LongTom

Who intelligently designed the Ebola virus?

I agree with this idea. If you are different in something like how you deal with money or how you discipline your kids, the difference is irreconcilable and one (or both) of you will feel like your principles are seriously compromised. You need to be in alignment on the "deal-breakers." If it is something like one of you is creative and artistic while the other is logical and scientific, it doesn't involve the same sort of letting go of something fundamental. Perhaps it makes you more of a complementary team to tackle the world, since you bring more skills together than separately. If you are too much alike, on the other hand... everybody has things that they dislike about themselves, and you will dislike that same trait in your partner, only magnified.

I don't think that true love necessarily precludes being periodically frustrated with, angry at, or otherwise upset by one's relationship counterpart. "Counterpart" meaning the other person in a particular relationship pair, not necessarily one's spouse or spouse-equivalent. There can be multiple such relationship pairs, and you can experience "true love" in each of them. There are three people in the world that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would die for, or kill for, if necessary: my wife and my kids. I'd say that comes pretty close to true love. That doesn't mean that I don't get fed up with one of them every so often. But even in the teeth of the upset I am aware that I love them. I think a lot of people forget to remember that in the moment, and then the moments start piling up, and then they forget entirely. I also think a lot of people mistake the initial infatuation phase as being "true love" when it's really just the introductory material in a much longer great story. I don't believe we are meant to feel that sticky-sweet goofy about someone for fifty years running. Frankly, our adrenals couldn't take the strain. But when that feeling starts to wear off, many people panic, and start looking for that "fix" again, even if it means with somebody else.

"PeeeeeeYEW! Who let one?"

When it is put in terms like this it always sounds so mercenary. That is kind of unfortunate. I'm imagining if my son was in the hospital with, say, a broken leg from a skateboarding accident, and I was unable to get in to visit him because I lacked a state registration of my status as his dad. Or perhaps my wife was suffering from a life-threatening illness that my insurance normally would cover except for that same lack of a piece of paper ratifying our status as a couple. Or my parents disapproved of my choice of a wife, and intended in the event of my death to step in as next of kin and strip her of all the property that we had acquired during our relationship, in direct defiance of my wishes. I'd be pretty pissed at a system that locked me out in that fashion while allowing my neighbors to enjoy what I was denied. And yet when it is put in terms like "they just want the benefits," it makes them sound somehow greedy. (not saying Phil intended it that way, but many who oppose gay marriage cast it in that sort of mercenary light.)

The concept I'm having difficulty with is the idea of love ruining everything. I can see a bunch of other things that can creep in there when the feelings start getting deeper and more intense -- things like jealousy, mistrust, broken promises -- but those things aren't love. Betrayal ruins everything. Love doesn't. I'm not familiar with how people who live together "without benefit of marriage" conduct their lives or how they describe the depth of the feelings they have for each other. (there are probably as many variations on the theme as there are couples.) For me there is a certain intensity of feeling, of wanting to be with this person, before I would consider making a household together (or for that matter, be physically intimate on a regular basis, which I find to intensify the bond), and that level falls well within the boundaries of what I would call "love." Once I'm in that deep, I am potentially prey to those hard feelings anyway. Christine, what do you and your guy do to make sure that doesn't happen?

By the Powers, them issues won't know what hit 'em! We'll save a slip for ye in the harbor, mate.

That reminds me of what I want as an epitaph on my tombstone: "Better Late Than Never" Seriously, I meant no disrespect for Christine's choice of how to live her relationship, even if my reasons for thinking differently about it seem fundamental to me. (operative words: to me.) There are many ways of being in the world. Sounds to me like Jill is saying more or less the same thing.

Doesn't want problems solved for her.

Whatever floats yer frigate, though I suspect my sons might disagree about the importance of commitment and love. Were't I had money for all my joys And leisure hours to spend the while, There's a lady fair and two fine boys Who sorely have my heart beguiled, Her rosy lips, their two brown heads, I own, they have my heart in thrall, So fill to me the parting glass, Good night and joy be with you all. depinux, I agree with the others about it being too soon, and dating in the workplace being risky. If things go south, you may find yourself in a situation you wish you hadn't started in the first place. Flirting is a game, and it's is hard to tell peoples' intentions when they are playing it. It could be that she is flirting heavily with you as a symptom of her relationship problems with her boyfriend (meaning, at this point, trying to feel better about being attractive in the face of breaking up with him). It could be she was uncomfortable being put on the spot in front of others. But it's probably too soon in any case.

I think that's an artifact of this being a thread asking specifically about what the ladies like. Your point is well taken, however, about how large a chunk of oneself is used up in being the breadwinner, and how little credit that chalks when considering a person in a romantic light. That's a dirty little secret of the mythos of romance that we have built over the centuries. Flowers and poetry and candlelit dinners are wonderful, but they aren't the bricks and mortar of day-to-day real life. A dashing figure and a roguish glint in the eye aren't what keep the family from living beneath an overpass, but guess which causes copious swooning, and which gets no respect? True, that goes both ways. It's important for me to make a point of letting my wife know I appreciate a drawerful of clean socks, even if I am the guy who pays for the laundry detergent, the washing machine, and the house to keep them all in.

Seriously ready for some birthday cake. No idea why 42 seems such a positive development, but there it is.

^ Doesn't know when he's in over his head.

like a burnt marshmallow.

sure smelled like one.

seemed impossibly long for

Silkie, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You and your family are in my prayers. I bid your father Godspeed on his journey to that great good gladness that awaits.

Antacid tablets. Before that, pasta at a really nice Italian place. You do the math. (Sheesh. Try and consistently eat virtuously to lose weight, and this is my reward? No tolerance for rich foods?)

From a man's perspective, this is probably THE most alien thing about women. A guy's first instinct is to fix it. All the bad feelings are coming from whatever the problem is, right? So the obvious solution is to fix the problem, right? No problem, no bad feelings, right? ...why are you looking at me like that? Whaat? Hey, what can I say? Vive la difference!

The prevalence of jerks in the available male population must be somewhat skewed, for the simple reason that the "keepers" tend to get, well, kept. So your observations on the prospects in the pool are not without merit, at least with regards to the eligible ones. The flip side of the coin is that it takes bloody long enough for a nice guy to get noticed and selected in the first place. How often have we heard the old saw about bad boys being more exciting? If you keep coming up with the same old problem over and over, cast a critical eye to the way you pick 'em. If you are picking men for whom you are the other half that they lack, well, no wonder it doesn't work out; you are choosing an incomplete person. I will be so bold as to claim that I am not so lacking that I need my wife to complete me, nor visa-versa -- though we do complement each other quite nicely.

^ When my sister was little, she thought she was being clever by hiding the peas under the rim of her plate. Perfect plan until it was time to clear off! < Very few things I don't like. Durian sounds pretty scary, though... V Pass the question.

You know, you don't actually HAVE to use the bracket...

Weights last night.

Got my three weight workouts in last week. Now to keep the streak going.

Aww rats. And here I thought you were going to need someone to hold your shower head for you.