Blind Rhoid Pyle

Don't forget these Ed Wood Clasics: Plan 9 From Outer Space Universally accepted as the worst movie ever made. Cardboard tombstones, insane dialogue, a dead guest star (Bela Lugosi died before filming began, and Ed Wood's chiropractor played the Vampire as Lugosi), and a plot that a 5-year-old would laugh at. More funny because Ed Wood thought it was good! Glen or Glenda? Ed Wood was a transvestite, so who better to tell the story of a transvestite? Practically anyone! Bride of the Monster Bela Lugosi happened to stay alive for this one, much to his chagrin. Some great dialogue from Bela and Company, along with the usual Ed Wood "Cheepnis". And, not a bad film at all, and in many ways a great film... Ed Wood Director Tim Burton brings to the screen the life and weirdness of Ed Wood, as portrayed by our own Captain Jack Sparrow, Johnny Depp. Martin Landau won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for his portrayal of Bela Lugosi. The film centers on Wood's relationship with the aged Lugosi, and is a very touching story, while juxtaposed with bad filmmaking and transvestisism.

They might o'been hung matey, but if they showed that, it'd have to be an X-Rated movie.

That one got me thinkin' too. Now correct me iffen I'm wrong (and I know ye blackhearted scallawags be jumpin' all over me iffen I am), but wasn't that dhingy the same one that Pintel and Ragetti (the bald guy and the guy with the wooden eye) used to create a distraction, while wearin' them fancy dresses and carryin' them parasols? I believes there is a shot of Pintel and Ragetti climbin' aboard the Dauntless, but where's their dhingy? Am I even at the right point in the movie? The dhingy that Cap'n Jack and Mister Turner use as a diving bell to sabotage and board the Dauntless is eventually hauled on board (you can see the lobster trap hanging underneath). If this be the same dhingy that Miss 'lizbet procures, how did it get back into the water? Surely, a lass like Liz couldn't lower it alone, could she?

I love the Firesign Theater! Funny stuff. On their album, The Tale of the Giant Rat of Sumatra, there is a wonderful scene where Hemlock Stones, the Great Defective, sends his companion and biographer, Dr. John Flotsom, O.D., into a Pirate Pub! Lots of great bawdy stuff there. As for Christopher Columbus, what can you say about the man who introduced tobacco and syphllis to Europe?

I think we all have a favorite "Bad" movie, don't we? But what makes a "Bad" movie bad? That's hard to define. Some bad movies have bad actors and acting, some have good actors and bad stories, and some movies are just bad overall. One good measure of a "Bad" movie is to look for cheesy effects and/or sets (which Frank Zappa referred to as "Cheepnis"). Here are some of my favorite "So Bad They're Good" movies: Yellowbeard - this might have been a different movie if Marty Feldman hadn't died halfway through filming. Still a lot of fun. As the tagline says "A rollicking yarn for the young in the head." Godzilla Movies - except for the first one in Japanese. The rest are loveable stinkers. Get Crazy - this one has to be seen to be believed! Lou Reed, Ed Begley Jr, Donovan, Bobby Sherman, Malcolm McDowell, Daniel Stern. A way-out rollicking rock-n-roll comedy. My favorite bad movie. Death Race 2000 - twisted and funny. Must be seen. I could go on all day! What are your favorite "Bad" movies?

Nice to see so many of us are in accord on the truly great movies. My favorites are: Lord of the Rings (trilogy, yes I love Return of the King in advance) POTC Anything by Monty Python Almost Anything by Terry Gilliam (especially Brazil) The Blues Brothers Anything with the Marx Brothers (except the last few films) Anything with Laurel & Hardy (especially Sons of the Desert) Sherlock Holmes films (with Jeremy Brett for Grenada TV) This Is Spinal Tap Waiting for Guffman / Best of Show / A Mighty Wind Roger and Me / Bowling for Columbine Anything with Peter Sellers There are some movies that are so bad, they're good, but I think that deserves its' own thread.

I was wonderin' iffen any of yas played the 'ol Gamemasters game "Broadsides and Boarding Parties?" I first saw B&B (the game, not the booze) when I was a young man, and thought it looked like a lot of fun. I wish I'd bought it then. Later I found the other Gamemasters Games (Axis & Allies, Shogun, Fortress America, etc.) and found 'em right fun to be playin'. Unfortunately, B&B was discontinued. I had to raid eBay to get me hands on a copy of the game. Seems like a lot of other swabs be wantin' this game too, as it fetches quite an admirable sum. Even games with missin' pieces are highly prized. The game is a lot of fun to play, but me, bein' a blind pirate, keeps knockin ' all the little pieces over, and makin' a mess 'o things. Any o' you be playin' this?

I've only been seasick once, during a storm off the coast of Italy. Everyone on the ferry hurled. I was last to go. I got sick after the sea calmed, during the swells I was fine. Damn those smooth seas. In Hawaii I was the only passenger on a sight-seeing trip not to spew. It turns out the charlatans who ran the boat had lied to us about having "the deepest keels in the Islands" before we signed on. After a few rounds of Mai Tais the rocking of the ship caused everyone (except myself) to chuck-up into white plastic bags. White plastic? You could see every bit of chum that came up. Half the people puked watching their neighbor filling up a bag. We stopped for some snorkeling, and no one wanted to go, as they were all ill. I decided to go snorkeling, and dove down under the boat and lo and behold... no keel whatsoever! When I came aboard I announced my discovery to the passengers and everyone was ticked off. I wonder if they meant to get everyone sick to cut down on food consumption. Anyway, someone stole the Captain's hat in retailation!

You know what's gonna happen, right? Some stupid foreign film about either mental illness or the Holocaust will take Best Picture, and Best Actor will go to either the male lead in that film, or some old geezer who calls in his performance but everyone feels sorry for. Best Director will go to someone long overlooked as well, although Peter Jackson should deserve it for his amazing work on the Lord of the Rings series.

I just realized, a fittin' name for a Halloween ship'd be The Sea Ghost

I just whipped mine up! Raided Clipart.Com, and added me deadlight shades. Not bad for a blind guy, 'eh? :angry:

Oy was havin' a bit of a think, and I comes up wif the names: Incontinent Burning Sensation Painful Discharge Bloody Stoole Does 'ya notice a pattern here?

Me local shoppe sold out too bloody fast. They best get that reprint finished quick. I needs somethin' to be readin' in the head!

Was Robinson Crusoe really a bloodthirsty pirate? (What other kind is there?) Check out the Discovery Channel Sunday 10/5 for details, or check for repeats. Oh, I forgot to mention... Ahrrrrr! There, I feels better now.