captweaver65 Posted October 11, 2003 Author Share Posted October 11, 2003 Well,down in the Pyracy Pub For the blackest of souls,it's our club Our passions we stoke With the smell of gun smoke And for many a fine place to rub. CW Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merrydeath Posted October 12, 2003 Share Posted October 12, 2003 several fine women are traveling aboard ship when a small cove is found. They decide to wait until all aboard are gone, then disrobe and enter the cove to swim and frolic. As they skinny-dip in the surf, a sailor of old comes upon them. They scold the tar, saying they won't leave tim he does! The old grizzled gob looks at the women in their birthday suits, and tells them.. " you ladies have no fear of me! I am just here to feed shark tank!" Pirate Lass with sass, brass, a cutlass, an a nice *ss. Capt of the FOOLS GOLD PIRATES BLAST BREAST CANCER! GET A MAMMOGRAM AND SAVE YOUR TREASURED CHEST: http://www.myspace.c...iratesthinkpink http://www.myspace.c...oolsgoldpirates CAPT OF THE ONLY PYRITE SHIP AFLOAT: THE FOOL'S GOLD- look for us and Captain Merrydeath on facebook! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted October 13, 2003 Author Share Posted October 13, 2003 There once was a lady from France Who took a long ship ride by chance. The captain he fucked her A great sex instructor while the bosun's mate came in his pants. Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted October 14, 2003 Author Share Posted October 14, 2003 there was an old sailor named Dale, Whose dick was as big as a whale Though he fell off his boat His dick made him float, And blew him around like a sail. Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cap'n Coyote Posted October 14, 2003 Share Posted October 14, 2003 In Darjeeling, a pub wench named Taft, Claimed, "It's great to be best at yer craft, For while aiming to please, I serves beers on me knees, So each sailor gets head with his draft." Rumors of my death were right on the money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted October 15, 2003 Author Share Posted October 15, 2003 RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR My kinda pub Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted October 15, 2003 Author Share Posted October 15, 2003 One day a tired sailor goes into a bar and orders a beer. While he's enjoying his drink, he notices a little old man with a peg-leg and a head the size of a fist. Curious, he ask the man, "How in the world did your head get to me so damn Tiny?" The old sailor replies "I used to be a pirate, and I gots drunk and insulted the Captain. I was marrooned on a deserted island.I lived there for about three years. One day a beautiful mermaid came up on shore. she gave me three wishes. For the first wish, I asked to be back in civilization, for the second i wished for 25 million dollars. For the third wish i told her that i wanted to have sex with a mermaid. She told me 'sorry, but this mermaid dont have the right equipment to have sex. So i said "how about a little head then?" Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the Royaliste Posted October 15, 2003 Share Posted October 15, 2003 Ah, Weaver, made me mornin'!.. Rollinonthefuggindecklaffinmefrigginarseoff! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted October 16, 2003 Author Share Posted October 16, 2003 always glad to serve me Captain superior :) Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted October 16, 2003 Author Share Posted October 16, 2003 There was a pirate wench of Brighton, Whom nothing could possibly frighten. She plunged in the sea And with infinite glee, Was fucked in the ass by a Triton. Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the Royaliste Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 Aw Shit!..Gotta stop readin' these early in the mornin'! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thomas B. Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 Long JohnLong John was delighted when he found a young maiden who accepted his proposal of marriage as he was sensitive about his wooden leg and a bit afraid no one would have him. In fact, he couldn`t bring himself to tell his fiancee` about his leg. All he kept saying was, "Arrrgghh, I`ve got a big surprise for you I say!" The wedding night came and went, and the couple were at last alone on the ship. "Now don`t forget, Long John, you promised me a big surprise," said the bride. Unable to mutter a word, Long John turned out the lights, unstrapped his wooden leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wife`s hand on the stump. "Hmmmmm," she said softly, "that IS a surprise, pass me the Vaseline and I`ll see what I can do!" The lubber that came up with that one should be flogged twice and made to scrub the cabin boy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dorian Lasseter Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 "How about a litle head" Eh? Bloody Hell Weaver!!!! I second Cap'n Gary ROTDLMFHO!!!! I haven't had tyme ta peruse this strand in awhile... Oh hell! me stomache is startin' ta hurt from laughin'! Truly, D. Lasseter Captain, The Lucy Propria Virtute Audax --- In Hoc Signo Vinces Ni Feidir An Dubh A Chur Ina Bhan Air "If I whet my glittering sword, and mine hand take hold on judgment; I will render vengeance to mine enemies, and will reward them that hate me." Deuteronomy 32:41 Envy and its evil twin - It crept in bed with slander - Idiots they gave advice - But Sloth it gave no answer - Anger kills the human soul - With butter tales of Lust - While Pavlov's Dogs keep chewin' - On the legs they never trust... The Seven Deadly Sins http://www.colonialnavy.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cap'n Coyote Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 A woman finds an old bottle on the beach and starts to polish it. A genie appears and says he will grant her three wishes. "But since you are married," he says, "your husband will get 10 times what you ask for." "That's fine", she says. "First, I want more money than I could ever spend in my lifetime." "Remember, your husband will get 10 times as much." "That's okay, since I will have my own money." POOF! The genie hands her a receipt for her checking account, and there are many many zeros on it. "It's all computerized nowadays," he explains. "Next, I want to be the most beautiful woman in the world." "Remember, your husband will be the most handsome, and will have the eye of every lady." "He will only have eyes for me, as I will outshine them all." POOF! The genie hands her a mirror, and she is stunning. "And for your final wish, mistress?" "I'd like to have a mild heart-attack." Rumors of my death were right on the money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.Bubbles Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 Arr that be a fine joke, I'll hafta be telling my ship mates that'n. Here's another genie joke... So there's 3 british "capt'ns" stuck on a island, they find a old jamp and out pops a genie, he says "I'll grant each of you 1 wish" so the first wishes that he was back on shore, the second also wishes to be back on shore, and the third says "I want my friends back" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted October 18, 2003 Author Share Posted October 18, 2003 been busy with work and not checkin in here much... thanx fer the praise n groans. don't think I can't all hear you all groanin out there. :) Thomas B, I'd be more n happy ta scrub the cabin boy,n flog him n lick him... Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted October 18, 2003 Author Share Posted October 18, 2003 A passionate wench from Madrid, Once had an affair with a squid. She said,"I've tried eels And disported with seels, But once you've been squid,you've been did. Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the Royaliste Posted October 18, 2003 Share Posted October 18, 2003 AAh, Ye've not lost your touch!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thomas B. Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 been busy with work and not checkin in here much...thanx fer the praise n groans. don't think I can't all hear you all groanin out there. :) Thomas B, I'd be more n happy ta scrub the cabin boy,n flog him n lick him... Captweaver65, ya be heartless and cruel to the cabin boy, (raise my glass) probably likes it....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted October 21, 2003 Author Share Posted October 21, 2003 I am heartless and cruel,yet infinately kind. My cabin boys do like it,or I send em home to their mommas Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted October 21, 2003 Author Share Posted October 21, 2003 Two sea monsters were swimming around in the ocean, looking for something to do. They came up underneath a ship that was hauling potatoes. Bob, the first sea monster, swam underneath the ship, tipped it over and ate everything on the ship. A little while later, they came up to another ship, again hauling potatoes. Bob again capsizes the ship and eats everything onboard. The third ship they found was also hauling potatoes and Bob once again capsized it and ate everything. Finally his buddy Bill asked him, "Why do you keep tipping over those ships full of potatoes and eating everything on board?" Bob replied, "I wish I hadn't, but I just can't help myself once I start - everyone knows you can't eat just one potato ship." Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the Royaliste Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 Rollinonthedeckagainlaffinmefrigginarseoff! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capt. Westyn Elizabeth Roberts Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 ROTFLMAO! Great one! My honey is Bob! Ha! Okay, here are some jokes for your...uhm...enjoyment. <= I can tell these jokes freely. Note the blond hair. JOKE #1: Q: How do you know a blonde has had a bad day? A: She has her tampon behind her ear and is wondering what she did with her pencil. JOKE #2: There were two blondes walking around in the woods. All at once, they came upon some tracks. Blonde #1 said, "They're bear tracks." Blonde #2 said, "No, stupid! They're deer tracks!" They kept arguing back and forth for an hour until a train came and ran over them. JOKE #3: There was once a blonde who was cooking and accidentally set her house on fire. She called 911. When the fireman asked how to get there, the blonde got angry and said, "Duh! The big red truck!" JOKE #4: There were two blondes at a bar. They each got so hammered that they couldn't find their car, much less drive home. So, they started walking. They felt grass underneath their feet, so they knew they'd strayed off the beaten path. It was very dark, so Blonde #1 got out her cigarette lighter and lit it. She found that she was standing in the middle of a cow pasture. What was worse...she couldn't find her friend. Finally, when #1 did find #2, she ways laying underneath a cow, sucking each of its udders. #1 looked at her and said, "Are you nuts? We have to get out of here!" #2 just looked up and grunted, "I know, and if you'll let me finish, maybe one of these four guys will give us a ride home!" Capt. WE Roberts "I shall uphold my indignity with the utmost dignity befitting a person of my undignified station." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted October 22, 2003 Author Share Posted October 22, 2003 Capt Roberts, har har har!!! but...you look just too angelic in yer new avatar.I see that picture and wonder ifn I stepped into the foo foo pub,where they play brittany spears music and paint each others fingernails.gives me the shivers when I get that image. just teasing ya.you are a very stunning woman...and blond,very blond. Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted October 22, 2003 Author Share Posted October 22, 2003 Jack, a successful pirate Captain, is walking along the shore of Tortuga. He finds an odd shaped lamp, so he picks it up and rubs it to get the sand off. Out pops a Genie and promises to grant Jack only one wish. "Gee, I have everything I need. I can have any wench I want when in port, more money than I could ever spend, and I am free to travel anywhere in the world fighting and pillaging. I really can't think of anything that I really need," says Jack. "Think hard," says the Genie, "there must be something you wish that you had." So Jack thinks long and hard for 20 minutes. Finally he says, "You know, I really do love drinking good rum, but sometimes I just can't find it when I want some. Therefore, I wish that I could piss rum." "Very well," says the Genie, "Pissing rum you shall have." The genie hands him a glass and instructs him to piss in it. He does. Then she asks him to smell it. He does. Then she asks him to taste it. He does. "This is the best rum I've ever tasted!" Jack exclaims. "Thank you." The Genie disappears, and Jack returns to his favorite pub. When he gets there he finds 2 glasses and pisses into each one. He takes them over to Evelyn,his favorite wench and gives one to her to drink and one for himself. "This is delicious," Evelen tells him. So every night for the next 2 nights he comes to the pub, pisses in 2 glasses and enjoys the drink with Evelyn. On the third night he comes to the pub but only pisses rum into one glass. When Evelen sees him and asks him,"Where is my drink dear Captain Jack." "Ah," Jack replies, "Tonight I will teach you how to drink right from the bottle." Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
 {if(f.fbq)return;n=f.fbq=function(){n.callMethod? n.callMethod.apply(n,arguments):n.queue.push(arguments)}; if(!f._fbq)f._fbq=n;n.push=n;n.loaded=!0;n.version='2.0'; n.queue=[];t=b.createElement(e);t.async=!0; t.src=v;s=b.getElementsByTagName(e)[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(t,s)}(window, document,'script', 'https://connect.facebook.net/en_US/fbevents.js'); fbq('init', '1074427760321280'); fbq('track', 'PageView'); </script> <noscript><img height=)
&ev=PageView&cd%5Bitem_id%5D=143&cd%5Bitem_name%5D=Pirate+Jokes+%26+Evil+Humour&cd%5Bitem_type%5D=topic&cd%5Bcategory_name%5D=Scuttlebutt"/>
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now