Hester

Hallowe'en

butterscotch

Cajun catfish Sweet Dumpling squash, cut in half and filled with buttered peas Wild local blueberries for dessert

^Queen of the Damned, starring Stuart Townsend <Enjoying the view v Folk music or Punk?

Dragon Storm? [starring Maxwell Caulfield, of all people (the 80s heartthrob from Grease 2) in the world's worst 'medieval' wig. I watched this among a glut of Dragon-themed B-movie DVDs to celebrate St. George's Day last spring. The dialogue was bad enough that it could be a match, although I don't remember any of the characters' names. There was a wizard, though.] Cheers, Hester

Hood

Change her luck with a blessing ritual! These ceremonies have been practiced by mariners all over the world since time immemorial. Here's a traditional Gaelic Christian boat blessing prayer: http://www.smo.uhi.ac.uk/gaidhlig/corpus/C...rmina/B118.html Here's a page that shows a Buddhist blessing ceremony for a modern dragonboat crewed by Australian breast-cancer survivors: http://www.abc.net.au/tropic/stories/s1619304.htm Here's the festival that blesses the shrimp fleet on the Mississipi: http://www.mlc.lib.ms.us/ServicesToGeneral...goftheFleet.htm In the Mediterranean, fishing boats are painted with designs to ward off the "evil eye". Viking ships were also highly decorated with carvings and painting, and many of the designs are believed to be symbols of protection or courage. So, banish that bad karma with pomp and circumstance! Paint some protective symbols on your ship, or nail your favourite lucky charm to her mast. Perhaps you could even rename and relaunch her after you complete some of the more practical repairs that seem necessary. Good luck! [And I mean that literally.] Cheers, Hester

I love the colours in this dress and the way they shade from turquoise, to blue to navy to violet -- that would be a cool effect for a mermaid tail! For a top, I envision a quilted bodice in pale turquoise, embroidered with silver thread and studded with seed-pearls. Cheers, Hester

Besides, such daring adventures provide facinating topics of conversation at otherwise boring cocktail parties where people discuss their jobs, their mortgages, and their kids' sports teams. Did I ever tell you about the time we were on a wilderness canoe trip, camped on the shore of an isolated northern lake, and a series of tornadoes ripped through the area that night, downing trees and sending our canoe flying off to Kansas (well, the other end of the lake, actually)... It was scary and uncomfortable to live through, but very exciting in retrospect. Get back on the boat, Marie! [Or else sell it to me, cheap.] Cheers, Hester

Okay, well, compared to all the heartfelt and compassionate wishes of the previous posters, mine are ultra-shallow: 1. A private tropical island -- undeveloped, uninhabited and uncharted -- which will naturally supply all the fresh water, abundant fruit, fish, seafood & veg to support my husband and I (and occasional invited visitors) for the rest of our very long and happy lives. 2. A combination hot spring & waterfall on the island, where we can bathe everyday, the waters of which are a magical "fountain of youth" to keep us healthy and strong and beautiful. 3. A pirate ship, crewable by just 2, and full of treasure, so that we can make occasional trips to exotic ports for luxuries not available on our island (like rum and butter tarts and Dolce & Gabbana pirate outfits), and to allow us to see the other wonders of the world firsthand. Cheers, Hester ... who is otherwise very happy and thankful for her real life just the way it is.

Oh yes, and my mouth dropped open when she said she was taking away the Bauer daughter's BOOKS as punishment until she "organized" her room. There's suburbanite priorities for you: housekeeping tasks trump literacy and learning! Cripes, in my world, books are sacrosanct, and to hell with the dust bunnies! Cheers, Hester

Baggins

Black Spot

I watched it last night. I was horrified by the Fine family, especially Mr. Fine. He was a classic control-freak macho creep. I've been a volunteer counsellor at a women's centre in the past, and this guy's behaviour screamed "wife-beater" to me. He began by ordering Tori around (as if that's how he would normally interact with a "wife"), and whenever she did or said anything he disliked, he was emotionally abusive to her, calling her "stupid" or "unintelligent". His Barbie-doll wife was pathetic, but she at least seemed pleasant enough at first and did initially try to fit in with the Bauers (until the fleas overcame her). I suspect that a great deal of her perfectionist behaviour is driven by her aggressive and controlling husband. I thought her visiting sister was pretty cool for crawling under the bed to talk with the Bauer daughter. That said, Mrs. Fine's disciplinary tactic of labelling human beings and putting them in the "bin" was astoundingly de-humanizing! When the young Bauer boy lay down in the punishment box the first time, I thought she was going to put the lid on (and I think he thought so too!) Personally, I think a swift smack on the bum is less abusive than this sort of ritualized humiliation. [Happily, I don't have children, so I don't have to worry about the modern ethical conundrum regarding spanking.] And I don't really get the "bin" concept of housekeeping in general. Sure, they might keep things more organized, but they're aesthetically displeasing. Who wants to live in place that looks like a storage locker? I can understand the need for more storage space (especially seeing the books and CDs that litter my office floor), but how about cupboards and drawers in nice wooden furniture? How about "treasure chests" for Goddess sakes! That would neaten things up and still fit within the attitude and style of the Bauers' home. What was truly astonishing was the make-over that Mr. Bauer submitted to. Why shave his head? [Again, this is a humiliation tactic used in what sociologists call "total" institutions -- prison, army, monastery, cults.] Were there lice as well as fleas? Or did Mrs. Barbie-doll believe that since her husband wore his "hair" that way, all men should? Surely, she can't have thought a shaved head was considered conventional work-world grooming? Which reminds me: were Mr. Fine's tats real or part of the pirate garb Tori got him to wear? But, I must admit that I did sympathize with Mrs. Fine over the dog fleas, and I can see how that would be the final straw in what she could tolerate. When I was 18, my parents went away for the summer and left me to look after the house and our elderly cat while I worked at a summer job in the city. The cat spent the hot summer days lounging in the grass gathering fleas, and she was too obese and arthritic to be able to groom her own back, so she brought them into the house, where they started biting me. I tried everything -- I doused the cat with flea powder, I vacuumed the carpet twice a day and sprayed it with a special spray from the vet (which I got my boyfriend to pick up, because I was too embarrassed). Finally, I called my parents and demanded they come home and hire an exterminator. [Nowadays, I understand you can just give your cat a pill to prevent all this. What progress veterinary science has made!] Anyhow, my own housekeeping standard is about midway between the Bauers and the Fines ... and my current infestation problem is spiders ... which seem to have taken over my crumbling old Victorian house while I was away this summer. Cheers, Hester

Willow?

Avast! I've just thought of the perfect activity for TLaP day! When we get home from plundering the scurvy mall and eating our "pirate packs" at ARRRby's ... we can watch the DVD of Yellowbeard! I'd almost forgotten I had it. I haven't even taken it out of the shrink-wrap yet. Cheers, Hester

Speaking of the White Spot "Pirate Pack", my husband insists that the lyrics of the AC/DC tune "Back in Black" are: Back in the back of a Cadillac Number one with a bullet, and a Pirate Pack. [The line is really "I'm a power pack".] But, in J.'s defence, Paul "Dakota" Innis, lead singer of the beloved, belated cow-punk group the Lost Dakotas, does sound like he's singing "Pirate Pack" in his cover of the song. Take a listen to this OOP indie gem (in which they make the AC/DC anthem sound like it could have been Johnny Cash's themesong). You can download the mp3 here: Lost Dakotas -- "Back in Black" Cheers, Hester

Well, I don't have anything special planned for TLaP day. Tonight, I desperately need to do some shopping at the mall (blech!), but maybe we'll have dinner at Arrrrby's if there's one in the food court. Speaking of piratey fast-food, my husband J. has fond memories from his childhood of the Pirate Pack at the White Spot restaurant: [Disclaimer: that odd blond man is not my husband.] J. thought McDonald's should have stolen the ship-shaped packaging idea for their PotC happy meals. [Which reminds me, I never did get Davey Jones' chest in my happy meal -- ahoy, eBay!] Cheers, Hester

It's my mother-in-law's 70th birthday soon. I need to think of a present. I decided to try a Google search, but it wasn't helpful. I can't quite see her wearing the 70th Birthday Middle Finger Salute Thong Odd to think she's the same age as Kris Kristofferson. She behaves more like a contemporary of Queen Victoria. Oh sigh, Hester

Arrr, well, the scallywag finally showed up to clean my furnace, at noon -- two hours late! And then only after I'd sent a broadside across the bow by phoning the furnace company to see why no one had arrived yet. Apparently the dispatcher screwed up and forgot to put my house on today's schedule. Happily, it was the "nice" furnace guy who finally arrived, not the grumpy one. Well, that's that done for another year! Indeed, I'm feeling quite virtuous as I also performed another important house maintenance function today. The buttons on our cheap 10-year-old kitchen phone have been used so often that the several of the numbers had worn off (kinda like the "e" and the "n" of this keyboard). I had contemplated buying a new phone, but instead, I got a black Sharpie and wrote the numbers on by hand. Looks fine, and I'm less likely to call the wrong # now. Huzzah, Hester

Listening to the neighbor's baby squall. Still no sign of the furnace guy, and it's nearly 11 am! And I just remembered that it's Talk Like a Pirate Day today ... so ... "Arrr! I'm gonna keel-haul the scurvy bugger iffin' he don't haul anchor and get the wind in his sails!" [Yeah, okay, I'm not very good at pirate-speak. I need more practice.] I guess I could spend the time waiting for the furnace guy drinking rum... Cheers, Hester

Waiting for the furnace guy to come clean my furnace. He was supposed to be here between 9 and 10 a.m. It's now 10:16, no sign of him, and I'm really bored. This is one autumn ritual that I really hate! This time, I hope I don't get the cranky guy who gripes at me because the furnace is so dirty. Yeah, duh, that's why I called to have it cleaned! I hope I get the nice guy who tells me he likes my house 'cause it "smells nice". [Yes, indeed, dear, I put out that "Tropical Breeze" air freshener just for you, to try to cover the musty odour in the cellar.] Ah well, it could be worse -- we had a heavy rain last night, and I feared I'd have to pump bilge out of the furnace room this morning, but we're fairly dry down there. I guess the rain just sounded heavier than it really was because the neighbour's eavestrough needs fixing. [Which cheers me, to know that other people are nearly as lax in their house maintenance as I am.] I hope the furnace guy actually shows up before lunch. I feel like I'm under house-arrest in the meantime. Sigh, Hester

Terrific! Thanks, Patrick ... I'll have to add that one to my "to-read" list! Cheers, Hester

Bay scallops in black bean sauce, with leeks, red peppers and asparagus, on a bed of egg noodles. Last of the local peaches for dessert. Cheers, Hester ... holding to her "vow" (well, mostly...)

Mimi Foxmorton wrote: Hi, Mimi: I'm a Robin Hood fan, too. And how's this for a "long haired, masterful, rough yet gentle male with piercing ... eyes": (That's a young Michael Praed from the British TV series Robin of Sherwood in the 1980s.) I've recently picked up the following Robin Hood-themed romance novel: I'm saving that for my fall "guilty pleasure" reading. Marsha Canham has also done a Robin-esque romance trilogy, but I've only read the first in the series and didn't like it as well as her pirate romance. Anyhow, Mimi, if you're a Robin Hood enthusiast, you might enjoy the discussion group that I moderate on Yahoo, called "The Greenwood": http://groups.yahoo.com/group/thegreenwood/ Cheers, Hester