits - they heard about me fightin' background somehow ( ) - so's we went at it hot and heavy several tymes fer the payin' folks. Oh, what a rush! The applause! The autty-graphs! The kisses! The congradiations! The kisses! Um, I said that... I be a happy, happy pyrate today, lads and lassies - gimme' a sword and a stout pair o' boots, and I'll gladly be swingin' fer me supper! One interestin' thing...durin' one o' me bouts, I seems ta have lost me copper mug and me nice little red suede flogger. Thinkin' they was 3 sheets ta th' wind, I swallowed me pride and marched in the final procession...lo and behold, a lass comes up, points me to a vendor booth, where some kindly soul turned in me mug. After bestowin' bows and kisses ta the responsible parties, I proceeded with the procession....only ta be stopped again by a different female type, who pointed me yonder to the person holdin' me flogger - they said it seemed the right thing ta be doin'... What a lot o' nice folk! Jes fer that, I'll be returnin' their little ones in the mornin'...

Rumba Rue- But arrr we talkin' small faires, o' the biggie ones? Although, I guess it be a mite diffycult to be runnin' plummin' and such inta th' forests... An' here I be thinkin' Callyfornia be first in everything!

I plundered it fast, 'n' no mistake. Thank ye kindly, Black Skot!

Odd, that... I seem ta be thinkin' I met this Gemini Liz a few tymes afore... ('scuse me whilst I clear me blow-hole)...

Ahhh, lass - ye be makin' me pine fer th' sea...(sniff)...

WHO be the pasty-faced rabbit-sucker what say's we be grouchy?!? A fine keel-haulin' to th' jackanape - imagine, th' nerve callin' us grouchy! Arrrrrrr!!!

Here's to the Sea, The Muse of You and Me. May our verse be always flowing And our poetry set free.

Ahh, me lady o' the limericks... Another gem! I be glad you be hereabouts...

Review on First Day of Endless Mtns. Ren. Faire Please keep in mind a few things here – this was the first day of the first attempt of this Faire – a true newbie endeavor on this production company’s part – so of course there are some things to be, shall we say, overlooked. Also, consider the source – me. I’ve been to only two other Ren Faires – one in New York (3x), one in PA (6x) – so am hardly a seasoned observer. I only write what I see and feel. That being said… The grounds, the County Fairgrounds in Dallas, PA, are perfectly suited to a faire such as this. Hidden away in a wooded setting (although any trace of foliage is totally eliminated from the grounds themselves, hence no shade or back support!). Plentiful free parking, with a good-looking band of Pyrates ushering you in at the entrance road (Huzzah!). Admission - $10 adult, $5 child, under 5 is free. Normal prices; actually, cheap. No offer of a program upon entrance – I’ll get into the program in a second. I believe there were 6 staff members working the faire in costume, along with strolling members of several performance troops, so you had roughly a dozen costumed people “belonging” to the Shire. Not many, considering…first complaint – have more staff, mainly for improv and visitor interactions. Hire some high school or college kids to dress up, give ‘em a few things to do, make some ATMOSPHERE. Another point, but probably only a local issue – visitors – PLEASE make an attempt to dress up for the occasion, even if only a large shirt worn on the outside of your jeans with a belt thrown over it. TRY to become part of the experience. Get into it. It’s supposed to be FUN, not a “stare and glare” contest. The best participants were the younger (teen – mid 20’s) crowd – they really “got into” some of the role-plays I “volunteered” myself for. For those who came fully “dressed” – thank you! You made the Faire, and your attention to detail was not ignored by this author. Bathrooms – a biggie – nothing but Porta-Johns. C’mon, folks – break down and get a real bathroom with sinks and towels and mirrors – kind of hard for a Pyrate as vain as me to check my “look” in a Port-a-Potty…this is a fairgrounds – every year, they have a large County fair – what’s the story? Vendors – about 30 vendors, as advertised – the craftspeople were well set-up, costumed, friendly, and accommodating. Future vendors - c'mon - there's doubloons to be made here - join up! Food vendors – well, with the exception of turkey legs, no “period” food – just burgers and sundaes. Food lines moved slowly, pricing was about what was expected. Events – a Celtic music group, Empty Hats, was extremely entertaining and musically accomplished. The same cannot be said for a “belly dancer” and accompanying drummer. Missed Giacomo the Jester (might see him tomorrow or Monday). The Pyrate Reprise – went to this with high hopes – nicely costumed players, good start to the skit, but seriously petered out after only 10 minutes. HIGHLY anticlimactic. Spoke with The Pyrate King afterwards (a wonderful, gracious, and knowledgeable gentleman, BTW) – you, sir, should use your theater background to guide the other players in building excitement and satisfaction. 10-minute skit? Boo… Although events such as these were scheduled and started on time, FINDING a schedule was a bit more difficult. True, they were posted in several locations, but would it hurt to hand out a schedule at the ticket booth? Things to Do Sorry, but you all fell far short here. NO games, for kids or adults. NO strolling minstrels, except for the fiddler from Empty Hats. NO magicians, fooles, storytellers…what were we supposed to DO here?!? Eat, buy things, watch a show, and leave? Oh, for shame…I mentioned this to the Tarot card reader, who vowed to mention it to the production company. Even something as simple as a Jacob’s Ladder, or a Drench-A-Wench… which brings me to… PyratePhil’s Famous Wrate-A-Wench – wherein you learn the most important measuring criteria of a Faire – the number and quality of wenches in attendance. We give a rating from 1 to 5 Bodices…a 1-Bodice rating means that the only wenches strolling about were your Mom and your 6th grade Social Studies teacher, Miss Schwaggerman, who just turned 78 last week… a 5-Bodice rating – well, let’s put it this way, with all due respect to the ladies on this board – gentlemen, this be hog heaven! You’ll be cross-eyed and sweatin' for weeks afterward. And the first rating for this first Faire is…(drum roll)…. 2 Bodices! Granted, there’s always room for improvement. Perhaps a greater number of players on staff (see above) would help up your rating. But it’s hard to get excited when 97% of the wenches you spy are got up in jeans and sweatshirts. Ladies – when attending a Ren Faire – skirts are required. Something long and flouncy, preferably (OK, personal preferences are intruding here…). There are always exceptions, of course – the breathtaking maiden who took the photo of me and my cabin boys, and to whom I paid the sincere compliment later in the day – you, m’lady, single-handedly brought the rating up from a 1 to a 2 – congratulations! :>) Ladies – as far as the freshness of the male stock – well, all modesty aside, with the exception of yours truly, who cannot be included in the judging due to his insanely masculine aura and finely-chiseled musculature – I would say, on a scale of 1-5 Codpieces, this Faire ran at about 3 Codpieces – plenty of skin and hair showing, no Bermuda shorts with brown penny-loafers and white socks, lots of manly men walking around with kilts (on a windy day, yet!) … Eye–candy galore, ladies! The Joust – a well-done joust was held 3 times during the day – the same players as at the Mt. Hope PA Ren Faire – well done to all, say I, and huzzah, Lucas!!! Well, that be about it…I was heartened to see the fairly large ratio of Pyrate characters about, a good time was had by my cabin-boys and me, and we’d certainly go back again next year. In fact, since I’ll probably be bored tomorrow and Monday, I might go again to see what I shall see…

I be off wit' me two cabin-boys to the Endless Mts. (PA) Ren Faire today. Iffin' ye be good little lads an' lassies, I might even be purr-sueded ta post a review and maybe a photy-graph or two later. It be a tiny faire (30 vendors), it be their first time, but they got's a few talented players, so we'll be seein' what we be seein'...

Aye - but hold the mayo, iffin ye please... Aye, but not poems... although these here ones I did post previously on 'nuther board a whiles back. O' course, they needed some tweakin' to be a goodin' fit hereabouts... Ahh...anuther poet! Hail and well met, lad! Do ye find that the poofy-poet look jes' don't look proper on us pyrates? Congrats on the pubb'd work, BTW! "Beneath me scarred black leather lies silk finery"

Sorry, BS..oops, sooory, Black Skot ...didn't mean ta overload yer hold... Yeppers - they all be mine...wouldn't be a'postin' 'em withouts proper creditin' iffin' they wasn't...

Aye - I could be writin' like that, too, but I been told to be a good little pyrate here...

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The E-Pyrate Meerschaum pipe burning Surf the Web for pyrate lore Ash falls to the floor Cat sits on the desk Plays with the mouse when I pause Hairball on mouse pad Stop to pour coffee Not the same as rum, but then- It’s a lot cheaper. Rain whispers on glass Nodding in my library Fireplace dancing Fourteen hundred books Embrace me like an old friend Musty, yet alive Sleep is a stranger Time enough to sleep later Death – the final nap Thinking of others Tenuous thoughts on the screen Touched, but never felt The Sun’s a voyeur Watching me through the curtain Time to show it in Power down – unplug - Stand and chase the knots away Return to the day

The Call Maritime echoes, cry of bird Phantom voices we once heard Cries of pleasure in the rain Hear the haunting old refrain. Hundred fathoms deep each day Search for the immortal way Spirit lost, and yet I seek Soul is strong, yet body weak. Visions dance and bid me join Precious moments I purloin Dance is over, day is done One left standing…only one. Ship goes nowhere, darkness cloaks Reveal all the cosmic jokes Act in sin and pay the price Find God in a grain of rice. Small yet powerful Nothing yet all I have no choice but to Answer the call.

(cue "Twilight Zone" music) (PYRATE, looking disturbingly like Rod Serling, with a cigarette dangling from his lips, enters STAGE LEFT) "Submitted fer ye approval... A little wench in a little town on th' border o' nowhere... (cue PARROT on PYRATE's shoulder - squawks) Her callin' in life - dreamin'... She's about ta encounter 'er ancestors in a fashion most unbecomin'... Thar's a signpost up ahead... Next port o' call - th' Twilight Zone" (Exeunt, STAGE RIGHT)

Never been to the Fling - work has always gotten in the way - but I always seem to find time for their Pyrate Weekend (week?) during the Ren. Faire... Even convinced my son's teacher to bring their class to the Poe thing :)

Yo-ho! X marks me spot!!!

Heh, heh... Congrats on th' gradooatin, lassie...now iffn' it were me in yer boots, I'da not even gotten me a "Most Likely Ta Plunder" award...