How To Be The Life Of The Forum- Part 1

[PyratePhil]

How To Be The Life Of The Forum - Part 1

- Keywords for Your Title -

Have you typed away for hour upon hour on your forum, but everyone ignores you?

Have you strained to come up with a brilliant new thread, only to be beat out by the dweebs that post Scripture on a daily basis?

Are you dreaming of being a Moderator, because at least then people will listen to you once in a while?

You aren't alone, friend. This is an affliction that strikes millions on the Internet every year. We're trying to find a cure, but there's still so much darkness before we can see the light of dawn. Our researchers are working 24/7 to combat the ever-rising tide of PI - Postus Interruptus - the horrible disease that keeps you from creating a popular thread.

What can YOU do to help yourself? First, get a semi-annual PI checkup at your local ISP (Internet Service Provider). There, trained technicians will monitor your posts LIVE, and offer constructive and possibly life-saving advice.

But what can you do in the "between-times"? That's the purpose of this article - to show you how, with very little effort, you too can create an interesting post, one that will result in thousands of "Views" and hundreds of "Replies"...

First, let's see to the basics. Certain words in the title of your post are guaranteed to bring in the viewers. This isn't general knowledge, so we hope you can keep a secret!

What are the buzz words to use? Anything having to do with a favorite beverage or food will certainly bring in the numbers - on a Pyrate board such as this, adding the word "RUM" to your post title is sure to be worth quite a few extra visitors, even if the content of your post is about hot-air ballooning. Hey, you got a hit, doesn't matter!

Pornography appeals to many people, whether they'll admit it or not, so the inclusion in your title of words such as "WEE-WEE" or "BREASTS" will always bring out, at the very least, the teen vote. (NOTE: Check with your Mod/Admin - using these words in your post title may violate some silly rule or another on your board).

If you really like someone on the board, perhaps you could try the old technique of putting all the salient details of your torrid affair in your post. Add the words "AFFAIR", "AFFAIRE", "ENTANGLEMENT", or "I KNOW THIS IS SO WRONG, BUT..." to your title. People, even those jaded by thousands of inane posts, are quick to read the naughty bits of your mis-spent life. Just make sure to clear it with your S/O first - this is no place for "OOPS!"...

Let's see, what else - oh, yes - PUPPIES AND KITTIES - awwww, them's soooo KUTE! Be there a being so cold, that is not melted to a gooey pile of yuck at the mention of your pet's antics? Include plenty of funny titles about your best furry friend, and you'll be at the top of the "10 Top Posters" list in no time.

That about wraps it up for Part 1. Watch for Part 2 - "Witty Replies and Flame Wars" - coming soon!

Thank you for your time, we hope these quick tips will help you live a normal life online, and remember - PI doesn't kill posts- apathetic lurkers do!

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[Red-Handed Jill]

Too bloody funny, Phil!

[PyratePhil]

Thank ye, m'lady.

[Rumba Rue]

[PyratePhil]

What? What'd I do now???

[Rumba Rue]

[PyratePhil]

You!

Just for that, I WILL post Part 2...