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It has begun.....


Mad Matt

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Thanks very much to Rumba and me good mate, Durty Mick.

I'm a bit too stoic a person for small police departments. I've often been referred to as the Tin Man (no heart), even the Terminator (I hadn't been physically hurt, nor did I show emotion.) If I can get over that hurdle in California, I may be well on my way to a new career. Just need to find a department where my personality is welcome.

I know the cost of living is higher. I'll just work it out, somehow.

To the good sir, Durty Mick. I truly hope we can meet someday. Drinks are on me! B)

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You will be flogged. And God willing, come morning, you will be flogged some more.

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I am but a humble tar but i hope u wont find it too bold of me to say i hope u get through this with as little pain as possible. Though i might appear cocky i just wanted to give u a little advice from another perspective, whether or not u choose to use it is your decision, though not divorced my parents were recently seperated and it was probably the hardest thing i've had 2 go through in my short life, but the thing i was most concerned about during the split was that i was going to lose one of my parents, for this reason u must constantly reassure your daughter you will always be there for her and that as far as the relationship between you and your daughter goes nothing will change, the other thing that concerned me during the split was exactly what was happening and why as i still dont quite no exactly why it was my parents split, so if u feel she is mature enough to tell her (i say this because i dont know how old your daughter is) you should tell her exactly what is going to happen and why.

other than that all i can say is good luck and if your feeling down lift some weights and listen 2 master of puppets

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Thanks, mate. We've both agreed to try and make it less traumatic. Lots of kids end up behind closed doors hearing the parents yelling and screaming at each other. We don't do that and we won't do that.

She's too young to understand the reason, but she will be told about what is happening, just not the particular why's. She will know her daddy loves her and will do anything for her. We will just have to make our time together as special as we can. She will be able to call me on my cell phone at any time for any reason. I will try to make at least monthly trips to see her, if not more frequently. In all this, she is the top priority for both of us.

As for the stress, Metallica works wonders. MOP is good, Justice is better. :rolleyes: Particularly ONE. I've got a $3,000 stereo that can almost make my ears bleed. It should be enough to cover the screaming and dropping weights! :rolleyes:

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You will be flogged. And God willing, come morning, you will be flogged some more.

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  • 2 weeks later...

This week. Another "not good" week. We told my daughter a couple days ago what was going on. Didn't seem to bother her a whole lot. I'm not a child psychologist, so I don't know what that means. My only hope is that she doesn't grow up to hate my guts. I'm not abandoning her. I love her to death.

I will cross Hell and high water to let her know that.

I told my parents today. They are of the belief that you don't get divorced. The look on my mother's face broke my heart.

Things better start looking up soon. At least level off.

Sometimes I seem like it's a struggle. Me against everything else on the planet. No headway. No nothin'. This has been one miserable shyte-ass f*&%$#g week. I pray to God that there is no way it can get any f*&%$#g worse.

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You will be flogged. And God willing, come morning, you will be flogged some more.

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as a survivor of the big "D", I can tell you that it sucks and sucks and then gets even worse.............

then one day you wake up and its not bad anymore. The sun actually starts shining and you can smile. Just remember that we are here for you Matt.

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Scarlet McBayne

" Touch not the Cat without a Sheild " McBayne motto

"red is the Rose in yander garden grows

Fair is the Lily of the Valley"

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Mad Matt, I think this day and age most children have lived through a divorce. First hand experience or through one of your daughters friends. My kids had no reaction either. I thought the same as you, thinking, "they might be hiding their emotions." Well, after a few years now, my kids still love me and react the same as if I was still living with them. Your daughter will be just fine.

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I have friends who told me they felt relief when their parents finally decided on divorce. I have friends who stayed together "for the sake of the kids" only to find out when their kids were grown that they'd wished their parents would just divorce and get it over with.

Point is, I don't think we can predict how our kids will feel, and as long as we let them know they are free to come and talk about how they feel, we have to take their reations at face value. As long as both parents are on the look out for "acting out" behavior for attention, I'd just trust your children to roll with the situation as it occurs. Keep checking in with them to see how they're doing, make sure they know you're there for them and will put them first. Kids are resilient and resourceful, and since you and their mom seem to be good parents, they'll get what they need to get through this.

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  • 2 months later...

Here's a bit of an update:

I was talking with someone on the board about this subject and the topic of "freedom" came up.

The freedom isn't what I'm looking for. No freedom from the wife nor my daughter.

Things continue quasi-normally. The wife and I still talk on the phone. I attempt to verbally support her venture into her new life. Moral support and all that rot. No arguing. So screaming. (Never was on my part, anyway.) Things have been....shall we say, "stable".

I still battle depression, daily. Some days I handle it well, some days I don't. The days I dont - people know it. I look like someone possessed and looking for a fresh kill. I do my best not to let it get the best of me, but some days I don't win.

It hits me hardest in the mornings. Right when I wake up and there's no one in the bed next to me. No one in the kitchen to have to move around in the morning as we make breakfast. No one to have to wait on to shower or brush my teeth. It sounds reeeeeally corny, but I miss that "presence".

On the subject of my daughter, I will miss her severely when she moves. Even though I'll make every attempt to see her as often as I can, there's something to be said for coming home, having her squeal and run at me. She throws her arms around me and squeezes as if she hasn't seen me in a lifetime.

Damn. I'm gonna get drunk.

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You will be flogged. And God willing, come morning, you will be flogged some more.

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Damn. I'm gonna get drunk.

:ph34r: The Liver is Evil and Must Be Punished :ph34r:

I am not Lost .,I am Exploring.

"If you give a man a fire, he will be warm for a night, if you set a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life!"

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Awww, lad- you might as well give up breathing!

Come on - who knows - you might (gasp!) ENJOY yourself! :unsure:

Besides - you can't let BOTH of us not go to Faires anymore, and since I'm officially a monk, I have a better excuse. :o

...Qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum...

~ Vegetius

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Enjoy myself? I'm pretty sure that's a "no".

On the other hand, maybe I should try that "not breathing" thing. Maybe that'll work out well for me.

Drunken_Parrot_Bar_Sign.jpg

You will be flogged. And God willing, come morning, you will be flogged some more.

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Years ago, a very respected co-worker died. Her husband - who no one really thought much of - was back at the Ren Faire a month after her death, swaggering around. And I do mean swaggering; he moved very deliberately, occasionally striking a pose, letting everyone see him and his giant cigar. Needless to say, his standing with people who knew Kim fell even further. It just underscored what we already knew: that he had no real love or even regard for his deceased wife, who had supported him while he did nothing.

The point of this is that it's very gratifying to see someone who isn't jumping back into the thick of things before he is ready. The fact that you are feeling this intensely is a good sign for you as a human being and a man, at least in my book. I hope that when you are ready, you know there are several folks who would be glad to see you at a faire or any other event. If you're ever in the Northern California area, let me know and you can hang with the Tales of the Seven Seas pirate group. As some folks here will testify, it's a pretty decent group to play pirate with.

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Frisco, eh? I have a Marine Corps buddy who is working up that way. Maybe I should make a special trip!

Thanks for the kind words. Although I don't often say so, they are appreciated.

Drunken_Parrot_Bar_Sign.jpg

You will be flogged. And God willing, come morning, you will be flogged some more.

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