Capt. Westyn Elizabeth Roberts Posted September 26, 2003 Posted September 26, 2003 Okay, Captain Weaver! First it was a dead whore, now you're screwing around with linguini? Wait. Screwing around with linguini? Ha ha! I made a funny. There once was a young man from Nantucket Who chose to sh*t in a bucket He lodged his hind end On the bucket's wide brim Couldn't get up, so he said, "Well, f**k it!" Capt. WE Roberts "I shall uphold my indignity with the utmost dignity befitting a person of my undignified station."
captweaver65 Posted September 26, 2003 Author Posted September 26, 2003 hehe thanx poor highlyeccentric, didn't mean to shatter your perceptions of reality. ...well...ok-I guess maybe I did one and all, the feedback is appreciated,whether good or bad Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
captweaver65 Posted September 26, 2003 Author Posted September 26, 2003 Dear Charlotte's bedsprings need oiling, For when sexual action is boiling Her audible labors Inform prudish neighbors She's back in the sack, hotly toiling! Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
Zephyr Posted September 26, 2003 Posted September 26, 2003 Aye, well the limerickn' Capt. Weaver takes the cake.....(an' anything else the plunder n' pyrate can get er hands on)
Reginald McCrumb Posted September 26, 2003 Posted September 26, 2003 Dear Charlotte's bedsprings need oiling, For when sexual action is boiling Her audible labors Inform prudish neighbors She's back in the sack, hotly toiling! I can relate to this one, actually... One of the basic problems with apartment life... "Red Rum" "How do you expect His Majesty's Empire to reap the wealth of the Carribean?" "Ye STEAL it o' course!"
Coastie04 Posted September 26, 2003 Posted September 26, 2003 I'd say in addition to the cake, he's got all the pasta products as well. She was bigger and faster when under full sail With a gale on the beam and the seas o'er the rail
captweaver65 Posted September 27, 2003 Author Posted September 27, 2003 There was a young girl from Odessa A rather unblushing transgressor; When sent to the priest The lewd little beast Began to undress her confessor. Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
Cap'n Coyote Posted September 28, 2003 Posted September 28, 2003 She called the front desk and said "Joe, They're making such noise down below." "Well, they're holding," he sighed "An Elk's ball just inside." "Well then tell them," she said, "to let go." Rumors of my death were right on the money.
Zephyr Posted September 28, 2003 Posted September 28, 2003 !Aye, 'ur wits be as sharp as 'ur cutlass! Tis rare for me to sit here laughn aloud but it be me common experience at the PUB! Me hearty an gracious thanks to you both
El Pirata Posted September 28, 2003 Posted September 28, 2003 She called the front desk and said "Joe,They're making such noise down below." "Well, they're holding," he sighed "An Elk's ball just inside." "Well then tell them," she said, "to let go." Arrrgh, ye got me on that. Pushing the limits means getting out of my comfort zone and giving more when I don't think I have any left.
Cap'n Coyote Posted September 28, 2003 Posted September 28, 2003 !Aye, 'ur wits be as sharp as 'ur cutlass!Tis rare for me to sit here laughn aloud but it be me common experience at the PUB! Me hearty an gracious thanks to you both Ye'll have ta blame Cap'n Weaver fer all th' silliness. I've been collectin' limericks fer years, an' she be forcin' me ta pull 'em outta me arse jest ta keep up wi' 'er. Glad ya be likin' 'em, mate. Cheers! There was a young girl named Bianca, Who slept while the sloop was at anchor; But awoke with dismay, When she heard the mate say: "We must pull up the topsheet and spanker." Rumors of my death were right on the money.
captweaver65 Posted September 29, 2003 Author Posted September 29, 2003 There was a young girl named Bianca,Who slept while the sloop was at anchor; But awoke with dismay, When she heard the mate say: "We must pull up the topsheet and spanker." harr harr harr!!! I love that one. one of the few nautical ones that I've never heard. I salute ya,Cap'n Coyote. Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
captweaver65 Posted September 29, 2003 Author Posted September 29, 2003 There one was a wench named O'Dare Who sailed on a ship to Kenmare, But this cute little honey Came on with no money, So she laid the whole crew for her fare. Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
captweaver65 Posted September 30, 2003 Author Posted September 30, 2003 A sailor is sitting all alone at a bar, the bartender looks at him and laughs. The man shrugs it off... The bartender looks at him and laughs again, the bartender finally went over to the man and said "I'm sorry but you have to be the ugliest man that I have ever seen." The man replied by saying I dont think so. I can get any lady that I want. The bartender looks around and sees a hot big titted blond sitting at the table with her huge boyfriend, and tells the ugly man that he bet $50 that he couldn't get the woman to even talk to him. The ugly man agrees and says "I'll bet another $50 that I can walk straight out the door with her. The bartender accepted. The ugly man walked over to the girl and she jumped into his arms and they walked out the door. The bartender went over to the boyfriend and said, "damn that sucks but what happened?" The man replied with "I dont know. He just stood there lickin his eyebrows." Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
the Royaliste Posted September 30, 2003 Posted September 30, 2003 :) Aye,Weaver..if'n ye'ere gonna pass it on , do it correctly. It's 'tops'l and spanker, not topsheet.Ain't even anything wif that name ona ship.Beds have topsheets,not ships. All sails have sheets for trim.
Cap'n Coyote Posted September 30, 2003 Posted September 30, 2003 :) Aye,Weaver..if'n ye'ere gonna pass it on , do it correctly. It's 'tops'l and spanker, not topsheet.Ain't even anything wif that name ona ship.Beds have topsheets,not ships. All sails have sheets for trim. Thanks, Royaliste. That be why I'm here...ta learn. Rumors of my death were right on the money.
captweaver65 Posted October 1, 2003 Author Posted October 1, 2003 :) Aye,Weaver..if'n ye'ere gonna pass it on , do it correctly. It's 'tops'l and spanker, not topsheet.Ain't even anything wif that name ona ship.Beds have topsheets,not ships. All sails have sheets for trim. sorry Royaliste,but it wern't me that broke that joke. capn Coyote did the funny but not quite authentic joke tellin There was a young girl named Bianca, Who slept while the sloop was at anchor; But awoke with dismay, When she heard the mate say: "We must pull up the topsheet and spankher I laughed at it though . but we're all here ta learn form all our mates,so Royaliste ifn you could be nice and pretend we are school children an teach us when we're wrong ifn you woudn't mind. we'd all be much better for the lessons the day we stop learning is the day we should die Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
captweaver65 Posted October 3, 2003 Author Posted October 3, 2003 This is the tale of Moby Dick The only whale with a corkscrew prick His whole life was an endless hunt To find a whale with a corkscrew cunt But when he found her He dropped down dead Because the bitch Had a left hand thread ! Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
Cap'n Coyote Posted October 4, 2003 Posted October 4, 2003 Oh...my...god. I swear, Weaver...ya must 'ave a pentagram wi' a smiley face in it in yer livin' room where ya be receivin' th' faxes from th' funnier demons in Hell. Rumors of my death were right on the money.
captweaver65 Posted October 4, 2003 Author Posted October 4, 2003 Oh...my...god. I swear, Weaver...ya must 'ave a pentagram wi' a smiley face in it in yer livin' room where ya be receivin' th' faxes from th' funnier demons in Hell. thanx Cap'n, I do like a good bit of the perverse and that was a deliciously evil analogy...I mean...AAARRRRRRR Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
captweaver65 Posted October 4, 2003 Author Posted October 4, 2003 There once was a plumber named lee, who was plumbing his girl by the sea, said the girl he was plumbing, "there's somebody coming" said the plumber still plumbing, it's me!" Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
captweaver65 Posted October 4, 2003 Author Posted October 4, 2003 Mad Maudlin, a stud she has found, A young one by whom she is bound For love making so grand She could not sit or stand Screams of Pleasure was the only sound. CW Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
captweaver65 Posted October 6, 2003 Author Posted October 6, 2003 One night a sailor runs into a bar feeling as though he is going to explode. He runs up to the bartender and askes where the bathroom is. He says upstairs, first door on your right. So the sailor runs up the stairs and can't remember what the bartender said. He thinks if he goes to ask again he might not make it. So he looks around and sees a hole in the ceiling. Feeling daring, he pulls down his trousers and releases his bowls. When he returns, everybody except the bartender is gone. He askes where everyone went. The bartender replies, "where were you when the shit hit the fan?" Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
Mad Maudlin McCrumb Posted October 6, 2003 Posted October 6, 2003 Mad Maudlin, a stud she has found,A young one by whom she is bound For love making so grand She could not sit or stand Screams of Pleasure was the only sound. CW Ahh, Weaver! Thank you so much!! Think I'll show this to him, and probably be promptly flogged... 'course, that's the point, innit??? (and yer right.. I overdid it this weekend.... ARrrrrr) "You have a woman's skin, m'lord! I'll wager that hides never been rubbed with salt and flayed off to make stockin's for a pirates best cabin boy!"
captweaver65 Posted October 11, 2003 Author Posted October 11, 2003 Mad Maudlin, a stud she has found,A young one by whom she is bound For love making so grand She could not sit or stand Screams of Pleasure was the only sound. CW Ahh, Weaver! Thank you so much!! Think I'll show this to him, and probably be promptly flogged... 'course, that's the point, innit??? (and yer right.. I overdid it this weekend.... ARrrrrr) good floggin,my dear. :angry: :angry: Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions
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