captweaver65 Posted August 15, 2003 Author Posted August 15, 2003 There was a young sailor from Brighton Who remarked to his girl, "You're a tight one." She replied, "`bless my soul, You're in the wrong hole; There's plenty of room in the right one." Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
the Royaliste Posted August 15, 2003 Posted August 15, 2003 Damn, Weaver, ye finally got me wif' that one, Hardee,har,har....
crow Posted August 15, 2003 Posted August 15, 2003 The Captain's name were Morgan an by Christ he were a gorgon , He'd lay in his bunk all covered in spunk while playin with his sexual organ ... Lord above please send a dove with wings as sharp as razors , to cuts the throats of them there blokes what sells bad booze to sailors .. " Illigitimiti non carborundum . "
captweaver65 Posted August 16, 2003 Author Posted August 16, 2003 Damn, Weaver, ye finally got me wif' that one, Hardee,har,har.... ahhhh...high praise indeed :) Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
captweaver65 Posted August 16, 2003 Author Posted August 16, 2003 The Captain's name were Morgan an by Christ he were a gorgon , He'd lay in his bunk all covered in spunk while playin with his sexual organ ... eeeeeeeuuuuuooooooo!!! Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
captweaver65 Posted August 16, 2003 Author Posted August 16, 2003 The Cabin Boy, the Captain's Joy A cunning little nipper They filled his Ass With Broken Glass And Circumcised the Skipper Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
crow Posted August 17, 2003 Posted August 17, 2003 There once was a young man named Tupper who took a young Lass out to supper , at quarter past nine the dinner was fine but at half past nine he was up her .. Lord above please send a dove with wings as sharp as razors , to cuts the throats of them there blokes what sells bad booze to sailors .. " Illigitimiti non carborundum . "
crow Posted August 17, 2003 Posted August 17, 2003 There once was a young man named Skinner Who took this same Lass out to dinner at quarter past nine the dinner was fine but by half past nine he was in her ... Not Skinner but some bastard named Tupper... Lord above please send a dove with wings as sharp as razors , to cuts the throats of them there blokes what sells bad booze to sailors .. " Illigitimiti non carborundum . "
captweaver65 Posted August 17, 2003 Author Posted August 17, 2003 HARR HARR HARR!!! Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
captweaver65 Posted August 17, 2003 Author Posted August 17, 2003 Nymphomaniac Convention A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes that she is headed straight toward his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Low and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "So where are you flying to today?" She turns and smiles and says, "To the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago." Whoa! He swallows hard and is instantly CRAZED with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he's ever seen, sitting right next to him, and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "And what's your role at this convention?" She flips her long hair back, turns to him, looks into his eyes, and says, "Well, I try to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." "Really", he says, swallowing hard, again. "And what myths are those?" She explains: "Well, one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed, when, in fact, it is the Native American who is most likely to possess this trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who romance women best, on average." "Very interesting" the man responds. Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed, and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I feel so awkward discussing this with you, and I don't even know your name." The man extends his hand and replies, "Tonto, Tonto Goldstein." Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
captweaver65 Posted August 18, 2003 Author Posted August 18, 2003 There once was a handsome young seaman Who with ladies was really a demon, In peace or in war, At sea or on shore, He could certainly dish out the semen. Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
crow Posted August 18, 2003 Posted August 18, 2003 :) A sailor while in a market ashore bought his self a parrot but when he got the bird home he found that it had a vocabulary to rival even the vilest of sea going men .After awhile the sailor tells the parrot that he should clean up his mouth at which point the Parrot said " SCREW YOU MATE !!! " So the sailor grabs the bird and throws him in the freezer . This only causes the parrot to curse up a blue streak and even louder yet . But just when the screachin reahed its peak it got deathly quiet in the freezer , the sailor started getting worried and he openned up the freezer only to find the bird sitting there quietly . He asked the parrot if he was going to behave and the bird replied " Yeah I'll be good I promise , and by the way What did the turkey do ..." Lord above please send a dove with wings as sharp as razors , to cuts the throats of them there blokes what sells bad booze to sailors .. " Illigitimiti non carborundum . "
captweaver65 Posted August 19, 2003 Author Posted August 19, 2003 There was a young sailor from Wales Who could piss with precision in gales From the top-gallant spar he would pee in a jar Without even wetting the sails Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
the Royaliste Posted August 19, 2003 Posted August 19, 2003 Damn, Weaver...gimmee a break, I'm laughing so hard I can't helm me Ship, Hardee-har!!
captweaver65 Posted August 20, 2003 Author Posted August 20, 2003 sorry Royaliste, ...uh...guess you'll hafta ask yer mate ta take over for ya,cause I still got a few good ones,I do. :) and I won't be comin' after you with my whip;you got way too many guns on that ship of yours. Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
captweaver65 Posted August 20, 2003 Author Posted August 20, 2003 There was an old sailor named pew, who had nothing better to do, so he sat on the stairs counting pube hairs, three thousand four hundred & two. Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
captweaver65 Posted August 21, 2003 Author Posted August 21, 2003 A girl fell in love with a sailor and had his picture tattooed on her right breast. The romance waned. In due time, she fell in love with a pirate and had his picture tattooed on her left breast. This romance also waned. Sometime later, she fell in love with a merchant and married him. That night when they were undressing for bed he began to laugh. She asked, "What in the world is so funny?" The Marine said, "Oh, I'm just thinking what long faces those two guys are going to have in about twenty years from now..." Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
Mad Maudlin McCrumb Posted August 21, 2003 Posted August 21, 2003 Weaver, you have the sickest mind of anybody I know.. and I love you for it! Encore!! "You have a woman's skin, m'lord! I'll wager that hides never been rubbed with salt and flayed off to make stockin's for a pirates best cabin boy!"
crow Posted August 21, 2003 Posted August 21, 2003 There once was a young man from Kent who's dick was so long it was bent to save him the trouble he folded it double an instead of comming he went ... Lord above please send a dove with wings as sharp as razors , to cuts the throats of them there blokes what sells bad booze to sailors .. " Illigitimiti non carborundum . "
BatSpell Posted August 21, 2003 Posted August 21, 2003 Pause My Friend, As You Pass By. -As You Are, So Once Was I. -As I Am, So Shall You Be. -Prepare You Then, To Follow Me. (written on a gravestone)
captweaver65 Posted August 23, 2003 Author Posted August 23, 2003 Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A: A Widow Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
captweaver65 Posted August 24, 2003 Author Posted August 24, 2003 A scandal involving an oyster, Sent the Countess of Clewes to a cloister. She preferred shellfish in bed, To the Count, so she said, For they're longer, and stronger, and moister. Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
captweaver65 Posted August 25, 2003 Author Posted August 25, 2003 There once was a harlot named Leeza Who said, "If my cunt doesn't please ya, You always can cum In my slimy old bum, Just be careful the tapeworm don't seize ya". Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
 {if(f.fbq)return;n=f.fbq=function(){n.callMethod? n.callMethod.apply(n,arguments):n.queue.push(arguments)}; if(!f._fbq)f._fbq=n;n.push=n;n.loaded=!0;n.version='2.0'; n.queue=[];t=b.createElement(e);t.async=!0; t.src=v;s=b.getElementsByTagName(e)[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(t,s)}(window, document,'script', 'https://connect.facebook.net/en_US/fbevents.js'); fbq('init', '1074427760321280'); fbq('track', 'PageView'); </script> <noscript><img height=)
&ev=PageView&cd%5Bitem_id%5D=143&cd%5Bitem_name%5D=Pirate+Jokes+%26+Evil+Humour&cd%5Bitem_type%5D=topic&cd%5Bcategory_name%5D=Scuttlebutt"/>
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now