Elvira Montoya

picks up his bagpipes and heads for the door "gotta run, me hearties....another party awaits, one with mini crewmen...hehe"

Elvira turns to Ransom, "Jou no de difference between a bagpiper e an onion?" Pauses, "No, juan cries when jou cut up a bagpiper!"

Elvira shakes her head, "I do no beleaf sum bodies es letting dat hombre near leetle ones, unless day arr dwarfs!"

Elvira turns and sees the devil, and smiles sweetly, "Oh si, jou can help mi in de back room!"

Re-enters the Pub and sets a stack of packages on the nearest table.

Elvira inspects the contents of the packages, and thinks, 'No spikes, crosses, or garlic; dis es bueno!'

She happily helps decorate the passed out drunks on the floor and at the bar.

"Hey, dis is de smoke machine mi juus por mi entrada!"

...actually, anyone from Port Royal willing to risk a night with a bloodsucker—no offence.

Got an invitation design in mind? Better warn Ray to stock the bar. 

"By bloodsuckers, jou mean jou invitó dat Senorita St. Claire? Jou better hab a lap perro por dat chica."

"Oh jes, Aurora dat es Tempest Fizziwater's nuevo nombre! If jou invitó LocoChole, we kneed sombreros de queso (cheesehead hats)."

Okay, so who we gonna invite? Or...er...hope you can keep off people's necks for one night, otherwise the party is gonna end up a little....dead! 

"Got it, no necks! I hab a few snacks tucked en de back room, por a bite."

"De list... we shood invitó dos dat were heer first. Jou no Lady B., Long Tom, Siren (de juan wid de rope fetish), and Inigo naturalmente! Ets no fiesta wid out Silkie. Dare es dat Tempest Fitzwater, heer change heer nombre e mary dat Capitan Silver, need dos personas."

Hey, Elivra, isn't this your time of year? I can't believe you're not throwing a halloween party. Shouldn't there be drinks all round—I mean wine or beer or rum, not your favorite vintage.

What say you? We can all dress like vampire pirates. At least, for one night anyway.

"Jou may hab sumting Ransom. Una fiesta wood be bueno! Mi no jus the vintage, también."

"Ransom how do mi say, jou busto en dis dress no bueno? Jou comb as jou arrr."

"Jou no ladies, dis Flint, heem no mucho lively por a young hombre." Elvira decides to put him in the back room with the rest of the unconscious pirates. "Siren, jou look a leetle blanco. Me hab Ray, fis jou a rusty nail wid sum cherries."

"Hmmm! What do me gusta in an hombre? A pulse!"

"Shush Tess , and start playing ... by the way you owe me 2 silver " 

Lilly looks over at Nate....

What she owe you two silver for there, Nate?

Elvira looks at Tess's cards and Striker's (Nate) cards, "Jes Nate wins, he has four fibes y she has tree trees. De silver goes tu Nate."

Elvira sits next to Silkie, "I not hear tu play, jus bring jou de rules y 50 Reales."

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The cards are shuffled, and two cards are dealt to each of the players.

Each player, in turn, starting at the dealer's left, makes a bet or drops out.

Each player remaining in the game is dealt two more cards.

The remaining players, in turn, starting at the dealer's left, makes an additional bet or drops out.

Each remaining player gets a fifth and final card.

The remaining players then bet a final time or drop out.

Those who are still in the game show their hands and the highest ranking hand wins the money that was bet.

*** The rank of hands from highest to lowest are:

Five of the same suit. (5 hearts, 5 spades, 5 face, 5 diamonds, 5 clubs)

Five of the same rank. (5 fives, 5 fours, 5 threes, 5 twos, 5 ones)

Four of the same rank. (4 fives, 4 fours, 4 threes, 4 twos, 4 ones)

Three of one rank and two of another rank. ("Full House")

Three of the same rank. (3 fives, 3 fours, 3 threes, 3 twos, 3 ones)

Two of the same rank. (2 fives, 2 fours, 2 threes, 2 twos, 2 ones)

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Adios!

I drop to my chair in a huff. "Probably wouldn't work anyway. Some dog would dig up the parts, and we'd be back where we started."

I give Siren a grin. "Oh well. Let's have a drink, then wait and see what happens next. But, I'm afraid we scared the Blond one off."

Elvira gives Ransom furtive glances, and puts distance between Ransom and herself.

"Well, whatever you do, don't take anything warm and red from Elvira. Nor don't offer her anything like either, or you'll end up with a couple of holes in your neck. She's the only accursed pirate around here. The rest of us are just pirates"

Ransom is still addressing the young lad and turns to Siren, when Elvira bites into the back of his neck for a warm pint. She takes just a pint and not a drop more. Releases the lad into an empty chair.

To Ransom, "Whad? Heem look like a bilge rat tu mi!"

No, but you look like you could use something to wash the taste away. Ray, a Bloody Mary for our resident Vampirette of the Caribbean!

While you're at it, another Plunder Me Cherry for Captain Siren. (You know, that looks pretty good, I'll have one too.) Cheery Cherry Cheers, m'dear.

Come to think of it, a round for everybody! Drink up, me hearties, yo ho!

Elvira happily accepts the bleeding bar maid (Mary); not wanting to leave Ray short handed she doesn't drain the poor old girl. Mary staggers away.

"Muchas Gracias, Long Tom."

Ahoy there Inigo!

Welcome to our little pub...Im sure 'owever ye've 'ad enough welcomes as this is what? th'24th page?

Aye...so we'll skip th'formalities and righ' t'th'drinkin'!

Have a pint...or 7

"Capitan Leetle Bird, jou no read Inigo es cursed pirate. No drink quench hiss thirst, yada, yada, yada..."

"Jou no, jou don't need to raise de sheep! Jou can send Joaquin to pic up de coins. Tie heem to a rope y drop hees died carcass over de wreck. Heem find de coins y yank on de rope, and jou pull heem back up!"

Inigo attempts to duck the clutches of the fiend, but she is too quick. With inhuman strength she overpowers him, and bends to his neck, eyes burning with unholy lust. Her feeding frenzy is short-lived, however; she pulls away, retching and spitting, a whirl of intense disgust and confusion flitting across her angry features. What should have been a fountain of warm, scarlet life instead tastes like nothing so much as horribly ripe bilge water...

"Now, where was I?... oh, jes....So, whad' now, Elvira, are we to be two immortals, locked in an epic battle unteel Judgemeent Day, and de trompaits sound?"

"Inigo jou could of told mi, before I bite jou! Dat was jus fowl."

"Jou no Inigo all dis talk aboat bait, es making mi hungry. Her chest is heaving and Inigo is now within her reach..."

Dass a good point.  Baiter make eet a aircraft carrier.

"Jou wan bait?

"No, dat wood be animating a carácter dats not jers. Jacky y Silkie wood be bery upset."

Oh, jou right.  Whad' I theenking?  ...Really beeg microwave oven, den.

"A Whad?" Scratches her head. "How aboat a beeg bar wench?"

Somebody goin' to have to drop a piano on heem, so he can go sproinking out de door like accordion, den come back whole in de next scene, like I promeesed?

"Inigo, we still waitin' por Cristofori to invent one, jou want a harpsicord?"

**Aside to Elvira** "Wipe you mouth, dear."

"I deed!" Looks in a mirror, sees nothing. Mumbles, "Ay carumba!"

Gracias for reattaching me noggin' Don Inigo. Lucky it was that a box of Acme Patent Pate Product was close at hand.

GBH to Ragin' Robbie is becoming part of the floorshow here me thinks.

Elvira's attention is drawn to the smell of fresh blood. She wonders Terra Australis, could that be anything like an Australia Reserve Shiraz?

"Look it even combs wid a removable cap!" She pulls off the freshly attached head and feeds..."

Elvira drops the head, wipes her lips, and returns to the bar for some girl talk with Siren.

"Oh but Im just getting started and would hate for you to miss the encore." Bows low to her and flicks the whip with a crack then begans to sing true Siren style, Notes rising and falling in rich splendor.

'Now let us see if I lose assistance or I gain any." Continues to sing luring all forth...

"Chica, jou been singing and singin, jou es berry sleepy, no? Jou getting sleepier and de whip is getting heavier and heavier..." Elvira's stomach is grumbling.

Dances the quick step  as she evades Elvira and begans to sing the Little Mermaids most famous tune.      "Out of this world"

Recognising the tune, I sit up, suddenly feeling nausious. "Erp....Sorry Jacky, gotta go. This song always gives me the dry-heaves"

Elvira is rolling around on the bar laughing. "Jou singing es so horrible, jou chasing away jou whood be asistenta!" Elvira ponders, should she just let Siren empty the bar with her singing. No, she likes an audience, "Siren jou better try jou luck wit' the whip chica."

Tosses her head and narrows her eyes upon Elvira as she leaps to the bar and flicks her whip casually.  'Shall I sing you to your fate then?' Studies her nails as she awaits the answer and grins hoping she will say yes.  Tis a good thing Ray had not replaced all the windows and glasses since her last song.

"Jes, sing jou ultima song, mi leetle song bird! I tink a Requiem mass es apropiado." Elvira smiles an evil smile and lunges for Siren's throat.