Captain Scurvy Dog

You're the TRADITIONAL PIRATE. Stealing gold, backstabbing other pirates, being suspicious of everyone you meet, running from the law... you're the real thing. People don't like to mess with you because you always manage to get your way. Just watch out, those parrots can be a little messy sometimes....

jersey, what exit...i means inlet...har

why i thank ye... fer given homage to me uncle ed...

well i could've gone fer admiral but it be too much stress fer jest a few dubloons more a month... & i dosen't like the name as much either as well as it makes me seem older...

i've done much of the same as would've in those days in real life... but ta survive fer how long in such an enviroment... well that be the"live fast, die young" i can't see still truely pyratin' on the high seas (not going to sea, mind ye... but fightin' fer yer life n' such) after 30... but settlin' down & havin' a pyrate pub might be a consideration (not sayin' no more fightin' just slow down a bits & more "home" advantage...)

That would be the Holland, Michigan hahar... that be like me ...born in bethlehem... at christmas time...

mermaids, sirens they all be the same... they drive ye ta madness, drive ye insane... voices like silk ribbons that floss through yer brain... eyes burn right through you but you don't feel the pain... until they stop singin' or vanish deep in the sea... that's when the hurt starts... when yer left lonely... lost at sea... this gemeni liz she sounds quite familiar... men have loved her for eons & men have wanted ta kill her!

over the lips & past the gums... i likes ta drink blood wit a chaser a rum... i mays not be handsome but neither is you... i be the captain, ye's just the crew... more rum all around, lad... dark & thick as moleasses... over the lips (*hic*) & past the gums... ye be a lovely lookin' las thar, katy love... MORE RUM!!!

good on ye lassie... ye know ye ken tell a parsons intelegince by thar corekt pronownseactions... i gradeated fron the skool of hard knocks, meself... gradeated wit 'oners, did i.

hmm... boarding axes & pikes be fun... & pistol & cutlas always a good choice... cannon aye... daggers very romantic... but i prefers me own bare hands... nothin' like squeezin' a throat & poppin' the adam's apple like a cork...POP! now as fer the wenches be concerned, they not be too worriesome to me, cause when i'm through wit them they can barely stand, yet walk... & when they finally rise to thar feet it's usually ta drag me back ta the bunk.

Glads ta see that yer post be in april afore i boarded yer vessel... otherwise i mights be thinkin' that ye be leavin' cause of me cologne of rum , fish guts & old spice...

Calls me Grouchy agin' and the Death Ye be facin' will make Men's Blood Run Cold fer a Thousand Years!

thar be some good descriptions, mates... i've seen worse... t'ain't nothin' ta worry about, i tells ya!

let's see here... hmmm...maybes if i cuts off me beard... i thinks i still has that dress offa that wench that we ate from the isle of croi (not that we's cannibalistic...it's just thars not much meat to be found on them isles...just a few coconuts & fruits...& a man just can'ts survive on just coconuts & fruits...anyways she weren't quite a good dancer either...) hmm but that thar dress might be fittin' ...she were quite a large woman... & i does has a couple a coconuts left... now i can use some of her left over blood ta redden me cheecks & lips... some crushed butterfly wings ta powder me eyes... & mights be able ta penetrate er...ah...infiltrate this here band a wenches...hmm..whathaa?! AAARRRR!!! i be thinkin' out LOUD again! BLASTED!

Well it be on more than one occasion that i be told that i has a Coconut Pyrate Head! Captain Scurvy F. Dog

Aye...me ears have heard many a tale of sickness of the sea... & all in common was the Want to DIE! a Tear forms in me Eye when i hears that... For me own Father took me out to the sea since i was a wee Pup... he'd even let me skip from schoolin' & take me... for Deep Sea Fishin' was me Fancy... Now the Reason i says about the Tear is that i did not find out till Decades later that me own Father got Terrible Sea Sickness but bore wit it cause he knew of his Son's Love for the Sea... i always had known me Pop was Tough... why he even used to get his Teeth Drilled & worked on & even Pulled wit No Anesthesia!... he had said, when he was a Pup it had cost extra, so he just got used to not ... & also hated Needles... that Stuck wit me as well. (Sniff) Anyways, Aye... Sea Sickness be a Horrible Illness, i'm told. Captain Scurvy F. Dog

...& then thar be the wenches undergarments i wore around me neck to breathe in their sweet aroma & mask the foul stench of the dead around me.... but that be another tale... Captain Scurvy F. Dog

History be written by poets, novelist, good listeners & some that were actually thar. Truth of the matter be, that people was much the same as they be in this day & age... Not everyone Followed Suit! Thar was those of us who wore different attire... we be considered trend setters t-day... i recalls a time workin' on a movie called ,"Pirates of the Caribbean, Curse of the Black Pearl"... long story how i pirated me way onto the set at universal...i wasn't invited mind ye, hahar...but anyways, the head costume designer told me that i'd have ta lose me hat..."why be that?!" says i ... the wench replies, "only the marines wore hats like that..." "where does ye thinks i got it from... can't ye see the blood!!!" says i... so if'en ye be feelin' like ye would be wearin' a coat then wears it... i would layer on clothes that i took from me fallen enemies if'en i enjoyed their look or feel (clothes that be, not me enemies) besides, the layers misguided dons who be thinkin' i be havin' more meat on me bones & i can'ts count as high as the number of times a large buckle, medalion & even a heavy vest of leather had deflected, stopped or at least slowed a ball or cutlas. that be all i'm havin' ta say on that matter at the moment... unles any of ye salts gives me grief on this here post. Captain Scurvy F. Dog

i says fill yer guts up wit scrambled eggs & pork chops...then tops it off wit a noggin' o' dark rum, thick as moleasses wit a squeeze a lime... ye should fare well at sea after that .... & if'en ye don't, then heave over board to chum fer the fishes... i'll be sure to bring me pole! another good thing to be preparein' yerself is to be doin' some horizontal boppin' on a water mattress! Captain Scurvy F. Dog