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Morgan Dreadlocke

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Posts posted by Morgan Dreadlocke

    jokes

    in Beyond Pyracy

    Posted

    I was awalkin' past an old derelict pub this afternoon. A bunch 'o bootleggers was hangin' out a second story window, carryin' on, pointin' at the ground and hollerin' THIRTEEN ! THIRTEEN ! THIRTEEN!

    I could nae see over the fence so's I peeked through a knot hole ta see what was a'happenin'. Some bastard pokes me in the eye wi' a stick and they all starts a'hollerin' FOURTEEN! FOURTEEN! FOURTEEN!

    ^, <, V

    in Beyond Pyracy

    Posted

    /\ Dirty Dicks Pub in London. The grapevine story was that it be a pet store during WW2 an got bombed out. Next owners made it a pub wi' dead critters nailed ta the walls. The true story goes back another 140 years. Ye can find it online if ye be so inclined. Place was pretty grotty around '77 :huh:

    >MIL's takin' all the grandkids to SoCal next week. Rotten timin' cause they'll miss all the piratey events :(

    \/Ever get pulled over by the local constable while in garb?

    jokes

    in Beyond Pyracy

    Posted

    Tellin' bad jokes is one thing but wastin' a good gaff like that is a floggin' offence.

    The Hair cut......

    One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

    When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

    Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again rep lies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.

    The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

    Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.

    The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.

    'Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop.

    The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

    :huh:

    jokes

    in Beyond Pyracy

    Posted

    A pirate is walking along the docks in Port Royal and a knockout looking hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, "How much do you charge?"

    Hooker replies, "It starts at 500 shillin's for a hand-job."

    Pirate says, "500 shillin's! For a hand-job! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"

    The hooker says, "Do you see that pub on the corner?"

    "Yes."

    "Do you see the pub about a block further down?"

    "Yes."

    "And beyond that, do you see that third pub"

    "Yes."

    "Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them because I give service that's worth 500 shillin's."

    Pirate says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try." They retire to a nearby inn.

    A short time later, the pirate is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of 500 shillin. He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose sumptin' oral is 1,000 shillin's?"

    The hooker replies, "1,500."

    Pirate hollers, "I wouldn't pay that!"

    The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, Soggy-boy. Do you see that gamblin' establishment just across the street? I own that place outright. And I own it because I give service that's worth 1,500 shillin's."

    The pirate, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the buyin' supplies for another year or so, and says, "Sign me up."

    Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the crews share profits for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, "How much a good old fashioned roll in the sack?"

    The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you something. Do you see how the whole city of Port Royal is laid out before us, all those mercantile stores, shipyards, and warehouses?"

    "Damn!" the Pirate says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"

    "No," the hooker replies,-

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    "but I would if I was a woman." ;)

    ^, <, V

    in Beyond Pyracy

    Posted

    /\ I sees naught but the high end of a gibbet when the Devil's snowmobile come screachin' ta a stop in the town square B)

    < Ain't done nuthin' fer weeks

    \/ Pass the Q

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