pirate limericks

[Fancy]

This is always fun...

Perhaps it's been done... but...

Let's make up some pirate limericks!

They can make since, or not, who cares, it's fun...

let's play!

There was an old pirate from tortuga

He ate sea turtles and beluga

He preferred to drink rum

But he couldn't find some

So he settled for wine from Chattanooga.

There was a young pirate in trouble

He always smelled like a soap bubble

So he rolled in dead fish

And on a star made a wish

And now looks like Barney Rubble.

There was a big ship on the sea

Captained by a pirate named Smee

He got sick of Hook

And decided to book

To live a life fancy and free

There was a young wench from Peru

Who wanted a pirate or two

So snuck on a ship

And pooched out her lip

For it was an all women crew.

[Fancy]

here's a few more:

I like making up limericks by the mile

And can get on a roll for a while

But the following ain't mine,

I found it online

and decided it was good for a smile.......

There once was a pirate (the story relates)

who liked to go dancing on roller skates.

He fell on his cutlass

which rendered him nutless

and virtually useless on dates.

ok, that one isn't one I made up, but I like it.

These are mine....

There was a young pirate from Bristol

Whose cutlass was made out of crystal

Other pirates just laughed

Thought him to be daft

But they learned he was good with a pistol.

And I confess, 'bout that pirate from Bristol

And 'bout that surly pirate pistol

I thought it so good

(considered naught that I should)

But it had such limerick potential!

There was a fine pirate named Jack,

Who carried a compass to track,

The way to much loot,

(From aztecs, to boot)

And a single Pearl he wanted back.

[PyratePhil]

There once was a gal name o' Fancy

Who wrote with the skill of Tom Clancy

Her words, it is true

Would turn strong pyrates blue

But to top her, O' Lawd, would be chancy

There once was a Pubtype named Doc

A fair friend if ye went into shock

If you'd whine and wheedle

He'd stick in a needle

Then stumble half-crocked 'round the block

And then there was Dame MerryDeath

(Whose sister I once knew - named Beth)

A fantastic lass

Lots of class, and nice a$$

But she needed to work on her breath.

There once was a pyrate named Phil

Who'd proclaim he was King of the Hill

He'd hold court at sea

Partying constantly

Until he became violently ill

[Merrydeath]

There once was a pirate named Phil,

who was in a pickle, yes a dill.

He used hypnosis,

for my halitosis,

and now all the pirates luv me!

[Capt. Morgan]

It appears that Merry can't rhyme,

That limerick of hers was a crime!

What was she thinking!

Her poem was stinking! (just kidding!!!!)

Hey, Merry, just "joshin'" this time!

[Capt. Morgan]

I did these about a year ago, but they are fun to re-read! Enjoy!!

Paisley's our pyrate in pink,

She's great, we certainly think!

She's a fine looking lass,

With a fine lookin' . . . glass!

In which "I" will pour her next drink!

The Harbor Master he is,

Rootin' the privy's his biz

I'm thankin' him

When in my tub, I do swim

Or when I be takin' a wizz!

Nigel I know from the tub,

In this here Pyracy Pub

From 'is start to 'is end

He'll be seeked out by men,

Whose women that he tried ta' rub!

I often do verbally parry

with a woman who claims death is merry

I turn red from her posts,

So to Mercy I toast!

Of her words, I advise you, BE WARY!

[Merrydeath]

eat drink and be merry they say,

for tomorrow you will pay!

To that I shout out loud

and makes all the laddies proud,.

so nows its just us penquins..

[Roger the Red]

I met Merry in Parry-Dise

and thought She was Awfully Nice

Long with Miz Paisley too

and The Rest of Their Crew

To Praise them, I'd never think twice

[Cap'n Pete Straw]

Merrydeath, "penguins" ye say?

Yer rhymes, I fear, aren't okay.

But still ye can boast,

With over 4,000 posts,

It's volume that counts 'till today!

Six words, limericks, or Haiku?

Where to post, what to say, what to do?

There are so many fora

(with more words than the Torah)

But first, I must go to the loo!

[PyratePhil]

Oh, thet be rich, Cap'n Pete!

I think Merry's penquins wear tuxen

And she confused tuxen with buxom

See, Merry, me dame,

You have fortune and fame,

But I have oysters - and I shucks 'em.

(Hey, I just finished teaching 3 private lessons, OK? BACK OFF! )

(doffs hat to Cap't. Morgan) - Well done, sir!

[PyratePhil]

And soon the Faire times'll be startin'

Which, fer me, tends to be quite disheartenin',

'Cause I follows the dames

And get shot down in flames

So you could say I'm endin' 'fore startin'.

(I know - I used "startin'" twice - so hang me...)

[PyratePhil]

I don't know abouts all o' you

But it's so cold here I just turned blue

Now the sportsmen are fishin'

But I'm inside wishin'

For cuddlin' a warm wench or two.

[PyratePhil]

A Yuppy pyrate name o' Brett

Sailed the seas in his shiny Corvette

When he came into port

He'd have loads of sport

With Diana, Doreen, and Yvette.

[Cap'n Pete Straw]

And soon the Faire times'll be startin'

Which, fer me, tends to be quite disheartenin',

'Cause I follows the dames

And get shot down in flames

So you could say I'm endin' 'fore startin'.

(I know - I used "startin'" twice - so hang me...)

PPhil twice used the word "startin'"

But his prose sure has his heart in..

Some may think him witty

Fer creatin' that ditty,

But me I think it's like fartin.'

[PyratePhil]

Well...

A fart's just a fart, after all

Whether done in a church or a hall

A rose just as sweet

Would be quite an odd feat

But the vapors be all natural

[Fancy]

There once was a wild pirate lass

She was saucy, brazen and fast

Her sailors meet doom

Beneath the full moon

So beware the spell she may cast

[Fancy]

There once was a wild pirate lass

And she had a fine pirate ass

A pirate's sweet treasure

And nothing but pleasure

Was upon her bed made of brass

[Fancy]

There once was a sex crazy pirate

All booty he saw he desired it

He got all his wenches

By dropping his breeches

Because they all greatly admired it.

[Fancy]

There is a fine pirate from Ponty

He's colorful, funny and jaunty.

His stories - first rate,

One helluva mate

Will someday he share the full monty?

There once was a sweet little bee,

That landed upon my sweet knee.

Said I to the bee,

"If you do not flee,

I'll sting you so you don't sting me."

[PyratePhil]

Zounds!

We be havin' a naughty little pyrate lass here...

GOOD!

[Cap'n Pete Straw]

There once was a wild pirate lass

And she had a fine pirate ass

A pirate's sweet treasure

And nothing but pleasure

Was upon her bed made of brass

There once was a fine pirate lass

and she had a sweet pirate's ass.

In a bag she did keep it

'Till in beef broth did steep it.

Tasted great with red wine in a glass!

[crow]

There once was a sailor from Bristol who's member was hard as a pistol , he would try fer a Lass with a nice round firm a$$ but he was innevitably left with his fist full ...

[Fancy]

Who me? Naughty? :)

This sweet pirate lass does confess,

With a flirtatious nature, I'm blessed.

Sometimes naughty, that's true,

So what's a girl to do?

With pirates I'm totally obsessed!

There was a dark pirate from Mist,

Who fought with sword, pistol and fist.

Her flag black and red,

For blood that was shed,

Cause she killed every man that she kissed.

A short little pirate was miffed,

His cutlass he just couldn't lift.

So he traded it in,

For some rum and some gin,

And found drinking was his true gift.

[PyratePhil]

Who me? Naughty? :)

This sweet pirate lass does confess,

With a flirtatious nature, I'm blessed.

Sometimes naughty, that's true,

So what's a girl to do?

With pirates I'm totally obsessed!

Tho' her picture changed to black and red

I remember that one o' her head

A true dark-haired lass

Pretty one, with some class,

Now I'll have good dreams in me bed.

(flirt, flirt)

Just looked at the Pub members list

Some must be out playin' at whist

There's just a few heros

But too many zeros

Must make Bloody Buckets real p*ssed.

[Fancy]

Tho' her picture changed to black and red

I remember that one o' her head

A true dark-haired lass

Pretty one, with some class,

Now I'll have good dreams in me bed.

(flirt, flirt)

I do believe you've made me blush... just a little.