If ye were a-makin' a pirate film...

[TalesOfTheSevenSeas]

If you were making a pirate film, what would your film be like?

What kind of music would you use?

Would it be a swashbuckling romance, a light-hearted comedy or a high seas drama?

Who would your leading man and leading lady be?

What would the plot be?

[Mad Maudlin McCrumb]

We want to be making a film about Blackbeard! I'll be doing all the gory effects (though me husbadn is puttin' a leash on me from makin' it TOO gory.. lookin' for a PG ratin' on a Blackbeard movie? wacko) It will open with a scene on a stormy sea, and Blackbeard giving his speech in his brimstone fume filled cabin while his men are all howlin and hurlin' over the sides. We'll have a scene with a keelhaulin' too.. I plan to use Reginald's fine bod as my dummy model.. won't be much left of him end of THAT scene! WE'll have him carry a gigantic cutlass, and get into a fight with some young Errol Flynn type with a saber, and smash his silly pig sticker with his cutlass!

If Brian Blessed was still young enough for the part... though I still think he could do it well, we'd use him as our Teach. It will be told from the point of view of his first mate... Hand, I believe his name was?

Music? Heck yeah! Somewhere between John Williams, Cap'n Bogg and Salty, and Steeleye Span...

I'm lookin forward to doin' this one... and the one about the Sawney Beane family.. but that's for another Forum...

[TalesOfTheSevenSeas]

If I were creating my vision of the "ultimate pirate movie" I'd want it to be something like a pirate version of Gladiator. A film that you totally get lost in and feel like you are THERE!

I'm torn as to the music- one side of me wants grand, orchestrated music like in Gladiator... the other side of me says that Metallica's "Wherever I May Roam" is a song that was born to be played during a battle scene!

(yeah, I know, but hey, I'm fantacizing here alright?!!)

The leading man would have to be Oded Fehr, the guy who played the Medjay in the Mummy, Does he have the pirate look or what, eh?

[captweaver65]

Oded Fehr would be perfect to play a pirate...well...I guess he's perfect for just about anything.

wrap im up and send him to me cabin.

hmmm-if he was going to be black bart,who would play his John Walden?

maybe Christian Slater?

[Bilgemunky]

I'd make "Blackbeard vs. Captain Kidd: The Hunted Hunter," complete with matrix style fight scenes (including one where blackbeard jumpkicks an incoming canonball back at the enemy gunner.)

I'm not just tryng to be goofy - tell me you wouldn't pay good money to see everyone's favorite pirate wrestle - not one, but TWO - beautifully rendered cgi great white sharks with his bare hands? If done properly, schoolkids around the world would have their heads filled with the idea that Blackbeard wasn't so much a historical figure as a mythological mix between Hercules and Godzilla.

Kidd, on the other hand, will be the former pirate-turned-hero, haunted by his past and guided by the wise ghost of Sir Francis Drake (a'la Obi Wan.) Screw realism, I wanna be entertained!!!

For the final battle, I think Blackbeard will develop a custom-made cannon that will fire - not a cannonball - but Blackbeard himself (the ultimate weapon.) Ironically, Captain Kidd will have had the same idea, and so they both get fired out of their respective cannons at the same time and collide in midair. Locked in each other's death grips, they'll slowly sink into the inky depths, fighting for eternity (kinda like those two black and white faced dudes in the original Star Trek.)

Yeah, that'll do it :)

[AliasGraceO'Malley]

I would go for something along the lines of a swashbuckling, love story with lots of adventure and beautiful footage of ships and the sea. What I picture is Indiana Jones as a pirate on sea and land. Some sort of quest with enemies you are trying to evade along the way.

If you picture Indiana Jones there are moments of humor and moments of drama.

[Captain Rob Carroll]

For the love of all that is good......no Metallica! I just saw a movie that had 60's music in it and the movie was set in the late 1800s, and it blew bilge I say, the music anyways. It was Shanghai Knights. Just say no matey!

[TalesOfTheSevenSeas]

No Metallica?!!!

But... but... but... *whimper*

[MadMaryFlint]

Everyone's ideas are really interesting, and Oded Fehr would be perfect. But, as already mentioned, he IS perfect for anything. But I do have to agree with Captain Carroll. No Metallica. Nothing ruins a good historical movie like modern music.

[the Royaliste]

Well, I've a broad musical taste, and, when reenactin' naval battles, a lot of alternative music works real 'swell'. Alice in Chains works on 10' wind waves.... :)

[Pirate Lass Suliel]

Well for starters I would want Oded Fehr in the cast! Not the lead though.

And the captain would be Dead. Not dead like six feet under (or alternately ten fathoms deep on the road to hell. . .) but Dead like Undead. See, POTC stole our pirate movie plot! (see? THey really are pirates) Of course, it would just be the Captain, not the whole crew. And no, he can restrain himself and not eat the crew. And he's not a rotting corpse most of the way to skeleton, either!

There'd be no romance, because a. it would ruin the movie and b. it wouldn't fit our good ol' Cap'n's character. The whole point would be about, as we like to say, "buggering the English." Yes. Dead Scottish Pirate with an Anti-Imperialist Agenda. Indeed.

And I dont' think we'd gloss over the sort of violence that happens. It would be pretty gruesome. Realism. Realism good.

Music would be lots of Celtic/Scottish stuff. It works really well with water anyway, I think.

I hope the good dead captain doesn't kill me for even saying any of this, of course!

[the Royaliste]

Talk about ugh! More fiddles and pipes!

[Capt. Flint]

I like fiddles and pipes. Don't forget the drums also. And yes, I agree..... no metalica.

[the Royaliste]

People playing pipes onboard ship are more rude than jetskie's. Save that crap for Riverdance. I thought this a pirate site, not a pile o' tree huggin' sissies wot suck on tubes and fiddle around! And all the whinnin' 'bout Metallica is a bunch of 'none 'o this 'n that' ruley snot, more like lubbers 'n pyrates!

[Darkmalkin]

Metallica's "Whiskey in the Jar" is one o' me favorite things, er. songs. Guess I won't be askin ye to join us at the Riverdance Revival Tour, eh? Are ye up for "Cats?"

[TalesOfTheSevenSeas]

Before ye' all surround me and string me up from the yardarm, let me explain why Metallica or some other form of aggressive rock would likely be my choice for a pirate soundtrack.

I heard a good statement about movie music on NPR the other day by a guy who writes soundtracks. He commented that when you leave a movie, you shouldn't be able to remember what the music sounded like. But you go out and buy the CD, not for the music itself, but so you can relive the movie.

I believe that soundtrack music should create background mood and when you're blasting the hellfire out of someone, it would have to be hard, driving, and aggressive. The music of ye' olde days frolics, it doesn't kick arse.

For a pirate, the mindset was mean and aggressive. I believe that the music of a modern movie soundtrack would have to reflect that mood. You just can't make accordians and pipes growl, like you can an electric guitar. I'd have to go with in-your-face rock n' roll, or at the very least, something big and orchestrated for a battle scene, with plenty of bass drums and loud crashing cymbols.

[the Royaliste]

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I be slobberin' already!!!

[Deacon Frye]

This came up elsewhere. I love seafarin' and swashbucklin' as much as the next pirate, and I'm hoping to see a good movie with both before I enter my dotage. Perhaps M&C/FSOTW will fill the bill--we'll see.

Having said that, in spite of the fact that it contains nothing of either "on-stage", I think Howard Pyle's story Blueskin the Pirate would make a real gem of a "pirate" movie if done properly.

[Capt. Westyn Elizabeth Roberts]

Metallica? Hmmmm...

I don't know about the Metallica music, but then I think back to the special that I saw on television that incorporated Metallica's music with a symphony orchestra. It was very interesting. It gave a whole new depth and dimension to the heavy music. Of course, that's when they still had Jason.

However, I am writing a play about Captain Morgan. It starts just before he took over as governor of Jamaica. It was intended to be a musical play, and I have a few songs written for it. If I had to remake it into a movie, I'd take out the sing-song and write it more for drama, intrigue AND romance.

Most of the songs in the play are tavern-ish songs, like you would hear if you went to a pub in the eighteenth century. Of course, if I bent it to movie scale, I would definitely use some sweeping epic score.

Danny Elfman would be my choice in the music department.

And, since Laird Cregar (Morgan from "The Black Swan") isn't around, I guess I'd have to think very hard about who could fill such large shoes.

There's also another pirate story that I'm writing (about women privateers) who are mistaken for mail-order brides. I'd like to put that to the big screen some day. It's much too descriptive and huge to be put on stage. There is one large sea battle, and...of course, the battle at the Alamo.

Capt. WE Roberts

[Pirate Lass Suliel]

Bagpipes then? No, no, I wouldn't do that! Not really, I don't think.

Irish/Scottish music doesn't have to be...um...like the nice, happy cheerful harp music I have on right now! (not that you'd know what i'm listening to but oh well) I have/know a bunch of music that would fit really well.

Metallica wouldn't be bad either, I don't think.

I really like the band Flogging Molly, I'd have to have at least one of their songs in too.

[Bilgemunky]

There's also another pirate story that I'm writing (about women privateers) who are mistaken for mail-order brides.

Now THAT is an idea with real potential!!!

Do keep us posted.

[Rosalinda]

Hmmm, well, rock music worked, for me at least, whilst watching A Knight's Tale (Heath Ledger also worked for me as the lead character, but that's another story). So perhaps if the music fits the imagery, then I say rock on.

My "screenplay," which is now in the works thanks in part to some of you Pyracy Pub people, is a DROMEDY, rated a very strong R for Language, Nudity, Sex, and Violence. Whee! While I seriously doubt it will ever make it's way into the hands of a studio for their kind consideration, it will certainly be printed on 70mm cinemascoptic celluloid in Dobly Digital Surround that I loving refer to as "my brain on Depp."

Who would play the HMFIC? Gotta be Depp, but I'd have him a little cleaned up. Minus the dreadlocks, minus the grime under the fingernails, minus the funky gotee. Hair in a ponytail---looking more like himself, but keep the kohl 'round the eyes. Add a large gold earring and more than one shot for the pistol, and several major love scenes. I'm certain Disney wouldn't stand for this one bit. Lawsuit?

But here's the good news. Arch enemy #1 would be Benicio Del Toro! He'd be another pirate (from Spain), but more wicked and evil than the Depp pirate, and several R-rated scenes containing more nudity, violence, language and sex, not necessarily in that order. Hoo-raaahhh!

As far as the score goes, I'm into gypsy (flaminco) music at the moment, but I don't think it's appropriate to the period. But who am I kidding? I don't know jack about the period.

All I can say is the score would be all instrumental. I can't stand musicals. Perhaps something Pink Floyd-esque?

[Pirate Lass Suliel]

Gypsy and Flamenco go amazingly well with fight scenes, I've found. I think we might end up with some Flamenco or something for the major fight at the end of the film I'm working on now. (I'm playing the main character, which leads to me complaining bitterly about my face having to be on camera all the time!)

My opponent in the final fight is a 500 yr. old pirate though. He's really cool. He's the one I want to make a pirate movie about.

[Capt. Flint]

Rosalinda... you say rock music worked for you in the film... Knights tale... I have to agree with you on that one. But, then again, it was Queen playing on that one. Wich in my opinion is really good music and true rock and roll. I just cannot get into SOME... I said some not all......... of the head banging, can't understand a word your screaming, ear piercing stuff, people want to call rock and roll........ but, now thats for a different forum i would think....... The Capt.

[MadMaryFlint]

I agree that the music choice in Knight's Tale was good, but it annoyed me that the characters knew the songs, although the music came centuries after they died.... Lack of some semblance of realism tends to bother me. Am I the only one?