COMP121 Essay: A Merry Life and a Short One

[kaizoku]

I will be posting my COMP121 essay through its stages updating this post with the current version of the essay. If you would like to make constructive criticism be it pirate factual, grammatical, or something just doesn't make sense. Feel free to post it here.

Opening Paragraph Including Thesis

“Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest, Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum.” This sea shanty will make most people have the image of the Hollywood pirate in their head. The Hollywood image, unfortunately, contains a lot of untruths about the life aboard a pirate ship. We see pirates to be unruly white men following no rules, living a life for themselves, and throwing caution to the wind. When, on the contrary, life aboard a pirate ship can also be the vision of a true democracy, with remarkable detail spent planning their strikes.

Tab of which posts I addressed in the report so far.

Edited per Phillip Blacks 1st suggestion.

Comment: Addressed the maneuver understanding issue. Tried to bring in your other suggestion but couldn't find a way to make it sound right, without sounding too harsh against my own point.

[Phillip Black]

Yer title be me motto! Heh, though I stole it from Bartholomew Roberts! So I obviously can't say anything negative about your title!

The first paragraph starts off strong, and has a catchy first sentence making reference to the Treasure Island shanty. However, your last sentence seems a bit weak to me. Instead of "carefully thought out maneuvers," could you maybe specify what "maneuver" are? Or personally I would emphasize the inherent danger and cut-throat nature of the short life of a pirate. A sort of "violent democracy."

Just my humble opinion of course! Thanks for sharing and I llok forward to reading the rest!