CaptainBloodscalp

If we value the pursuit of knowledge, we must be free to follow wherever that search may lead us. The free mind is not a barking dog, to be tethered on a ten-foot chain.

-Adlai E. Stevenson Jr-

Reveal not every secret you have to a friend, for how can you tell but that friend may hereafter become an enemy. And bring not all mischief you are able to upon an enemy, for he may one day become your friend.

-Saadi-

designer mugs

designer skivies

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.

-Mary Wilson Little-

drain

Need Samples

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."

cops

hop on it

hold it

Stages of Drunkeness

0 - Stone cold sober. Brain as sharp as an army bayonet.

1 - Still sober. Pleasure senses activated. Feeling of well-being.

2 - Lager warming up head. Pretzles are ordered. Barmaid complimented on choice of blouse.

3 - Crossword in newspaper is filled in. After a while blanks are filled with random letters and numbers.

4 - Barmaid complimented on choice of bra. Partially visible when bending to get packets of crisps. Try to instigate conversation about bras. Order half a dozen packets of pretzles one by one.

5 - Have brilliant discussion with guy on the next bar stool. Devise fool-proof scheme for wining lottery, sort out Denver Broncos defense problems.

6 - Feel like a Demi-God. Map out rest of life on cocktail napkin. Realize that everybody loves you. Call parents and tell them you love them. Call girlfriend to tell her you love her and she still has an amazing ass.

7 - Send drinks over to woman sitting at table with boyfriend. No reaction. Scribble out message of love on five cocktail napkins and Frisbee them to her across the room. Boyfriend asks you outside. You buy him a Slim Panatela.

8 - Some slurring. Offer to buy drinks for everyone in room. Lots of people say yes. Go round the bar hugging them one by one. Fall over. Get up.

9 - Head-ache kicks in. Michelob tastes off. Send it back. Next bottle comes back tasting same. Say, "That's much better". Fight nausea by trying to play old Space Invaders game for ten minutes before seeing out of order sign.

10 - Some doubling of vision. Stand on table shouting abuse at all four bartenders. Talked down by bartender's wives, who you offer to give a baby to. Fall over. Get up. Fall over. Impale head on corner of table. Fail to notice oozing head wound.

11 - Speech no longer possible. Eventually manage to find door. Sit and take stock. Realize you are sitting in pub cellar, having taken a wrong turning. Vomit. Pass out.

12 - Put in cab by somebody. Give home address. Taken home. Can't get key in door. Realize you've given address of your local gym. Generally pleased at way evening has gone. Pass out again.

With regard to excellence, it is not enough to know, but we must try to have and use it.

-Aristotle-

Molly.

Round O rums

Happy/Gilmore

New prefix:

If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix 'bim' could be used to create new words that describe them:

Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes

Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes

Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males

Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait

Bimbag - a blonde's purse

Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag

Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes

Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes

Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard

Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything

Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook

Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her

Bimboette - a young blonde

Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else

Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes

Bimboozle - to fool a blonde

Bimbore - a blonde who uses "like" more than 10 times in a sentence

Bimbozo - another name for a blonde

Bimboron - a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes

Bimbrownie - a well-tanned blonde

Bimbrunette - a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter than she actually is

Bimburden - blonde carrying too many bags at the mall

belly up

Here here!I'll drink ta thank.Har!

search and destroy

Orange Crush/money

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?

-Woody Allen-

under cover

lapdance/coolaid