How Long Does It Take?

[Rumba Rue]

Honestly I couldn't vote.

My dad knew when he met my stepmother at Jewish singles party she was the one he would spend the rest of his life with. BTW-she's great, has the same birthday as mine - and honestly, I wish she had been my real mother...

As for me, I've been through all of those choices, thinking the first guy I married was 'the one'. But as it turned out, it wasn't.

The second one, I thought was my 'soul mate', but alas again, not to be.

The third one I knew for quite some time before finally tieing the knot, but after thirteen years it died.

So where does that leave me now? Hmmm, I've been with living with Boats for 12 years now...did I know it when I met him? No. It just sort of happened slowly. Now we are best friends to each other, we share our life together and are satisfied with the way it has worked out.

I don't really want to get married again. I feel happy the way things are, I don't feel guilty if I kiss another guy (or go further) and nor do I feel the need to spill my guts out to my partner in guilt.

I'm not going to tell how many I've been with in my life, but trust me, your eyes would probably pop out if you knew.

[Rummy3]

You just never know...

[Diego Santana de la Vega]

tings appen

[greenighs]

Well, my tuppence goes for ... I haven't a clue. Never met a man for whom "forever" meant the same thing as it does for me. I don't think the warm fuzzy feeling lasts for always, it comes and goes, but I know what fidelity is (not that polyamorosity is out of the question, but being faithful to the one who's got your heart AND your back), and I haven't met anyone else who really gets it. I've got an infinite capacity for love, sometimes it seems like I have about the same for lust, so if the one comes my way who likes what he sees and with whom I see igh to igh, then what fun we'll have! Until then, there are a lot of sailors out there who might like some of what I got, so my work's cut out for me.

[Christine]

Well, I've been with the same guy for almost 14 years, each passing year gets better than the last. We both just have no desire to marry. He's been married before and doesn't want to do that again. I never was interested in the whole marriage thing. I don't see where we need to change anything, we've made it this far just fine. But he does want me to move up closer to him, up in LA. I have kicked the idea around all the time. It's just so crowded up there, worse than San Diego. It's okay to handle for a few days when I visit, but not sure I could deal with the traffic everyday. Ah, who knows, I may just say screw it one day and move there.

[lady renee]

someday, my male pirate soulmate will come unexpectly.

[Bonnie Red Weasel]

someday, my male pirate soulmate will come unexpectly.

have paper towels handy

[Bunnycutlass]

OMG, I fell out of my chair laughing when I read that last post!

I think I hurt something laughin so hard!

[Bonnie Red Weasel]

i cant type much but couldn't resist

[Mad Matt]

Good one, cripple!

[Christine]

LOL!!!!!!!!! Oh, that's great!

[dasNdanger]

I didn't vote - simply because I don't know how to on this question!

All I can do is speak from experience. I've been married nearly 16 years. My husband is almost 6 years younger than me, and he was the pursuer in the relationship from the first day we met. On the other hand, I thought he was NUTS! But I caved, eventually... Oh, and we met in church... He's been me only love, and I haven't felt a need to experiment outside the relationship, and so far, neither has he. Problems are few, and we get along great - I can't imagine anyone else tolerating me the way he does, and visa versa. We are opposites in many ways - I listen to Arabic and gypsy music, he listens to pop - I like Film Noir and he likes Sci Fi - I like exotic, spicy foods and he likes bland fare...BUT in the essentials we are very much alike - spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically....

das

[Iron Bess]

Duh me, when I saw the title, How long does it take? I sure did think of something else....mind in the gutter as always...

(chuckle)

You msust be feeling better. (huggage)

[The Doctor]

Once in a Million Years - Blackmore's Night

October reminds me of my home,

The cold nights I would wait all alone.

Watching leaves turning from green to gold...

The waiting feels like eternity,

When waiting for love to come to me.

Someone to have, someone to hold...

Then once in a million years,

A shining white knight will appear!

Fairytales are coming true,

I promise my heart only to you...

A castle stands upon a hill,

Our eyes meet and time is standing still.

Your smile warmed me like the first summer sun...

There's color where once was black and white,

There's moonbeams where there was only night.

I knew then and there you were the one...

Then once in a million years,

A shining white knight will appear!

Fairytales are coming true,

I promise my heart only to you...

[Rummy3]

Mad Jack! WooHoo - thank you for the poem! That was perfect. I have learned that there is no set amount of 'time' that it takes. I am totally in love with being in love, and i fall in love easily. Most recently, I have learned that fate is what brings us together whether for keeps or just for now. I'm thankful for knowing and loving, and having been loved.

[Silkie McDonough]

I'm still single. My longest relationship was a year. I don't think I'm qualified to answer this one.

[Bonnie Red Weasel]

roundabouts seven months

[Capt. Sterling]

All I can do is speak from experience. I've been married nearly 16 years. We are opposites in many ways - I listen to Arabic and gypsy music, he listens to pop - I like Film Noir and he likes Sci Fi - I like exotic, spicy foods and he likes bland fare...BUT in the essentials we are very much alike - spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically....

das

I can't agree with you more in this regard. It is extremely hard to stay together when you are unequally yoked in areas that you place as most important in your life. I'm going on 14 years of marriage myself, again met in church also, and very much believe love is not based on feelings but on commitment.... you will chose to love your spouse no matter what (except a physically threatening relationship)... especially no matter how you feel... feelings can always be restoked by some time and effort. A relationship, whether marriage or not, takes commitment and work... if your partner is not worth your time, commitment and effort, then something is wrong...

Hector

[Christine]

And then there's those who make things work without being married. I'm going on almost 14 years with the guyfriend. I really think the reason we made it so long is by giving each other space in between visits. We see each other when we can, spend a couple of wonderful days together and then go back to our regular life until we do it again. He's been married before and that didn't work for him. I've never been married and never had the desire to do so. Whatever works to make the relationship work is all that matters. It's different for everybody. :)

[Red-Handed Jill]

You've hit the nail right on the head, Christine! Everyone is different and what works for one person might not work for another. IMO, though, one bond that seems to hold true for most people is common values. It's tough to stay in a relationship if that's not present, no matter what feelings are involved.

[The Doctor]

I'd agree that marriage isn't for everyone. You have to put up with an amazing amount of bullsh*t to stayed married. I'm not stating that as a criticism, but hard fact. You will hit rough patches. And if your partner falls seriously ill, as mine has, you have to adjust or bail. I've chosen to adjust. But I'm a stubborn rat b@stard, as anyone here can attest.

And she's as tough, if not tougher, than I. I wouldn't put up with me for very long, I know that! But it boils down to the fact that we're better (and more dangerous) together than apart. How else could we possibly spend nearly every hour of the day together?

By the way, our 15th anniversary is coming up this July. :)

[Red-Handed Jill]

Congratulations Mad Jack! Fifteen years is quite an accomplishment in this day and age!

I think that the media has given folks an unrealistic view of what real relationships should be. That "honeymoon/pink cloud" period is MEANT to be finite and yet we're shown in the media that with "true love" this temporary initial period is supposed to last forever - that's just a crock. Human beings are not designed to maintain that level of hormones and emotion indefinitely. Yet so many people feel like failures when this part of the relationship naturally ends and don't allow the next part of the relationship to happen. And if they hit a rough spot, the relationship gets thrown out; good life partnerships are too rare to be treated as if they were disposable.

Also, I think that a lot of folks are put off by what they perceive to be "working" at a relationship, when for the most part "working" at a relationship is doing a lot of the things that you did willingly when the relationship was still in the "honeymoon/pink cloud" period - talking things out, spending quality time together, doing those things that show that you still care, that sort of thing. Okay, I'll climb off my soapbox now.

[Tempest Fitzgerald]

I'd agree that marriage isn't for everyone. You have to put up with an amazing amount of bullsh*t to stayed married. I'm not stating that as a criticism, but hard fact. You will hit rough patches. And if your partner falls seriously ill, as mine has, you have to adjust or bail. I've chosen to adjust. But I'm a stubborn rat b@stard, as anyone here can attest.

And she's as tough, if not tougher, than I. I wouldn't put up with me for very long, I know that! But it boils down to the fact that we're better (and more dangerous) together than apart. How else could we possibly spend nearly every hour of the day together?

By the way, our 15th anniversary is coming up this July. :)

Felicitations to you both on your pending 15th.

And I agree...any good marriage / relationship requires "work", for lack of better terms. Nobody said it was always going to be wine and roses, but I think that the pros outweigh the cons.

My husband and I can both be bull-headed as the day is long and on occassion we have been known to lock horns. But, never the less, I waited 33 years afore taking the plunge and can say with all honesty, that I do not hold any regrets in having done so.

We have been together almost ten years, our 5th anniversary on the horizon. If given the choice to go back in time and rethink my choice, I would make the same one that I did.

And for those that think that marriage is too much effort...

Anytime you are in a relationship, be it friendship; marriage; dating; family...there is work involved. Nobody is going to get along perfectly with another person all of the time. That is just the way it is.

Granted, marriage is not for everyone and it was never my goal in life to have a ring on my finger, but I am content. There is no fortune that can equate to finding the right person in the sea of millions and I wish Bonne Chance to those still searching...It can happen.

[Rummy3]

There is no fortune that can equate to finding the right person in the sea of millions and I wish Bonne Chance to those still searching...It can happen.

Well said, Tempest Fitzgerald! I am in love with being in love and cannot describe how perfect it is to share the feelings that my beau and I have each found "the one" (did I mention that we even celebrate our birthdays on the same day! )

[Arthur Richards from Kent]

when are you two getting hand fasted / married? and where?