pirate limericks

[PyratePhil]

I do believe you've made me blush... just a little.

Then my work here is done...

...stand back, Citizen - there's more nefarious deeds afoot...and ahand....and...and...um...dang...er..up, up and..no, that's not it...

Sheesh - bein' a SuperPyrate ain't all it's cracked up ta be...

[Merrydeath]

There was a wild pirate lass,

who was full of rum and sass,

she won fights hands down

with nary a frown

and slept with a pirate on her a$$.

There was a pirate named PPhil

who lived not for the cheap thrill,

His taste in rum quite fine,

and pirate lasses devine

but his taste in roote beer was nil.

So the wild pirate lass did write

Very far into the night.

She was naughty and free,

and naked as a bee,

Which tickled the pirate lad on the right.

[Roger the Red]

I once met a Pirate Named Merry

Pretty and Smart was She? Very.

With a Smile that Could Blind

and A Heart Sweet and Kind

She's a Treasure no Bucko would Bury

RtR

[Merrydeath]

I thank you Lad, she did say

Even tho she had to work that day.

She blushed and smiled, til her cheeks tired,

which the lads admired

far

down

her

way.

[PyratePhil]

There was a pirate named PPhil

who lived not for the cheap thrill,

His taste in rum quite fine,

and pirate lasses devine

but his taste in roote beer was nil.

Ye be honorin' me, M'Lady...

His taste fer the thrill was known well

And because of it, he'd go to Hell

But the trip would be paid

By the lasses he'd made

And for them, his soul surely he'd sell.

( ST )

[Guest adt]

I was lately marooned from a site

Coz this mod and me got in a fight.

Thanks for picking me up.

Shall we all raise a cup?

"If you see that mod, SHOOT HIM ON SIGHT!"

[Fancy]

Hello, love! Cheers!

I wish I had time to write more, (I will later) I'm in a hurry, but had to say I'm glad you're in!

kisses, Fancy

[Fancy]

Blackbeard was a pirate to be feared

But he wore, over his ears, his beard

And the red ribbons there

Tied up in that hair

With the smoke, I imagine looked weird

[PyratePhil]

Blackbeard was a pirate to be feared

But he wore, over his ears, his beard

And the red ribbons there

Tied up in that hair

With the smoke, I imagine looked weird

...'tis true that ol' Blackbeard be feared

But it's jes' because he's kinda' weird

Those ribbons and wax

Were just visual snacks

When they caught fire to his black beard!

[Cap'n Pete Straw]

Blackbeard? Ye mean Edward Teach!

A nastier cur ye sure couldn't preach.

What with his nasty old ways,

Though all 'is piratin' days,

He sure were a filthy son of a beech!

[PyratePhil]

Aye, men like 'im live nasty lives

In fact, so bad I get th' 'ives,

Now jes' 'twixt me and you

What's a feller ta do

When ya've got a curse - seventeen wives!

[Cap'n Pete Straw]

Seventeen wives ye say? Oh, my Lord!

Guess in port ye needn't get whored.

But on Saturday night,

What a terrible fright,

Tryin' te sit round the Monopoly board!

[PyratePhil]

'Tis true all his wives had fair face

When full sated, they stared into space

Though their legs were quite long

And had talent at song

There's no thrill like Boardwalk and Park Place

[Cap'n Pete Straw]

Sometimes ye roll them thar dice much too slow

Take yer turn, pay yer rent, ye slo-mo!

Can't wait to swoop in fer the kill,

'Cause nothin' beat that thar thrill

Two hunnert bucks each time ye pass "Go"

[PyratePhil]

M'Lady oft plays with the best

And out-buys, -sells, and -rents all the rest

But I'll make this bold claim

Her real reason for fame:

That she shares her Community Chest!

[Roger the Red]

Aye, Sure- Blackbeard Had Seventeen Wives

Who Had Miserable Frustrating Lives

For He N'er Gave 'em H*ad

When He Took 'Em to Bed

And The Fleas in His Beard Gave 'Em Hives

Sure, Ol' Teach was no Treasure in Bed

He Just Lay Like Whale What was Dead

So His Seventeenth Bride

Never Sniffled Nor Cried

When Bold Maynard took old Blackbeard's Head

RtR

[Fancy]

I had no idea what I be startin'!

Very good, gentlemen, very good.

So that's why Blackbeard was so unhinged

I'm sure every morning he cringed...

All those wives to keep happy

Or I'm sure they got snappy

There were worse things than beards being singed.

[PyratePhil]

I had no idea what I be startin'! 

Very good, gentlemen, very good.

Said the lass with big eyes, while departin',

"I had NO idea what I be startin'",

Though her feminine wiles

Brought out their pyrate smiles

'T'were her treasures they all were a'chartin'...

[callenish gunner]

Blackbeard and his wives quite notorieus

when they loved it was extremely uproarious

when he lifted their hems

and diddled with thems

his smoldering beard smelled of smoked oysterus

[PyratePhil]

LOL!!!

His first would complain when he plowed her

His second would moan even louder

But the third through the last

Offered quite a repast

Yet they all reeked of day-old clam chowder

[Cap'n Pete Straw]

Numbers fourteen and fifteen were best

They looked delectible whene'er they undressed

But when sixteen peered

Down the shorts of Blackbeard

I gotta tell ye, she were most unimpressed!

[PyratePhil]

Aye, heard that he be quite a chump

Better, tho, than that guy with th' stump

'Cause when he came to town

All the gals gathered round

To listen to his loud "step-THUMP"

[Merrydeath]

Number sixteen was a bit distressed,

to find Blackbeard underimpressed,

with a bellows and string,

and candlewax and things,

He got the wind back under her dress.

(its late and PPhil does this so much better than me!)

[Fancy]

Said the lass with big eyes, while departin',

"I had NO idea what I be startin'",

Though her feminine wiles

Brought out their pyrate smiles

'T'were her treasures they all were a'chartin'...

Chartin' my treasures, eh?

Apparently they needed a bath

Ye could smell 'em coming down the path

Blackbeard didn't care

He was all about hair

And dared not to invoke their wrath

Blackbeard was a burly ol' bum

And fancied himself quite the chum

But when his women had needs

Perhaps he did them in threes

So he could quickly get back to his rum

[Fancy]

Aye, Merry, he is a professional!

(What ARE we doing up so late???)

Tis late, but I can't pull away,

From words I might want to say.

My computer is slow,

But I just gotta know,

What everyone talked about today.