Tall Mike Bismuth van der Bulge

Do birds eat beans to fly faster?

Oops, double post. How in the blazes does one delete these things?

^ Things tend to flow for me, but I have made the choice on several occasions to abandon myself. I can't really illuminate the exact definition of that, but it's pretty crazy. < Almost through Outlaws Of The Marsh, the best Chinese classic I've ever read. Third volume, sixty-second chapter. I haven't had too much time to attend to the book as of late, unfortunately. v Tolstoy or Dostoevsky?

Arr, iffin' they be anyfin like me, they be sailin' th'seven seas in search o' buried treasure. Freebootrs be needin' thar vacations; a pyrate can't jest be hangin' roun' th'pub all day, y'know.

Arr, me yesterday? I be havin' a MacGyver marathon, o' course!

^ My driver's license. I think that the DMV purposely alters your photograph so that it looks horrid and does not reflect how you actually look. I know they can change your hair colour before you can say "Captain Tall Mike Bismuth van der Bulge" (I had a friend who had blue hair), so completely altering one's face would not be too big of a step. < Currently ending a perfect day with Judas Priest's "Heavy Metal". Straightforward song, methinks. I now have more incense (both stick and cone form) than any man will ever need. Unless, you know, you have to build a dam out of incense or something. I don't have quite that much. v Which item is most abundant in your household?

Weetabix is awesome, but Weet-Bix is even more awesome. If you can ever find it, buy upwards of twenty boxes. You won't regret it. ^About forty hours, maybe. I was young. <Is now listening to the worst music ever made. It's from Santa Cruz, save me! v What's the worst music you've ever heard?

That's a tough one. Well, I was singing "Personal Jesus" most of yesterday, and I came up with some worst-case scenarios in which to be in my deathmobile. I also gave a shot at imagining what my colleauges would look like if they were their opposite sex. I swallowed my own vomit, too. Well, not really, but the prior activity almost triggered some up-chucking.

^The guy who invented beer. <Listens to The Moody Blues and a myriad of little-known Norwegian death metal, in consecutive order. v What is your favourite foreign breakfast cereal?

^Robin Trower. I can't believe you guys skipped that one. Well, it's mine now. ^Commando's the only way to go. <Has met one of the world record holders for the largest crème brûlée. His record has since been supplanted by larger crème brûlées, but I consider it an acheivement still. The guy said he had to borrow flamethrowers from the local armory to caramelize it. That's probably bull, but it's something I'll probably end up doing myself at some time in my life. V What world records do you hold? Besides Metallica-listening-to.

^ Fun if the person who gets them doesn't mind my being crude. < I have a real problem with addressing people I don't know very well, especially when they expect me to treat them as if they were my left arm. Not that I'm horrible to anybody, but my sense of humour doesn't always fly with everybody. Kids, don't open those Christmas cards this year. V Your favorite piece of coinage? Mine is some piece that I used to have from the Netherlands. I forget what it amounted to, but it was bronze in colour and helluva thick. Next down is the good ol' nickel.

^ Canned tuna. < Had another dream about driving last night. Weird. v What is the most unique use of CLR (Calcium/Lime/Rust remover) you have ever heard of?

Arr, t'be "Waking Life". I think I be seein' that on IFC not too long ago. Th'guy floated away at th'end or somethin'. T'was pretty trippy, mateys. Arr, let's see ye louts get thissun. "You have penetrated me." Arr, I know that be soundin' kinda nasty, so 'ere be anudder one from th'same movie: "I am Lazarus, come from the dead. Do you know the next line? It's T.S. Eliot."

Arr, Cap'tain Tall Mike Bismuth van der Bulge be wakin' up at mid day, navigatin' t'th'kitchen, openin' up that 'frigerator, an' be seein' that foil thar. Well, I can'ts be seein' it, but I be pretty darn shore it be thar! I could 'ear it. Anyhoo, Captain Tall Mike Bismuth van der Bulge be sayin', "Oh, goody, what be in thar aluminum foil?," knowin' perfectly well that it be a albatross, but hopin' that it be leftovar bear. Or rum. Rum's good. Arr!

Guilty as charged, matey. ...Guilty again. Guess it be th'yard arm fer me, eh? Arr, I do believe that ye can be seein' th'shadow o' a 'elicopter on th'water at th'beginnin' o' th'first episode o' Shogun. Still one o' th'greatest eight hours o' television made, ne'erth'less. Not that I can be seein' it. It sounds really good, though. Arr, be ye brigands talkin' 'bout men in lacy drawers? I be tryin' that once (okay, more than once), an' let me be tellin' ye: th'pegs legs kinda ruin th'whole thynge.

Arr, I ain't be seein' me name on that list, Mad Jack! C'mon, t'ain't too hard t'spell 'Captain Tall Mike Bismuth van der Bulge', is it? Arr, I couldn't a=never be stayin' mad at that face. Not even iffin' I be visitin' Davy Jones' locker fer an extended period o' time. Arright, matey, I be tankful fer ya. Jest like I be tankful fer all'a ya! I also be tankful that I didn't lose me nose in that mini-golfin' accident. Never touched a putter e'er since.

Quoi? Je suis déjà allé à France, et mangé de la crème brulée et bu le vin blanc. J'ai les fait pour cinq mois. Personne a volé mon voiture (Quand je voyage je conduis. Même à travers l'océan.) à Paris, donc j'ai resté en France jusqu'l'on a retourné mon auto. Maintenant, je parle seulement français. Merde!

Silkie, m'lass! T'is been unct years! Not soo shure what "unct" be meanin', but th'maffematics be abstract anyhoo. T'is been a long voyage, an' it'll be slow fer me t'come back t'th'pub. On a volé ma voiture quand je suis monté la tour d'Eiffel, donc j'etais en France pour longtemps. Errrrr!

That's an interesting dream, Rats. I've had a few weirdoes lately, too. My most recent involved me being stuck in some sort of Chuck E. Cheese-like place in which I could step on platforms to become whoever I wanted, though I never wanted to be who I wanted to be. Throughout the dream, my mission was to evade various persons about this Chuck E. Cheese by means of teleporters and going out of my way to sneak six inches behind these people, apparently. It doesn't sound too effective, but I guess that I didn't exactly know what was going on. After a few personality changes, ranging from an overweight sous-chef (I can only imagine that was my ranking) to an eleven year-old child, I bumped into somebody who fell to the floor, arose, and became a zombie. Quickly, I stepped onto one of the changing platforms, and got... one of those plastic triangle stencils. The zombies were multiplying quickly, so I made use of that stencil. Brittle plastic measuring instruments make remarkably good weapons; I'll have to note that in the future. I was stabbing into zombies left and right, even managing to completely decapitate a few. In the middle of my stabbing spree, my stencil broke. I kept on going at it, though. And then the dream ended. Yeah, I know. Most of my other dreams of late have involved my car. Normally, this wouldn't be so bad, but my car is the definition of "boat", and I cannot drive worth a damn in my dreams. In one dream, my steering wheel was flat-out in the back seat. I had to drive into town with a headrest in my way, and no concept of what the road ahead of me looked like. Thankfully, we live in a nice, mountainous region where there are plenty of cliffs to careen off of. And that's exactly what I did. My dream insurance company isn't going to like that.

Arr, me avatar? T'be Winston, o' course. I couldn't a-show ya what exactly be me motivation fer choosin' that image, but rest assured, hearties, it be thar fer a reason. Maybe I jest be choosin' it 'cause it be kooky. After all, I do be wanderin' 'roun' wif eyepatches o'er me eyes an' peg legs an' 'ook 'ands, all by me own volition, an' then I be complainin' 'bout it. Selectin' a flap-jaw Winston avatar jest follers naturally.

Arr, damn yer quizzes, lass! T'be leadin' me t'unother quiz that be callin' me an indie rocker. Captain Tall Mike Bismuth van der Bulge be not an indie rocker!

"Arr, what focus, matey?" Arr-har-har-har! But seriously, I can't be seein' jack diddly seabass. O' course, that be because me eyes be taken out many a-years ago. An' yes, Callenish, that be whar she be gettin' th'laser sharks from. Arr, t'was either that or yer blessed captain bein' chum fer th'blighters. She be havin' 'em sharks, an' she be determined t'do somethin' wif' 'em.

Arr! Yer talkin' 'bout organs? I be havin' one meself. Mind ye, it be electric. I wisht I be havin' a real one. People always be tellin' me that t'would be so much better iffin I be havin' a real one, but I jest can't afford th'damage. More people be doin' it these days, too, soes I be feelin' left out. T'would be nice not t'be limited by wires e'ery now an' then.

Next he'll be doin' Jerry Lee Lewis iffin ye don't watch out.

Ah, I've got another. W.A.S.P. Are You Male Or Female? : Manimal, Mean Man Describe Yourself: BAD, Sleeping In The Fire, Cocaine Cowboys, I Am One How Do Some People Feel About You? : Widowmaker, Hellion, Chainsaw Charlie How Do You Feel About Yourself? : I Don't Need No Doctor, Sex Drive Describe Where You Want To Be: Inside The Electric Circus Describe What You Want To Be: The Real Me, King of Sodom and Gomorrah Describe How You Live: Forever Free, Blind In Texas Describe How You Love: Animal (I Fuck Like A Beast), On Your Knees, Cries In The Night, Harder, Faster, Love Machine Share A Few Words Of Wisdom: Tie Your Mother Down, Scream Until You Like It