William Brand

I'll buy them all, provided that you break them in really good. I'll buy them in about eight or nine years.

August 2, 1704 - Villa de Corneille The Villa de Corneille had been very quiet since the earliest hours of the day. It was not a true village of course, being comprised of so few buildings and even fewer families, but it had been called the Village of Crows ever since a strange blight of birds had descended upon the place just a few years previous. These birds had arrived with an eccentric fellow who had kept them as pets. They were in fact not crows at all, but African ravens, and these corvids had escaped into the wild until finding themselves quite comfortable at the farms which now bore their misrepresented, collective name. One of the ravens had died, but not before fathering a few additional young rapscallions which had bothered the locals for years afterwards. The only original of the two was still there and ofttimes seen in the area, or at the very least, heard. Of the two original birds, the remaining raven was the loudest and everyone referred to it as the Blasphème de Saint. Saint Blasphemy. In addition to being quite eccentric, the man which had owned the birds had been no lover of the Church and had discussed his hatred for all things sacred on a daily basis with his pets. As a consequence, one of the ravens had decided to take on the task, nay, the inheritance, even the very cause of her master. She would fly from rooftop to rooftop spouting what can only be described as the finest diatribe of foul language ever devised by man, or in this case, bird. It was on this particular quiet morning that Blasphème de Saint found herself circling about one of the outbuildings. The sermon she had chosen for that particular morning touched on the subject of chastity and the Pope's male anatomy in particular. She was waxing quite eloquent, when she stopped all at once. A man had entered the large, open yard of one of the more modest houses. He was rather a plain man, and even from a bird's perspective he was not very interesting. His features and bearing meant little to the cussing bird, but he carried a large, vicious looking weapon in one hand and the sun had caught upon it. Ravens, no matter their religious views, are easily distracted by shiny things. Much like pirates. This bird was no exception. Tawny smiled at the bird and it was a genuine smile, even for Tawny. He had been most alarmed to hear someone on the lane, especially someone with such outrageous language and outspoken views regarding the Good Book. His French was poor to be sure, but even he could recognize profanity in several languages, so he had rushed to the nearest window expecting to find a drunkard screaming on the lawn, but when he saw the bird, he came out into the sparse sun and stood awhile watching it as it watched them. "G' on." Tawny urged, anxious to see what revelations might usher forth from the unexpected blasphemer. The bird said nothing. "Don' min' me. Just butch'rin'." Tawny said as casually as any real market street butcher might have admitted. The bird said nothing. No matter how Tawny tried to coax it again to sermons it would not make a sound. Instead, it flew away and Tawny went back inside. The Villa de Corneille was very quiet, as it had been since the earliest hours of the day. It would remain so. Only birds, and some would say ghosts, would be heard in the place thereafter.

I hate you and love you. Trust me. It's a compliment.

Death, Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse Mad Scientist The Scarecrow Pirate Viking Dinosaur Voodoo Doctor S.W.A.T. My scarecrow costume... And the same costume with fear gas induced FEEEEEAAAAAARRR!

Awwww...flattery will get you...well...another round of bacon.

Ahhh, excellent. I can't wait to hear from the others about their experience. Here is a photo of us in the Tavern. All 46 attendees... I explain the finer points of Baconfest... And later, Mike explains the finer points of fencing...

Yes. Yes I will. The nice thing about being the host of the Baconfest is having so many wonderful leftovers. People leave whole bacon pies and no small amount of appetizers. I'm still eating bacon.

I am allied with the French.

August 2, 1704 - Fort Royal Prison The recruiting of prisoners from Fort Royal continued with few interchanges. William had thought to take only another third of those men alloted to him, that he might return on the morrow for the remainder, but so many prisoners of the Maastricht and Heron wanted to return to duty. This pleased William, but it also caused him some unease. He had wondered several times if these men were swelling the ranks in order to retake their ships at some future date, but he tried to set this suspicion aside as he questioned every man who came forward. The first two to join from the midnight cells were John O'Conner and Thomas Ried, Irishmen both. They were separated in age by almost seven years and separated in height by almost half a foot, but they were an amiable pair. Indeed, they had a brotherly quality about them, the older sailor always speaking for the younger man. These two were followed by Joshua Wellings, Simon Larke and Isaac Lazenby, English sailors out of Colonies. Unlike John and Thomas, the youngest of these three did most of the talking. Isaac spoke with an articulation that belied education and it was learned that he had been a writer and poet on a small scale in his former life. He was a very small man, but as wiry as any sailor William had ever seen. At four feet eleven inches, even John O'Conner towered over him, but William could not ignore the man's experience as a seaman, so he took the three men aboard on Isaac's recommendation alone. The next man to sign aboard was Valentine Duvale. He had only just begun to raise his hand in token of his wish to join, when three brutish Dutchmen sharing the same cell assaulted him physically and verbally. Fists flew upon the lad with such speed and surprise that Valentine went down at once, the men about him serving him afterwards with kicks and hard language. Lieutenant Bedeau, Pascal and William were powerless to save the man at first, for the beating happened quickly while they were delayed at the door. Valentine's rescue was precipitated by Joseph Aretineson, the former Master Gunner of the Maastricht. Joseph leapt against the bars of the adjoining cells and drove his foot between them and against one of the attacker's knees . The men went down in howls, toppling a second attacker as he fell. This saved Valentine from any further abuse as the Lieutenant drove the third man back with the butt of his musket. Valentine was dragged unconscious from the cell by William and Pascal as Lieutenant Bedeau worked the lock once more. Then, while Pascal and the Lieutenant saw to the beaten man, William went to stand before Joseph Aretineson. William noted that Joseph's sudden rescue of the Dutchman had curried no favor among his own cellmates. "Come out of there, man. You'll find better company with us." Joseph had not meant for his actions to demonstrate loyalty or purpose. He had simply reacted to a situation he deemed unfair. Now, looking about at some of the men who shared his imprisonment he seemed to come to a silent decision. Without a word he stepped forward and the Lieutenant let him out. As he he was about to close the door again, Cornelius Blikenderfer stepped through the open door and Bedeau gave William a questioning look. William simply returned a small nod and the English Gunner and Dutch Seaman joined the gathering at the foot of the stairs. In the end, it was not William's words of persuasion which won the most men, but the casual way in which he welcomed so many of his former prisoners back again. When he was done, some twenty men of the midnight cells had lined up to join those men above. To the ranks he added Henry Jones, Matthew Hutchins and Harry Saltash of the Heron, and from the Maastricht he added Schuyler Janszoon, Tobias Vandevender, William DeWitt, Maxamillain DeRuyter, Caleb Millett, John Van Baerle and Abel Fenner. No other prisoner below would join them. Try as he might, William could persuade no more. Even Bartel Raymer would not leave the place, for his patriotism would not allow it. William soberly saluted the former First Mate of the Maastricht, but did not so much as look at the former Captain. He simply marched the recruits up into the waiting daylight to join the others. Between Six and seven bells of the Forenoon Watch ~Larboard Watches on Duty~

I have found no striking or specific evidence either, but as an observation I have noticed a strong tendancy on the part of reenactors to gravitate towards working cloths over fancy. I think this demonstrates our pragmatism as a group to look like 'daily man'. By default, we strongly represent life down through the ages...eight parts work, two parts play. My own kit contains clothing that is only just fancy enough to emphasize my position and elevate me only enough to set me apart as a Captain or Quartermaster, yet the clothing is also simple enough that I hope I come across as an officer for the working day. Don't get me wrong. I'm a bloody peacock at times, heaven help me. I like a good walking stick and a pocket watch on a gold chain complete with fob, but realistically I try and keep it simple.

Finished...? When everything was said and done last night there was a whole bacon pie left over. Guess what I just had for lunch. Go ahead...guess.

Baconfest Fifteen has come and gone, but not without significant fanfare... Baconfest Moscow came off without a hitch and the small group which gathered there had a rip-roaring good time. Jesi Elwood hosted the event in Russia. She has attended the original Baconfest many times. Her parents were two of the 46 people who attended in Logan. Mary Anne hosted Baconfest East in Collingsworth, New Jersey, which sported a very nice spread of food for a first Baconfest. Steve Fonnesbeck, an original member of past Baconfests for many years, was able to attend there. We spoke by phone several times during the night. Adrian And Gina Garvin held an intimate gathering of bacon eaters in Chicago. I spoke with them several times by phone and their kids screamed "Bacon!" in the background as we conversed. We passed the phone around so that several people could speak with them. Baconfest North was held in Homer Alaska and it was hosted by Jonas at a friend's house. While only three of them were in attendance there, they have very ambitious plans for next year. They ate a very simple, but elegant meal of post roast cooked in bacon with a side of bacon. Baconfest itself, held in Logan, Utah, was host to almost fifty people and the place was so loud at times that I had to go outside to take and make calls to the other events. Recipes at the event included, bacon stuffed dates, bacon wrapped, gorgonzola cheese stuffed apricots cooked in brandy, bacon pie, bacon salad, bacon stuffed mushrooms, bacon cookies, bacon potatoes with egg and cheese, Bacon rice pilaf, bacon nut cheese spread, bacon and olive stuffing, bacon with green beans, bacon wrapped jalapenos and last, but not least... ...Frank's snobby pears with a side of maple bacon ice cream. Yep, you heard it right, bacon ice cream. It was divine. We also had the formal 'moment of silence', the strutting contest, the recipe contest, and the largest group photo we have ever taken. Pictures will be forthcoming from most of the events. My many thanks to everyone who participated.

It is one in the morning and Baconfest Fifteen has come and gone. We broke our previous record for most attendees at one event. Forty-seven people all eating bacon dishes. What a great night. I'll post some highlights tomorrow. For now, I'm off to bed.

Baconfest 15 has officially started and the weather is divine and the bacon is plentiful. Mmmm...bacon.

Instructions for Baconfest: 1. Baconfest is held the second Saturday of October every year. When the event first began, it was held the first Tuesday of every December, but Christmas events, some bitter cold winters and other scheduling issues eventually forced us to alter the date. Since October is generally cooler without being cold and the night begins early enough in the Fall, it was finally decided to move the event to October from here infinitum. 2. All dishes served at Baconfest must contain some bacon except for desserts and cornbread. Cornbread was served at the first Annual Baconfest in 1993 and it did not contain bacon, so it is a standard canonized food served every year, sans bacon. 3. Plain bacon may be brought in lieu of a bacon dish. 4. The official beverages served since the beginning are eggnog, homemade root beer and apple cider. It was decided over time that any beverage may be served, given that some people hate eggnog, and even those who like it have commented that it tastes like metal shavings when you've been eating bacon all night. If you should bring apple cider, remember, in the etymology of Baconfest, apple cider is known as Royal Flush since it has a tendency to loosen one's bowels. 5. The official dress of Baconfest is whatever you want it to be. The original Baconfest has always been a crazy, mixed costumed event of medieval pageantry and high Renaissance, but since many people do not have costumes, or they wish to have some other theme or no theme at all, the dress at each event is chosen by those attending. 6. Baconfest general begins between 6:00 and 7:00 PM local time. 7. Baconfest is begun by the Bacon Master of Ceremonies (BMC). This is generally the person hosting the event. The BMC welcomes everyone to the event and then holds the traditional moment of silence for those who could not attend. This moment of silence is to last no less than half a second and no more than a second and a half. The moment of silence is a tongue in cheek way of saying, "If you couldn't make it, you don't get much of a moment of silence". 8. There is a second very genuine moment of silence which may or may not be observed for friends or family that have passed away in the intervening year between the previous Baconfest and the current one, but that is the choice of the BMC or guests. 9. Food is served almost immediately after the opening ceremonies, however short or long they may be. ' 10. Toasts may be made at any time during the event honoring everything from the host to the sacred pig and back again. Any guest may make a toast. 11. Duels are not encouraged, neither are they discouraged. In the history of Baconfest some two dozen duels have broken out. Of course, these were all on the same night and that was years ago. These were of course mock duels. Adrian Garvin was the first to challenge another Baconfest attendee to a duel in 1997. He slapped me with a glove and cried, "You dishonored my sister!". The rest is history. 12. The BMC may decide whether or not a "Strutting Contest" is in order. A strutting contest is basically the opportunity for any guest to "strut their stuff". It is a posturing contest where contestants due their little turn on the catwalk. The BMC decides the winner based on applause. 13. You may wish to have a recipe contest for the best bacon dishes. A recipe contest is highly encouraged as it improves the nature of those dishes brought to the event, and that ain't a bad thing. 14. You may also wish to have a Bacon Eating Contest. Prior to the Fifth Annual Baconfest, Wade Olsen, Casey Hatch, Steve Fonnesbeck and Adrian Garvin all got into a debate about who could eat the most bacon. Verbal gauntlets were thrown. Challenges were made. Believe you me, bravado was not in short supply. Thus, a bacon eating contest was born, complete with a pig trophy and no small share of heart disease. Trust me...this is not encouraged. I've seen people try to kill each other this way. I have attended all fifteen Baconfest events and I have never participated in this predominantly male sport, although...my wife's name is on the trophy for 2002. I will not list the rules here, but anyone wishing to have a bacon eating contest may contact me for the rules. 15. You are encouraged to have a token 'Holy Man' at the event. This person may choose to dress up as a priest from any period in history or no period at all. Generally speaking, you choose the least holy person in your group to play this part. Our Holy Man was a chain smoking, drinking, cussing fellow by the name of Jonas. He is hosting Baconfest North in Homer Alaska. 16. Last, but certainly not least, have a good time. Baconfest is mostly just good, clean fun and local traditions will naturally evolve on their own, so have a good time.

For the first time since Baconfest began in Smithfield, Utah in 1993, a member of our order has begun the first International Baconfest. Baconfest Moscow begins in ten minutes, but the activities leading up to it began at 10:45 AM in Russia when my niece Jesi and her roommates left their apartment in search of bacon, beverages and decorations. The entire excursion lasted some six hours and when she spoke to me at 8:00 AM Mountain Standard Time, they all sounded positively giddy. Their internet access is limited, but I shall post what I hear from them as the day progresses. Jesi insists that they will all be up for the next five hours. I also spoke with Adrian in Chicago and Jonas in Alaska yesterday and everyone seems set to begin their events very soon. Silkie will start Baconfest East (the catalyst behind the added fervor this year) in eight hours time.

Happy Baconfest Eve!

August 2, 1704 - Fort Royal Prison William added Benjamin Matthias Quigley to the line of recruits. The three other men which shared Benjamin's cell stepped forward and offered their services. William said nothing to this, he simply regarded them silently, for two of these were former seamen of the Heron. Logan Christie, who had served as a coxswain aboard the cutter and Charlie Marsh, who had been her cook. "Gentlemen." William said, but nothing followed. Charlie Marsh tried to make eye contact with William, but failed, fidgeting nervously with his hands. Logan Christie just stood stock straight and the look on his face was enough to give William pause. He stood, not as a man in prison, but as a man under simple consideration standing dockside. William thought of several questions to ask the man in that moment, but asked none. There was something in the one man's nervousness and he other man's pragmatism that made questions unnecessary. In the end he took the two former sailors from the Heron along with the third cellmate, Mark Wilson. He called for a lantern afterwards and he, Pascal and the Lieutenant went down to the midnight cells. The air there was not pleasant. Far from being cool, as William had expected it to be, it was instead...stale. The rising air that had greeted them on the stairs was absent here. Nothing moved, but for some few flying insects. The only light in the place come from some narrow shafts spaced out along the ceiling. Far from lighting the corridor, they simply served to accent the darkness. As William's eyes adjusted to the gloom he could see that some of the prisoners were already gathered at the cell doors, having heard much of the conversation from above. William recognized many of them as captives from the Maastricht and Heron, but he showed no outward sign of recognition until his eyes fell on Meeuwsen Abel den Oven, former Captain of the Maastricht. He tried not to smile and failed. "Kapitien." said a familiar voice to his right, and William turned to see Arts Van Zandt standing at the edge of a large cell walled about entirely by bars. Almost all of the cells along the corridor's right side were open in this fashion, fixed with bars only and doors of the same make. Van Zandt looked genuinely cordial, almost happy to see him, so William stepped aside to ask after him and the wounded men who had come from the two ships. "Ve lost some two men zince ve come ashore...und vill likely lose a t'ird." Van Zandt said simply. William hated seeing a Doctor in this place, especially as a captive. There was something perverse about a man of Van Zandt's ilk being in a place like this, so William offered to take him out yet again, "Come out of this place, Doctor. I am currently without a surgeon aboard the 'Dog and even the Heron has need of you." Van Zandt shook his head. "You know I cannot, Kapitien. I have a vife, children und estates in de Gelderland." he explained, and with a nod towards the wounded men, he reminded William that he had a duty to the men of the Heron, though she be lost. William simply nodded. Then as before, he offered to take any man who would willing leave this place and join the crews of the Watch Dog or Heron. The look on Den Oven's face was murderous. Five bells of the Forenoon Watch ~Larboard Watches on Duty~

"Sailors never end the day." William began, grateful to be asked the simplest of questions. "But a man aboard the 'Dog or Heron will end every other watch in good company. Any man that serves aboard our ships will sup as well as I do. He'll know a certain freedom known no where else. A pistol and a good knife will be added to those clothes newly tailored which are made only for him. He'll retire under a new blanket with the knowledge that his worth is not unknown or disregarded. He'll have shoes for the working days and shoes for shore. That man who signs with me will have me for his defense and I him. The 'Dog and the Heron are not nations of French or Spain, gentlemen. We are but allies." The corridor was quiet. William thought some of his words might have struck a cord, but to counterpoint all of these finer points, he took out some of the Ilex fortune and poured it into Pascal's cupped hands. The corridor was dark, but some of the stones and precious metals still managed a gleam that was not lost on the men who pressed against the small doors of the cells.

As a rule, I keep the majority of my hair covered with clothing.

White. Redheads do not go grey. We simply step from fall to winter.

Andria is half Thai, half Norwegian, so she attended Pirates in Paradise in a traditional Thai attire. The clothing hasn't changed much in 400 years. Everything she wore was handmade of hemp, linen or spun silk imported from Thailand. Her relatives living in Thailand still send her hand woven silk. Strangely enough, I can't remember anyone commenting on her outfits at all.

August 2, 1704 - Fort Royal Prison William had seen a great many able seamen put to see with no experience whatsoever, so he was prepared to accept a few new recruits with ouch much reassurance of their training or background. Jack looked healthy enough, and with a few meals in him and a steady routine of work and rest in shifts, he would be as capable as any other aboard, so William hired him on this short interview alone. "Welcome aboard, Mister Roberts." One of the guards in the Lieutenant's charge stepped forward and released the man. He instructed Jack to stand at the head of the corridor, the first in a long line that day. Jack was followed within the hour by seven survivors from the Bullrush, including Mathew Campion, John Stares, Thomas Norman, Peter Norman, Charles Goddon, John Kingsman, and Simon Buttery. To these, William added fourteen men of the merchant ship, Caleb Hudson. Stephen Hudless, James Booker, John Mortimer, George Cosset, Christopher Newstubb, Thomas Wheateham, John Clovely, Nicholas Trodd, Edmund Wigg, Henry Church, Alexander Sparshott, Samuel Milling, Roger Reeves and Richard Legatt all took their place in the line that now stretched out into the antechamber off the corridor of cells. William had passed most of the daylight cells by now, a nickname referring to those cells above ground gifted with windows. These were closest to the entrance of the prison and were thus afforded some additional light from the large barred doors off of the antechamber. The men here were healthier as a rule, but not all. William had passed up a few men that were not long for the world, though he hating doing so, but with one exception. Peter Norman, already standing in the recruited line, had been weakened by several bouts of illness while in captivity, but his shipmates had insisted that William would have to take all of them or none at all, so he had acquiesced. Now, standing in the darkest end of the corridor, William found himself standing before the last of the daylight cells. To his left he could see and smell the stairs leading to the lower corridor. The stench coming up from them reminded him of his own recent imprisonment in the bilge. He smiled ruefully. Four bells of the Forenoon Watch

August 2, 1704 - Fort Royal Prison Two men stepped forward at once, followed by a third further along the corridor. The first two were crewmates, formerly of the warship, Bullrush, an English naval vessel of twenty eight guns and one hundred and eighty persons lost to the French in a skirmish off of Barbados. The first of the two men, John Stares, had served as a boatheader aboard the Bullrush. He was a tall man of thick arms and long thinning hair. His upper lip was curled back on one side from an old scar long ago healed and he was missing the ring finger on his left hand. He explained that he was from London proper and had been a tallow chandler before signing aboard the Bullrush some five years back. The second man was Mathew Campion, the former second mate of the Bullrush. He was young for an officer and he bore the attitude of high society on him, despite a long confinement at Fort Royal. He had listened to the interaction between Captain Brand and John Stares without interruption. Now, as he spoke, he proved polite and brief and he asked and answered every question put to him with exactness. While they seemed curious and affable enough, Mathew Campion and John Stares did not immediately agree to come aboard the 'Dog, but they said they would converse with the other men from the Bullrush and come to a decision post haste. While they conversed, William made his way down to the third man. "What's your name, man, and what service have you seen?" Three bells of the Forenoon Watch

You are the first and only one that I know of to have a problem.