PyratePhil

Maybe it all boils down ta... "Live fast, die young, 'n' leave a good-lookin' corpse"...

Oh, the ones in court, most definitely, m'lady... Sorry fer th' confusion - I should have just said attorneys...it's just that even the WORD "leech" sounds better than "lawyer"... And thank ye graciously fer the compliment - I'd even look good in leeches "You can get anything you want..." (Sorry, Privateer - I couldn't resist)

...but... ...ye say thet as if it be a BAD thing...

...and th' leeches - don't be forgettin' th' leeches!

Don't be blamin' ME fer that sedimental rubbish, m'lady - like'n I said, it be from the poofter poet down below. T'were I ta have me way, I'd be postin' such words as ta make Mr. Buffet's head spin... Sentiment...BAH...gimme blood 'n' gore anytime!

VINYL???!? It be vinyl?!? Oh, lass, say it ain't so...

Me cabin-boy, who be heavy inta these things, tells me the number o' Pyrate ships far outnumbers the English or Spanish...Huzzah! Nothin' like uneven odds to gladden a pyrate's heart... And me and he'll be standin' in line before th' store opens on that fateful day...

Well, from what I be hearin', you can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant...exceptin' Alice...

...but what if ye WERE just keelhauled in a ligthnin' storm... ...and there be no blow dryer aroun'... Well, judging by your picture Phil, I doubt that's a problem for you. An' if'n ye still can't keep it together, use yer best pirate sash/bandana, or else ye could tar the stuff tagether. Rumba Rue **No problem that can't be solved by the proper application of silliness** ...but what ye don't be seein' in that picture, m'lady, is the ponytail down ta me ass...

...politicians... ...soldiers of fortune... ...hackers... ...but I don't be knowin' that I be fully agreein' with yer "nothin' in return" comment, darkthing...pyrates give MANY things in return - a run fer yer money (good exercise)...an urge to advance security technology (stimulating innovation)...an' a place ta be gettin' rid o' yer unwanted wenches...

...but what if ye WERE just keelhauled in a ligthnin' storm... ...and there be no blow dryer aroun'...

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Aww, what be three hunnert years, give er take, amongst friends?

I cant's be thinkin' o' a better gift fer Father's Day!!! Congrats to ye and yer lady, and welcome ta Julia Rose!

Aww... Now iffin' ye was at PRF the followin' week (Pyrate Weekend), then I'd be honored ta be boned by ye an' ta share a nice cuppa java... Alas an' alack - have a good time, m'lady!

Thank ye, thank ye... Donations can be made ta th' Lost Seamen Fund...

Doc, Darkthing- Thank ye, gents! I'll be separatin' from some o' me filthy lucre in the near future at MicroMark, and I'll be lettin' ye know what bubbles up

Not quite codes, but there be many songs what mention pyrate-like things... One o' me faves be an ol' Jethro Tull tune..."Aqualung"...when I had's a few rums in me, I'd be hearin' (an' singin')... "Sittin' in a crow's nest Eyin' merchant ships with...bad intent"

Thank ye, Doc. I hadn't been countin' on the price o' the pot - I think that would be buyin' a lot of figures from yer company. If ye have a 25mm line o' pyrates (plastic or metal), please let me know, or even better, maybe post a link here fer the others - I'm sure there's more gamers / collectors out there. MicroMark - there be a name I haven't heard fer a while - since I got outta th' model ship-buildin' arena many moons ago... Thanks again, Doc!

<jumping up and down with hand raised> OOO! OOO! ME!!! Well...sorta... Well...not yet, anyway...but I HAVE been looking into castin my OWN 25mm mini's, as soon's as I be figerin' out th' stuff I be needin... But I been a gamer from a ways back (D&D, WWII, etc), so this be me new challenge...

I recently came across these here missives whilst curry-combin’ thru me sea chest… thought they might be o’ some amusement to ye all… ____________________________________________________________ DATE: January 23, 1727 TO: The Honorable Msgr. Pyrate Phil FROM: HRMIRS – Her Royal Majesty’s Internal Revenue Service RE: Tax Returns for 1723-1724-1725-1726 Dear Illustrious and Most Honored Esquire Pyrate Phil: In accordance with HRMIRS regulations, and by the powers granted unto this august body, we hereby ask most humbly for your Income Tax Returns for the above-listed years. In all probability this matter has been simply an oversight on your part – we understand that sea-faring trades have their hands full, so to speak, and cannot always find an opportune moment to remit their lawfully due accounts. We look forward to the favor of your reply at your earliest convenience. Earnestly and Most Humbly Yours in HRM’s Service, Lord Bailiwick Gobbstopper, Adjutant General, HRMIRS WBG/ww ____________________________________________________________ Febueery Three, 1727 TO: Mr. Bailjumper Goodwick, Rutting General, HRMIRS FROM: Pyrate Phil RE: Tax Returns for etc., etc. Mr. Bailjumper: I don’t recalls as ta how I be owin’ Her Royal Majesty any monies. I be classified as “Self-Employed – Sea Trade – Other”, accordin’ ta yer rule book (p. 2,675, para. 4). Thet there section sez thet I be exempt from any an’ all taxes. Alsa, I be expectin’ a refund o’ monies owed me, due ta me bein' robbed by ye agents th’ last three years. Me last 3 wives all (Bless ‘em) had mysterious illnesses and passed over, rest their souls. Their estates bein’ willed ta me, and HRM seein’ fit ta take a goodly portion o’ me righteously earned lucre, I feel’s I be due a refund. Kindly send sech refund ta: Pyrate Phil The Plague Port Royal Thank ye, Pyrate Phil ___________________________________________________________ DATE: February 24, 1727 TO: Mr. Pyrate Phil FROM: HRMIRS – Her Royal Majesty’s Internal Revenue Service RE: Tax Returns for 1723-1724-1725-1726 – Reply to Yours of February 3, 1727 Dear Mr. Pyrate Phil: Perhaps I have been negligent in explaining exactly how it is you owe the Crown a goodly amount of back taxes. Let me forthwith explain… For the years listed, you have seen fit to enter deductions based upon somewhat dubious expenses, to wit… 1) Leather preservative for cat o’ nine tails - £27 2) Salt Pork - £13 3) Gunpowder - £265 4) Wench Depreciation - £1,746 5) Use of The Plague as a mobile office - £573 6) Advertising - £435 Taking these in order: 1) The traditional usage in your trade of a cat of nine tails hardly justifies a “softening agent” 2) Salt pork is not a deductible item – see our circular, “What Can I Deduct?” 3) Gunpowder is a non-necessary item for your trade. 4) I was not aware that “wenches” (if by this name you are alluding to women) could be depreciated – it isn’t as if you BOUGHT them! 5) Your boat is also your home for more than 75% of the time, so an office deduction is disallowed. 6) Advertising – I hardly think that passing out ears of your slain enemies could qualify as “business card usage”; likewise, writing “England Rules, Spain Drools” on your main sail cannot qualify as “billboard investment”. Your previous wives’ “mysterious illnesses” were concluded by a Royal Court of Inquiry to be nothing more than ghastly death by excessive fornication. This hardly gives you an exemption, nor does it absolve you of your duty under Royal law to pay your taxes. We will expect your payment within the fortnight. Yours, Lord Bailiwick Gobbstopper, Adjutant General, HRMIRS WBG/ww ___________________________________________________________ DATE: April 1, 1727 TO: Wickstomper BallBouncer FROM: Someone Ye Don’t Want To Be Pisn' Off RE: Your Last Silly Letter I got’s better things ta be doin’ than argooin’ with ye, ye pasty-faced, rabbit-suckin’ lubber. Come ‘n’ get me, iffin ye knows how to trim a sail o’ pull a’ oar, ye white-bellied pansy! At least I be a real man – not a momma’s boy a-hidin’ behind me Queen’s petticoats. And…I DID buy me last 3 wives – what’s it to ye? Avast! PP ___________________________________________________________ DATE: April 20, 1727 TO: Mr. Phil FROM: HRMIRS – Her Royal Majesty’s Internal Revenue Service RE: Tax Returns for 1723-1724-1725-1726 – Reply to Yours of April 1, 1727 Mr.Phil: Since you have seen fit to taunt me in your last letter, be it known by all parties present that the Queen’s Deputies have duly been empowered to seek you out and bring you to justice for your repeated negligence in paying what is rightfully your legal and moral obligation. Unless it is to inform this office that you have agreed to pay this restitution, please refrain from any further scandalous and libelous communications. Lord GOBBSTOPPER, Adjutant General, HRMIRS ___________________________________________________________ DATE: May 14, 1727 TO: Lord Pansy Ass FROM: The Terror Of the Sea RE: Your Pathetic Mewlin’s OOOO, I be SOOOO a-scared! I be quiverin’ in me boots, I be! What a pansy! Come ‘n’ get me yerself, ye blowhard – iffin’ ye gots th’ courage that a deef and dum cabin-boy gots! Lord High Master Pyrate Phillipus Louigious Bellifontane, ACM, DRF, TDG, TGIF, ABC, CBS (There, ye poofter! I kin be addin’ words ‘n’ letters ta me name, too!) ____________________________________________________________ There be much, much more where thet be comin’ from, lords 'n’ ladies, but I think thet be a fair samplin’…besides which, it only gets worse...

Sorry, mate, time ta be a'wakin'... O'course, iffin ye decide ta join th' newly created Commonwealth of Philbertania, we might be willin' ta discuss terms... "A chicken in every pot and a Pyrate in every port" <PyratePhil's campaign slogan)

Arr, I be likin' th' Yin Yang boots, but fer shame, they's not quite "period"...

Ahh, m'lady, ye have me at a disadvantage, ye do... If a man be dressin' in wench garb, I be sayin', "Turns arounds so's I kin see ye leavin' better", whereby, iffin a wench be dressin' like a man, I be sayin' "Turns around so's I can be holdin' ye better"... I be afraid I be an old pyrate...when mens were mens, wenches were wenches, and it allays seem't work out pretty fair thet way... But also sez I, lives and let lives... So much fer th' confusin' "Old School" pyrates...

Sorta' reminds me o' me 18th birthday party... ...but thet be a tale fer another time 'n' place...