What do you like in your Pirate?

[LadyBarbossa]

Jill has given ya gents THE secret. And it's true. Despite how women will say otherwise.

Women don't want to be treated like a Goddess and placed upon Mt Olympus... nor do they wanted to be treated like yer lazy dog. They want to be treated like your equal, like someone who is your other half... and in most cases they are that other half you are lacking! They are a reflection of you. So, becareful, gents!

If you are loving and loyal to your woman... she will be loving and loyal in return til the end of days.

And yes... I agree. If anyone finds someone like that... let me know. Course, I just may have a heartattack. As many times as someone has attempted to be as said mentioned, turns out to be a lie in the end and... Ouch, does that hurt, mates! All it does is make a heart hard, cold, black, and devastated.

Think Davy Jones, mates. There be a reason why he's one of my favs.

~Lady B

[Red Cat Jenny]

Well Patrick..I can understand your point of view. Sometimes it seems there is no one worth the effort. Or that you can respect enough to be worth your time. But from what I hear you don't sound like a selfish guy. You just have your standards. Best to stick to em.

You hopefully learn over the years what you don't want more than what you do want and I guess thats a good thing.

Lady B, sometimes its a case of "It s that same guy again" we've all done that at one time or another..line em all up and look for similarities...is it?

It seems that when you don't have to conciously "work" at being what the other person wants and vise versa. Though I would say effort is still needed to maintain things. Then thats a good match. You're lucky if you find that. Often it's when you weren't looking or in an unlikely place.

Just remember now matter how hard you pound on a square peg..it will never fit the round hole perfectly. (Um no innuendo intended lol) best be realistic.

[Red-Handed Jill]

If you feel strongly enough about someone, it shouldn't be that big a deal to make the effort, just to make the other person happy. For example, you are grocery shopping and at the checkout line you see Altoid Mango Sours - and you remember that your girlfriend really likes those so you buy her some. Just the fact that you remembered something like that can go a long way.

And yeah, the "It's that same guy again" syndrome. Been there, done that - way too often. Sometimes you just have to step back and take a look at why your relationships fall under the category of "recurring motif."

[Red Cat Jenny]

It helps if his kiss makes you weak in the knees when you even think of it

[LongTom]

The prevalence of jerks in the available male population must be somewhat skewed, for the simple reason that the "keepers" tend to get, well, kept. So your observations on the prospects in the pool are not without merit, at least with regards to the eligible ones.

The flip side of the coin is that it takes bloody long enough for a nice guy to get noticed and selected in the first place. How often have we heard the old saw about bad boys being more exciting? If you keep coming up with the same old problem over and over, cast a critical eye to the way you pick 'em.

If you are picking men for whom you are the other half that they lack, well, no wonder it doesn't work out; you are choosing an incomplete person. I will be so bold as to claim that I am not so lacking that I need my wife to complete me, nor visa-versa -- though we do complement each other quite nicely.

[FlintLockSarah]

Guys - do you want to know THE secret? What most women want?

They want you to make an effort. An effort to remember that her eyes are green or that she likes white lilies or that she likes Chinese food. An effort to make a day or evening special for her. They want you to know you were thinking about her even when she wasn't there with you.

And if there is something wrong, just listen. Don't try and fix it - just listen. One big reason guys are always the last to know what's going on with their significant others is because they figure that's what girlfriends are for and the women end up telling them very little about what's going on with them. I can't tell you how many of my male friends were devastated when their wives/fiances/partners/girlfriends left them and they had no clue that there was anything wrong. Ask the woman and find out she tried to tell him, but he didn't listen. So she just gave up trying.

All of the should you use more or less pressure or do you do this or that or whatever all flow from making the effort and listening. Do these things and it will all be abundantly clear. You'll also have tremendous luck with women.

AAAAAmen Honey. Exactly........

[LongTom]

And if there is something wrong, just listen. Don't try and fix it - just listen.

From a man's perspective, this is probably THE most alien thing about women. A guy's first instinct is to fix it. All the bad feelings are coming from whatever the problem is, right? So the obvious solution is to fix the problem, right? No problem, no bad feelings, right? ...why are you looking at me like that? Whaat?

Hey, what can I say? Vive la difference!

[Red-Handed Jill]

Gents - a big part of fixing the problem IS listening and just letting her know that you care. Really. The thing is, she's already thought of the solutions you were thinking of telling her. Women by their natures tend to be pragmatic problem solvers, so solving the actual problem is the easy part.

The issue is with the attendant emotions, worries and such that accompany the problem. That's where she would like a little support from you. So just being a ready ear and possibly a shoulder to cry on is what is needed the most. More often than not, that will solve the problem she actually came to you with.

[Red Cat Jenny]

That he knows how to completely, unexpectedly knock me over with just a few words...woagh..

[DocF225]

And if there is something wrong, just listen.

Huh? What? Were you sayin something? Sorry, the TV was on......

[Red-Handed Jill]

Such a guy....

[Patrick Hand]

Hey... I was going to ask what was that about eyes........... but same thing,,,,

[Capt. Bo of the WTF co.]

Sorry ladies, but this still sounds awfully one-sided to me. I have always put my significant other first in a relationship. As if all women were perfect examples of stoic faithfullness. My first wife didn't want to let me know she was fooling around while i was working 50-60 hours a week to provide for our family. Even when I asked what was goin on she wouldn't talk. Found out the hard way.

So, tell me ladies how it is that only your thoughts and feelings are important in this issue?

Bo

[LongTom]

So, tell me ladies how it is that only your thoughts and feelings are important in this issue?

I think that's an artifact of this being a thread asking specifically about what the ladies like.

Your point is well taken, however, about how large a chunk of oneself is used up in being the breadwinner, and how little credit that chalks when considering a person in a romantic light. That's a dirty little secret of the mythos of romance that we have built over the centuries. Flowers and poetry and candlelit dinners are wonderful, but they aren't the bricks and mortar of day-to-day real life. A dashing figure and a roguish glint in the eye aren't what keep the family from living beneath an overpass, but guess which causes copious swooning, and which gets no respect?

True, that goes both ways. It's important for me to make a point of letting my wife know I appreciate a drawerful of clean socks, even if I am the guy who pays for the laundry detergent, the washing machine, and the house to keep them all in.

[Red-Handed Jill]

Nowadays more often than not there are two breadwinners, but oftentimes even though both spouses work, when they get home it's the woman who does the majority of the housework. (Jack and I seem to be the exception - we split the housekeeping duties down the middle.) And there are a lot of things that women endeavor to do to make their men's lives easier. Not stuff that you'd notice unless you really thought about it, but a lot of things just seem to take care of themselves...

That being said, my point is that if you asked a woman what her husband/boyfriend/fiance's eye colour was or what their favorite food was or their favorite movie or who they have problems with at work, they'd most likely be able to tell you. Ask a guy the same questions and many of these things would most likely be a mystery to him.

I'm not saying it should be one-sided. Or that all men are insensitive clods. Or that it should be wine and roses, romance all the way. I'm just saying that in many cases making a real effort at getting to know a woman and what really makes a woman happy would be appreciated more than you can imagine.

[Merrydeath]

pour me another mojito..

I used to do all the housework, so when I joined the outside workforce, I told all of the family to pick up what I had been doing.. It didnt go well, and the family was surprised at what I used to do.. and then suddenly didnt. ah well.. its just me and the cat now.

[DocF225]

pour me another mojito..

ah well.. its just me and the cat now.

Lucky Kitty....

Here's yer drink m'lady.

[Merrydeath]

Doc's pouring??

what more could a woman with a large thirst want?? :) 3 hours mowing the grass and I need some aloe put on.. any chance that transporter is working yet?

nice to see you, Doc, and the kitty.. is nuetered. NOT so lucky.

[Capt. Bo of the WTF co.]

Understood ladies, and I know many guys are clods, and worse, but the guy bashing thing just sets me off because I am an exception. Around here if laundry, dishes, making beds, whatever needs done I just do it. My lady is the income at present as I am in college full time now, so I do the housework and running around for the household duties, with the help of my 15 yr old son and some from the little ones too.

I just saw this thing turning into a guy bashing thread and had to defend those of us that are not deserving of such.

Still friends though I hope.

Bo

[Red-Handed Jill]

It wasn't meant as a guy-bashing exercise, really. It's just that there were several posts from men who expressed a wish to know what made women tick and I demystified it for them.

We women read just as many female-bashing posts that many of us here are the exception to. Just as many of the guys here are exceptions to the typical male issues that we women have to deal with.

[LongTom]

Being that I'm only one guy out of billions (and a fairly atypical specimen, I'm led to understand), and being that my personal experience of guys in relationships is a highly representative sample of zero, I will have to take your word for it on "what guys generally do." As long as that doesn't describe me, when you are talking about the irritations, I'm happy.

I will, however, take the liberty of reiterating my frustration with the popularity of the Jack Sparrow archetype. Would you really want Jack Sparrow raising your kids?

Seriously. Culturally, we venerate James Bond, while Joe Sixpack gets a broad wink and a sly nod as a chump. Then we wonder why everybody's long term relationships (especially families with kids) are falling apart, because guys would prefer to be James Bond over Joe "Chump" Sixpack. Our idea of what constitutes a hero is seriously screwed up.

[Hester]

Our idea of what constitutes a hero is seriously screwed up.

Well, Tom, I'm "Holding out for a Hero":

Though, granted, it's not all that practical to have him toting his machine along to do the grocery shopping.

[LongTom]

Good luck with that.

[Red Cat Jenny]

Well the responsibility is in both camps...

One should know what and whom they are marrying...and preceding that why they are marrying and what they expect it to be both from their end as well as the others. Joe sixpack will do ok, because Jane (able to think) will choose the man she knows can provide what the marriage needs. That said..she still needs to provide as well.

However theres nothing saying either party can't add a little spice. No need to be boring..just responsible.

[Merrydeath]

and just to prove it CAN be done.. SeaRover and Red Bess just celebrated 24 years of marital bliss.... go over and say cheers for them making it this far.