A Pirate's Christmas

[Captain Jim-sib]

A PIRATE’S CHRISTMAS

By Capt. Rob Temple

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the ship

The pirates were stirring rum punch for a nip

The guns were run out to their maximum clearance

Just in case ye old navy should make an appearance

The lookout was passed out cold on the deck

Dreaming of a hangman’s noose round his neck

Blackbeard in his hat and I in my bandanna

Had just settled down to smoke a Havanna

When out on the sea there arose such commotion

We knew there was something out there on the ocean

Away to the railing I flew like a flash

And leaning far over I threw up the hash

And Blackbeard was laughing and bellowed out, “Aahhrr

You always get sick when you smoke a cigar!”

The moon on the breast of the glittering water

Made us all feel that something was quite out of order

A guy with a beard and a furry red coat

Was approaching our ship in a jolly row boat

So we realized that Christmas had finally caught us

And we cried, “Ahoy Santa! What gifts have you brought us?”

But the scowl on his face and the shake of his head

Soon told us all we had something to dread

He said, “No presents for you, you mean sons of witches

I’m bringing you nothing but ashes and switches!

“You dare expect presents? What’s wrong with your brains?

Your ship is all loaded with ill-gotten gains

No sooner was Santa’s anger all spent

Than all of us pirates began to repent

We begged and we cried till our eyes were all swollen

And we said we’d give back all the loot that we’d stolen

We promised him that we would all mend our ways

And all attend church till the end of our days

We said to him, “If you’ll forgive us, dear Santa

We’ll give up the sea and all move to Atlanta.”

But he laughed and he told us, “What fools you all are!

You can’t move ashore, that’d be going too far!”

Then he winked through the smoke of the pipe he was smoking

And we saw with relief that he’d only been joking

Then he opened his bag where it sat on the hatch

And presented blind Pew with a brand new eye patch

For the rest of the crew he had wonderful things

New swords and daggers and golden earrings

A new peg and crutch were for Long John our cook

And for one-handed Wally he’d brought a new hook

As he returned to the railing and shouldered his load

He said, “Always remember to live by the Code

Only take from the rich as it’s them who can spare it

When you get back to shore just remember to share it"

We pirates loved Santa; he’s so full of fun

So we all sort of hated to do what we done

But seizing his bag we stole every last gift

Then we bound him and gagged him and set him adrift

If these piratical actions seem shocking to you

Well – hey!—we’re just pirates and that’s what we do!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

[Rumba Rue]

someone after me own heart...wait a minute.........

that didn't come out right..

[Crowsnest Kate]

Great story! I think I like this version the best.