The Pirate Hunter's Smarter Brother!

[Joaquin Andamun]

Joaquin is disoriented and not familiar with his surroundings; he is a pack a day cigarillo smoker, and is rapidly running out of breath, and wheezing loudly.

(...) Siren moves quickly and binds the wrists of the almost lifeless Joaquin, with her whip. Joaquin can do little to resist as they lead him back towards the Pub.

Jacky Tar doubles over in pain from an unexpected attack of congenital lactose intolerance. While tying the ropes, Siren breaks a nail. Joaquin skates. So there. Nyah.

While leaving the scene, however, Joaquin notices a strange glowing discontinuity in the scenery. "Whoa, look at dat! A reep in de fabreec of space-time! I guess I yank on de plot a leetle too hard. How I gonna feex dees?" A man with close-cropped hair, coveralls and a strange, blinking backpack leans out and grouses "I told you not to cross the streams!" A hand reaches through and jerks him back. He is replaced by an even more outlandish fellow, in a pointed hat, elaborate brocade robes, and sporting a waist-length, flowing white beard. From around his neck he produces a curious necklace. "I think about three turns should do it," he says handing it to Joaquin. Wide eyed, Joaquin spins the tiny hourglass. The world begins to shimmer. Suddenly the robed man snatches the pendant back, and retreats into the rapidly closing void. His voice floats through in an uncharacteristically petulant tone, "Very good. Now don't make me come up here again!"

The shimmering ceases, and Andamun finds himself ... (pulls out reading glasses, leafs back a post or two...) ... ah,yes. Alone. The sounds of a defiant conversation float over the air from a few blocks away. "Teddy!" he exclaims, starting in that direction, then halting, torn by indecision. "...no, I gots to fin' Inigo and Rosarita, like she say. Dey know what to do."

He starts to pick up the few remaining peacock quills. Why Inigo's cousin, after their collision, had grabbed so many and had run the other direction, he could not fathom. All he had said to Teddy was that Rosarita had spilled the secret of the ship, and that they were after him. Why does everybody want his cursed feathers, anyway? Then he turns back and sees the slowly settling trail of debris. He rolls his eyes in disgust. "Joaquin, jou not de sharpest cutlass in de armory," he grumbles. He drops the now ruined feathers, dusts off the last of the churro crumbs, and sneaks away.

[Rumba Rue]

Rumba comes swishbuckling back into the Pub out of breath with her knife out and a piece of cloth attached to the end

That friggin' bugger can run...managed to catch a piece o' his pants....

waves material around

Eeet is more theeen I ceen handle....wait...why am I talking like this...I need a drink...heads for bar and grabs a goodly large bottle of Capt. Morgan's from behind the bar and rips the top off and takes a goodly swallow. Then takes a look around the place. Feathers, churos, over-turned furniture...

Wait what's this strange man and why is he shimmering? I didn't know I hired a new Wal-Mart greeter....wait he disappeared...ok who stole this one?

[M, A.C.T.E.N.]

Jacky Tar,Aug 12 2006, 01:28 AM

"I want t' help ye, but ye have t' help me, help ye. Ye may know the location of the galleon, and that could help all of us!"

"Comprende?"

(O.K. I say it, "Show me the money!")

"Phaaaat! I speet at jour feet! Jou think I wheel cho jou the money? Even Joaquin would nut have been anee help to jou! He ees loyal to Inigo! Jou no, he eesn't the sharpest cutlass in the armory. Inigo may seem the fool but he ees a very clever man! He would never tell jou that hees sheep is in...

Jou really think I am that foolish to tell jou where the sheep is sunk? Geeve me some credit!

Jou pirates aren't so bright as the sunlight are jou?

[Capt. Sterling]

No, no... they could dive to recover the treasure in the sheep, shep....screw it...boat at the bottom of the harbour... and of course co-ed would do quite nicely!

No, not co-ed! Sterling, if I have to look at your scrawny butt going over the gunwale, I'm throwing in the towel and getting a job as an accountant! No treasure is worth that!

On the other hand, if you hire the Swedish Bikini Team....and you stay strictly out of the water....

Swedish Bikini team?!!!... to hell with the treasure...off to the cabin!!

[Capt. Sterling]

Jacky Tar,Aug 12 2006, 01:28 AM

Jou really think I am that foolish to tell jou where the sheep is sunk? Geeve me some credit!

Jou pirates aren't so bright as the sunlight are jou?

He already told us the boat was in the harbour. How many harbours can there be?? Sterling being all too blond under that brown wig...

[Jacky Tar]

CUT !

Okay ...the last thing this thread needs is a director ...would ruin all the fun. However there is one rule that I think we should follow. We don't "puppet" anyone else's character without permission from that individual. Pepe, peons, Ray, the inquisiton staff etc. you can puppet they are Non-player characters. Anyone who is a player character ...Inigo, Rosie, Teady(because she is mine ...I just created a sign on ID for her), Joaqin, Jacky, Sterling, Sirene, etc. you can not puppet.

Any one disagrees ...well that is just plain inconsiderate.

annnnnnnnd ACTION!

What are you babbling about now! I didn't put words in Sirens mouth or Joaquin's mouth. I was hoping Joaquin would create some funny dialog and escape, not time warp! I was glad to see Siren join the chase.

Please, quit trying to explain everything! Or acting as the pub monitor! You want in so bad, create your characters and start typing, and don't tell us it's you.

[Jacky Tar]

"Phaaaat! I speet at jour feet! Jou think I wheel cho jou the money? Even Joaquin would nut have been anee help to jou! He ees loyal to Inigo! Jou no, he eesn't the sharpest cutlass in the armory. Inigo may seem the fool but he ees a very clever man! He would never tell jou that hees sheep is in...

Jou really think I am that foolish to tell jou where the sheep is sunk? Geeve me some credit!

Jou pirates aren't so bright as the sunlight are jou?

Jacky just turns and walks away.

[Joaquin Andamun]

Joaquin carefully threads his way through the back alleys of the city, heading towards his master's secret base of operations, the "Motel Seex" at the corner of Sepulveda and Figueroa. He covers only a few blocks, however, before he becomes aware of a minor irritation near the top of his back. A clearly visible lump protrudes from between his shoulder blades, wrinkling the otherwise impeccable tailoring of his justacorps. What can it be, he wonders. He removes his coat and finds, to his shock, a radio transmitter. A thready whispering trickles from the dangling earpiece: "9-11... noble sacrifices...weapons of mass destruction..." Clearly a two-way device, and clearly used now for tracking, however improvised. He drops it and grinds it into the dust. Sticking out his tongue in the general direction of Jacky Tar, he turns and continues his escape.

At last he arrives at his destination, footsore, weary, bewitched, bothered, and bewildered...but in surprisingly good spirits.

"Eh, boss," he says, closing the door behind him, setting the night lock and putting out the "Maid Service: Do Not Disturb" sign, "I just have the mos' terrible escape of my life. I ron and ron. Een fact, I do ron, ron ron, I do ron, ron. But I get away clean. Eet was glorious! Dey gon' sing about dees one in de ballads in the future, I tell jou. I even start making op a virgin of de song myself. Leesten, eet go like dees."

Giant steps are what jou take, Joaquin Andamun,

I hope my legs don't break, Joaquin Andamun,

We could walk forever, Joaquin Andamun,

We could leeve together, Joaquin, Joaquin Andamun.

"No bad, eh, Boss? ...Boss?"

Montoya merely stares expectantly at his sidekick. The seconds stretch out until Inigo can stand it no longer, and roars, "...Well? ...Who jou ronning FROM, jou eedeeot?"

Joaquin blinks, then brightens. "Oh, jes, I almos' forget. Rosie late sleep about de sheep in froant of all does pirates. Some of dem combing lookeeng for jou an' me. I theenk dey have jour cusseen, Taiddy, too. Whad' jou wanna do now?"

[Rosarita Montoya]

Jacky just turns and walks away.

"Jacky wait! Do jou want me to shoot her?"

Rosarita walks out of an alleyway and puts her arm around Jacky's shoulders, and glares back at Silkie.

"How bout I buy jou a drink, Jacky? Siren, if jou like I buy jou a bunch of tickle cherries!"

Rosie walks Jacky back to the pub.

[Inigo Montoya]

Montoya merely stares expectantly at his sidekick. The seconds stretch out until Inigo can stand it no longer, and roars, "...Well?  ...Who jou ronning FROM, jou eedeeot?"

Joaquin blinks, then brightens.  "Oh, jes, I almos' forget.  Rosie late sleep about de sheep in froant of all does pirates.  Some of dem combing lookeeng for jou an' me.  I theenk dey have jour cusseen, Taiddy, too.  Whad' jou wanna do now?"

Stroking his goatee, which seems to be peeling on one side, Inigo considers his underling's words, a look of annoyed concern spreading across his visage.

"First, Joaquin, whad' jou doing, pooting words een my mout'? Preety soon, peoples gon' start especteeng dat we really de same guy doeeng de typing. Cut dat out!" Joaquin lowers his head and says "Sorry, Boss, eet won't haippen again." Realizing his error, he claps a hand to his mouth.

"Second," Montoya continues, "Rosarita, she tell me dat eef I not here when she get back from ... um ... well, from wherever she goeeng, she gon' turn me into refried beans. I theenking I baiter stay put, jus' to be on de safe side."

"But jou know," he continues after another pause, "I been wondering about her dese lass coaple of mont. She always gone, she always harping on me about de sheep, and she always try to stoap me from capjooring any pirates. Eet not take a complete eedeeot to start t'inking, maybe she workeeng for de odder side, eh? Maybe she even have a pirate for a loaver, eh? I see how she look at dat Jacky Tar when she een de Pub! She theenk I too escared to noteece, but I see her wid' de long eyelashes and de weenking!"

Suddenly he is on his feet, all trace of indecision vanished.

"Joaquin, fetch me my rope!"

[Black Syren]

Hmm well I do like cherries, lead the way lass.

[Silkie McDonough]

My apologies.

I did not mean to offend I simply wanted to join. Clearly my humor dose not translate well in this forum so I will kindly bow out for now. If anyone wants to use Teady feel free. In fact, if you want I'll give you the password and you can have her. I offer her up to the gods of this thread.

I am sorry that Rosie thought I was talking about her entrance and describing her on my introduction of Teady. I don't know where my wording failed. If someone wishes to PM me an explanation of where I failed I would appreciate it.

I did not intend to be a moderator. I would not want the job. I have not the temperament for it and I know it.

Sterling,

My post about the location of the boat was taken from Jackys cue. I was wondering how he didn't know but I figured I would follow along.

[Rumba Rue]

In the beginning this thread had promise and fun, but it has gone off into areas that just aren't within the reasons of interesting anymore. Time warps, downtown Los Angeles areas...it's totally lost it's pirate appeal... I do hope it can be regained, but for now you've lost me.

[Rosarita Montoya]

Hmm well I do like cherries, lead the way lass.

Ray has let Rosie behind the bar, where she is mixing up a 'Cherry Bomb' (with extra cherries) for Siren, and a 'Flaming Spanish Fly' for Jacky.

"Siren, don jou get near any open flames wit this one!"

She serves the drinks.

"Jacky, jou drink dis one and jou luv everybody, even Teddy!"

[Joaquin Andamun]

In the beginning this thread had promise and fun, but it has gone off into areas that just aren't within the reasons of interesting anymore. Time warps, downtown Los Angeles areas...it's totally lost it's pirate appeal... I do hope it can be regained, but for now you've lost me.

Well, I would have used the Bat Cave, only it didn't sound Spanish. Trust me, this stuff is funny, when you're the one doing the writing. And it's dark o'clock in the morning. And you're drunk. I, uh, guess you had to be there. Sorry.

[Inigo Montoya]

Well, I would have used the Bat Cave, only it didn't sound Spanish. Trust me, this stuff is funny, when you're the one doing the writing. And it's dark o'clock in the morning. And you're drunk. I, uh, guess you had to be there. Sorry.

"No, Joaquin, do noat do thees. Do wad'ever jou must...treep me...wheep me...make fon of de way I count...but I DRAW DE LINE AT ESPLAININ' DE YOKES! ...after all, a man gots to have a sense of deegnity...."

[Joaquin Andamun]

"No, Joaquin, do noat do thees.  Do wad'ever jou must...treep me...wheep me...make fon of de way I count...but I DRAW DE LINE AT ESPLAININ' DE YOKES!  ...after all, a man gots to have a sense of deegnity...."

"Oh, can it, Inigo! It's your fault that our Lead Editor, not to mention the entire Continuity Check team, suddenly had to go out on so-called "Emergency Maternity Leave," which, thanks to you, left me with one, count him, one poor schmuck typing madly out of his grandmother's basement, trying to make a bunch of people laugh -- with absolutely nobody with professional qualifications to back him up and make sure that his DRECK ends up on the cutting room floor, instead of getting out in print where it can do untold damage to the franchise! Once, just once, you might consider keeping it "zeeped", and maybe we wouldn't be in this situation!"

[Inigo Montoya]

"Oh, can it, Inigo!  It's your fault that our Lead Editor, not to mention the entire Continuity Check team, suddenly had to go out on so-called "Emergency Maternity Leave," which, thanks to you, left me with one, count him, one poor schmuck typing madly out of his grandmother's basement, trying to make a bunch of people laugh -- with absolutely nobody with professional qualifications to back him up and make sure that his DRECK ends up on the cutting room floor, instead of getting out in print where it can do untold damage to the franchise!  Once, just once, you might consider keeping it "zeeped", and maybe we wouldn't be in this situation!"

You're one to talk, Joaquin. You were the one who misspelled "ship" in the first place, and now the entire pub has spent the last fifteen pages confused out of their gourds -- and what's worse, you pinned the stupid thing on ME, leaving MY character to have to defend it "ais eef eet doan on porpoise." You know how much ad-libbing you put me through with that one mistake? If you'd just run your copy through a spell-checker once in a while, but noOOOOoooooo, Mister I-Won-The-High-School-Spelling-Bee-as-a-Tiny-Little-Freshman has to INSIST that he has a photographic memory!

[Joaquin Andamun]

You're one to talk, Joaquin. You were the one who misspelled "ship" in the first place, and now the entire pub has spent the last fifteen pages confused out of their gourds -- and what's worse, you pinned the stupid thing on ME, leaving MY character to have to defend it "ais eef eet doan on porpoise." You know how much ad-libbing you put me through with that one mistake? If you'd just run your copy through a spell-checker once in a while, but noOOOOoooooo, Mister I-Won-The-High-School-Spelling-Bee-as-a-Tiny-Little-Freshman has to INSIST that he has a photographic memory!

Control freak.

[Inigo Montoya]

Control freak.

Loser.

[Joaquin Andamun]

Loser.

Mama's boy.

[Inigo Montoya]

Mama's boy.

MOM ALWAYS LIKED YOU BEST!!!

[Jacky Tar]

Jacky sips his drink and listens to Rosie who is faced with many problems, including Inigo's long term unemployment, no one to pick the crops, and the cost of a start-up business (the Pirate Hunter franchise). She is a women without means of support. Rumba has offered to let her dance on the bar. But Rosie knows she needs a plan to make a steady income.

"I know a free drink, even one this good, is never free. What do ye want from ol' Jacky?"

[Jacky Tar]

"Boys if'n ye could quit arguin' wit yer self fer a minute, I'm tryin' to listen t' Rosie! Por favor, take it outside."

[Rosarita Montoya]

"I know a free drink, even one this good, is never free. What do ye want from ol' Jacky?"

"Jacky jou need help wit all jou bizness. How bout I rent jou a peon? Jou sign The Rent A Peon agreement, make de weekly payments and Pepe be jou peon! What jou say to dat?"