How Do You FEEL Now?

[Hester]

Insouciant!

Okay, well actually I'm merely TRYING to cultivate an aura of insouciance.

But, I'm hoping that if I just keep acting the part, the genuine emotion will eventually follow.

[Capt. Sterling]

But why?

[Red-Handed Jill]

Fairly miffed. My birthday has yet to be acknowledged in any way whatsoever by Jack...

EDIT: He overheard me mention this to a friend on the phone and has since apologized - got the day mixed up.

[Ransom]

Royally peeved!

A guy from Portland planned to come down and inspect my car (after a friend of his had already checked it out, and after I e-mailed him pictrures), and said he was bringing a trailer, and cash. He'd be at our place this morning around 9-9:30. Great. Spent all day yesterday getting my old car cleaned up, inside and out, Chain Shot gets the registration out of the safe deposite box, and I gear myself up emotionally to finally sell a car I've had for 36 years. Then, at six last night, the guy calls and says he's too tied up at his shop (Ownes a custom car shop), and that he can't get away. Maybe he'll try for next Wednesday, or the following weekend. Yeah, right!

Last night I REALLY needed to throw something...or shoot something. Where's a not-dead monkey when you need one!

[lady snow]

suffering from bit of spring and cabin fever!

[Red Cat Jenny]

Awww Jill....extra birthday balloons for ye and I'm sure Jack has more n made up for it

[Red-Handed Jill]

Yes, he did.

Spent the weekend in Railroad Flats at a black powder rendezvous. We camped in the primitive area (as always) and there were actually quite a few camps in there with us (at the last one, it was us and four other camps.)

It was a challenge and a lot of fun to meet up with folks we see only twice a year. This is typically a mountain man kind of event but they have welcomed our pirate contingent with open arms.

[Christine]

Well, I pretty much have the anxiety under control, thank goodness! I also seem to be back on a regular schedule again as well. The thing is all the stress and anxiety I've dealt with has really done a number on my body. I have so much tension in my neck and back. My legs, arms and hands are also sore. Sleep is not an easy thing for me to do. I stiffen up as I sleep. I'll sleep the whole night thru, but in the morning I'll be so stiff and sore all over. I stretch slowly so I can get up and then I'm pretty much okay for the whole day. Sometimes I'll feel slightly sore here and there, maybe even some light dizziness from the pain, but during the day I'm fine. It's when I try to sleep I'm so sore. I've tried different pillows, different ways to sleep, different places other than my own bed, but no matter what I do I still wake up stiff and sore. I need to get a really good massage. I talked with some of the co-workers at work. The one girl, who's a caregiver, has a lot of stress and tension in her back. Lifting residents doesn't help it either. She told me how she had 3 massage sessions until she finally started to feel some relief. I would need someone to be extremely gentle, a deep tissue massage would kill me, lol!

[Red-Handed Jill]

It's really weird how much stress can do to a person. Years ago I was working for a small family-owned business. Unfortunately, the family running it was dysfunctional.

I started getting tension in my neck and at times, the tension would build up so far that my head would suddenly jerk to the right. Near the end, my head was jerking to the right A LOT. Folks must have thought I was out of my mind or something. (The voices are making me do this, heh heh...) So you just never know.

[Hester]

But why?

Hey, Capt.:

My cultivation of insouciance is an attempt to avoid that build-up of tension that Christine and Jill are talking about.

"Duffer St. George, and I don't care!"

http://youtube.com/watch?v=G0kTZI1xSk4

[LadyBarbossa]

Very, very, very depressed to the point I'm ready to commit myself. Seriously, serously pondering it at the moment. And ready to sell off all my reenacting stuff cause apparently I live in a fantasy world and I shouldn't ever be doing any reenacting cause it's silly and dumb and stupid.

:*(

I really, really hate family.

[Red-Handed Jill]

You can't do anything about your family, but you can do something about how you react to them. Few of us get the family we deserve - just a part of life. I'm sure they have hobbies that are inconceivable to you (but I'll bet you give them the courtesy of not belittling them.) The next time a family member belittles your interests, you could either bring that up or say something along the lines of "Misguided as it is, you are entitled to your opinion, but quite frankly, I'd appreciate it if you'd just keep your mouth shut if you're just going to be negative."

[LadyBarbossa]

None of them have hobbies really. Only closest to a hobby any of them have is my mom and step day doing bible studies and religious stuff all the time. Don't get me wrong about church and Christians, but burying yourself deep into it... causes problems.

True. We never get the family we want. But at least family is suppose to be supportive and not belittle you or abuse you or anything. Granted, it's not ever working out that way.

Aye, thank ye Jill. Have tried that in the past many times.

Shoot... I am still being critisized for my going to school to want to work with horses as a career.

It's indeed taking quite the toll upon me and it's showing.

Thanks for the advise and words, Jill. I'm at the end of my rope with my family and this city.

::hugs:: and I feel for ya, Jill. About the tension.

Yeah. Amazing when someone steps in a room how tense you become, how we react physically.

Likewise hugs to you, too, Christine.

[Red-Handed Jill]

Family isn't supposed to be anything. You are a member of your family by circumstances not of your making. No one chooses their relatives and quite frankly, most people wouldn't associate with theirs if societal pressures or a sense of obligation didn't compel them to. Very few people tell their families to take a flying leap and quite frankly, if merited, it's the healthiest thing a person can do, IMO. My family contains very few people related to me by blood and I'm very happy with it.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." If I were you, I'd set about divorcing your emotions from those less worthy family members and don't let them take up any more of your brain than absolutely necessary.

[Ransom]

One this same note, one of my best friends has a brother who is bi-polar. Whenever he gets around his family it sets him into a tailspin of depression. His councilor told him, "There's no law which says you have to like your family. If they make you feel bad, then stay away from them." Which is one of the reasons I didn't speak to anyone in my family, other than my dad, for almost two years. (Long story).

Bottom line, if they make you feel that bad, then stay away from them. If they ask why, tell them. Only YOU can live your life, so make it the best one you can, do what you love, and ignore those who try and make you feel guilty about it. They're probably just jealous.

And Jill, I can understand the head tic. I worked for a company where the tension was so bad, I broke out in hives! Chest, arms, stomach — nasty looking, like I had smallpox. Made me wonder, if stress is doing that to me on the outside, what's it doing to me on the inside?

[Iron Bess]

And rememebr this when your down LB....

You have more friends here at the Pub... then Family members.

We out number them so they don't really... stand a chance.

[William Brand]

I had a root canal earlier today and now I feel like I'm at a Torquemada dentistry convention.

CONFESS!

[LadyBarbossa]

Thanks Jill, Ransom, Bess. Aye, most true. You all have been my lifeline. Family 'll never understand why I fancy doing this. It's more about the comradery with likeminded folks than anything.

But I can't stand the negativity and will often avoid it if possible. If I must be around it, yes, I will clam up and not even pay attention to the person who is so negative. I'll avoid them if possible. Otherwise I will tell them to knock it off.

Ouch... Poor Will.

And amen, Ransom! Frightening, aye?

Well, at the moment mates.... I'm exhausted. So exhausted to sleep. Just kinda here going through email quickly before I head to bed and get what sleep I can.

Had some excitement this evening... again. I swear it, Iron Bess... may as well have a camera crew follow me around! They want reality TV.. I can give them reality TV!

My niece when to the hospital. This is the same one who has that lump on her lymphnoid. Well, she got her foot "rubbed" and slightly run over by a car. Ouch is an understatement, mates. Hurts like Hell! Her foot apparently was pinned between the curb and the tire when she slipped and the vehicle moved all thinking she was in. She wasn't and well... the tire rubbed her foot wrong.

She's fine now... sort of. Scared me to death earlier though when mom called me and said Hailey was hit by a car. I was damn near in tears and just unsure. Like any more is needed.

But now... Hailey and I can at least have something in common and she looked at me and said so honestly with a grin, "Now I know how you felt, Aunt Stacy," as I had my right foot run over by a car when I was 4 years old. I will NEVER forget that blood curling scream I made that day. So, I really sympathize for and with my niece.

It's all one day at a time, folks. :) One day at a time. God is testing our metal a hundred times over... and a hundred times again.

~Lady B

[Iron Bess]

God is testing our metal a hundred times over... and a hundred times again.

~Lady B

Punished you were… disproportionate to your… oh, wait….

Sorry.

What were you saying??

(Made ya laugh!)

[Merrydeath]

busier then a one legged pirate at a jig contest.. have to get insurance for health and home and car, see lawyers today, get to bank, get to staples, see about getting storage filled, get webpage set up, call blockade runner to see if they will fix my tent poles, get my stuff ready for work next week, remember to eat and take vitamins (still 4 more weeks to recuperate fully) and try to get house cleaned and painted.. and fall over dead. :)

[LadyBarbossa]

God is testing our metal a hundred times over... and a hundred times again.

~Lady B

Punished you were… disproportionate to your… oh, wait….

Sorry.

What were you saying??

(Made ya laugh!)

Actually... aye, Bess. Disproportionate to crimes I never committed. Punished? Sure feels like it.

MerryDeath Angel Mercy!!! Ye sit yo'r bum down an' rest, woman! Ye know ye be pushin' yo'rself. Gonna strain an' put yo'rself back into th' hospital! Must I get th' others to help pin ye down and rest?

Want and need ye able for Port Wash.

~Lady B

[Christine]

I feel pretty darn good! It's amazing how stress free you get when away from work for a few days. Even tho I go back to work today I still feel good. I've been looking at life differently these past few days. I choose not to let stupid stuff at my work bother me anymore. I'm going to go back to the old thinking I used to have before the beginning of this year. It'll help get thru work with no anxiety. Eventually I plan on finding a new job. When and where I don't know, it most likely will be a slow process, but I'm not worried. I'll be taking it one day at a time, aye!

[Merrydeath]

LadyB, I'm ok for work now, and carrying around a 40 pound tent didnt hurt me this weekend.

I had some help but for the most part I put it up twice at the faire and twice at home to dry it out. My shoulder twinges but mostly ok. After all, I go back to work on Monday..

you were off with the Celtic clan awhile but I was glad the weather got better and the sun was out! Enough with the 30 mph winds and 30 degrees at night.

[LadyBarbossa]

Glad ye be doing better, Christine. :) And aye! One step at a time, girl!

::looks at MerryD oddly::: If ye say so. But I'll still be watchin' ye.

The winds I didn't like much. Kept blowin' m' hat off! :::Curses at Calypso again:::

The 30 degrees at night I can handle.... a few quilts above me, a few quilts below me... I'm cozy. I LOVE camping. Especially as a reenactor. Cold I can do, hot... well, that's pushing it but have done that, too. Gives me a WHOLE better appreciation of what those back in the day went through.

At the moment, still trying to take one step at a time per day. Trying not to let it all overwhelm me otherwise I start having some issues of the mental and physical kind.

Tough choice at the moment whether to seek a roommate or not. It all depends upon how much they can tolerate my sewing and costuming and Magellan.

Hours have been cut again at work, so... it's looking for that other job on top of the one I have plus on top of my starting up my own period costuming/clothing biz. God help me.

It's just rather rough and I'm not really up for the challenge at the moment.

~Lady B

[Rumba Rue]

Going absolutely cross-eyed trying to go over 700 plus pictures of the trip...