captweaver65 Posted July 24, 2003 Author Share Posted July 24, 2003 Avast there! Tha' bit o' poetry is meant fer another forum.... (guffaw) Hehehe... makin' me bloody guts 'urt... hi ya Angus, even though the limerick be poetry,it is most always bawdy and funny-so i figured be fitting best here. I consider it evil humor,which is stated in the opening line of this here thread. ifn I write or find limericks I will be happy to post the more serious ones in the poetry section. :) Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted July 24, 2003 Author Share Posted July 24, 2003 Theres this english sailor a scottish sailor and An Irish sailor and they're all braggin about their pubs at home. The englishman says that at his pub if you buy three drinks thats ye gets the next one fer free . The Scott says thats nothin at me home pub when when ye buys two drinks ye gets the next one fer free. The Irishman says I have ye both beat.. at me home pub you gets the first drink fer free and every drink thereafter and when you have had your fill they take you upstairs and you have sex all night long. Well the englishman and the Scott proclaim their doubt at this story and ask the Irishman if he has really experienced this and he says " Well not me personally but it did happen to me sister ... LOL great stuff Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted July 24, 2003 Author Share Posted July 24, 2003 I didn't write this one-just made it rhyme better :) There was an old pirate named Art, Who ripped a gigantical fart, As it flew past his spincter, It went off the Richter, And then caused the Red Sea to repart. Art sailed on a Brigg to Rangoon, Where his rumblings could be heard from the moon, And when you'd least expect 'em, They burst from his rectum, With the fury of a raging typhoon! (any limerick or poetry that I write will have my initials below it) Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the Royaliste Posted July 24, 2003 Share Posted July 24, 2003 RRRRRRRRRR! Me sister........Hardee-har,har, mate! Whoops! Dropped me cutlass, an' almost got me toes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted July 25, 2003 Author Share Posted July 25, 2003 A pirate named William O' Doul Found little red spots on his tool, His doctor a cynic, Says, "Get out of me clinic, And wipe off the lipstick you fool." Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the Royaliste Posted July 25, 2003 Share Posted July 25, 2003 RRRRRRRRRRRRRR! ROTFLMAO! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stynky Tudor Posted July 26, 2003 Share Posted July 26, 2003 Arr Capt Weaver, you be a naughty one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted July 26, 2003 Author Share Posted July 26, 2003 hehe that's me-naughty to the core Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted July 26, 2003 Author Share Posted July 26, 2003 A young wench was heard to say, "Oh Dearie I'm wastin' away! The insides of my thighs, Look quite like mince pies, For you pirates don't shave every day!" Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the Royaliste Posted July 26, 2003 Share Posted July 26, 2003 RRRRRRRR These be wenches after me own, well, er, ...heart!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crow Posted July 27, 2003 Share Posted July 27, 2003 There once was a Lassie from Brides who ate some green apples an died .The apples fermented inside the lammented an made cider inside her insides There once was a lady named Harris whom nothing could ever embarrass untill bathsalts one day in the tub where she lay turned out to be plaster of Paris ... Lord above please send a dove with wings as sharp as razors , to cuts the throats of them there blokes what sells bad booze to sailors .. " Illigitimiti non carborundum . " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted July 27, 2003 Author Share Posted July 27, 2003 plaster of paris Miss Molly's a young lass of fashion, Much known for her wit and her passion, To her captain she said As she straddled his head Here's one thing you sailors can't ration. Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the Royaliste Posted July 27, 2003 Share Posted July 27, 2003 Yeah, but ye wenches sure do! but fresh, it can't be beat! Once it smells 'canned' though, even I'll pass! Hardee-Har,Har.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grayse MacRoth Posted July 28, 2003 Share Posted July 28, 2003 This crossed my desk today, thought I would share. Dunno.. does it fit in this area? - Grayse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted July 28, 2003 Author Share Posted July 28, 2003 Yeah, but ye wenches sure do! but fresh, it can't be beat! Once it smells 'canned' though, even I'll pass! Hardee-Har,Har.... well...Royasliste, a true pirate don't care what it smells like,even ifn it smells worse than he/she does. from yer various vile and scurvy remarks,I wouldn't have taken you for a gentleman who likes his women all clean like a lubber. :) Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted July 28, 2003 Author Share Posted July 28, 2003 This crossed my desk today, thought I would share. Dunno.. does it fit in this area?- Grayse hahahahahahaha!!! too cute! and I love yer smilie skull perfectly adorable in that tough pirate way arrggghhh!!! Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted July 28, 2003 Author Share Posted July 28, 2003 Three strapping seadogs from East Cooper Each of them drank into a stupor When three buxom young lassies Came, flirty and sassy Those seapuppies could all but be drooper. Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the Royaliste Posted July 28, 2003 Share Posted July 28, 2003 I will contest that theory....With all we put up with at sea, and fish a regular on the menu, we tend to enjoy the natural bouquet, not accquired ordors. A good sniffer is a tool on the ole square-rigger, nuttin' to do wif' lubbers, although for all who have crossed the deck, most women have been lubbers. We hardly let able bodied women leave the crew. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Maudlin McCrumb Posted July 28, 2003 Share Posted July 28, 2003 You press gang yer females? Equal opportunity shanghai-ers? I'd work your ship any time, Royaliste! "You have a woman's skin, m'lord! I'll wager that hides never been rubbed with salt and flayed off to make stockin's for a pirates best cabin boy!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the Royaliste Posted July 28, 2003 Share Posted July 28, 2003 Yes, maam. We be proud ta be an equal opportunity press gang! Don' even have ta whallop 'em on the noggin wif' the monkey's fist! Whassat? smell fish??? Cap'n's motto:'Plunder's a wonder, but likker, it's quicker!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crow Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 She offered her honour and he honoured offer and all that night long he was on her and off her ... Lord above please send a dove with wings as sharp as razors , to cuts the throats of them there blokes what sells bad booze to sailors .. " Illigitimiti non carborundum . " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captweaver65 Posted July 29, 2003 Author Share Posted July 29, 2003 Capt Weaver "No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned. A man in jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company. " Dr. Samuel Johnson Capt Weaver's Pirate Perversions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Rob Carroll Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 Grand stuff lads, keep'em coming! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the Royaliste Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 Okee,dokee, 'ere goes. After bein' boarded by the Royal Navy, two scallywags escape in a tender, an row quietly away inna dark. Come daylite, they're in the middle of the ocean, no land to be seen. Suddenly, one 'o 'em picks up a bottle floatin' by. With a laugh, the udder one gives the cork a pull, and out popsa genie.' Says'ye blokes got one wish!' Parched with thirst, one blurts out, turn the sea 'ta Guiness! Voila, the sea turns to Guiness,genie dissappears.Other bloke turns, hits partner solidly on the noggin. Wassat for? yelled the pirate. 'ye dummy, now we'll have ta piss in the boat!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Maudlin McCrumb Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 That stuffs so damn thick they can walk to shore now... The only beer you can eat with a fork! "You have a woman's skin, m'lord! I'll wager that hides never been rubbed with salt and flayed off to make stockin's for a pirates best cabin boy!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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