A-singing,
Eye patches, peglegs, and parrots,
People who wear them should be lined up and then shot!
I don't care if your bucket-boots are heeled or vamped,
Don't bring that s**t into my living history camp...
There was a jolly pirate, with an earring made of gold,
He thought it made him look the part, whatever he'd been told.
So we pinned him down and beat him, an authenticists' attack,
We tore it out his ear and he was never invited back.
Eye patches, peglegs...
There was a jolly maiden, who asked to join our crew,
We said 'you seem the right sort, so we would love you to,
But if you turn up to our camp as a made-for-TV tart,
We'll never let you in our gang, 'cos you'll never look the part.'
Eye patches, peglegs...
If you've got a cooler, to keep you beer on ice,
And if your sail-tarp shelter is devoid of rats and lice,
If you don't have scabies, typhoid or pox too,
You never be allowed to join, so go and find another crew.
Eye patches, peglegs...
So dress as a sailor in a tarry jacket blue
With canvas slops and waistcoat, and they must be handstitched too.
Or go for Royal Navy garb, and sleep upon the deck
In a grey kersey jacket from the A-S-Contract specs.
Eye patches, peglegs...
And if you meet our standards you can join the waiting list,
For a vacancy in our elite, a treat not to be missed.
We'll share with you the secret of life, we've found it out,
And we'll talk with great authority on stuff we know f**k all about.
Eye-patches, peglegs...
Brilliant...