Red-Handed Jill

I have until the last week in July. A few weeks, at any rate.

... and wants nothing. My stepdad is going to be 80 next month. If you saw him, you'd think he was in his 60's, but in terrific shape. (He plays handball with guys 50 years younger than him and while they are recovering in the jacuzzi, he's in the weight room. And he rides his bike to and from the health club.) He doesn't do the usual "dad" things that you see on Father's Day cards, like playing golf, or grilling or fishing, although he is a sports fan. So I'm looking to be a bit creative with a gift for this big birthday. Can anyone help me out with some suggestions?

http://solutions.vzwshop.com/pirates/ Lowest unique bid wins the contest. Current winning bid is $106 and change.

^ It's quite warm. It's actually been unseasonably warm for some time. < I like Pringles. Which is why I can never have them in my house. V Any big plans for July 4th (for those of you in the U.S.)?

Luscious Libations

^ It depends. If it has a great deal of sentimental value, it stays. If I get no use out of it and there is no sentiment attached, it goes. < Also prefer to talk my way out of fights, but I have had to defend myself against physical attacks, unfortunately. V Pass the question

^ Depends on the change. If it's brought on by someone's ignorant and arbitrary desision, I'll fight it. < Putting the boat back to rights after last weekend. V Ever got into a physical fight? (Not staged...)

I'm the only William Wallace, so far. It definitely fits me, though. Although, I'm not wearing a kilt!

^ I tend toward black, blue and grey, mostly solid colours (I'm not much into prints.) < Still recovering from the weekend! V How will you be celebrating summer solstice?

You scored as a William Wallace The great Scottish warrior William Wallace led his people against their English oppressors in a campaign that won independence for Scotland and immortalized him in the hearts of his countrymen. With his warrior's heart, tactician's mind, and poet's soul, Wallace was a brilliant leader. He just wanted to live a simple life on his farm, but he gave it up to help his country in its time of need.

You'll love this one... "flabbergast gedanken thrombosis"

Damn - I know that the danger is part of the job, but it's still heartbreaking.

^ Told a man, "I don't want to marry you." He wasn't asking; we were just discussing the subject at the time. < I'm with you on this Long Tom. The media has got us thinking that it's supposed to be perpetual bliss, when in fact the "honeymoon period" is supposed to be transitory. If the relationship is worth anything, you transition to becoming life partners and work at the relationship to make it function. And by work, I mean those things that you did so willingly when you were still in the honeymoon stage. V Pass the question.

Give 'em hell, Mad Jack - there's nothing worse than a bad doctor!

Today I got: "Out a convicted you that only Fall the Galactic centers, of the regent." Ummm....

Yes I did, but the caliber of employees at UPS isn't what it used to be. They could give me no useful information and I've been talking to them for two days! And they know I was at their mercy - if I had been nasty, they'd probably have "lost" my package somewhere.

Now if only I can get the damned thing here!

Sigh... Looks like I'm not going to get that cannon in time after all. It must be my fault - I mustn't have been convincing enough when I emphasized that today was REALLY AND TRULY the eleventh hour. Is there a class I can take to teach me to be more convincing, so when I say I need something absolutely by a certain day that they actually take me at my word and get it done? I tend to be patient and nice in these situations. Is that the problem? Should I be demanding and bitchy? The cannon is in Sparks, Nevada. It's going to take at least five hours to get to Sunnyvale (probably more like six or seven) and that's once it has actually left Sparks, which it hasn't. And the Sunnyvale office closes at 5:30. So I'm screwed. And call me middle-aged, but I do remember a time when you ordered something and was told that it would arrive at a certain time - and it actually arrived then! What a concept!

Frustrated! I ordered a cannon from Hern Iron Works for Jack's birthday and was assured I'd see it by the end of May. Then it was going to ship at the end of May. Then it was going to ship at the end of last week. It ended up being shipped the beginning of this week and I was assured by UPS that I'd see it today. I just found out that it's not going to be delivered until tomorrow. AAAAGH!!!!!!! This is the eleventh hour. That cannon was supposed to be featured in a sea battle this weekend and we're leaving tomorrow morning. Not to mention that Jack's birthday has come and gone. I now have to race down to the Sunnyvale way station once it gets there (couple of hours drive) and convince them to give me that cannon. I'm so tempted to bring a boarding axe... So the moral of the story is, if something needs to be manufactured to arrive at a certain time, add at least a couple of weeks to the longest time you think it will take them and DON'T USE UPS TO SHIP IT!!!

^ Both - I am the ultimate pragmatic, but must admit to an occasional romantic streak. < Part Indonesian and North African, so I don't burn all that easily. Although my skin is pretty fair. V pass along the question

Goodly Grog

'W'ine - of a goodly vintage.

"K"nives for slicing and throwing.

'F'reshly baked crusty french bread.