Biker Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 military things not to do some of these will be funnier to those of us who have served or whose S/O has served. Ive done a few of these those. " Never knock on Heaven's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that" ' Whatever is not nailed down is MINE. Whatever I can pry loose, is not nailed down." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Dog Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 110. Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret officer about anything. Yea, I figured that one out the hard way. And yes, I'm guilty of a few more of these as well. Majors have "NO" sense of humor. 189. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it. YES, THEY WILL!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winston Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 37. Our medic is called “Sgt Larwasa”, not “Dr. Feelgood”. I about spit up my coffee on this one.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gypsy Rose Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Now my gut hurts. :angry: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Matt Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they've been smoking crack. Also add: Never tell someone with more rank than you that they need to "shit" something for you, either. 53. Not allowed to quote “Full Metal Jacket “ at the rifle range. Uh....yeah. All the time... 101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon. Well, maybe HE wasn't. But I....well...YOU know. 136. Shouting “Let’s do the village! Let’s do the whole fucking village!” while out on a mission is bad. So is, "Burn motherf*&%er, burn!" as you hold your zippo up in the air. For some reason the brass frowns upon such things. 43. I do not need to keep a “range card” by my window. Not a range card, but detail op plan to assault and kill my Gunny as he slept in his bed. It also included E&E plans. Some were impressed! Others (for some reason) were a bit worried. 175. We do not “charge into battle, naked, like the Celts”. So THAT's why they were lookin' at me funny.... 182. There is no FM for “wall-to-wall counseling”. ABSOLUTELY CORRECT! That's why I've never violated policy when conducting said counseling.... 185. My name is not a killing word. THE HELL IT ISN'T! MY NAME IS "PSYCHO". BEST MOVE OUTTA THE F*&%&G WAY! Edited to add: Never put Kathy Ireland's face over the Commandant's photo in the chain of command. Even though I would proudly "salute" her - my CO did not approve.... You will be flogged. And God willing, come morning, you will be flogged some more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coastie04 Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 #10: Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on government time. Oops. #12: Not allowed to join any militia. Oops. #13: Not allowed to form any militia. Well, it was my friend's militia (also in the Coast Guard). Technically, I'm still a member. However, in order to be effective in Alaska, I'll need a lot more firepower. #19: May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right. I've come very, very close to this one. Gotta love company officers with Napoleon complexes. #37: Our medic is called “Sgt Larwasa”, not “Dr. Feelgood”. Actually, our doc thought that was funny as hell, especially because I did the audit on his meds. #59: May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command. The best poster I saw was slightly modified. Originally, it was for an Academy social and stated "Fake Beer + Women". However, someone modified it to say "Fake (Beer + Women)". Surprisingly, it stayed up for about 3 days in a prominent place! #119: I cannot arrest children for being rude. So many times I wish I could... #152: The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light ® batteries. Nor a DC Punch, the Keys to the Sea Chest, or Relative Bearing Grease. Coastie She was bigger and faster when under full sail With a gale on the beam and the seas o'er the rail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Dog Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Ya know, flinging Frisbees and pocket bibles at the Iraqis during an assault will get you in a bit of hot water too. Apparently NATO has no sense of humor either. No joke, my buddies and I did this during Op. Desert Storm while taking objective Viper about 120 KM South of Baghdad. what a hoot! My Top Sgt. nailed an Iraqi officer with a bible, right in the forhead, and the SOB threw his hands up and surrendered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dorian Lasseter Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Them damn COs take all the fun out of braking in the green folks... I've never been in the Military ( My hat's off to all those who have served and are still...), But I have worked with many Vets, mainly Navy... Making someone on a ship stand on "Mail Watch"... Send them for a 'Steam Sample'... Send them for a box of 'Ball Tabs' (This is from the CIC) Send them for a bottle of 'Prop Wash'.... Send them for a length of 'Gig Line'.... Can't remember any more at the moment... In my tech job, I've sent new folks for BS tools, such as; A metric Crescent Wrench, A left handed screwdriver, a chain stretcher... etc... Truly, D. Lasseter Captain, The Lucy Propria Virtute Audax --- In Hoc Signo Vinces Ni Feidir An Dubh A Chur Ina Bhan Air "If I whet my glittering sword, and mine hand take hold on judgment; I will render vengeance to mine enemies, and will reward them that hate me." Deuteronomy 32:41 Envy and its evil twin - It crept in bed with slander - Idiots they gave advice - But Sloth it gave no answer - Anger kills the human soul - With butter tales of Lust - While Pavlov's Dogs keep chewin' - On the legs they never trust... The Seven Deadly Sins http://www.colonialnavy.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biker Posted June 24, 2006 Author Share Posted June 24, 2006 WE sent a jr sailor down to the enclosed operating are with a 1/4" wrench to 'tighten up the nuts on the MPA(main propulsion assistant). He was not amused " Never knock on Heaven's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that" ' Whatever is not nailed down is MINE. Whatever I can pry loose, is not nailed down." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dorian Lasseter Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Who was not amused? The Jr Sailor, or the MPA? Truly, D. Lasseter Captain, The Lucy Propria Virtute Audax --- In Hoc Signo Vinces Ni Feidir An Dubh A Chur Ina Bhan Air "If I whet my glittering sword, and mine hand take hold on judgment; I will render vengeance to mine enemies, and will reward them that hate me." Deuteronomy 32:41 Envy and its evil twin - It crept in bed with slander - Idiots they gave advice - But Sloth it gave no answer - Anger kills the human soul - With butter tales of Lust - While Pavlov's Dogs keep chewin' - On the legs they never trust... The Seven Deadly Sins http://www.colonialnavy.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
William Blydes Posted June 26, 2006 Share Posted June 26, 2006 As an Officer, I’ve had a few newbies try some of these on me. It’s easy to tell if they are posers or not. The last time someone did something stupid to piss me off or tried to cover it up by putting me off balance, I shot back at him the ‘Holy crap!’ response with: “You have set forth a course of events that may bring about the next apocalypse!”. They just stood there and looked stunned themselves. Don’t mess with me. It’s the stupid ones that think they are clever that I cut down. The smart ones that actually are clever usually arn’t being malicious about it. These are the ones that are good for moral of the ship. William Blydes I don't get lost, I EXPLORE! Adventures on the High Seas (refitted and back on station!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oderlesseye Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 #152: The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light ® batteries. We sent the green horns to the 3main machinnery space for an "MR Punch" :angry: http://www.myspace.com/oderlesseyehttp://www.facebook....esseye?ref=nameHangin at Execution dock awaits. May yer Life be a long and joyous adventure in gettin there!As he was about to face the gallows there, the pirate is said to have tossed a sheaf of papers into the crowd, taunting his audience with these final words: "My treasure to he who can understand." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
callenish gunner Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 hmmmmi didn't see the one about sculpting c4 into busts of political leaders (as in "comander in chief") or using prima-cord to do macreme` both of which i "knew" occured ....or rigging trip wires under toiletseat lids in the officer's head ...and always remember it isn't good to get caught in parked car with the admiral's 16 year old daughter at 2:30 am sunday morning Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Dog Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 remember it isn't good to get caught in parked car with the admiral's 16 year old daughter at 2:30 am sunday morning Is there a story attached to this one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biker Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 remember it isn't good to get caught in parked car with the admiral's 16 year old daughter at 2:30 am sunday morning Is there a story attached to this one? One would hope. " Never knock on Heaven's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that" ' Whatever is not nailed down is MINE. Whatever I can pry loose, is not nailed down." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rummy3 Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 But, my dad wasn't an admiral! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biker Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 do you want to tell the story or shall we torture it out of ya? " Never knock on Heaven's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that" ' Whatever is not nailed down is MINE. Whatever I can pry loose, is not nailed down." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winston Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 starts getting the ropes... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Hearted Pearl Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 You forgot this one. Cannon practice upsets Texas neighborhood ~Black Hearted Pearl The optimist expects the wind. The pessimist complains about the wind. The realist adjusts the sails. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Syren Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 Yay Go Texas! Bloody Pirates.... http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v519/Dara286/trident01-11.png If you got a dream chase it, cause a dream won't chase you back...(Cody Johnson Till you Can't) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Matt Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 But, my dad wasn't an admiral! You lied just to get in my pants? I feel so violated.... ALL RIGHT! You will be flogged. And God willing, come morning, you will be flogged some more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Dog Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 Whats the age of consent here? 18! Oh good, I'm legal!!! The Pirate Movie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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