CaptainSwan

Harold is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and longevity. One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?" "What?" she asks. "SEX!!" he replies. Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!" "I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while." "Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood. Then, one night, Harold didn't show up at the usual meeting place. Mildred becoming alarmed, decided to find Harold and make sure he was all right. She walked around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident, Ethel, who was holding Harold's manhood!] Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't have? Old Harold smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's." ____________________________________________________________ Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar. His partner says, Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it!" ____________________________________________________________ There's nothing worse than a snooty doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong, in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it. An 83-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked him, "What are you seeing the doctor for today?" "There's something wrong with my dick," he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong, and I told you," he said. The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this roomful of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something, and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private". The man replied, "Well then, you shouldn't ask a patient things in a room full of other patients, if the answer could embarrass anyone!!!" The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "What are you seeing the doctor for today?" "There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?" "I can't piss out of it," the man replied. The doctor's office erupted in laughter. ____________________________________________________________ A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams, then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony. She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream. The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?" "Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken." __________________________________________________________ Hope you enjoyed thats all I've got for now

Hi all, I've just read a lot of these posts and I have to say that I was really flattered and impressed with the gent's coments. I've always liked my face and thought i was cute, but for YEARS I've been trying to fix my body so it's perfect with out being anerexic, however, my natural body structure doesn't allow it and I've always felt self concious. My measurements are 38B, 29, 43 I have curves and a round butt that I've always hated. My legs are muscular from dancing and horse back riding and I never thought any guy on the planet would like them. After reading your posts I feel, amaizingly, a lot more comfortable with my body. About a month ago...I played my character, Captain Swan at a LARP and I wore costumes that none of my friends had ever seen me in before. A lot of the men stopped and stared at me when I walked by and I really never thought that they would be checking me out....but I guess they were. I'm rambling so I'll hush now. You gents are fantastic

Aye, sir. ~Carries the shovel and follows. her clothes and bare feet leaving little puddles as she walks.~

~swan comes topside after drinking her coffee. She's still soaking wet and looks around.~ Master at Arms, Master gunner, do ye be needin' anything? I came up ta dry off and I'm not the lay about type, if ya need me for anythin' let me know

Aye sir thank ye. ~Swan goes and gets a cup of coffee with the crew and eats very little.~

~chuckles and looks down at Jack~ Me, sir? I've been swimmin in the sea, sir. With such fine weather and leave I thought I'd take advantage of the situation and the tides. Beggin' you're pardon, Sir, I'll take him bellow to our quarters. We're both watch men, with your permission that is, Sir.

Jack?! ~swan runs up to where Jack passed out. She is soaking wet wearing black cotton breeches and a white blouse open at the neck. Her clothes are sticking to her and her hair is loose and hanging down her back. Thankfully she has a camisole underneath her shirt remaining for the most part decent. She kneels down to Jack and gently taps his face. She looks wide eyed up to Mr. Lasseter.~ Good morn' Sir. What happened to him?

excellent. I love the tolkien companion and there's another book about J.R.R and the LOTR series that I can't remember but its good. Any questions just ask

The calender is so messed up. The next event is July 29th. If you do decide to join my crew there are a few things we need to talk about so you can write a good character. First thing you should know is My character is evil and nasty, and she hates elves. ANything else we'll talk about over AIM or PM lol

~swan can be seen pulling driftwood and kelp over into a huge pit. She's setting up for a bon-fire. She looks up and wipes her brow and waves over to Jack.~

~chuckles~ I think we could find a way of revivin ya darlin'

Excellent, thank ye. ~hands over the two bottles to Siren.~ Lets be off. ~starts walking as she goes she puts a note on the mast with a small piece the ship's sticking plaster~ :: MAD-JACK, CHRISTINE. We left for the Lagoon. Come join us when you're free Rum and ale all around. Swan::

"NEW HAMPSHIRE ARE YOU NUTS?!" nope lol. It's just that damn good. I love it so much. Your younger brother, unfortunately isn't of age until I think 11. But the 12 year old would be fine...seeing as we have someone just around his age to keep him company. Anyone that wants to join let me know and we can discuss characters and your place in my crew. THank you all so much for the interest.

I'm here ~joining the other two with 4 bottles of drink 2 rum 2 ale.~ Anything else we need?

Yes we are a very cool group lol. Younger players are welcome. If I can inquire to your's and your brother's ages (if you don't want that public PM me) our youngest player is 11 and she has to be escorted by one of her parents. We have a lot of players in their teens, the majority of players are in my age group (20s) and our oldest member is 55 so we have a very vast age range and people are very conciderate and play well with everyone lol. We have been called the best LARP in the Tri-state area for some time now. I know what you mean on the distance though lol I drive 5-6 hours every month to go to the game. I live in New hampshire so its a definate trek. If your family has any questions about the game they can feel free to E-mail me at QTPa2Tfpc215@yahoo.com or the links for the staff's e-mail is on the site.

Thank you Mr. Lassater. ~mutters to herself~ I could certainly do with my throwing daggers. ~looks up to Siren and Wil~ Shall we?

~Swan looks up first to Siren, then to Wil. She grins pleasently~ Not as much rum as I'll be havin tonight in your fine company me mate. And I'm feelin' mighty happy to head off for that evenin' swim.

~Swan looks down and to the left at the hand print looking closer at the rope.~ I'm not at all happy my arms were stripped of me right now. ~sounding dangerous as she speaks.~ Try to watch me back will ya? ~she gets right down and looks at the print and smells the surrounding rope for any sent of alcohol, or sulfur or anything discenrable.~

~Swan sees Siren about to walk up to her...then stopped. Swan notes this and scans the ship. Not seeing anything out of the ordinary. She slowly and damn near silently walks over to siren and stands next to her looking the opposite way.~ What is it?

All'right Mates I'm all ready for the beach. Who's going with me other than Christine, Siren, Jack, and wil? Anyone else? ~she is carrying 4 bottles of rum and 2 ales slightly awkwardly but managing well enough. Anyone that looks at her from behind can see the tip of a marking on her right shoulder blade. She also has a small scar on her left arm if anyone looks that closely at her.~

Aye, do ye need any 'elp in the galley to prepare anything 'fore we leave? ~turns to ship's master~ Master Diego, when will ye have me teach archery and ranged weaponry?

Oi, Christine, glad ta have ye with us at the beach if you'd come with us? Now we need another bloke to keep it all fair

~swan wakes from her nap and bathes quickly from the water bassin. She dresses in black breeches and, it being a hot day , grabs her sleeveless red vest and puts that on over her cammisole (have to keep some modesty) and steps up to the deck while pulling her hair back and tying it with a black ribbon. She looks around.~ I heard we're on for the beach tonight. Excellent. Any one need anythin'

Thank you Master Diego. ~goes bellow looking for Siren, Will, and Jack. to tell them that the beach night is on for tonight if they're still interested. Goes to her bunk and lays down for a bit as well.~

~nods~ And here's ye're coffee mate. Excuse me. ~it would seem unnatural that a woman that drank as much as she did doesn't have any sort of hangover.~ Master Diego? did we have leave last eve and also this eve sir?