Bilgemunky Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 A while back I got it into my head to send this email to US Subs: --------------------- Dear sirs/madams - I'm the proprieter of Bilgemunky.com, an online resource for modern-day pirates. I'm not referring to the scary, uzi-toting pirates that plague asian waters - we're traditionalists. Jolly rogers and cutlasses and such (and maybe a flintlock pistol, if our wives let us.) One of the most important features at Bilgemunky.com is the pirate merchandise reviews, which is why I'm contacting you. It occurred to me that a luxury submarine would be the ideal home for a modern day pirate - always on the move and out of sight, able to sneak up on tourist boats and then surface to wave swords at them from a safe distance, that sort of stuff. I would love to review one of your subs for this purpose, but since I'm not yet wealthy enough to afford one on my own perhaps you might like to send me one for free? I know that sounds like a lot to ask, but there are many multi-billionaires that frequent Bilgemunky.com (well, it's possible,) and I'm sure the only reason they've not yet purchased one of your fine luxury submarines is because they're waiting to read a really good, pirate-based review of them. I think it would be best to send me a Nomad or higher - anything smaller wouldn't allow enough room for my crew of scalliwags. Or if you'd prefer to send me a Seattle or Pheonix, that would certainly be acceptable. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon! Yarrr! --------------------- It's been a few weeks now, and my submarine still hasn't been delivered. And here I was planning on inviting you all to join me on the maiden voyage. Hmph. I AM BILGEMUNKY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sjöröveren Posted May 4, 2004 Share Posted May 4, 2004 Geez, ye asked real nice and everything, and they still choose to ignore ye. Well, I think the only recourse ye have now is to cut their hearts out and shove them, still beating, down their ungrateful gullets. the Fool's Gold Pirates Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Pyrate Posted May 4, 2004 Share Posted May 4, 2004 Dang... they be makin' some right fancy subs.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matty Bottles Posted May 4, 2004 Share Posted May 4, 2004 Pirraps ye weren't pirate-y enough in yer asking. A bit more of the fire and damnation, pirraps.... "The time was when ships passing one another at sea backed their topsails and had a 'gam,' and on parting fired guns; but those good old days have gone. People have hardly time nowadays to speak even on the broad ocean, where news is news, and as for a salute of guns, they cannot afford the powder. There are no poetry-enshrined freighters on the sea now; it is a prosy life when we have no time to bid one another good morning." - Capt. Joshua Slocum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosalinda Posted May 4, 2004 Share Posted May 4, 2004 You can buy a good, clean, used submarine there too. I wished they had more pictures, like Auto Trader does. Nice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Hearted Pearl Posted May 4, 2004 Share Posted May 4, 2004 I'm guessing they didn't respond because of the way ye spelled Phoenix. ~Black Hearted Pearl The optimist expects the wind. The pessimist complains about the wind. The realist adjusts the sails. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captian Wolfy Wench Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 I can't believe ye did that, mate. Can't believe they ignored ye, too! I'm sure so many of them multi-millionaire people just 'ave subs comin' out of their ears. Captain Wolfy Wench Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bilgemunky Posted May 10, 2004 Author Share Posted May 10, 2004 I decided it was time to take matters into me own hands - if you can't join'em, beat em Bilgemunky Discount Submarines are now available for sale! I AM BILGEMUNKY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longarm Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 I've got ta hand it to ya mate, You've got one hellova imagination and a great sense of humor. I love the smell of gunpowder in the morning. To me it smells like....PIRACY! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bilgemunky Posted May 13, 2004 Author Share Posted May 13, 2004 What? You think I'm joking? I haven't yet decided if I'll send a link to US Subs, informing them of the new competition. I AM BILGEMUNKY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isabella Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 Sheez if you asked me like that I would have given you a submarine...sandwich. Extra mao? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Goodwench Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 Ahoy there, mates!! When one of you gets yer submarine, will you drop by and take me for a spin? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spydre Rogue Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 Arrr....! Blast ye, Bilgemunky, fer fillin' me head with highly unattainable, yet hauntingly d'sireable dreams! Who'd of known ye could have sich a thing....*sigh* Alas, tis not fer th' likes o' a penniless scalliwag sich as me. -Spydre Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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