Cap'n Slappy

I'm shocked, I tell ye, SHOCKED! Wait, no, THAT's me favourite restraint! Wait, that's not right either. That's me SECOND favourite restraint! Me first favourite is me force of will and strict adhereance to the "the discipline o' Love!" Missed me? Cap'n Slappy

We're all having a jolly good time and ticket sales are going fast. Not much time for much else...just keeping up with the voluminous e-mails to Cap'n Slappy at the site...still, I am missing one very special correspondent...hmmmm...I wonder whom she might be... Well, it's off to me day job...aye, I still have that. Cap' n Slappy

Thankee Cabinlass! I'll take yer advice about bringin' the spare! Broken pegs are no laughing matter...oh, wait, reverse that, they ARE a laughing matter!!! Cap'n Slappy...or is it Cap'n Slippy?

Aye! A glorious Natal Day to ye, Cheeky Munky! Cap'n Slappy

Our people are contacting his people who will contact some other people who will try to lift the restraining order on the people who were assisting the original people who are now living in Paraguay under assumed names. Lordy! Show biz is hard. Cap'n Slappy

Congrats Jenny! Drinks on me! What is your PhD in? Wait...let me rephase that...In what is your PhD? Wait, that doesn't sound right either...So, what makes ye so smart? No. That's not it... What is your field of study? Aye...that sounds better. Cap'n Slappy

Have ye been readin' me dreams, Lass?!? I keep tellin' meself..."I did Lear...I can certainly do this...right?" I hope we get a picture of the cake and if we do...I'll post it! Cap'n Slappy

I wonder if I can get away with a beer or six before doin' the little dorky number we'll be doin' down in LA. Ye know...ye might be onto somethin' there... Good idea! O' course, a drunk pirate is probably more fun than a drunk hobbit...or maybe not. But I digress into another hobby. So...back to pirates! And Pirate Kings and Major Generals and LEAP YEAR DAYS! Arrrr! Don't forget them tricky leap year days... Aye Cracked Carrie! I think we figured that "Young Frederick" will be Thirty-six (going by "BIRTHDAYS") this Feb. 29th. (Someone pointed out that the year 2000 didn't have a Leap Day) Ye'd think we would have better things to do...like study our lines and learn our pranin' and caperin' Let's get Frederick a birthday cake! Cap'n Slappy

"With information animal, ve-ge-ta-ble, or mineral he is the very model of a modern major gen-er-al!" Ye don't need to be an opera singer, Love. It's just like skiing...stand on the planks and let the force of gravity take you the rest o' the way!!!! Oh, and havin' a beer, or six doesn't hurt either. I heartily subscribe to the Richard Burton school of theater! Cap'n Sloppy

Ahoy Black Jack! I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger with pickles today...wait...no... I'll be keepin' away from the Mad Cow! Ahegheghegheghe! Askiddledido! Now, whar be me Olive Oyle...? Cap'n Slappeye!

:) :) :) Thanks for the offer o' the haggis bits, Love, but the Cap'n's goin' on a High Carb Diet...just sugar and breads from here on! (And don't tell me I've got the Oppositional Defiant Disorder because it just aint so!) As fer yer gettin' all down in the dumps, I have great news! Next time ye visits me aboard The Festering Boil, Sir Nigel Blackheart, Cementhands McCormack and meself will do our three-man version o' the show. It's a sombre little piece we call, "Penzance in me Pants!" See? That'll perk ye right up! Cap'n Slappy

Happy Birthday, Popeye! Bluto sends his regards! Cap'n Slappy

"Jonesin' for a hat" are we, Cracked Carrie? Ye know, when I was a wee slip o' a lad, we couldn't afford a fancy hat. We had to wrap our heads in kelp and call that "good!" Sadly, these days my head is too big for a "human" hat. But it does come in handy in that it seems to have an effect on the tides! Drink up, me hearties and somebody get the girl a hat! Cap'n Slappy

Aye! Thank ye, Captain Savvy, me love! And thanks all for wishin' me a broken peg! Tickets should go on sale next week so if ye think ye'll be in the area and want to see the show, call Rice's Pharmacy in Corvallis 541-752-7779 or Sid Steven's Jewelers in Albany 541-967-8140. Thanks again! Cap'n Slappy

Thar be so much prancin' in this, they have me wearin' "No-Slip" boots! And me trousers be baggy. We don't want to fright the children and the infirm! Cap'n Slappy

Here's the theater's page on the upcomin' event! It would be great to see some pirates thar! http://albanycivic.org/pirates.html Drink up, me hearties! Cap'n Slappy

Ahoy Mate! When Ol' Chumbucket and I were on the radio in different cities in Australia, we found a lot of folks who were keen on "Talk Like a Pirate Day" (Sept. 19) especially in Melbourne and Sydney. One DJ (who was havin' a bit o' fun with us) pointed out that EVERYONE in Australia "talks like a pirate" anyway and weren't we Yanks bein' "cultural imperielists." I thought that was pretty funny, but I am surprised you're havin' trouble finding "Piratey Sorts" in NSW...they must be there SOMEWHERE! Keep Lookin', Mate! Cap'n Slappy

As far as pirate accents go, there's what we've been given (Newton, et al) and there's what we play with (every person who has "affected" their own incarnation of a pirate accent, et. al.) But it seems to me that finding a "one true" pirate accent would be like trying to find the "one true" United Nations Delegate accent. (If the United Nations spanned the length of centuries rather than decades). Cap'n Slappy

Just sos ye know! Yours Truly will be playing The Pirate King in Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirate's of Penzance" at the Albany Civic Theater in the sprawling metropolis of Albany, Oregon. If ye happen to be heading up Interstate Five through Oregon in February, stop by and see the show! (And if ye let the house staff know that Cap'n Slappy owes ye a beer, I'll buy ye a real one after the show!) But if ye can't make it, feel free to wish me "break a peg!" Cap'n Slappy

:) As me ol' Grandpappy Slappy used to say: "This isn't the Mickey Mouse! Where the hell's the Mickey Mouse?!?" Then, he would turn off the set. Cap'n Slappy

Aye, Lassie! We've missed ye! We need yer positive influence and marketing strategies to get "Pirattitude" off the drawin' board and into a boutique near you! Here's to ye! Cracked Carrie! Cap'n Slappy P.S. How's mom?

Was that when they were calling the ride, "Colorful Chicken-Pluckers of the Caribbean?" Oh, those WHACKY kids at Disney! Glad they changed it back! Cap'n Slappy

Well said, Red! As a matter of interest (although, I suspect it may not be) I'm feeling a bit "Gasparillish" meself! Must have been the cabbage chowder! Cap'n Slappy

Damnably Ironic! A "Pyrate Festival" just begging to be raided and overrun by...aye, wait for it..."Pyrates!" And when one of them "Snooty-Bootses" gripes about it, just look at them with shocked incredulity and offer the one-word explanation. "Pyrates?!?" I can picture their meeting now. "Here's a great idea! Let's create this fabulously fun festival and then set about to make it such an ego stroke that nobody wants to come anymore! And next year, we'll choke the life out of Christmas, too!" They need an extra dose of "Lighten the hell up!" Cap'n Slappy

Aye! That's a little somethin' I likes to call "Pirattitude!" Besides, I always try to go for that authentic "Pirates Smell." Come, take a quaff o' me "authenticity!" Cap'n SLappy